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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:48

Why is school so negative ? The children get to socialise without parents, they will learn to be independent and make friends away from parents. I guess I loved school I can't remember hating the uniform ever needing the toilet and being told I couldn't go. I think there are so many mediated stories about schools people have ridiculous views !

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:48

Oh hang on patient I'm just going to the toilet 😂

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:49

I actually think that somebody used toilet breaks as a reason for home schooling! That is rediculous !

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 20:49

Operate? This is a human child, not a bloody robot! I don't want my child to have to 'learn' to wear uniforms and learn to 'do as they are told'. How GRIM. If I was a child and told that I must prepare for a life of toil and misery, where we must learn to 'operate' and 'function' I wouldn't be a very happy child. Jesus!

Natsku · 30/08/2016 20:49

I would really like to know how unschoolers get non-interested children to learn the things they really do need to know, and to an extent that's needed.

I couldn't home educate, that's for sure - I couldn't spend all day with DD and I doubt she'd want to spend all day with me (yes I know home ed doesn't necessarily require spending all day with your children but you know what I mean). I certainly know I would not have wanted to be educated (beyond typical extracurricular teaching that parents usually do - they both taught me lots that way) by either of my parents, I love them both dearly but that would have driven me nuts. And I would have hated to have missed out on the school experience, I really did love it.

I can completely understand though parents wanting to home educate in the early years so their children don't have to start school at 5 (or even 4 as it seems to be nowadays) as that's far too young for school, glad DD doesn't have to start school until 7. And I suppose I do home ed a bit as I'm trying to do a bit of phonics with her as she might not get English classes until she's in the 3rd grade so I wouldn't want her missing out on the chance of reading in English until she's 9 (although hopefully she'll qualify for special English classes from the 1st grade)

And anyway, I live in a country now with one of the best education systems in the world - I'd be nuts to want to miss out on that.

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 20:51

Apart from finding them on fb I'm not in contact with anyone I went to school with, so these life long friendships like a family aren't that important.

In fact don't we tell our children that the children they don't like/ get on with in their class they won't know in a few years time, when explaining how unimportant peer pressure is?

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:52

"And what if your child wants to just watch TV? Many children would happily just watch TV given the free choice of activities. Or what if the parent (I suspect this was more the case here, but they are fairly committed to the idea of unschooling) cannot be bothered to provide access to in depth learning on topics that would interest the child? Should they be allowed to unschool?"

If she wants to watch TV then she can. Most children are restricted so TV is a big deal. To my kid it isn't. If the parents does not facilitate properly then they are not Unschooling. US is very interactive (and hard work!)

"Exams and monitoring progress?? What for? Exams are a means to an end to prove knowledge of a subject to gain entry to higher education or work. So far my two eldest gained entry to further education and work without exams."

Exams can be taken at any time in life. Education is lifelong.

"FE yes. HE eventually. But what if your child wants to go into an academic side of HE? Become a doctor or a scientist? Or a lawyer or an engineer? And what if they don't want to spend years doing something else while gaining alternative pre-university qualifications? Who are you to decide that is going to be their career path when they are far too young to decide for them? Not everyone has talents that mean HE is not the best route for them. "

If mine for example, wanted to be a Dr.... I would facilitate her in doing so. She would have to work her arse off and be more structured than she is now to achieve that. Who am I to decide what I think is best for my kid? The parent ;) Same as you have chosen for your child.... If mine wanted to go to school then of course she could. I cannot see her giving up what we have though. You will have to clarify what you mean in regards to "talents"

"I just don't get the philosophy that "I've decided my child is not taking this route and this is their choice" which is basically the inevitable result of unschooling. You've chosen for them. They are too young to choose."

And yet you chose school for yours. What if I said that yours were too young to choose? Home Ed does not limit kids... school does.

Mine is now 8. She has decided that she wants to do iGCSE in Biology asap... so that is what we will do. How am I limiting her exactly?

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:53

"The children get to socialise without parents, they will learn to be independent and make friends away from parents."

You do realise that our home edded kids do this too right?

drspouse · 30/08/2016 20:53

How can a child that loves biology (for example) get to fully explore that in school, in hourly chunks? How can they immerse themselves?

You could argue that they can do it a lot better by having a teacher in every subject who has a higher level qualification in that subject - and who is prepared (in many cases) to provide extra development material either for the really bright and interested, run a club etc., or for the struggling who needs repetition.

There's a lot more differentiation in the average classroom than some people make out.

The other thing that really gets my goat is people who went to school 30+ years ago talking about it like it is the same now.

I started school in the 1970s. We sat in rows and were told off for talking. Not a lot like my children's future school, where one will start the day after tomorrow.

Natsku · 30/08/2016 20:53

*'schools haven't been around that long'

Neither has universal literacy*

Glad you said that - I've seen that point raised a few times in home ed debates and it drives me nuts! It wasn't until the last century or so that the vast majority of people in developed countries learnt how to read and write and were given choices in life. Before that, they just learnt what their parents learnt, which they had learnt from their parents before them and you didn't really get much choice.

brasty · 30/08/2016 20:53

Some children would still want to learn and would push for that at home. Others are lazy and want to watch to or do little.
I have also read of parents who he teenagers, but both go out to work all day.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:54

"Fulltimemummy85 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:49:33
I actually think that somebody used toilet breaks as a reason for home schooling! That is rediculous !"

I know many many Home ed people.. (in the UK it is Home Ed not Home schooling...) and I have never heard of this. I guess you do not actually know any Home edders....

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:55

What will they do when they get jobs ? What's wrong with a uniform ? Loved mine. My mum was also very poor so my home clothes were horrendous. Not exactly the end of the world. I still think people have mediate views of schools !

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:55

But what if your child wants to go into an academic side of HE? Become a doctor or a scientist? Or a lawyer or an engineer?

Yes my second daughter I referred to is studying her a levels to apply to Vetinary medicine. She is fifteen. She chose her path.

Did I say I chose their path?
Actually my children chose their own paths naturally as a progression of their preferences and talents.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 20:56

"You've chosen for them. They are too young to choose."

Did you let your child choose whether that are schooled or not? Or did you decide that school is what you believe is best regardless of their choice?

We many home educators are flexible and give their children choices. Many facilitate their children through exams much earlier, with great results. Home educated children can go to college or access GCSEs through schools. Many FONT WANT to do academic study and therefor do vocational study through college. There is nothing restricting a commited HE family. Every avenue open to a schooled child is equally open to home educated children, IF that's what the child wants.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:57

"drspouse Tue 30-Aug-16 20:53:33
How can a child that loves biology (for example) get to fully explore that in school, in hourly chunks? How can they immerse themselves?

You could argue that they can do it a lot better by having a teacher in every subject who has a higher level qualification in that subject - and who is prepared (in many cases) to provide extra development material either for the really bright and interested, run a club etc., or for the struggling who needs repetition.
"

Or you could download the (free) Biology papers and exam curriculum and do it together or in Home Ed groups...

bumpetybumpbumpbump · 30/08/2016 20:57

Reception teachers pop to the toilet Shock

brasty · 30/08/2016 20:58

I also know as a child it was important to have time away from my parents. It helps with your growing independence

Doobydoo · 30/08/2016 20:58

Have not yet rwad full thread. We havec2 boys. One in last year of A levels at school was home edded until he decided to go to secondary. He prob spent 18months total in primary school. 2bd son is 9 and spebt around the same time in primary and is home edded now. Dp worked when older one home edded.I am the one that works now. Financially we have had difficult times. I am a nurse so do not earn loads and we rent. However,for us and the children it has been the right thing to do. We have met and continue to meet all different types of people. Youngest son is 9 and mixes with home edders and the kids on the street where we live. Off to read the rest!

megletthesecond · 30/08/2016 20:59

I fail to see how a lone parent could HE. My dd might not like school and it causes problems but because we're rather fond of food I have to go to work. If I leave my mortgage isn't paid and we can't pay the bills.

And yy to even WOHP whose kids go to school do also teach fractions, history and biology at weekends and school hols. As well as climbing trees and hide and seek.

borntobequiet · 30/08/2016 20:59

Your kids are 4 and 5. Good luck with the rest of their education.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:59

As previously written

Struggling overcrowded schools with stressed out teachers, children in uniforms being denied the use of a toilet, denied the ability to be individual or be treated as having individual abilities...

No most/ all mums I know have to work

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 21:01

I actually think that somebody used toilet breaks as a reason for home schooling! That is rediculous !


You completely missed the point. It's not about the toilet. It's about an environment that denies a basic human function for the benefit of the teacher. This is because with large class sizes, rigid time tables, and targets mean that a child is denied the ability to be human and visit the toilet. You wouldn't treat an animal that way, yet children are herded like cattle.

drspouse · 30/08/2016 21:02

Simon so you can teach your child iGCSE Biology. That is lovely for her. Can you teach her 10 GCSE subjects and get her the grades to go to university without spending years doing something else, if that also is her choice?

I have chosen to send my children to school because I believe they will learn all I can teach them, and more. I am under no illusion I can provide them with everything they will want to learn. I think that's where you and I differ. I am highly educated, we could afford for me not to work (or my DH) but I'm not an education professional. I think my children need that.

If there are things they want to learn that they aren't getting at school - I can ask school to do more in some areas, I can give them more myself (and yes people who send their children to school do actually spend time with them, a concept that home schoolers seem to find odd), or I can find someone outside school that can provide it. All the things that home edders list as things they do with their children - CHILDREN WHO GO TO SCHOOL DO THOSE TOO. Some at school, some with their families, some provided by the school/chosen by parents (children do not have the outlook to imagine everything that is available in the big wide world), some thought up by the children (of course, children do also have their own ideas, many of them things that parents and schools wouldn't have thought of).

I do find it rather insulting of home edders to imply that parents who send their children to school never do anything fun/enriching/outside the home/that their children choose to do.

So what would you do about a family that say they are unschooling but actually just letting the child watch TV? Should they not be allowed to unschool? You haven't answered that.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 21:02

Brilliant if the parent can help their child to achieve GCSE's and A Levels. I still think there should be no choice at 15 if you decide not to do GCSE's you are making life harder for yourself !