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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

999 replies

MissMarplesBloomers · 01/09/2013 22:15

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

OP posts:

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 31/10/2013 20:34

OMG -I so want to join a Harry Potter Society! I came home on the train dressed as Bellatrix once - got some v odd looks. :)

Original poster

MissMarplesBloomers · 31/10/2013 20:39

Ha! I thought you'd like that Remus...yes I am

Apparently they play Quidditch too!!

OP posts:

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 31/10/2013 20:41

Wonder if we could start a MN Quidditch club?

Chlorinella · 31/10/2013 22:03

Had a great visit with DS , it was so very good to see him ? He met us at the platform as the train arrived , I went to give him a hug , he said Gerrroffme ( nothing changes ! )

We were too early to check in to the hotel , and he was hungry , so off to burger king ( again , nothing changes ! )

Up to the hotel room , lots of chat and catching up with him , then he asks , does your room have a bath ? And off he went for a long hot soak !

He seems very well , we took up his ski socks , gloves and his combat boots , he's getting ready for his ski trip and paintballing !

I texted him as the train was leaving to say how nice it was to see him , he texted back that it was good to see us , thanks for coming , and thanks for taking him out for a nice dinner .

Perhaps he has grown up a bit after all .

Topseyt · 01/11/2013 00:04

My daughter was going to the Halloween Ball too. Not sure what she was going to be dressed as, though with her hair I would have thought Hermione Granger would have been possible.

MABS · 01/11/2013 06:37

funny image Topsey! mine sent a truly horrible pic of her all ready for Halloween do last night. dd is flying home tonight with a large suitcase of washing... what a joy!

JGBMum · 01/11/2013 09:17

Just seen FB photos of DS at Halloween ball, he looks truly horrific

Topseyt · 01/11/2013 10:43

I hope mine will show me some pictures. She is a bit coy about things like that for some reason.

fussychica · 01/11/2013 12:30

DS stayed in for Halloween - just as well as the place in France he lives looks just like the village/town in the recent TV series Les Revenantes (the Returned) - but is hopefully zombieless

mrsrhodgilbert · 01/11/2013 20:18

Hi fussy, how is your son doing. Has he found things to do at the weekends now or is he still alone?

Dd is home again for a couple of nights, she has to be at a staff meeting for her Christmas job at 8am tomorrow and wants to go to the town firework display with us tomorrow. Her old boss has also sent her a text to ask if she will go back there for christmas too. So university and 2 jobs for the next couple of months. That should keep her busy!

mumeeee · 01/11/2013 22:24

Phoned DD3 tonight and DH also spoke to her. She sounded happy and was getting ready to go out with her flatmates, Going clubbing in town again. This is the girl who never wanted to go. clubbing at home. She always said she wouldn't like them,

mumeeee · 01/11/2013 22:44

Oh and she's finally sorted out getting a study tutor. She''s got a number to phone to make an appointment or she can go to a drop in session. She is going to do that next week, So I think she's taking the work seriously as well as having some fun.

madeofkent · 01/11/2013 22:46

So thankful for this thread. DS had a major wobbly as was being bullied but didn't tell us, he always sounded so happy. Saw him briefly for 10 mins last wednesday week as we dropped off some things he needed, he didn't look well and said it was coursework stress. I had a nose through fb the next night and discovered that one of his flatmates was being vile. A very large rugbyplayer alpha male type. He was leaving all his washing up and the rubbish bins outside DS's room and trying to make him do it for him. So we got our heads together and pulled some ideas from on here, and yesterday he called a meeting of all the flat and sat them down at 5pm with beers, alcopops for the girls, sandwiches and cakes and made a game out of forming a cleaning rota. It brought everything out into the open and DS got a lot of support, but I have been worried sick for him. He may have joined the OTC but he is a gentle soul. He says they will never be friends, but now he knows how cheaply (becks) he can be bought he thinks he can handle him. DS has lots of other new friends from OTC, his course and also the drama students as he is writing the music for the film they are making, so going out wasn't the problem, it was going home to his flat and not knowing how this other boy would treat him. He has no idea what he has done to upset him. Nothing probably, just some people don't get on. He is currently upstairs sleeping off not getting in until 6am from a halloween party last night, followed by an early morning meeting with the drama dept (serves him right!) and it's lovely!

goinggetstough · 01/11/2013 22:59

made that sounds awful! your poor DS . Well done to him and you all for making a plan and sorting out the situation. I hope he feels happier now?

mumeeee · 02/11/2013 00:24

madeofkent so sorry for your Ds but well done to him for sorting it out and you of course. Glad he's got friends that can support and help him.

MABS · 02/11/2013 08:05

so sorry Madeofkent, horrible to read :(

mrsrhodgilbert · 02/11/2013 08:55

Madeinkent, what a horrible situation for your son but what a great way to deal with it. I hope he has shown he won't be pushed around and gains confidence from that.

Dd says two of the girls in her flat regularly leave all their dirty dishes piled in and around the sink each evening. It's a real nuisance for the others at breakfast time, they don't clean up any mess they make either. Something will have to be said but they don't want any trouble. Dd says she did a kitchen deep clean earlier in the week, again,

madeofkent · 02/11/2013 11:23

Ds had his own washing up bowl in his room, he fills it throughout the day and washes it all up in one go in the evening but he said that he did have to push everyone else's out of the way, but it didn't worry him. Mess doesn't worry him at all, he just doesn't want to clear up everyone else's! I was surprised at how traditional they are. The boys are emptying the bin each day, the girls are wiping down the surfaces and the cooker and everyone is meant to muck in on Sundays and Wednesdays and give the place a hoover and wash the kitchen floor.

I have had to get him a supply of St.John's Wort, though. I think it works as a placebo for him, he took the odd one during exams and believed in it so felt calmed. I doubt he will take it regularly but he feels the need of a bit of support.

fussychica · 02/11/2013 15:27

hi mrsrhod thanks for asking. He is at the end of 2 weeks half term holiday and last week went to San Sebastian, Bilbao and Santander with a couple of other language assts - one Spanish & the other Australian. He had a great time but is happy to be back in the wilds of the French Basque country this week. I think it will be some weekends on the coast and some alone at the school as staying over at someone's place isn't always possible. He is really enjoying the teaching, earning money (he got paid yesterday) and being totally free to do whatever he wants in his spare time. Looking forward to a Skype session in a mo to find out the latest.

Your dd sounds really busy and in demand - she must be a lovely girl.

ISingSoprano · 02/11/2013 18:11

I'm so sorry to hear that some are having such big problems to deal with, but WOW! they are handling them so well. madeofkent your ds handled the situation brilliantly - good on him!

Dd and I did a mad dash to see ds last night. He needed a few things from home and it was easier to take them than send them. He was his usual happy self and even gave me a big hug which was lovely.

I feel like I'm getting used to the new dynamic at home now but dd told me off yesterday. She told me the only time I do any baking is when we see ds. She has a point - oops!

Topseyt · 02/11/2013 19:47

madeofkent, so sorry to hear of the attempts to bully your son, but well done him and all of you for getting a plan together. He handled it brilliantly. Nobody should have to put up with that sort of behaviour, and hopefully those bullies are now sufficiently chastised and embarrassed because of the amount of support he got. Bullies hate being challenged usually.

Maybe he wasn't the only one they had tried to put upon.

madeofkent · 02/11/2013 22:02

DS did say that his influence seemed to be spreading throughout the flat. I suppose he must have a forceful personality, and he is very large. It's sad, they all started out so well for the first couple of weeks, but I suppose they were all on their best behaviour and now the honeymoon is over.

ISS my DD says exactly the same, that I put far more thought into DS's meals for this weekend than I ever did for her visits home! It isn't true, I don't think she realises how I tried to cook her favourites each time she came back. I just kept it quiet.

Original poster

MissMarplesBloomers · 03/11/2013 19:23

madeofkent I hope you are proud of how DS has overcome that life challenge (although upsetting obv & worrying for you) he has really dealt with it in a mature manner & sounds like some of his other flatmates are all onside now with him.

OP posts:

madeofkent · 03/11/2013 20:14

Thanks - I need a hug now that we have just returned from taking him, his washing and his shopping back! The only person in the flat was the bully. He looks even bigger than he does in his fb photos, he is huge. I said hi to him, he grunted. He and DS studiously ignored each other as we unpacked the shopping, then we went into Ds's bedroom to sort out washing and sort some things to take back with us, whereupon the music in the kitchen was turned up to astronomical levels - delightful. DS has an assignment to finish tonight but he has earphones (and also earplugs). Which you would have thought the young man in question would have been considerate enough to use.

Original poster

MissMarplesBloomers · 03/11/2013 22:33

made is there a home warden you could have a quiet word with?

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