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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Brokenbiscuit · 01/09/2016 11:18

That's great Simon, good for her. Personally, I have no doubt that some HE kids can achieve academically - academic stuff comes very easily to my dd and I know she is capable of self-teaching for most things - as indeed she did when she first learnt to read.

However, there are other things that she gets from school that I think it would be difficult to replicate in an HE context. Perhaps not impossible, but it would take an immense amount of effort and expense for what in my mind would be questionable benefits.

FWIW, I totally get people who HE after finding that their kids are totally miserable at school. In some cases, I think it is a valid last resort. Personally, I wouldn't choose it for a child who might thrive and be happy in school.

But each to their own, and all that.

JoolzyBabe · 01/09/2016 11:19

Most older HE kids I know attend classes in small groups with other HE kids if they wish to tackle exams, although some prefer to learn alone. My kids have attended weekly classes in Science, English and Maths with other HE kids since they were fairly young and I have successfully tutored small groups of HE kids through English and Sociology GCSE. It is fairly straighforward. You buy a textbook, check out the exam board's website and off you go. Google is your friend. Did school not give you the confidence to learn, share and pass on information? My offspring have visited numerous museums, galleries, parliament and law courts with other HE kids and, on a really sunny day, they will be found taking advantage of Chessington or Legoland without the queues, or reading a book in a park. If you are genuinely interested to see how HE works, I would recommend typing 'Home Education - what's that all about?' into YouTube, and watching my 10 minute 2011 film. Or you can click here:

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:20

"However, there are other things that she gets from school that I think it would be difficult to replicate in an HE context. Perhaps not impossible, but it would take an immense amount of effort and expense for what in my mind would be questionable benefits."

Such as?

JoolzyBabe · 01/09/2016 11:20

Brokenbiscuit, what are these vague 'things'?

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:20

It is a shocking indictment of modern society that those who choose to care for and educate their own children are viewed as dangerous or maladjusted cranks. This has been the practice throughout almost the whole of human history and yet anybody who now fails to hand over his or her child at the age of three or four for the state to look after is treated as being weird or a danger to their children. What is wrong with the wrold today?

Brokenbiscuit · 01/09/2016 11:20

Don't start critcising those of us who refuse to shirk our responsibilities in this way though.

So those of us who believe that school is the best way of educating our children are shirking our responsibilities? Nice.

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:22

Tell us a little about these mysterious advantages of school. I am guessing that they do not relate to education?

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:22

Yes, those who truly want to know what we are about will ask us on here or watch the vid done by joolz.... however I would hazard a guess that MN might be heavy on the folks who teach for a living.. clearly we threaten their jobs :P

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:23

"So those of us who believe that school is the best way of educating our children are shirking our responsibilities? Nice."

Education is the responsibility of the parents.... that is fact. Most people outsource it. We don't.

MidnightMargaritas · 01/09/2016 11:24

That doesnt mean "most people" are somehow beneath you.

Pteranodon · 01/09/2016 11:24

We don't invite the LEA in, and are competently HEing. We have a high income, are white and non-religious: our children are neurotypical and fairly extrovert: we have nothing to fear. Other families who HE locally are BME Muslim and the mums are covered, have less money so perhaps insecure housing - they are doing just as competent a job of HEing but it could be harder for an LEA officer to recognise that. They might equate the children's weekend madrassa attendance as radicalisation, instead of comparing it to a non-Muslim family's using Sunday school.

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:25

"That doesnt mean "most people" are somehow beneath you"

Of course not. However when you tell us that we all need social workers, that is not the best way to get to know who we are or what we do. Is it?

SimonWebb · 01/09/2016 11:27

'That doesnt mean "most people" are somehow beneath you.'
No it doesn't. It does mean however that many people are unable or unwilling to fulfil their legal duty of being responisble for their child's education and prefer to let others do the job.

Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:28

Education is the responsibility of the parents.... that is fact. Most people outsource it. We don't.

Sending a hold to school is outsourcing now? Keeping your child healthy is also your task. When they are ill do you also outsource their treatment? Or is it that treating health conditions needs special training and quals but their education can be done by absolutely anyone who gets a textbook downloads worksheets and off they go?

MidnightMargaritas · 01/09/2016 11:29

I never personally said such a thing but you must understand why some have said it? I, on the other hand have felt nothing but put down for sending my children to school by homeschoolers.

BluePancakes · 01/09/2016 11:29

I've only read the first page or two so far (I will catch up!) but a lot of people seem to be stuck on the money side of things. I stopped work, well before I'd even heard of HE, because after paying for FT nursery for DD1 and buses for me to get to work, I was only bringing home £50pm. And for the nit-pickers, in reality both mine and DH's money went into the same joint account, and bills were paid from there, but I was paying in the lesser amount, and DH's wage was just enough to cover mortgage and bills So, I stopped work to become a SAHM. Lots of women have similar experiences. It was after this that I discovered HE and we simply didn't apply for school places. As FireSquirrel said back on page 2, HE can be as cheap or expensive as you make it. For me, I think of HE as the cheaper option, and can't for the life of me think how we'd pay £££ for uniforms, shoes, school trips, school supplies etc each year (or term in some cases). We have clothes already, we have shoes already, there are lots of free/cheap trips that can be arranged, so getting anything else seems an added unnecessary expense.

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:29

"Sending a hold to school is outsourcing now? Keeping your child healthy is also your task. When they are ill do you also outsource their treatment? Or is it that treating health conditions needs special training and quals but their education can be done by absolutely anyone who gets a textbook downloads worksheets and off they go?"

Of course not, we go to a Dr. But anybody can Home Educate. You cannot compare teaching with being a Dr....

Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:30

many people are unable or unwilling to fulfil their legal duty of being responisble for their child's education

Wtf ? Parents of school kids the vast majority of parents across the world are not "fulfilling their legal duties"???
Do you hear yourself?!

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:31

"MidnightMargaritas Thu 01-Sep-16 11:29:08
I never personally said such a thing but you must understand why some have said it? I, on the other hand have felt nothing but put down for sending my children to school by homeschoolers."

Home Educators... most of us do not care what you choose to do with your kids. And no, I do not understand why it was said. It was ignorant and ridiculous.

Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:31

So the conclusion is that teaching is not a skill, it needs no qualifications whatsoever, no learning no experience. Absolutely any Tom dick and Maria can teach anyone anything at any level? Wow.

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:32

"Houseconfusion Thu 01-Sep-16 11:31:31
So the conclusion is that teaching is not a skill, it needs no qualifications whatsoever, no learning no experience. Absolutely any Tom dick and Maria can teach anyone anything at any level? Wow."

Nobody has said that. Have they? :)

JoolzyBabe · 01/09/2016 11:32

I would also add that HEers do not generally criticise people's decision to send their kids to school. I would never say to someone, 'Oh poor little thing, I bet she doesn't get enough sleep, how awful to be shut in a box all day and have to do more work when she gets in! How does she learn to get on with kids who aren't exactly the same age as her? How terrible to have your life governed by bells and be taught that nothing is worth finishing (until the next bell). Aren't you worried she won't learn to think for herself?' I would not say to your child "I bet you don't like school really, do you? Wouldn't you rather be home educated? Do your parents not care enough about you to educate you themselves?" That would be incredibly rude. Yet the equivalent has been said to my kids - only ever by adults - on numerous occasions. Non HEers think it's perfectly ok to bombard us with their criticisms! I am quite happy for your child to go to school. It is not my business really, is it?

Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 11:32

anybody can Home Educate.

So what's this about then?

SamMN · 01/09/2016 11:33

"Houseconfusion Thu 01-Sep-16 11:30:19
many people are unable or unwilling to fulfil their legal duty of being responisble for their child's education

Wtf ? Parents of school kids the vast majority of parents across the world are not "fulfilling their legal duties"???
Do you hear yourself?!"

Are you deliberately being obtuse? The legal responsibility for education lies with parents. Please stop twisting everything. You are clearly anti-home ed so nothing that we say will change your mind.

JoolzyBabe · 01/09/2016 11:34

Houseconfusion, you are a little confused I think. I have taught kids GCSE English and Sociology and they have all passed. I would not teach them Maths because, despite my schooling, I am terrible at it. Nobody has claimed what you said.