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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
brasty · 30/08/2016 21:55

Everyone needs to learn to study the boring bits.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:55

I didn't mean flexi I meant just to take some responsibility for the child's development. People put all the emphasis on the Teacher, education should continue at home.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:56

So poor literacy cannot be the sole blame of schooling.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:58

I fully agree brasty, when I try to get my daughter to do something boring I do say life isn't all fun and games.

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 21:59

I think school helps to develop work and life skills, but H.ed definitely does.
Many people will have to work in environments closely resembling schools, but others won't and skills gained from other areas would be more beneficial.
I suppose it depends on what the person wants to do when they are older.

Sprink · 30/08/2016 22:01

they all planned stuff and we weren't invited..

Which could not have happened on a state school outing. They would have had to include your children. The irony.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:01

I'd be more inclined to listen to what you have to say about HE simon if you weren't slating schools in every post alongside your scathing comments aimed at anyone who asks what is seen as a valid question.

You think they are too strict, too restrictive, don't treat children as individuals and I could go on.

Schools work for some kids. Not all. I do not think my views on schools are outdated really, I just do not want that for my kid.

"They also learned to make Bath Bombs after someone from Lush came in and showed them. They then made a load and sold them to raise money for local charities. All in the space of a year.
"

Mine was doing that aged 3 :P

The point is.. school works for your kids. It fails many too.

"you clearly don't want to listen to anyone who thinks sending their dc to school is a good idea. "

This is a convo about home ed. Clearly we think that home ed is superior or we would not have chosen it for our kids ;) There are plenty of home edders who also have kids in school. We just believe in choice.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:03

"Full-time that's what most parents who want to give their children the best, do already.
Child struggling with maths - talk to teacher, get tips, practice at home or get a tutor if it's not your forte/you never struggled and can't explain at a low enough level.
Child loves biology, wants to do more, find a club, go to science museum, do a personal project, do a badge at Brownies, research it yourself and push child to find out more^^ than you.

Parents who send their children to school do all these already."

Except you do not have the time to do as much as us.... you are limited as to how deeply you can explore something.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:04

"So poor literacy cannot be the sole blame of schooling."

No of course not. Literacy starts when you speak and read to your kids.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:07

It will be enough time though as they are getting understand pi from school and the parent can explore it further. It also can benefit a child to have different people to explain things.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:09

"It will be enough time though as they are getting understand pi from school and the parent can explore it further. It also can benefit a child to have different people to explain things."

Yes, so we use the internet, videos & study groups etc. How would a schooled child have the energy to devote weeks and weeks of learning on one thing? Esp with the home work that they get..

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:10

It depends on the parent, some parents don't care 😢

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 22:13

simon you are coming across really badly.

Mine was doing this aged 3.

We think home ed is superior.

Have you actually read back anything you've typed before hitting the post button? Because this is meant to be a discussion about home education but also by nature, that's going to discuss other options such as main stream schools and unschooling.

Not once have I slated home education. But all you can come up with in defense of anything I have typed (or others have typed) is to slate main stream schooling and state that your choice is better than ours.

One thing I have learned is that you can get your point across about your own views without resorting to slating the views of others. It's like you saying you like blue and I like red. I could say well I like red because blue is a shit colour. Or I could say I like red because it's vibrant and it makes me happy. Your response would almost certainly be well blue is superior and I've made the best choice.Hmm

drspouse · 30/08/2016 22:14

Except you do not have the time to do as much as us.... you are limited as to how deeply you can explore something.

You can't have it both ways though - most home edders say it only takes a couple of hours a day - and then you (in particular, if running a business) are free to do other things.
You easily have a couple of hours a day (or all weekend) to do other things with a child who's in school.
But maybe it does take all day and it isn't possible to run a business...

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:15

they will be doing most of the learning at school, home can be used for consolidation. No need to spend weeks on a topic unless they don't understand it.

EB123 · 30/08/2016 22:15

And on top of the extra studying at home they would still need time to just be kids too. So between school, homework, any clubs, spending time as a family, plus this extra study when do they get the chance to just relax and have fun?

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:18

My daughter also seems to have the attitude if it's too hard I'm not doing it, under this form of home ed isn't the idea the child learns what they want. I know my child would just be doing the easy bits, probably sport.

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 22:18

how would a schooled child have the energy to devote weeks and weeks of learning to one thing?

Same as an unschooled child I guess. If they are interested enough they will learn. My DD had a total space obsession for about a year. She studied all the planets, researched on the internet, read books. She did paintings of the planets. We took her to a planetarium so she could stargaze. She wanted to learn and she did.

But I also like having a child who is well rounded in all aspects as well. Spending two or three years learning just one subject with the aim of getting them to sit a gcse aged 9 is mad. Life, unfortunately, is about knowing lots of things. You may need science to do medicine but you also need biology, maths and english and probably other things as well. It's not about learning one thing. It's about learning lots of things, then getting to an age where you choose the things to specialise in.

brasty · 30/08/2016 22:18

But if the extra studying is going to museums and doing fun things like HE talk about, then they are having fun.

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 22:19

School is only 6 hours a day and they get 13 weeks holiday a year plus weekends. They get plenty of down time to just relax.

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 22:21

Bratsy precisely. Going to a museum called be dumped in with family time, learning, having fun and downtime. Except if your child goes to school and it's obviously then a chore.:o

Phineyj · 30/08/2016 22:21

Phew steady on...13 weeks school holidays, more at private --- definitely time to explore things in depth if your child wants to!

The arguments for HE are interesting but I just keep thinking how much I enjoyed primary and how excited my DD is to be going. I feel a bit sad for the bloggers' DC missing out on that milestone.

I can see more argument that teenagers might benefit in the right circumstances. I am interested in the rise of organisations like Interhigh, as one thing I hate about secondary school is the massive resource wasted on commuting. KS3 classes are over 30 at my school and quieter kids do get lost.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:21

Extra study? I Didn't mean full scale lessons as much as help the, with homework. Isn't spending time as a family fun? They can have plenty of time to be kids and can even have fun and be kids at school.

Waitingfordolly · 30/08/2016 22:21

I am a lone parent with practically no help from my XP, who home eds. Mine is a teenager so she can be more self directed, I don't think I could have done it when she was younger. I'm self employed and I tend to work v early in the morning and early evening and take breaks during the day or take days off for trips and meet ups. We had little choice as DD was being bullied at school and we tried to sort it out but it was affecting her mental health, and living rurally we had no other school options. She is starting GCSEs early and finding motivation again for learning when she was quite bored at school. That's no comment on whether school is good or bad for anyone else but it wasn't working for us.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:22

"simon you are coming across really badly.

Mine was doing this aged 3."

Did you miss the wink? Maybe that is because we are hearing the same old cliches about home ed...

"Have you actually read back anything you've typed before hitting the post button? Because this is meant to be a discussion about home education but also by nature, that's going to discuss other options such as main stream schools and unschooling."

I have :)

"Not once have I slated home education. But all you can come up with in defense of anything I have typed (or others have typed) is to slate main stream schooling and state that your choice is better than ours. "

Some kids thrive in school. But you cannot say that schools have the resources or ability to give much in the way of one to one tuition.

"One thing I have learned is that you can get your point across about your own views without resorting to slating the views of others. It's like you saying you like blue and I like red. I could say well I like red because blue is a shit colour. Or I could say I like red because it's vibrant and it makes me happy. Your response would almost certainly be well blue is superior and I've made the best choice.hmm"

Home ed has been bashed in here by many. We hear it often and most of it is based on myths and ignorance. So yes, we get tired of it. I am always happy to explain how we do things but it gets old having to dispel myths constantly. I have not said that school is shit... anywhere.