Sorry I didn't get back before about the above posts. I did think this thread was at it's end, but clearly I misjudged that. I do understand that this could all look a little 'tiger-mother'-esque, with dd being 12 and miles away from tertiary education. She has this dream and, to some degree, to us, it's not much different from wanting to be a film star or a train driver.
It has been instilled by us, as parents, that she should go to university from a young age. I know it's not the right path for everyone, but she's always been an academically oriented child and I believe it's an experience she should be allowed to have. We never mentioned specific universities, other than saying, go oop north and your dad'll be able to pop in and buy you lunch when he's out on the road (said in a jovial way, rather than a serious, let's make lists now kind of way).
In terms of her educational achievements so far, she's always been academically focussed, generally top 4 or 5 in the class, so not top dog, but certainly a clever girl. I'd say she's not naturally gifted, but she is a grafter and that comes from a life time of tough, practical based, work ethic on the part of her maternal and paternal families. She doesn't get too disappointed when she fails at something, or doesn't get top marks, she just identifies where she's gone wrong and puts it right.
From DH and I, dd has always been told that she'll probably go to university. I feel that she should be given the opportunity her dad and I never had, even if it just allows her to have 3 years living away from home broadening her horizons and having fun. That doesn't mean we're living vicariously through her. DH never wanted to go to Uni, but he sees that it's a different start to life than we had and there can be no harm in it. Is it wrong to want better for our children? And what can be better than a good education? If we could afford it, I daresay we would have educated privately, but we prioritised our spending differently and we were lucky enough to have good schools on the doorstep to help us make that prioritisation.
To be fair, we do a lot of weekends in cities, and holiday trips too, as we often piggy back on DH's business trips. We've stayed in Durham loads of times, and we've pointed out the university because it's hard not to. We've done Birmingham, because of my family, and other university towns, just because they happened to be there. I mentioned going to Oxford/Cambridge settings because they're nice places to go and, as someone mentioned, we've talked about them so much lately, it'd be nice to see them.
Though this thread may make it seem like we're taking this all a bit too seriously, we haven't mentioned much to dd since it started. I've talked to DH about encouraging the earnest desire to learn more than specific destinations. I've mentioned to dd that university is a long way away and when it comes, she might find that her options/chosen path of study, will make other universities much more palatable. All this in a conversational way when she's raised the topic of universities.
As Xenia says, it's better to encourage her to Oxbridge and see her disappointed than discourage it and see her set her sights on a gangster boyfriend and a council flat. Thinking of dd, though, the latter seems an unlikely life plan for her as she has a real tendency to plan and calculate outcomes for everything, sometimes annoyingly so, and she wouldn't be happy with those outcomes right now. Of course at 18, who knows?
I am WC but I have aspirations for my only child. I myself got 10 O Levels at an awful, sink estate comprehensive and, with no parental encouragement and careers advice that was based on my scruffy appearance rather than the fact that I took several exams early, I ended up leaving school and going to college for 2 years. I went to study BTEC National Diploma in Business Studies and then I went out to earn some money and 'pay the rent' as my mother put it. I want the world to hold more than that for my girl but I would never push her into something she didn't want for herself.
Some people seem to think that I'm driving this poor 12 year old girl, regardless of her wants and needs, to some unattainable goal. That I'm pushing universities down her throat and focussing our whole lives around it. As we sit, reading junk novels together and looking forward to watching Chuck on tv this evening after supper, it seems insane I ever raised this subject. But, as I said in the beginning, ignore or encourage?? And as encouragement seems the preferred opinion on MN and at the back of my head, encouragement I think it will be.
Thank you everyone for your kind wishes and constructive criticism. We are indeed, lucky to live in a fabulous city with culture and outdoor activities aplenty on the doorstep and if dd decides to study here, or anywhere else for that matter, we will not be at all disappointed.