Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

Some of you seem determined to misunderstand how home education works and what other posters are trying to explain to you. Research into home ed and outcomes for home educated children suggests they do very well.

Why would she need exercise books to learn
Of course she had resources and we supported what she wanted to do.
You are aware that it is hard to get away from the N.C subjects and topics aren't you? That it isn't necessary to learn what you are told by some Minister in London
I'm not aware of any qualification available to H.ed your children
I know that teachers gain a qualification, usually a PgCE as I have one of these I can assure you they have no similarities to facilitating learning for your child.
Surprisingly enough I didn't need to plan, manage a classroom, provide targets and reports or anything else deemed necessary to teach a classroom of students.
It worked very well for us and has set her up for life, there are so many philosophies people have ito why and how to home educate their children.
Some children decide for themselves as did mine.
I had never given it much thought tbh, knew very little about it. Once I started though and realised how much better it would have been for our older children, I felt so guilty for not knowing about it earlier.

Anyone have the actual stats as to % of home educated children that went on to university, versus those in mainstream education, over the last say, 5 years? And yes - before the home edders pile in - i know you don't have to go to university to be a well rounded individual, but you do in order to have access to many professions. Just interested to know. I'd never consider home ed unless I had absolutely no other option. 'wet, muddy and covered in ice cream' is all very well, but I would consider the OP's description of her days to be an add-on to a core eduction, which many do with their kids anyway. It seems to me that people are comparing mainstream education as one concept, to home ed as another. There are so many different types of schools out there, though I appreciate many people's choices are limited by location and finances.

Is there a core of subjects that would be taught if you HE a child? Reading, writing, maths, a language?

Kind of sad reading this while watching The Chronicles of Nadiya and seeing children in Dhaka slums absolutely desperate to learn in a classroom. Some fascinating privilege going on on this thread.

I'm thinking of home ed my lo. Mainstream ed is an interesting resource, however to many bright children in a class - up to 30. They don't all get to shine as individuals. It's more like sheep. Plus the issues with declining numbers in first schools means mixed age classes. Some it works ok and for others it dosent. The maths thing, I had a great teacher, my grandparent. Took time and explained things practically. Two bags of sugar and one more equals?

What do I know eh. The child of two professors who were surely brainwashed in brick and mortar factories. Raised in a home full of learning and discovery and books and tons of things to do, went to a spectacular school, with inspiring teachers especially for history literature and science who I still am in touch with today, excelled in the company of bright peers, played endless games, went on lovely trips, competed healthily, learnt leadership roles, found great joy in inter school events and activities, developed a sound knowledge base in a wide variety of subjects that kept my horizons wide open, spent my summers and winter reading all sorts, outside of any curriculum, directed plays, performed mystics, learnt esoteric old musical traditions, excelled through ten years in higher education and lecture at a leading British university today in brick and mortar buildings drumming useful info into possibly robotic brains, who, if only they had been kept away from the likes of teachers and schools would never have been listening to my lectures or playing parts in my seminars and mistakenly feeling inspired.

Music,not fecking mystics.

Yes the privilege is spectacular. I come from India. Starving children desperate to get into a school any school, a country of a billion where you need a Masters degree to get into a McDonald's job - and here in the privileged west this journey of self discovery where you need to learn nothing particular if you so wish, apparently.

"Wet muddy and covered in ice cream". Well that's all quite wonderful. Find me children who have spent all their days doing this above, with no structured learning from qualified individuals passionate about their subject or at least blooming learned in their subject, and then gone on to high flying professions. They don't need high flying professions you say? They are perfectly happy doing a small job for a small while? Of course. Echoes in an echo chamber. And if you're offended at the refusal to accept the massive massive dollops of evidence of un schooling - read your own posts and notice the sanctimiousness dripping out of the edges of boxes people have not thought out of. Because as we know, you think out of boxes only when you stay home being taught what you wish by your well meaning mum and prance around in the mud.

jelly

I have read about several H.ed dc gaining places at Oxbridge, in fact there was one from our town a couple of years ago.
I have also read articles and case studies but these were about 5 years ago when we were deciding whether to or not.
I'm sure if you trawl through the H. ed board on here you will find links, it used to be a very popular board at one time. We all gave each other lots of support and there were plenty established and knowledgeable parents to help out the newbies.
My dd is at school now and her school is different, like you suggest there are lots of different schools. She has a place at the conservatoire of her choice when she is older, she would be prepared to go now if they took them so young. This is purely down to the philosophy we had for H.ed, it worked well for her and enabled her to see beyond sitting in a classroom. There is nothing wrong with this if it is what you and your children want in life, btw. For dd though primary school was standing in the way and taking up time she wanted to dedicate to her career.

I give up. Good luck to you and yours being unschooled.

I am a teacher and parent. My kids spent their days being taught by professionals and their 'free' time learning all kinds; reading, dancing, building, sewing, painting sheds, making furniture, nature walks, games etc etc, with me and our family.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
I would like to point out as well that the standard of teaching in this country (despite what the media say) is often outstanding. We train hard and are expected to keep training through out our careers.

A friend of my mum was horrified, and still is that I chose to home educate my son. She simply can't comprehend home education and what it actually is. My dp and parents have been fantastic but my ds dad decided it was the perfect excuse to argue about why his son ahould be in an institution (school) sat in a room with 29 other children whom all have different learning abilities being taught subjects he had no intrest in. I can't understand why so many people are against parents wanting whats best for their children by home educating them. Where does it say that all children should be taught in school because home education is no good for them? My son has learnt more things than school ever taught him, he's happy and content and there's no more tantrums and tears about teachers not listening to him and school bullied. He has a varied interests which he can peruse at his leisure while still learning subjects like maths and english (which he hates) without knowing it. We holiday when we want without being penalised because it's the school holidays, I no longer have to make packed lunches everyday or fork out for uniforms and school activities and I get to spend more time with my son (which can only be a good thing) while we learn together.
The people that criticise don't Have an understanding of home education and like my mums friend, don't realise that schools are institutions teaching a small range of subjects that may, or may not be useful in later life. My son has the opportunity to take whatever gcse exams he likes, when he likes without teacher and peer pressure. Go online and read more about home education and how it works before you criticise parents for doing what's best for their individual child and not what you think they should be doing just because it's "the norm" .

The disrespect and disregard for the hard work teachers do, literally, and metaphorically in the long standing profession of teaching with a dollop of anyone can teach A level maths you don't need it anyway is Ming boggling

A good teacher differentiates for different abilities. Schools are not a one size fits all.

So many misconceptions of school and a poor mediated view of Teachers !

Chubby

How dare you do something different, not the conform to the norm, turn your back on convention and think beyond what most other people do.

I'm not allowed to say think out of the box or unconventional, it upsets people for some reason

I'm so pleased it is working out for your ds it is so lovely to hear the success stories when threads like this are so full of the usual narrow thinking.
Good luck to you, it sounds like your ds is going from strength to strength and will thrive.

can't understand why so many people are against parents wanting whats best for their children

Because you can't have your cake and eat it too. You cannot have a group of people on a thread go on about how the wide majority are too conventional, cannot think outside boxes, and list the very many things they think are wrong with - what's the word you deigned to use "institutions" (disregarding the fab stuff these institutions and the people in them do) - and go on and on about how your less trodden path is fabulous and so much better and make these generalisations and THEN when people do the same back, be all "oh but horses for courses".

The home ed ers on this thread never ever rested their case at my child needs x and y and that's why my child couldn't go to or thrive in school. If they did that, it wouldn't have insulted and annoyed others. It became a wider, wider issue of intrinsic problems with schools and teachers, beyond my child.

Therefore others responded the same way. That's life.

I think the narrow mindedness goes both ways. Lots of rubbish being spouted about schools.

She's done it again below. Think beyond - she's thinking bugger, wider, better, beyond. It was said over and again, and still being said followed by a "for some reason people get offended* attached to it. Then you ask why people can't look at it as horses for courses?

Well said Houseconfusion, a lot of snobbish comments. We are better we think outside the box, Teachers and schools are rubbish.

I'm not allowed to say think out of the box or unconventional, it upsets people for some reason

Passive aggressive shite. You've consistently insulted people on this thread, along with a couple of others, you live in a land where us lesser mortals are beneath you (clearly, as you are thinking BEYOND the rest of us) and then you add this PA shit line for the second time at least "it upsets people for some reason"?!

👏🏻

If it works for you then that is fantastic and I wish you all luck. This seems to be yet another topic to divide us as parents. I personally dont feel like I am smart enough to teach my two children all they need to know, nor do I leave everything up to school.
My DD goes to an amazing school with fantastic teachers and opportunities. Me and DH also try to teach our kids while at home too. We explore things as a family, go out when we can, answer unexplained questions, help with home work etc.