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Guest Post: “Why have we overlooked autism in women and girls?”

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 02/04/2019 15:28

Think of someone with autism. Who do you picture? I doubt it was a teenage girl, or a middle-aged woman. Most people think of autism as mainly affecting boys, and our stereotypes tend to be very male; think Rainman, or Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. But those stereotypes are one of the reasons that thousands of autistic girls and women are missed, mis-diagnosed and sometimes mistreated.

Until recently, experts believed that there were about five times as many autistic males as females. Current research (by Gillian Loomes from the University of Leeds) reveals a much more balanced male-to-female ratio of 3:1, based on high quality studies in the general population. By implication, there are thousands of autistic women and girls who have not made it to diagnostic clinics and are not receiving any specialist services.

Now, in a new book, Girls and Autism: Education, Family and Personal Perspectives, we hope to raise awareness of these autistic girls and women, so that parents, teachers and GPs will think "Could this be autism?" when they see a girl with social and communication difficulties and rigid/repetitive behaviour. Autism Spectrum Disorder is diagnosed based on behaviour; there’s no blood or genetic test for autism. By drawing on real life experiences of girls, their mothers, teachers, researchers and other professionals, we have explored why autism is often missed, and how autism can look rather different in girls compared to boys. While it’s clear that every girl on the autism spectrum is unique, there are some characteristics you might notice and should look out for.

These include:

  • Struggling socially – may find it difficult to make or keep friends, can’t ‘put herself in someone else’s shoes’, or may find ‘doing social’ exhausting, needing lots of downtime alone afterwards (eg after school).
  • Communication is different – may take things literally and find it difficult to tell if someone is joking or being sarcastic, may seem to stick to a ‘script’ (eg for small talk) or copy others (eg to know when to laugh).
  • Finds change difficult – more distressed by unexpected small changes to plan or routine than others her age, dislikes surprises, needs certainty and sees things in ‘black or white’ terms.
  • Sensory sensitivities – can’t bear certain sounds, textures, sensations (eg, light touch, fluorescent lights), but loves and gets lost in other sensory experiences (eg spinning objects or self).
  • Intense interests - has all-encompassing interest in one, relatively narrow topic/collection, and it may be hard to redirect her attention or conversation to other things.
  • Poor mental health – most autistic girls (and boys) suffer a lot of anxiety, and depression (and even suicide) can be a problem, as well as eg eating disorders, ADHD, clumsiness…


“Why have we overlooked autism in women and girls?” you might ask. I think there are at least three reasons.

First, research has often excluded female participants – partly because researchers expected autistic females to be so rare. The result is that what we think we know about autism from research, is actually what we know about male autism; it may or may not apply to females on the autism spectrum. And that research bias matters, because our diagnostic criteria and processes are based on those (mostly male) findings.

Second, most people have a male stereotype of autism, and so parents, teachers and GPs are less likely to think ‘autism’ when they see a girl struggling socially, than when they see a boy with social difficulties. We know that girls get diagnosed on average later than boys, and are less likely to get an autism diagnosis when showing the same autistic features. Part of the problem may be so-called ‘diagnostic overshadowing’; if an undiagnosed autistic girl develops an eating disorder, for example, a clinician may diagnose anorexia, but fail to dig deeper or recognise that this is anorexia and autism. And that matters because the causes and therefore best treatment for that eating disorder
may be very different in an autistic girl; perhaps an insistence on staying at an absolutely specific weight, rather than any concern about appearance or body shape.

The third reason is that autism may look different in some women and girls, compared to some boys and men. For example, while the intense special interests that are characteristic of autism typically have an unusual focus (eg, telegraph poles), for autistic girls the topic is often unremarkable (eg, a boy band, one breed of horse), and may not strike others as peculiar unless they find out just how intense, specific and all-encompassing it is. Some autistic females also tell us that they deliberately ‘camouflage’ their autism, for example painstakingly copying how a socially-successful girl in their class dresses, walks, talks and does her hair. An autistic friend of mine even trained as an actor to learn how to ‘act normal’, many years before she received her autism diagnosis.

For all these reasons, autistic girls are going undiagnosed, with significant consequences for their mental health. In the diagnostic clinics we have worked with, there are women coming for first diagnosis of autism in their 70s, after a lifetime of being misunderstood, and sometimes mis-medicated for mistaken psychiatric diagnoses. If their autism had been recognised, supported and their differences respected, their lives might have been very different. They might not have been so vulnerable to bullying, abuse, and isolation, with all the negative effects on their self-esteem and mental health. Raising awareness of girls and women on the autism spectrum is the first step to change that.

Girls and Autism: Education, Family and Personal Perspectives (Routledge, £29.99) is out now. 20% discount and free delivery with code A008. Discount available until 30/06/19

Francesca Happé is Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at King’s College London who leads psychological research on autism. She will be returning to this post on Monday 8 April to answer some questions.
OP posts:
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somuchinfo · 03/04/2019 14:32

Agree with all of above. My Dd now 22. Autism, Tourette's, ocd. But autism was missed until she was 8 due to her being able to hold a conversation and maintain eye contact. She went to a special school at age 11 and the ratio of boys to girls was vast. There was only about two girls in her year to eight or nine boys. Classes were smaller with it being a special school.

DD has always been able to mask, copy. As a child it was fairly obvious that she had autism. But as an adult you would never know unless you lived with us or she tells you.

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jackparlabane · 03/04/2019 14:47

Everything above. My boys both have autism - one lashes out or runs away when he can't cope, the other curls up or hides. My daughter stomps off silently, swings a fist or leg as a 'joke', seems a normal 7yo at school, but at home it's like she's learnt the superficial rules of behaviour but never when to bend them or stop. But she's perfectly behaved at school so unlikely to get on a waiting list for diagnosis any time soon.
I've been on a waiting list for diagnosis for two years now, but unlikely to see anyone unless I have another psychiatric episode. DH is also on the list.

We keep being told to help our kids master social skills but we don't know either! I finally got a good community of friends at uni, but as we now all have kids and all the boys are being diagnosed autistic, it's become clear we all are too. So basically I've mastered social skills that other autistics appreciate. The rest of the population are still a mystery.

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stucknoue · 03/04/2019 15:08

I have an autistic dd, and unlike boys I know who are autistic she masks far better and is very self aware of her situation, deliberately trying to overcome difficulties. She is doing very well though despite crippling anxiety

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Foodismedicine · 03/04/2019 15:11

I strongly believe my anorexic dd is on the spectrum. This pretty much described her to a tee

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Aspieteach · 03/04/2019 16:19

Like you though, I wonder if there's any point to pursuing a diagnosis. I imagine the most likely result would be that I'd be dismissed as an idiot who's been searching Dr. Google for excuses for my behavior
That was my biggest anxiety. There are some real horror stories about people being dismissed on this thread. Luckily for me, although my gp wasn't very clued up, he was very supportive and happy to make a referral. The woman who assessed me began by talking about the differences between how men and women present (which I was already aware of but which really reassured me to know that she understood). There are good practitioners out there.

Even if I did get a diagnosis, what would it achieve?
For me, the main thing is the relief of understanding myself.

It's also starting to help my family understand that a lot of my quirks aren't me being awkward; my brain just works differently.
So my dd now knows that if I ask her not to spray loads of strong body spray over herself while I'm in the room it's because of my sensory sensitivities.My dp knows that if I can't hear him when he phones me on my mobile and I'm outside or if we're talking about something and I don't understand what he's getting at then it's because of my difficulties with auditory processing.

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Roselind · 03/04/2019 17:55

I am so so pleased to see this is finally being taken seriously.
My daughter was diagnosed autistic as a young adult. She fits the model suggested in every respect. I had always had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that she might be but everything I came across just talked about boys and back in the '90s there wasn't the internet.
My hope would be for every single teacher, GP, psychiatrist, counsellor and social worker to be trained to understand how autism can affect girls and young women. And to understand that, male or female, those with autism are individuals with their own personalities - not clones or stereotypes - so a one size fits all approach is not appropriate either.
In many ways, I think women with autism might have fitted in better a century or so back & just have been seen as eccentric. There is such a demand now for people to have social skills and conform to some sort of outgoing sociable person paradigm in so many jobs + the sort of back room detailed jobs that might have absorbed someone in the past no longer exist.
I should add I am referring to - in effect - "high functioning" - autism - or at least autism where life can go on albeit often at a less than fulfilled level.

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colouringinpro · 03/04/2019 18:16

As mentioned above, i have an autistic DD. Her father, now ex, is also on the spectrum. Being in a relationship with him damaged me mentally and emotionally. While I do understand many poster's concerns about generalisations regarding relationships with people on the spectrum, for me and many others these relationships have been damaging, sometimes traumatic and often abusive (intentional or not). Partners, and they are often women who report this should be heard.

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ineedaknittedhat · 03/04/2019 18:52

Yeah, we know we're crap colouring, but you have your own threads for this particular problem.

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AutisticHedgehog · 03/04/2019 18:57

But colouringinpro why do partners of autistic people need a separate support thread from anyone else who is in an abusive relationship? Should there be threads supporting people married to blind people? Or diabetics? Why is it appropriate to single out autistic people? ANY partner of an abusive person deserves to be heard.

And is he officially diagnosed? 70% of posters on that thread do not have diagnosed partners. It's completely inappropriate to make such an amateur diagnosis - it's hard to diagnose due to there being many other conditions that have overlapping traits. Or perhaps you would like to debate with Professor Happe why you have the same ability as her, despite her having extensive training and undertaking extensive research?

And even if he is, how do you know that it is his autism that is making him abusive? NT people are abusive - not because they are NT but because they are abusive. Same applies to autistic people.

So I stand my belief that such "support" threads are deeply harming to the autistic community PARTICULARLY women and girls and the sooner Mumsnet recognise this the better.

(and as I have said many, many times, I hope that anyone in an abusive relationship is listened to, helped and is able to escape)

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colouringinpro · 03/04/2019 19:46

ineed that's not what I'm trying to say. I genuinely do not think that all ASD partners are like mine.

I'm trying to reflect on my experience as a mother of a dd with ASD, and having been married to someone with ASD for over 20 years.

autistic yes he does have a diagnosis. After many years of therapy, his therapist suggested an assessment which he agreed to. (Always dismissed my gentle and kind suggestions that it might be worth considering). I don't take any pleasure whatsoever in what I've said. It's been a tragedy for our family, the fall-out from his undiagnosed and therefore unsupported ASD has been devastating and almost fatal to his mental health alone. His inability to understand emotions, really listen to his kids and wife, and consider views outside his own has been terribly damaging to our whole family. I guess the reason I think relationship issues with a ASD partner are different is because I know the things he's said and done have not been intentionally harmful, or said out of hate. But they have nevertheless been deadly. The conflict in understanding these two aspects can be agonising.

I genuinely do not believe such issues are apparent in all relationships with an ASD partner. I have huge compassion for anyone with an ASD diagnosis. But I also have compassion for myself and other women who have found themselves in very difficult relationships.

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AutisticHedgehog · 03/04/2019 20:11

Colouringinpro - if you don’t believe we are all the same, if you are “compassionate” are keen to ensure your daughter doesn’t experience the stigma and prejudice that many of us here have to face, then why are you actively participating in a thread where the title alone (aide from the ableist comments) stigmatises autistic people? One that will discourage women and girls going for diagnosis.

And why are you not pulling up people on the threads for making such horrible generalisations about autistic people? This could be someone writing about being married to your daughter in the future.....

And I still don’t understand why you need a “special” thread and can’t just join a generic one for people in tough relationships?

It’s because it’s still deemed acceptable, both on this forum and in society in general, to discriminate against autistic people. We don’t have the same respects/rights as NT people.

Finally, your comments on the impact of a late diagnosis on mental health and support - well that applies to many, many late diagnosed people like me. And here is NO support post diagnosis. Absolutely none. But I’m not abusive, i am VERY mindful
Of my kids’ MH as I do not want them to go through what I did. And I do that a lot more than my NT DH.

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mrsjackrussell · 03/04/2019 21:05

A lot of what pp have described on here sounds like my 16 Yr old dd.
Didn't speak until 3.
Tip toe walking.
Hysterical about being centre of attention.
Hates flowers because the colours hurt her eyes.
Gets obsessed with only 1 friend at a time.
Hates being touched.
Takes everything literally and has to have instructions spelt out.
Ocd with bedroom cleaning and germs.
Has to have a routine.
I don't think it's affecting her socially as she has friends. Is it worth getting a diagnosis and would I go to the GP for this?

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Spring100 · 03/04/2019 21:18

Definitely worth reading M IS FOR AUTISM and M IN THE MIDDLE. Both novels are written in collaboration with the girls from Limpsfield Grange - the only school for girls with autism.
www.amazon.co.uk/Autism-Students-Limpsfield-Grange-School/dp/1849056846?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 The lead character is M , a teenage girl with autism. She's a great character and the books follow her journey with diagnosis, school, home and with her family, love and all important friendships. The books are all first person and aimed to be a good story with a wonderful hero -M The stories are positive and realistic and will make any girl on the spectrum feel proud to be who they are.

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CallMeWoman · 03/04/2019 21:23

mrsjackrussell

We had to go private for my teen DD, because the camhs waiting list was so long she would have aged out of the service before she would have been seen. It was worth it; she's been supported amazingly well in school and her confidence has grown a lot. She feels comfortable with who she is, and is able to advocate for herself.

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mrsjackrussell · 03/04/2019 21:37

@callmewoman
Thankyou for that. I will look into it. I have mentioned it to her and she seems interested in finding out. I think it would help her if she knew. Was it expensive?

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bananafingers · 03/04/2019 21:45

I was diagnosed with autism age 31. My son was diagnosed with autism four years before that, and it was reading about his condition (years before I finally managed to get a diagnosis for him) that led me to realise that I was autistic too. But I didn't feel confident enough to raise the issue of diagnosis for myself - I was actually approached by my psychiatrist (I was already seeing for severe depression and other MH issues) to get an assessment done as he spotted the symptoms in me. I don't think I would ever have pursued a diagnosis myself, as I mask effectively and I also have an atypical presentation, so there are lots of criteria/common traits which I don't share at all.

I've always had issues with fitting in socially, yet I can be a bit of a social butterfly in the right situation, and I can give the impression of being sociable to a casual observer.

I quite enjoy sarcasm as a form of humour, though sometimes I'm taken by surprise and take things seriously when it's meant as a joke.

Sometimes I find change difficult, but then again I also like being stimulated and look forward to new things, so I don't like doing the same thing over and over.

I'm fairly unaffected by sensory issues, which makes me feel like the odd one out in support groups for autistic people - it's often discussed as a major symptom, yet it's not part of the diagnostic criteria, and a lot of the 'autism-friendly' approaches by businesses often focus on sensory reduction, while ignoring a lot of other issues (such as need for social interaction) which is a more fundamental part of autism (at least part of the triad of impairments), and would be much more helpful to me.

I have had intense interests over the years, but often about other people, which there isn't much support for as it's misunderstood and seen as threatening.

I've had poor mental health since the age of 13, I have dyspraxia (bad enough that I cannot drive), eating disorders, self-harmed since the 90s when it was very uncommon, and also dyslexia.

I've had various sources of support post-diagnosis, but a lot of it was through voluntary agencies/groups, and all the official stuff (PIP, ESA, blue badge, Freedom Pass, DSA, council housing) has been awarded for me as a disabled person, which includes all my other diagnoses as well as my autism (actually I got some of them before I was diagnosed with autism, on account of MH difficulties). I probably get more than the average person who is diagnosed as an adult, but I've never been able to work as an adult, and I continue to have severe MH difficulties which is fundamentally due to my autism, so I'm probably more severely affected than most as well.

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AutisticHedgehog · 03/04/2019 21:47

I saw the Limpsfield Grange students present at an NAS conference last year and they were absolutely incredible. Absolutely incredible. They courage and insight they had was inspiring. It was the highlight of the day by a long long long way.

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IntentsandPorpoises · 03/04/2019 22:26

My dd was diagnosed last year age 6. We paid for a private diagnosis at the lorna wing centre. School just kept insisting she was happy and fine. She has violent meltdowns at home and we were at crisis point.

Dh is also currently undergoing assessment and I am a poster on the previous cited partners thread. I find it enormously helpful and supportive. Not least it has helped me realise that dh's behaviour towards me is not abusive in intention, but because of his autism. I am not stigmatising him or others. He and my dd treat me in a very similar way. And I find it almost impossible to cope with both of them. I am also on threads about SN ASD children, where I will speak of dd hitting, me, punching me, biting me. How often I want to run away from her and this life. That I am jealous of families with NT children because our life is so bloody hard sometimes.

The fact that such a thread exists shows that some partners are struggling. There have also been threads of partners of those with mh issues (I have a diagnosed mh issue and see no issue with this. I agree it must be really hard).

As it happens I am planning to leave my Dh, as although his behaviour is not intentional it does have a negative impact on me. I cannot continue to live with two people who need to be in total control of everything, manifesting in needing ever thing their way. I cannot live with being 'ordered' in blunt tones by two people, I cannot live with half my family unable to go on holiday.

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IntentsandPorpoises · 03/04/2019 22:28

My NT 9 yr old ds said tonight that he wishes we hadn't had dd because then it would be easier. I didn't tell him off. He has to deal with her shouting, hitting, seemingly getting her way all the time. He is learning, but still slips up and she will suddenly snap.

I told him it was OK to feel like that when it's hard. Later he said he didn't really mean it, more that he was finding it hard to cope.

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JaneF1234 · 03/04/2019 23:27

Frankie Happe's brilliant research into Girls/ Women Autism is vital and is an issue which has been ignored and overlooked for too long - this is a political issue and one which is about inequality for women and girls. Our national data on the exclusion and seclusion of girls from school is sadly lacking and yet we know anecdotally that more and more parents are having to home educate their daughter and this is not a choice. The fact that girls at school who mask and contain the significant levels of anxiety just to get through the day impacts hugely on their mental health and leaves them exhausted and debilitated . We need to do so much more to enable first health providers to develop and apply diagnostic measures which are designed for girls and women AND provide pragmatic advice guidance and training to education providers on how best to support our girls who continue to fly under the radar. This is a real challenge when outwardly girls may appear to be coping but internally they are in torment. We are presently not asking the right questions in our practice and consequently short on data. Support and funding for further research is an absolute must.

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Auntpetunia2015 · 04/04/2019 08:13

Just quickly scanned this...when did you watch my daughter ? !! It took me years to get anyone to take me seriously when I raised the possibility..the school senco laughed and said ..don’t be silly she’s soo good !

Back later to read properly

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KizzyWayfarer · 04/04/2019 10:19

I just wondered how many people on this thread have heard of Greta Thunberg. Not to suggest that the expected standard of achievement for a girl with Asperger’s or autism should be to start a global movement and be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, but because she is in the public eye and is open about her difficult childhood and how these traits have made her who she is.
www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/the-fifteen-year-old-climate-activist-who-is-demanding-a-new-kind-of-politics
www.theguardian.com/world/2019/mar/11/greta-thunberg-schoolgirl-climate-change-warrior-some-people-can-let-things-go-i-cant

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colouringinpro · 04/04/2019 12:15

intents Flowers

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AugustRose · 04/04/2019 12:23

If I have commented on a thread does it bookmark it for me? Sorry to sound stupid about this. I have commented up thread but am very interested in the other posts since, I am going to keep the thread should be every get a consultation because when the doc asked why I thought DD was autistic and wanted a referral I only mentioned a few things and said I would need hours to explain everything - but this thread covers to many of her behaviours better than I could.

I remembered the other night (after reading here) one episode in the dentist when she refused to open her mouth for a filling - she had spend years getting used to the dentist, but this was unexpected and she clamped her mouth shut. I know it is wrong but I felt so embarrassed as she had always appeared quite rude to him and this just made it worse - the thing is he has always been really nice to us.

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AugustRose · 04/04/2019 12:23

should we ever get a consultation that should say.

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