Thanks for all the advice. I know it's early days and I'm sure that things will challenge her desires, be it boys or social activities or whatever else young teenage girls get distracted from school with. I will take on board all the different points that people have said though and will at least be secure in the knowledge that I'm not putting my size 8s in my size 7 parenting mouth as it were.
I had already started to use her desire to push her to widen her reading choices, to explore activities that will help her to build on her strengths and assist with weaknesses. I have talked to her already today about the fact that Oxbridge is a great goal to have, but only if it's right for her when she's older, ie if the courses are right and if they think she's a good fit. I've said that part of the selection process determines whether you're right for the school as well as the other way around, and being right or wrong for the school is no indication of how well you can do academically. You can achieve your goals no matter where you go, but aiming high is always the best plan. As a family we have been driven by positive thought, aiming high, setting goals and planning effectively. As a result, we ain't done too bad for two luddites and we've both tried to teach dd that she's got the whole world to learn from and a whole lifetime to learn in.
I love the advice that she should want to learn to the best of her ability rather than have her aim set at a specific destination. We have always tried to teach her that the journey is as important as the destination, sometimes more so, and with education, that's surely the case? She's very old-headed and fixed, so I usually have to sew seeds to get her to change her mind on anything, though she has always coped well with disappointment and change, so I think (based on her limited 12 years with us) she'll cope if she doesn't end up there. I think now is a good time to plant the idea that it's the quality of her work that counts and the enjoyment she gets from it and see where that takes us.
Thank you for the lovely compliments...and she is a wonderful girl. She's also a little hormonal, stroppy and argumentative, but as others have said, even that may be something we can turn to her advantage :D We often say that having a stance on something is only valid if you can back up what you believe with facts and empirical data. Learning about your opinions and reasoning why you hold them is fascinating and informative, and can help you out if you're having a heated discussion!
Posting on a forum like this can make it seem like an OP is obsessed about an issue that really shouldn't be on the radar right now, and I did 'um' and 'argh' about whether to post, but I really was so torn between going, 'you're 12 sweetheart...come back to me at 15 and tell me this and we'll work on it' and 'yay dd, good for you. Work hard and aim for the stars. If nowt else, you might reach the moon'. Your advice and information has helped me to know how to steer things when it becomes important and how to be encouraging of her ambitious, 12 year old thinking.
Oh...and 'trip wise' we have been to Durham, Lancaster, Birmingham, Bordeaux, Paris and our home is in Sheffield, so we've had a little experience of university towns. DD is totally convinced that no matter what happens, she's not going to study here! She wants her years of adventure, thank you very much :)