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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

800 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:03

brasty

I also know as a child it was important to have time away from my parents. It helps with your growing independence
-
By shifting your dependence from one adult to another whilst being told what to learn and not how to learn. Try telling our kids they aren't independent, see how far it gets you.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:06

"I also know as a child it was important to have time away from my parents. It helps with your growing independence"

Do you think that ours do not have that?

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 21:06

Lisa

I am enjoying your posts and feeling very envious. I sometimes secretly wish that dd would ask to come home and be H.ed again, but realise this is selfish and haven't told her this.
we were similar in supporting and encouraging her talents and allowing her to follow her dream, something she couldn't have achieved if she's stayed at school.
She gained what she describes as a golden ticket to a very special famous school that suits her to the ground atm and has some similarities to H.ed.
It has always been her choice, both H.ed and her new school and we support her choice.
H.ed allowed her to concentrate on her own subject and at 8 she knew her chosen career.
Strangely enough it doesn't entail wearing a uniform, having a boss, having to follow policies and procedures that are laid down Grin
You sound totally committed to H.ed and your principle/ philosophy, a breathe of fresh air Thanks

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:06

It's not really a big deal is it. For the benefit of Teachers 😂 Have you been to some schools recently ? Not all are that bad !!

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:07

"I fail to see how a lone parent could HE. My dd might not like school and it causes problems but because we're rather fond of food I have to go to work. If I leave my mortgage isn't paid and we can't pay the bills.
"

There are hundreds of us who do.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:08

A lot of snobby comments on here, unfortunately most people need to work and I fail to see how single parents can home ed!

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:08

My daughter goes to school FULLTIMEMUMMY. They have banned cardigans.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 21:08

We went to home ed groups, but our faces didn't fit...I had hyper lively kids..not bookish and quiet...birthdays were the worse scratting around for friends to invite to their party...racking yr brains as who you could invite...we tried so hard to make friends with other families but they didn't want to know...it's hard when you don't fit in,and yr kids thou doing well academically were lonely for peer company..

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:09

Do you work and home ed ?

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:09

FULLTIMEMUMMY, you're the only one making snobby, verging on goading comments around here.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:09

I don't work, my partner works. I am a carer for my son. Why?

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:10

I'm trying to open people's eyes to the idea that schools are actually ok. There seems to be a demonised view to schools!

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 21:10

Strangely enough it doesn't entail wearing a uniform, having a boss, having to follow policies and procedures that are laid down

What mystical place is this?

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:11

"drspouse Tue 30-Aug-16 21:02:09
Simon so you can teach your child iGCSE Biology. That is lovely for her. Can you teach her 10 GCSE subjects and get her the grades to go to university without spending years doing something else, if that also is her choice?
"

No... I will not be teaching her. She will be learning and I will be facilitating and providing the text books etc. The same will be the case for other subjects. There are also home ed study/exam groups and some go to college early.

FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 21:11

It's interesting that home edders are being accused of not giving their children any choice over how they're educated. Home educated children are perfectly aware that school exists (how could they not be when talk of school is everywhere around them) and almost all of the home edders I have met say they would allow their child to try school if ever s/he wanted to. In contrast, how many parents of school-going children gave their child the choice whether or not to go to school? How many would take their child out of school and home ed them if that's what the child wanted to do? My guess is not many. There are some valid criticisms of home ed, it isn't perfect anymore than school is, but the idea that it's something which parents are forcing upon their unwilling children and that the poor children have no choice in it is laughable. Most home educated children have considerably more freedom of choice than most school children do. You can say a child is too young to be able to understand and make the decision to be home educated, but then surely theu are equally unablento understand the decision they're making to go to school? Most young children's idea of school is playing in the playground all day, so hardly a realistic understanding. Home education is largely a continiation of the parenting you were already doing up until your child reached compulsory school age - to me it seems much more sensible to home educate until such time they are able to make an informed decision to try school than to do the opposite.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:11

Simon said he was a single parent I believe ? I'm genuinely interested how it fits around home ed, schooling whatever it's called .

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:12

That's a shame a petal. That could be because Home ed is still uncommon. Lots of people create their own groups and activities. Or join in with groups like scouts or guides, weekend activities like dancing and sports. School is not the only avenue to friendship.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:12

"Fulltimemummy85 Tue 30-Aug-16 21:09:03
Do you work and home ed ?"

How many times do we need to answer this?

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 21:13

"Fulltimemummy85 Tue 30-Aug-16 21:11:58
Simon said he was a single parent I believe ? I'm genuinely interested how it fits around home ed, schooling whatever it's called ."

I am a she ;)

What do you want to know?

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:13

Although I am very pro school if my child ever had serious issues in a school I would home school until we found an appropriate school for her. Although I would be following the curriculum.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:14

FULLTIMEMUMMY, It's home education.

Simon said they are working lone parent. It works for them. As it does for many lone parents that HE. Some work around the education. Some have childcare during the hours they are at work. Some are self employed.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:14

FULLTIMEMUMMY, at least you know it's an option. That is the important part.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:16

Sorry Simon I presumed you were male.i just wanted to know how work fits with home ed ? I think opinions on it probably centres on life situations. I have really positive experiences of education and my child thrives in education.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:16

It would be a last option but I would always put my child's need first

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 21:19

still think there should be no choice at 15 if you decide not to do GCSE's you are making life harder for yourself !

That's really funny because my eldest got into college without any...my husband has diddly Squat gcse and is earning six figures.... Sorry but that is such a pile of rubbish.