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Guest Post: “Why have we overlooked autism in women and girls?”

176 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 02/04/2019 15:28

Think of someone with autism. Who do you picture? I doubt it was a teenage girl, or a middle-aged woman. Most people think of autism as mainly affecting boys, and our stereotypes tend to be very male; think Rainman, or Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. But those stereotypes are one of the reasons that thousands of autistic girls and women are missed, mis-diagnosed and sometimes mistreated.

Until recently, experts believed that there were about five times as many autistic males as females. Current research (by Gillian Loomes from the University of Leeds) reveals a much more balanced male-to-female ratio of 3:1, based on high quality studies in the general population. By implication, there are thousands of autistic women and girls who have not made it to diagnostic clinics and are not receiving any specialist services.

Now, in a new book, Girls and Autism: Education, Family and Personal Perspectives, we hope to raise awareness of these autistic girls and women, so that parents, teachers and GPs will think "Could this be autism?" when they see a girl with social and communication difficulties and rigid/repetitive behaviour. Autism Spectrum Disorder is diagnosed based on behaviour; there’s no blood or genetic test for autism. By drawing on real life experiences of girls, their mothers, teachers, researchers and other professionals, we have explored why autism is often missed, and how autism can look rather different in girls compared to boys. While it’s clear that every girl on the autism spectrum is unique, there are some characteristics you might notice and should look out for.

These include:

  • Struggling socially – may find it difficult to make or keep friends, can’t ‘put herself in someone else’s shoes’, or may find ‘doing social’ exhausting, needing lots of downtime alone afterwards (eg after school).
  • Communication is different – may take things literally and find it difficult to tell if someone is joking or being sarcastic, may seem to stick to a ‘script’ (eg for small talk) or copy others (eg to know when to laugh).
  • Finds change difficult – more distressed by unexpected small changes to plan or routine than others her age, dislikes surprises, needs certainty and sees things in ‘black or white’ terms.
  • Sensory sensitivities – can’t bear certain sounds, textures, sensations (eg, light touch, fluorescent lights), but loves and gets lost in other sensory experiences (eg spinning objects or self).
  • Intense interests - has all-encompassing interest in one, relatively narrow topic/collection, and it may be hard to redirect her attention or conversation to other things.
  • Poor mental health – most autistic girls (and boys) suffer a lot of anxiety, and depression (and even suicide) can be a problem, as well as eg eating disorders, ADHD, clumsiness…

“Why have we overlooked autism in women and girls?” you might ask. I think there are at least three reasons.

First, research has often excluded female participants – partly because researchers expected autistic females to be so rare. The result is that what we think we know about autism from research, is actually what we know about male autism; it may or may not apply to females on the autism spectrum. And that research bias matters, because our diagnostic criteria and processes are based on those (mostly male) findings.

Second, most people have a male stereotype of autism, and so parents, teachers and GPs are less likely to think ‘autism’ when they see a girl struggling socially, than when they see a boy with social difficulties. We know that girls get diagnosed on average later than boys, and are less likely to get an autism diagnosis when showing the same autistic features. Part of the problem may be so-called ‘diagnostic overshadowing’; if an undiagnosed autistic girl develops an eating disorder, for example, a clinician may diagnose anorexia, but fail to dig deeper or recognise that this is anorexia and autism. And that matters because the causes and therefore best treatment for that eating disorder
may be very different in an autistic girl; perhaps an insistence on staying at an absolutely specific weight, rather than any concern about appearance or body shape.

The third reason is that autism may look different in some women and girls, compared to some boys and men. For example, while the intense special interests that are characteristic of autism typically have an unusual focus (eg, telegraph poles), for autistic girls the topic is often unremarkable (eg, a boy band, one breed of horse), and may not strike others as peculiar unless they find out just how intense, specific and all-encompassing it is. Some autistic females also tell us that they deliberately ‘camouflage’ their autism, for example painstakingly copying how a socially-successful girl in their class dresses, walks, talks and does her hair. An autistic friend of mine even trained as an actor to learn how to ‘act normal’, many years before she received her autism diagnosis.

For all these reasons, autistic girls are going undiagnosed, with significant consequences for their mental health. In the diagnostic clinics we have worked with, there are women coming for first diagnosis of autism in their 70s, after a lifetime of being misunderstood, and sometimes mis-medicated for mistaken psychiatric diagnoses. If their autism had been recognised, supported and their differences respected, their lives might have been very different. They might not have been so vulnerable to bullying, abuse, and isolation, with all the negative effects on their self-esteem and mental health. Raising awareness of girls and women on the autism spectrum is the first step to change that.

Girls and Autism: Education, Family and Personal Perspectives (Routledge, £29.99) is out now. 20% discount and free delivery with code A008. Discount available until 30/06/19

Francesca Happé is Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at King’s College London who leads psychological research on autism. She will be returning to this post on Monday 8 April to answer some questions.

OP posts:
mnistooaddictive · 03/04/2019 02:56

Dd1 has just been through 3 years of assessments and we have been told she can’t have a diagnosis of ASD. Mainly because “the traits she has do not cause her significant impairment”. The speech therapist who assesssed her said if she was autistic, it would mean she had memorised behaviours to fit in. Yes I said, that’s the very description of ASD in girls, we’ll thats a lot to memorise said the speech therapist. My dd with a photographic memory, who always stands back and watches, of course she has learnt behaviours!!
They are wrong, but ignorant.

aprarl · 03/04/2019 05:18

I agree @AutisticHedgehog on the ongoing "support" threads here. They're full of endless nasty generalisms which wouldn't stand on the SN boards, but it's fine because you know, autistic adults are just awful and everyone else needs massive support to deal with their awfulness.

CallMeWoman · 03/04/2019 05:39

I'm convinced my young DD is autistic, as she has all the same traits and signs as my older DD who was privately diagnosed last year. I took my older DD to the GP with my concerns and was fobbed off - "some children just don't have friends".

I'm worried we'll be fobbed off again with younger DD, but at least now I can point out their similarities. The lack of training in and understanding of female autistics is appalling. Thank you for doing this research.

Zoflorabore · 03/04/2019 06:48

My da is 16 and has AS. He was diagnosed at 8.
I've always felt like there's something different about me.
We went to see his consultant in January at Alder Hey and he was asking me some questions regarding dates of things in the past ( I have a weird obsession with dates and was very precise ) and he asked me
If I was also diagnosed. That was enough for me to speak to my doctor who referred me but said the waiting list is quite long.

After just 2 weeks I received a call and did an initial assessment over the phone and then received lots of forms and questions to
fill in. I have an appointment this Sunday! to
discuss diagnosis. Total time from going to doctor to going to appointment- under a month.

I have no doubt that I will be diagnosed with either AS or ADD and already have OCD, anxiety and several other conditions.

I'm 41.

MollyButton · 03/04/2019 06:50

One family member who I strongly suspect (and others with knowledge suspect) is on the spectrum; has at least twice been told by therapists that she is not/has nothing "wrong" with her. It is sad as I believe knowing she "thinks differently" to others would really help.

ineedaknittedhat · 03/04/2019 06:54

I was diagnosed at age 45. I didn't realise for so long because I didn't relate to the typically male presentation. It was going on YouTube and hearing the experience of autistic females that the penny suddenly dropped. I arranged for a private assessment.

The relief at finding out was immense.

WeMarchOn · 03/04/2019 07:26

I was diagnosed at 33, still waiting for my 2 daughters to be diagnosed.
Girls get missed because we mask it, i hope people will become more knowledgable about girls in the future

FloatingthroughSpace · 03/04/2019 07:50

I also agree about the "support" threads. I have to avoid them for my mental health. I have an autistic son, sister and dad and I did speak up a little in the first thread (under an old name) about the importance of intentionality when judging behaviour. It makes me feel sick to see autistic people denigrated.

Werkit · 03/04/2019 08:28

Male presentations are taken as ‘standard’, with women therefore presenting as atypical...despite being 50% of the population. I suspect that if I pursued a diagnosis I’d find out I’m on the spectrum, but because I’m female and don’t display typically male traits of autism I know it would be a hard process to make myself heard, so I haven’t tried!

I’m reading this at the moment, it’s really very eye opening. (It deals with why women’s heart attack symptoms are often missed, too, for the same reasons!)
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1784741728/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_65fPCbE1XW6N5?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

SpartacusAutisticusAHF · 03/04/2019 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1497863568 · 03/04/2019 08:55

I am sure I do. My son is on the spectrum. I suffer a lot of anxiety and tend to be quite 'rigid' when I think about how the world should work which is not realistic nor historically accurate.

musicposy · 03/04/2019 09:05

I agree about the support threads. I have an autistic DH who I've just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary to. He is a lovely, lovely man. Living with an autistic DH has its challenges, but ANY marriage has its challenges. I hope to be with him forever and some of the comments make me so sad.

It's very likely that one of my DD's is also autistic. It was very obvious when she was little (tiptoe walking, didn't socialise at all until quite some way through childhood, lots of compulsive behaviours, couldn't take any sensory overload, meltdowns etc) and as she's got older we've discussed a diagnosis. However, she concluded that the label would probably not really help her and, as has been said above, she's learnt to hide it extremely well. She still has a lot of anxiety but she's kind of 'taught herself' empathy by copying what other people do in conversation and when she finds herself talking for a long time about an interest, she will stop and say "sorry, I'm going on, aren't I?" This is something DH can't really do. If I want DH to talk about me and not his interests, I have to set rules for the conversation "we will talk about you for 20 mins then we will talk about me for 20 mins and you can't discuss planes in that time" (this felt horrible to me at first but DH likes the boundaries it brings). DD doesn't need that; she's worked out that kind of reciprocity for herself, even if she finds it hard.

So yes, I think girls are missed all the time as they mask it well. DD is now doing a degree in Physics and has really found her tribe. But she's had a whole lot of years finding it difficult because she did not confirm to the girly/ glamorous/ make up stereotype of a teen girl and I think this is common in autistic girls too. The sooner we recognise the signs in girls, the less I think they will grow up feeling so much a fish out of water.

AutisticHedgehog · 03/04/2019 09:26

I think it's also really important to understand that on these support threads, the vast majority of posters who are complaining about their partners (70%) has SELF-diagnosed.

So there is this believe that Autism is easy to diagnose and people who read these threads then say "Hey, my partner acts like an asshole too - he must have Asperger's!".

And so the misinformation, myths and prejudice are propagated.

And when I asked MN if they could change the title from "Married to someone with Asperger's" to "Married to an autistic person" they refused as "We're leaving the thread title as it is for now - we think that 'Aspergers' is a widely known and used term". But I suspect it was because the ableism would be clear to all to see if it was changed to the latter.

So it is absolutely essential that influential websites like Mumsnet work with autism experts like Professor Francesca Happé so they can (1) learn what autism actually is and (2) take responsibility for allowing (and ostensibly condoning) such discriminatory posts.

There is a HUGE misunderstanding of and prejudice against autism displayed on this website and that needs to be addressed urgently if Mumsnet really are interesting in helping women and girls on the autistic spectrum.

FriarTuck · 03/04/2019 10:13

I also agree about the "support" threads. I have to avoid them for my mental health
Ditto. It's too depressing and makes me angry.
Even once you get a diagnosis though, there's no bloody support available. And people that should understand and who should be a little bit supportive end up being the worst of all. Life sucks being autistic in a neurotypical world.

Baydreams · 03/04/2019 10:15

It's really interesting to hear about people's journey to diagnosis later in life.

My son is diagnosed, my brother and father are undiagnosed but very much fit the classic male profile of ASD.

I didn't think it could apply to me at all, but over the last few years I have been reading more and more about autism in women and it really can present itself entirely differently.

I've suffered with OCD, anxiety, and certain tics and repetitive / stimming behaviours all my life. I identify with a lot of very specific traits in this profile of women with AS, reading that was a real eye opener: taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/

Currently wondering whether it's 'worth' pursuing an actual diagnosis, though. I feel happy enough to assume / identify with the female AS profile, but perhaps an actual diagnosis would bring some validation for me, or at least would help my diagnosed son feel less alone.

Changingagain · 03/04/2019 12:44

Thank you for linking that Baydreams . I've wondered if I could be autistic several times over the last few years but when I research it, there is so much that doesn't fit with me and makes it seem unlikely. That list though, describes me very well. There's a lot that isn't me but an awful lot that is.

Like you though, I wonder if there's any point to pursuing a diagnosis. I imagine the most likely result would be that I'd be dismissed as an idiot who's been searching Dr. Google for excuses for my behavior.

Even if I did get a diagnosis, what would it achieve? Maybe it would help family and my employer to understand me better, or maybe it would make life harder for me and them. I wouldn't want to join any support group type things. I just worry about the effect that I have on my children by being 'abnormal'.

RuffleCrow · 03/04/2019 13:07

I think you're preaching to the choir here.

How will you change the attitudes of the medical professionals who turn our daughters away?

SpartacusAutisticusAHF · 03/04/2019 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlankTimes · 03/04/2019 13:46

A diagnosis can help in the workplace, employers have to provide "reasonable adjustments" which they may well not do via a request by an undiagnosed employee.

It also brings validation, you are who you are. You are different, you process things differently, you are not "wrong". If you have autism, you were born with it, it doesn't ever go away, it's a lifelong condition. By being female and practising masking you may or may not be "obviously autistic" to other people, but the toll that takes on you can be considerable and have a large impact on other areas of your life.

Judith Gould and Lorna Wing have done a lot of work on the presentation of autism in women www.autism.org.uk/services/diagnosis/about.aspx

Daphne Keen specialises in diagnosing girls. www.daphnekeen.co.uk/

An NHS diagnosis for an adult female can take on average 18 months to 2 years depending on which area of the UK you live in, so do be prepared for a long wait if you want to go down that route. Their services are very much over-subscribed unfortunately.

MovingThisYearDefinitely · 03/04/2019 14:03

You don't have to tick every box in order to be Autistic Changingagain. Both my DD are dx ASD, but both completely different. Sadly they share my traits between them. I am still yet to be officially dx myself but had a private dx of ADHD when they were first going through the dx process 12 years ago.

I would like to make it official, but, like you, I wonder what it would achieve, given that there is no support. Have you considered if your DC may be on the spectrum too? It definitely runs in families so is pretty likely that at least 1 may be. Its not "abnormal" btw. Different, not lesser!

HeathRobinson · 03/04/2019 14:06

Why have we overlooked it. Because it's just women.

NopeNi · 03/04/2019 14:07

I've been thinking about what I can say here, and what questions I can ask.

I think the main one is "how will you ensure that future generations of women aren't missed?"

Could we run the quick test across all schoolchildren and look at those with especially high scores?

I was only diagnosed a few years ago, and I feel so heartbroken for the women referred to in the OP, who are only finding out in their late life, when the damage is long since done and when you have so little time (relatively) to come to terms with what it can mean.

For me, a diagnosis gave me peace at first - an answer for why I was so weird, so different (and not in a cute quirky way, although I think people assume that's what you mean when you try to express that you feel weirdly , and they instantly say "oh no you're not", making you feel worse for trying to articulate it).

It was a useful explanation at work where they tried to make more accommodations. If I hadn't been diagnosed I think I'd have lost my job for essentially not being good at talking to people.

Then I unexpectedly sank for a while - there isn't a "cure" and I'll never actually be normal, no matter what I try. My childhood was godawful and I'll never get to re-live it properly. I've lost friends through incompetence and I can never apologise. I wanted to doubt the diagnosis and ran test after test, read every book, investigated everything again, and hated the world.

Over time I've grown more at peace with it: fuck it, I'm autistic. I know why I freak out at loud noises or someone eating, and why I get sick in heatwaves, why I can't deal with public places. I'm forgiving myself and learning to like myself more, and finding that things that help. And I don't care if everyone else finds me weird anymore - I just am and there's no getting away from it. I mention it now in conversations when it's relevant, I hope it helps explain if I do something wrong.

GaudaofEda · 03/04/2019 14:09

I do wonder why MNHQ didn't ask an autistic woman to write a guest post on this topic, there's a fair few on their blogging network.

By this was specifically asked and discussed on the thread 3 page 31
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3463341-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-Support-group-here-Thread-3?pg=31
Conserns were discussed on pages 21, 26, 30, and 31-33.

There were proposals to rename the thread
"Breakdown in relationship with a partner with ASC", which is a better reflection of the nature of the thread.

This was put to MN in a direct representations with reasons what was wrong, how it affected autistic people and possible ways forward.
Mumsnet only gave consideration to the need of the posters on that thread for 'support'.

I don't think misleading stereotypes provide real support to anyone.

I think that that MN totally bought this narrative of autistic partners being abusive and spouses being victims, while in fact autistic people are more likely to victims of emotional abuse and exploitation.

I think what is particularly unhelpful is MN endorsement of the segregation and censorship of messages that highlight the misleading and dehumanising nature of 'advice' and discourse on those threads.

MN effectively endorsed the dehumanising narrative of ASC hate organisations that the thoughts and feelings of autistic people are invalid and should not be heard. That somehow they should be segregated and silences in the discussion that directly concerns them and spread dangerous prejudices. In this view only NT family members are entitled to be heard and make decisions.

NopeNi · 03/04/2019 14:10

Agreed and it would be great to have @MNHQ give this some thought. I thought I was the only one who was upset by those threads (it made me leave MN for a while and I've tried to hide them ever since).

GaudaofEda · 03/04/2019 14:13

I think people should discuss the issues of the tone and content of discourse and debunk the underlying narrative.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3463341-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-Support-group-here-Thread-3?pg=31

GaudaofEda Mon 04-Mar-19 15:13:21
For a safe space for useful and constructive sharing e should define some parameters

What I hope could be done

Redefine the narrative, reject the discriminatory framework of analysis from Faaas
•Recognise that a thread explicitly identifying relationships with people with a protected characteristic, such as ASC is not just a relationship thread, it should weight interests of people with disabilities for dignity and freedom from discrimination vs the needs of partners for ‘venting’, support, but also appropriate advice, vs the impact on ableist prejudices in society. Ultimately it should be free from ableism.
•Reject the principle that personal relationship could be a ‘safe’ place for ableist discrimination and hate speech, including on social media like MN
•Reject the idea of segregation of NT vs ASC, the idea that autistic people should not be heard in discussion about relationships ( ‘we need a NT’ perspective’ ‘partners with ASD please remain silent’)
•The discussion, the support and advice should take place within the framework of non discriminatory, respectful and inclusive analysis and discourse.
•MN could consider inviting reputable speakers (Network autism?) able to discuss and frame the issues about NT/ASC relationships in a non-ableist way, and redress the damage done by the FAAAS hate narrative so far. There should be autistic speakers too.

Engage and agree voluntarily the new parameters of acceptable discourse
•Interested posters on the thread together with MN, the autistic community and NAS should consider issues of discrimination in personal relationships and develop new talk guidelines and framework for analysing personal relationships and describing, talking about personal experiences with disabled autistic people in a non discriminatory, respectful and inclusive way. Laudable resources should be identified. Ableist resources from hate organisations should not be used.
•It would be good if posters on the thread would voluntarily agree to develop in partnership with the autistic community a new OP and a new title for the support thread
•Once this is started the three previous threads should be deleted as they are infused with FAAAS narrative of hate and incitement to discrimination

Review moderation
•Based on the principle that relationship and they way it is talked about is not a safe space for ableism
•Following from above a thread like this should be moderated as a disability related thread rather than as a relationship thread where all sorts of expressions and emotions are ‘valid’ and ‘safe space’ exist for hate speech and incitement to discriminate.
•At least one moderator on relationship board should be on the spectrum and online
•The moderations guidelines should be the ones agreed with the autistic community, it shouldn’t be a matter for moderators who do not sufficiently understand the issues surrounding disability and autism
•The title and the OP of a thread for partners of people with ASD as a group should not be controlled by posters who repeatedly express ASD hate and promote ableist narrative