EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Hello goldenyears, good to hear your news. It's quite surprising that he has had to wait two weeks for a counselling appointment and longer for further sessions, he is obviously not alone.

It's more difficult again if he is unsure of the course. I don't know how long they should give it before pulling out. Does he feel his lectures are any good? I only ask because dd has several different lecturers but feels that two of them are completely useless. They are disorganised, seem unprepared and fail to put across any information effectively. These are all things she has said and there are some good ones so she has a comparison.

One of the girls she has become friendly with was threatening to leave this morning after a new lecturer took them for two hours and gave the impression that she was also going to be poor. Obviously I have no idea how real this all is but, if they really are a bit rubbish, can anything be done or is it just tough?

With regards to rubbish lecturers, unfortunately there isn't much you can do. You just have to hope the powerpoint slides they provide are clearer than what they are saying and outline everything you need to know! DD is at one of the top russell groups and has a mixed bag of lecturers, some terrible and some absolutely fantastic and inspiring. Her friend at Oxford said similar.
Frustrating when you are paying.
DD has learnt not to pick the modules taught by the rubbish ones and to go for the lecturers she like's modules even if she'd prefer the content of the other one.

No alcohol November sounds like the worst idea I have ever heard of!!

On the other hand, one of DDs school friends is at an 'ex-poli' doing primary ed and has been taught the wrong national curriculum and some very dodgy out-of-date practices- I think this type of thing is clearly something which can and needs to be addressed urgently!!

That's very interesting dd. I did suspect that there are likely to be poor lecturers throughout the system just as there are in every profession. Not a lot she can do about it then, she does take notes of ourselves and does the reading. It just make it more difficult and less enjoyable. Are lecturers completely unregulated then?

At the moment they have to attend all modules so she cannot pick what to do.

Ds1 who's in his third year now, has learned the value of FB groups with older students who have been through the modules before and can lend a helping hand when you're faced with a poor lecturer.

Lecturers are regulated to a degree, and observe each other, but it seems to be far less strict and more a 'pat on the back' type thing as they are observing their friend/colleague. There is less 'pecking order' than with school staff and less catering for all needs etc. They have far more freedom to do
Also, what a student finds deadly boring and confusing, another lecturer who is also passionate about the topic (a bit too passionate and too knowledgeable!) can see the lecture entirely differently, thinking it is wonderfully in depth and full of information.
DD said there were feedback forms at the end of each module, but that was obviously too late.

This seems to be more a problem of lack of content in lectures or just poor preparation. One spent half an hour of her first session trying to make a piece of music play on YouTube. A complete waste of time and last week asked them to watch a film/presentation in their own time to be followed by a lecture, but she just put the presentation on again in her lecture time with no lecture. It sounds like complete time wasting.

She is beginning to think/ worry about house shares for next year and has today discovered that out of her very small band of almost friends one is thinking of dropping out and one is going to apply to spend one semester next year in America. It seems we are still on that roller coaster even if it is levelling out a bit.

DD has mentioned things like that happening with certain lecturers. It is tricky as you don't want to make a bad impression in the early days or ruin a relationship with a lecturer by complaining, but equally you want to get what you are paying for- a good educational experience.

Don't worry about the house shares, DD went through so many different groups/options and panicked a lot, but in the end she ended up with ones she only really became friends with just before Christmas. She will find someone even if it takes time or is a bit of a dramatic experience. Others in her boat will pop up as they get more desperate and realise you have to make even more effort to search out for friends!
I do empathise though and would never want to be back in your position of being on the receiving end of the first year housing decision angst (possibly worst time than the midnight phone calls in freshers week!!)

dd said one of her lecturers seems very vague and disinterested :(

DDs lecturers are hit and miss too and she hates the ones who put a presentation on the screen and read the slides.

DS graduated in the summer and it wasn't uncommon for lectures to be cancelled at the last minute. DH works in FE and is always complaining about how unregulated HE is and how it hasn't moved with the time.

I remember DS asking one of his tutors if he was approaching an assignment the right way and was told tutors can't comment otherwise he'd have an unfair advantage over other students. They were also told if they collaborated they'd be disqualified so were all terrified of working together.

DD3 is coming home tomorrow. She is catching a train from Manchester to Cardiff at 8.30 pm. She has already got that ticket but has to catch a train from Bolton first. It's the first time she''s down such a long journey by herself and I'm incredibly nervous. I'm being ridiculous aren't I?

No - DD regularly travels the country by herself and a few solo trips to France and Japan but I still make her text when she gets on a train, arrives at her first station, gets to the next platform, gets on the train. Can you imagine the rollicking she got when she landed at Manchester without contacting me the last time she left Tokyo. She knows better now

Not ridiculous at all. I think it is normal to be concerned when they first make long journeys alone.

My daughter has done such journeys occasionally, and I always make her text me at intervals, and always to tell me when she has arrived safely. I think she probably finds it a bit irritating, but it is what parents do really. My parents still want a call from me, and I am 47 now.

Topseyt our generation have yet to educate our parents to be independent.

Thank you both. She is 21 so I should stop worrying really. Although as you know that she is Dyspraxic and has orher learning difficulties and is like a younger teenager. I'm sure she'll be okay but I probably won't relax until she's in Cardiff. Now on a lighter note she phoned me yesterday as she. thought she had too much money left in the bank. She'd discovered she had most of her student loan left :-) She was worrying she hadn't been buying enough food. I asked if she'd been eating and she said yes. I reminded her that she had taken about £400 savings with her.

Mumeeee, I love the fact your dd thinks she has too much money left.

My dd is coming home for the weekend next weekend. I can't wait. It's the first time I've seen her since the middle of September, apart from on Skype. I am so pleased she has settled and is enjoying life, but I miss her so much.

Jellicat that's good you'll get to see your DD next weekend. Spoke to DD3 this morning. she was a bit down as she failed her first practical test yesterday. It's not the end of the world though as her tutor said she could have another go at it and she should be able to pass with a bit more coaching. She was frustrated though as she said on Wednesday she was sure she could do it but then when it came to the test her brain went blank and she couldn't work it out. She is supposed to have extra time but I'm not sure if she reminded the tutor. She is also. supposed to have 4 hours of study support a month but she still hasn't arranged an appointment. She has a number to phone. I've told her now rhat is she hasn't phoned and make an appointment by the time she comes home tonight. I'll phone the uni next week and speak to the Disability Advisor myself. She doesn't want me to do that so she is going to phone today.

Mummee, a bit of a threat can work wonders can't it? I hope she gets it sorted out and that she gets home safely. Good luck with the re test too.

Dd is coming home for a few days this evening. She starts her Christmas job tomorrow which she is excited about, but I suspect that will be countered by worrying about one of her few friends talking about leaving and the position that puts her in re housing next year. It seems so early for them to be having to decide that.

Too much money left!!

To be in that situation would be my dream, as it is usually the opposite.

When my daughter was home at the weekend I said to her that we could go Christmas shopping together after term has ended. She said that she would, but didn't know what she would be using as money. My response was "welcome to my world".

Mummee, I do hope your daughter gets her problems sorted soon, and the re-test goes better. I am sure she will get home safely. Fingers all crossed.

DD has just arrived home it's her birthday next week and her friends are back as well as they are all going out. This is the second time she has been home last time we saw her for a couple of hours and it looks like this weekend is going to be the same.

Well DD3 is on the train on her way home and Cardiff is the last stop so I know she''ll be fine. Topsey I know I had to stop myself bursting out laughing when she told me. She does tend to worry about stuff and I think I would think she wasn't buying enough food. The trouble with her getting the study tutor is that she has to organise it and that is one of her problems.

Mumeee hope she got home safely and you have a lovely weekend. DS was entitled to extra time for exams and it took ages to sort out. His uni wouldn't speak to me because they're supposed ti be independent adults. Very frustrating when he couldn't explain himself properly but I remember it was sorted before xmas although he had to be retested by occupational therapy - she asked me what I wanted her to write in her report.

DDs home for a flying visit to meet up with an internet friend who's not settling at her uni although what she really needs is real friends at uni but she seems happier so I'm not saying that to her.

Well DD3 got home safely. We have all had a good time at a small family party for Dad's! 92nd birthday. DD1 and DD2 also made it. DH and I are are eating crumpets and watching Cars with DD2 and. DD3.

You sound like you're having a lovely time. I'm seeing my DS briefly next weekend. He's still spending most evenings in his room but planning to be in Upsalla (Sweden) for the first semester next year. Is this progress?

Pliudev, sounds like he is pretty content with how things are and just doing uni his way.
Does he seem happy or is he wishing he wasn't alone in the evenings?
Sweden sounds fantastic!