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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 21:20

I know home educated children who have gone on to further education and employment in all walks of life, including the more academic fields like law, medicine or veterinary science. I know unschoolers who are studying or working in all of those fields. Home educating or unschooling is not a barrier to doing well academically.

As for things like waiting in queues or having to wait to use the toilet, it's bizarre that some of you seem to think school is the only place to learn those things. Life skills are learned through livinglife. Home educated children don't live in a bubble sheltered from the 'real' world, they're in the real world 24/7.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:22

I didn't say you can't achieve, Richard Branson etc have no decent GCSE's but it does make life harder

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 21:25

Imyrprolape, it was a shame,yes..I think we were the problem ,not the other home edders..my eldest is autistic and youngest copied him...and the other parents didn't want my kids bad behaviour rubbing off on their kids...so we went to some organised groups but we all know when people are not really approving of us...they all planned stuff and we weren't invited..we didn't know anyone else to invite to set up our own group...we really were not welcomed....but apart from that minor issue my kids did love the freedom of home ed.and all the cheep holidays we went on out of season,and we had yearly tickets to wildlife parks and spent days watching all kinds of animals...I miss those days in some ways..wish I'd kept going going sometimes 😢

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:27

That's awful why are people so cruel ?

brasty · 30/08/2016 21:28

I suspect those who have no qualifications and still do really well are either incredible self starters who would do well whatever their upbringing, or from well off families who have connections.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:31

"Sorry Simon I presumed you were male.i just wanted to know how work fits with home ed ? I think opinions on it probably centres on life situations. I have really positive experiences of education and my child thrives in education."

that is ok :)

It depends what you do obvs. I retrained as a Luthier. I work during the day (atm) because she is out hooliganning with friends. I have an emergency childminder and I also work when she goes to bed. Because a lot of what I do involves making instruments... she can join me or do stuff alongside me. But really, most of it gets done at night time or when she is out with friends.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 21:34

Not really cruel, if yr referring to my post?.. They just wanted the best for their children, they didn't want them copying my kids behaviours...I understood

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:34

Sounds like you work really hard to make it work for you. Interesting to know how people can juggle it, I have up my day time professional career to get an evening job and spend more time with my children. Having happy children is definitely the most important factor.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:36

"Sounds like you work really hard to make it work for you. Interesting to know how people can juggle it, I have up my day time professional career to get an evening job and spend more time with my children. Having happy children is definitely the most important factor."

It is hard work. But she has never been to school and this is the choice I made for her when young and now it is hers. She has many schooled friends, so knows what is involved etc. I am knackered and crave gin often. But it is doable... with juggling etc.

borntobequiet · 30/08/2016 21:36

I teach Functional Maths and English to apprentices (I'm a retired secondary teacher). I meet a disproportionate number of home schooled young people with poor or no GCSEs. They are lovely, very worthwhile individuals who do very well on their apprenticeships but it's often so apparent they would have achieved so much more if they had attended school. One in particular clearly had a real aptitude for Maths and if he had a halfway decent teacher might have gone on to do an A level and a degree. As it was he had been taught the basics by his mother and a neighbour who was a retired accountant. He was blown away by even limited exposure to anything more, but sadly wasn't in a position to advance his knowledge.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:42

"I teach Functional Maths and English to apprentices (I'm a retired secondary teacher). I meet a disproportionate number of home schooled young people with poor or no GCSEs"

Are you aware of how many kids who leave school without any exams and with literacy issues?

Counting the cost of poor literacy and numeracy skills - Full Fact
fullfact.org/economy/counting-cost-poor-literacy-and-numeracy-skills/
1 May 2015 - About 8 million working age adults have 'below-functional' numeracy skills and about 5 million have 'below-functional' literacy skills in England ...

FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 21:43

It's very hard to talk about the merits of home education without it being perceived as a criticism of mainstream schooling. Yet not all home edders dislike school or are home edding because of problems in school. Most home edders recognise that school can be a great choice for lots of children, many home edders have some of their children in school. We home educate because we enjoy it and it's a good fit for our family, not because of the negatives of school but because of the positives of home education, we view it as a positive choice in it's own right.

Having said that, I think anyone who claims there are no issues with the school system is pretty blinkered. It's pretty widely accepted that the British school system has plenty of flaws. It's no secret that teachers are leaving the profession in droves or that the government is struggling to recruit enough new teachers. You only have to glance at the TES forum to see how unhappy many teachers are, how frustrated they are at the state of the current system and the lack of autonomy they have and how concerned they are for the future of current school pupils. The UK ranks considerably far down on the global league tables and British school children are amongst the unhappiest in the world.

An estimated 40% of home educating parents are ex teachers or ex teaching staff who have left teaching after becoming totally disillusioned with it. The fact that so many people who have had direct first hand experience of the school system don't want it for their own children speaks volumes and should be a massive red flag to parents.

Not everything about the school system is awful, it has plenty of positives and plenty of children thrive there. But it is far from perfect and there are plenty of children who really aren't thriving. Home ed is very literally a life saver for thousands of chikdren.

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 21:44

Rites
It isn't a place, mythical or not, it's a profession.
If it wasn't for H.ed i'm not sure she'd have realised her dreams and ambitions were attainable as at school you have to learn a set curriculum at a set time. You have to stop what you are doing and go onto something else, just when you are becoming interested.
A narrow defined education wasn't what she wanted or needed at the time, she had her own agenda and it worked for her.
I know many children suit this schooled type of education, others don't.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:45

Unfortunately there isn't much home schooling or state school could do to Teach some children.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:46

Borntobequiet, you could be talking about any number of my friends who attended school including my partner. Failed by a school system so inadeqyate it should have been condemned. Home ed isn't perfect, no one claimed it was, neither is school, clearly.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:48

Could state schooling and home ed not work together? If a child is struggling with something can the parent not pick it up at home ?

borntobequiet · 30/08/2016 21:49

Yes, I am aware. The word you may have missed was disproportionate. And I was describing my own experience. Your problem is?

Wrcgirl · 30/08/2016 21:49

Didn't work for me. Was shocked by work life and real life. If it works for your kids great tho, it does for lots. I would say socialise and socialise, do do make them learn to study things they hate and don't be defensive about your choice. It is a freedom you are able to use.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:50

That's what I was thinking as school does help develop various work life skills.

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 21:51

I'd be more inclined to listen to what you have to say about HE simon if you weren't slating schools in every post alongside your scathing comments aimed at anyone who asks what is seen as a valid question.

You think they are too strict, too restrictive, don't treat children as individuals and I could go on.

I think that's so far from the truth to be laughable. My dc is in year 6 from next week. Her class size is 24. She has free lunchtime and after school clubs in martial arts, ukele, cooking, gardening, science, football, rugby, netball, running, homework and many, many more to choose from.

Her school are amazing in their support of her as she goes through her ASD assessment. Her teacher last year let her and her table sit outside the classroom when it was getting too lively for her to cope with. I have been on many school trips and spent a lot of time with both her teacher and the TA's and I can honestly say they know those children so well, they know their interests and they know what makes them tick.

Her school trips last year included a three day residential, gutting a pheasant and cooking it outside, descaling a fish and cooking it. We did a day trip to a local island on a boat. We have been to woodlands and beautiful flower gardens. They have covered things like the Greek Gods, the birth of the Olympics and Island life. They wrote books which are now in the local library. They have made pottery flowers and glazed them. They did a huge project on space which coincided with Tim Peake going into space and I sent him a message via Facebook which was answered and DD took it into school for her class.

I could go on. My point is that they cover so much more than what you perceive to be rote learning. They are challenged, they are given information to get them interested and then they go off and research it in the library at school or online. They regroup and talk about what they have found out.

They also learned to make Bath Bombs after someone from Lush came in and showed them. They then made a load and sold them to raise money for local charities. All in the space of a year.

I think your views on schooling are outdated and you clearly don't want to listen to anyone who thinks sending their dc to school is a good idea. For us it is. My oldest is off to uni to study paramedic science. She wouldn't have got in without her exam grades. My youngest has the world at her feet. Yours has too but don't shut off anyone who doesn't agree with you. If you can learn to listen, you too might learn something.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:52

"Could state schooling and home ed not work together? If a child is struggling with something can the parent not pick it up at home ?"

You can Flexi... but the decision lies with the Head and not all agree to it. Home ed is when you take legal responsibility for your child's education, so not really.. it is very different to doing bits at home while your kid is also in school. We have a statutory duty to provide an education suitable to age, aptitude and ability etc.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:53

" I would say socialise and socialise, do do make them learn to study things they hate and don't be defensive about your choice. "

what is the point in forcing kids to study things that they hate?

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:53

What a brilliant school, I thought I was the only one with a positive view on schools. People just believe what they see in the news!

sunnysue31 · 30/08/2016 21:53

This organisation is just wonderful for anyone considering or wishing to “Home School” in the UK … www.educationotherwise.net/
Best wishes
Sue

drspouse · 30/08/2016 21:54

Full-time that's what most parents who want to give their children the best, do already.
Child struggling with maths - talk to teacher, get tips, practice at home or get a tutor if it's not your forte/you never struggled and can't explain at a low enough level.
Child loves biology, wants to do more, find a club, go to science museum, do a personal project, do a badge at Brownies, research it yourself and push child to find out more^^ than you.

Parents who send their children to school do all these already.

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