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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

800 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:34

No you are being so ridiculous you are defeating your own case. I'm not the first person saying it to you on his thread am I

user1472724188 · 01/09/2016 11:35

I work part time in my local School, and had to take my children out to HE due to bullying among other things. I would rather take responsibility for the education of my children than leave them in such a damaging environment. This was a few years ago and they both still suffer MH issues.

Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:36

Please read the thread. Things have been said about maths for example that you are not saying in your last post.

Natsku · 01/09/2016 11:41

You're really not making a good case for home ed SamMN

gillybeanz · 01/09/2016 11:41

Simon, I see where you are coming from.
The majority of parents I know who send their dc to school are invested in their education, but I have come across some that couldn't give a stuff and have no interest at all. They don't turn up to parents evening and believe it's purely down to the school to educate their children.

This thread has turned out exactly the same as they used to if somebody didn't post under the H.ed board. Even the board used to get a lot of rubbish from people who couldn't see past their noses.

So after the post about ss and SW, I call BINGO Grin
How on earth would that work? and why? What about people who H.ed who are teachers, sw themselves, Police personnel, should we pick and choose who has them?
What about schooled children when on holiday, they could be abused or neglected, so all parents would need a visit. What a load of bollocks.

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:42

Am I not? Well luckily the only person who cares is my daughter :P Maybe stop attacking us and telling us that we need social workers? :)

drspouse · 01/09/2016 11:43

Oh they have Joolz, they have. Mostly they have claimed that children don't need higher level XYZ (especially Maths) and that they are perfectly capable of teaching GCSE Maths and so is anyone at all (even if they don't have it themselves).

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:43

Did somebody say BINGO?

Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"
Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:44

You're really not making a good case for home ed SamMN

Surely you're wrong?!?!

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:44

'Parents of school kids the vast majority of parents across the world are not "fulfilling their legal duties"???' Parents of children have a responsibility, legally and morally, for their children's education. Some of us fulfil that responsibility; others wish to let others do it for them. This is surely not hard to understand?

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:45

I could probably manage GCSE maths but anything further would be a challenge. Therefore if mine wished to take it further then she would go to college or we would get a tutor.

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:46

Are you are aware that until recently, the youngest child ever to get an A in GCSE maths was a home educated child?

Brokenbiscuit · 01/09/2016 11:46

I "outsource" a part of my dd's education to school, because I am not arrogant enough to assume that I can provide everything. That doesn't mean that I absolve myself of all responsibility for her education - far from it.

Brokenbiscuit, what are these vague 'things'?

There are so many. As I said earlier, I've seen quite a few HE kids who struggle with things like structure and resilience, and I think school is good for developing these qualities. Exposure to a wide range of expert teachers and teaching approaches is another. Opportunities to experience positions of responsibility within one's peer group. Opportunities to build close friendships through extended periods of shared experience. Learning to cope with stuff that you don't like doing, because in life, you have to do that. Learning to find your niche within a peer group. Getting pushed outside your comfort zone in ways that might never occur to you or your parents.

I fully expect a whole load of posts from HEers telling me that it is possible to achieve all of these things through HE, and I'm sure it is, but it would take a huge amount of effort and the families I know who HE don't manage to achieve it. Or perhaps these things don't matter to them, I don't know.

I must admit, I had not realised until reading this thread how unpleasantly smug and superior many in the HE community were - naively, I just assumed that they were doing what they thought was the right thing for their kids. It's evident that the whole HE thing is much more ideological than I had realised, which is interesting. I imagine that attitudes on this thread must be rather off-putting to those who might otherwise have considered HE for more pragmatic reasons.

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:49

"I must admit, I had not realised until reading this thread how unpleasantly smug and superior many in the HE community were - naively, I just assumed that they were doing what they thought was the right thing for their kids. It's evident that the whole HE thing is much more ideological than I had realised, which is interesting. I imagine that attitudes on this thread must be rather off-putting to those who might otherwise have considered HE for more pragmatic reasons."

I doubt it somehow. Home Ed is increasing at a massive rate for a reason- people are dissatisfied with schools.

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:50

It is perfectly possible for children to study and take any subject in GCSEs or A levels at home. It is often done. That is why I posted a news cutting about my daughter. She gained A* in physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, English Language, English literature, history and religious studies. There is no difficulty at all about this.

gillybeanz · 01/09/2016 11:52

House

Yes, anybody can H.educate and if you bothered to rtt you would see that most H.edders have not equated their experience to teaching. They are too totally different roles, as the H.ed teachers have told you.
It has been explained on here, several times, it can be a whole different philosophy to learning. You don't have to agree with this btw, and H.ed may not be appropriate for you, that is fine.

However, all your comments about teaching in relation to H.ed are mute, as they simply do not apply to many on here.

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:52

'the whole HE thing is much more ideological than I had realised, which is interesting'

Ideology does not enter into it. Most home educators just get on and educate their children. However, when they are attacked and people say foolish and uninformed things about them, they are apt to get a little annoyed. read back over the trhead and you will see that most of the stuff said about home education has been in response to cricticism.

Brokenbiscuit · 01/09/2016 11:54

Yes, kids who do A-levels and GCSEs very early tend to be home educated. I don't think that really tells us anything other than the fact that the parents who choose to home educate probably have a different set of values from those who choose to send their kids to school.

My dd is very academic, and I've no doubt I could have hot-housed her to do various exams at a very precocious age, but what would be the point?

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:59

'I've seen quite a few HE kids who struggle with things like structure and resilience, and I think school is good for developing these qualities. Exposure to a wide range of expert teachers and teaching approaches is another. Opportunities to experience positions of responsibility within one's peer group. Opportunities to build close friendships through extended periods of shared experience. Learning to cope with stuff that you don't like doing, because in life, you have to do that. Learning to find your niche within a peer group. Getting pushed outside your comfort zone in ways that might never occur to you or your parents.'

All this stuff happens routinely in home education. Children have peer groups in church, Woodcraft Folk, Guides, voluntary groups and so on. I have certainly known many schooled children who lack resiliance and cannot stick at things; this is not particularly a home education problem! I see nothing mentioned here which can only be provided by schools and much that is commonplace for home educated children.

Brokenbiscuit · 01/09/2016 11:59

I doubt it somehow. Home Ed is increasing at a massive rate for a reason- people are dissatisfied with schools.

Yes, I think people are indeed increasingly dissatisfied with schools. Personally, I don't agree with current educational policy.

On balance, my dd is happy and thriving in the school system despite these changes, but if she wasn't, then I might be tempted to consider HE. However, a pre-requisite of that would be knowing that there was an active community of HEers that I could tap into. Reading threads like this would convince me, however, that those communities were really not for me. The superiority complex would make me run a mile!

MindSweeper · 01/09/2016 12:00

I'm reasonably well educated but I couldn't for one minute convince myself I'm the right person to educate my kid and as I interact with members of the public on a daily basis and at least once a day there'll be someone who shocks me with their utter stupidity it worries me that someone like that would think they're perfectly equipped to homeschool.

I'm sure there's people who are amazing at it and their children get good grades. But I'm not sure there's enough to protect kids from those who aren't.

gillybeanz · 01/09/2016 12:01

Simon, well done to your dd, she sounds a bright young lady. I bet you are very proud.

I think it's lovely to hear such success stories after so many people on here are dismissive about the benefits for some children.

I don't know that my dd gained any more academically than she would have at school, but this wasn't her priority at the time. I know that long term she would have reached her potential through H.ed but not at our state schools, our area is poor.
I would love some of the opposers to H.ed to visit our schools in East Lancs and talk about the benefits of attending schools,

JoolzyBabe · 01/09/2016 12:01

I think many people are not reading the links we are posting- or even the things we are saying- because they have little genuine interest in understanding HE. My decision to NOT send my child to school is not necessarily a criticism of your decision to do so. Yet many insist on seeing it as such and feel obliged to make up relate stories about the numerous HE kids they know who have somehow 'failed'.