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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 18:23

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noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 18:27

And I've taught plenty of kids who have said that they didn't like maths until I taught it to them.

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 18:29

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Blackberryandapplejam · 31/08/2016 18:34

I can't see why a child who isn't interested in maths should be permitted to make the choice not to learn how to add up, subtract, fractions etc if they are capable of being taught maths. There are choices we make for our children, as adults that we make for their own benefit. We are the adults and they are children.

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 18:36

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Babymamamama · 31/08/2016 18:37

Drspouse is right there is a risk of educational neglect albeit unwittingly. The problem I've witnessed is that the potential benefits of home education are by default constrained by the limits of the knowledge, ability and experience of the main carer. Some children are home schooled due to the school phobia of the parents from their time in school. Where home schooling extends through generations there is a real risk of nobody at all getting any qualifications or becoming job ready. In addition not all home schooled kids are in a lovely friendly network where they all play at each other's houses and learn together. Where the child is being home schooled due to the anti social nature of the parent there is a real risk of the child missing out on socialisation activities and gaining different perspectives which comes from mixing with a range of peers rather than just those selected by the carer. I'm citing these issues not to put anyone off home schooling as those who wish to will, but merely to give the alternate perspective that it's not always best for the child and can indeed be neglectful in some isolated but very sad cases.

chubbylover78 · 31/08/2016 18:40

I've been homeschooling my son since 2012, he's now 12 and never been happier. He was diagnosed with asd in 2014 and was experiencing problems at school but the teacher's said he was getting on ok and everything was fine. It obviously wasn't so I took him out of school and we haven't looked back. He can learn what he chooses at his own pace without the pressure of his peers, I don't have to shell out for uniforms and day trips etc so saved a fortune and with the internet and library he learns for free. The most it's cost me so far is £80 and that is for workbooks for Ks2 and 3.

I can't understand why people think homeschooling is expensive, how much does it actually cost to send a child to school for a year? £1000 or more by the time you've added everything together including family holidays in the school holidays, uniforms, school trips and dinners etc.
I don't work and I'm not entitled to benefits because my dp works, I manage to do it all on a small budget but I would sooner have it this way than have an unhappy child in a school.

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 18:41

the term maths phobia is not a thing for no reason... It comes out of forced learning of maths in fact!

Bloody hell, teaching your kid maths isn't going to give them maths phobia. A poor parental attitude to maths is, however, an issue in maths teaching. Poor teaching is also a problem.

Sprink · 31/08/2016 18:50

This thread has been interesting. I just wanted to say to the person who quoted Tom Bennett: thank you.

gillybeanz · 31/08/2016 18:58

I struggle with Maths and my dd also does, due to SEN not sure what diagnosis she will have yet.
irrespective of attending school she still struggles the same as she did as a H.ed child.
One day we are hoping that something gets through but if it doesn't it isn't the end of the world.
not having a maths GCSE or any other GCSE's has never held me back in life and I'm not sure it will stop others from doing what they want to, except further/ Higher Maths, obviously.

In an ideal world all children would end up with x amount of GCSE's as determined by schools, but this isn't always the case, nor indeed possible for some children.

Had my dd been as capable at Maths as she was at other subjects we would have treated maths the same as any other subject, but it wasn't to be and we are still trying to help and support her irrespective of which form of education she chooses.

nonameqt · 31/08/2016 19:01

As a teacher myself, albeit no longer employed as one, I was desperate to home school my own children.. However as a single parent with no support whatsoever from the children's father ( he lives abroad) or my own family I had no option but to go out to work...
I have torn myself apart on numerous occasions watching my children struggle though the education system...it has been heartbreaking at times.
I applaud any parent who has the courage of their convictions to home educate whatever income they are on.

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 19:07

With the best will in the world, someone who is not themselves good/well-educated at maths is not going to be suitably equipped to teach/facilitate their own, more able child in their maths learning.

And someone who is afraid of maths is more likely to put their child off, intentionally or otherwise.

freetrampolineforall · 31/08/2016 19:14

A Maths topic may not be "used" in later life but brain training, puzzle solving, overcoming obstacles, doing things you don't like : that comes up regularly and for the rest of your life. So even if it doesn't lead you on to a STEM career you still need to do it.

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 19:15

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gillybeanz · 31/08/2016 19:26

noble

I think you know the story of my dd, you have helped me on a few ocassions and also helped me to see she may have Maths anxiety or a phobia.

What I did find that helped during our 3 years H.ed was practical application. If I had produced a Maths book or sheet of sums she would have freaked, exactly the same as she does at school now.

We were able to facilitate her learning some concepts and she even enjoyed activities based around certain topics, as long as we didn't say the dreaded M word.

As I have told you more recently she is finally able to accept some help at school and her teacher doesn't bother if she gets up and walks out of the class if she can't cope. She may never gain a GCSE but both we and her SENCO have told her it doesn't matter and there are alternatives.

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 19:39

gilly it's great that your DD has made such progress :) Teaching maths to someone who has maths anxiety requires a great deal of careful thought and patience!

My post above wasn't denigrating your efforts (I hope it didn't come across that way), it was a general comment about how parents who are themselves not good at maths will find it difficult to teach children whose ability outstrips their own. On top of that, parents who are afraid of maths may influence their children to avoid it themselves. The research suggests that teachers who are not confident in their own ability in maths can cause maths anxiety in their students.

Houseconfusion · 31/08/2016 19:42

trustiskey - the more I read your waves and waves of warbling words about discovering and learning and similar such - and your words relay the underlying smugness that's profoundly misplaced - the more I actually don't know where to begin with addressing you.

It's a bit like someone being asked - right how do you plan to address x pathway? And they say but pathways - alas what of pathways - the grass grows green, and the skies are blue, as the poet John once said - we address what we can and might". And then again, people - teachers professors scientists professionals - with actual years spent learning hard core subject matter, learning how to teach, ask again with specifics - and again the response is akin to - but see yonder lie the fields of knowledge of exploring, of learning, and on and on we go.

I shudder to think of an unqualified degree-less well meaning person buying worksheets and workbooks and explaining year 10 maths or science or grammar to me, all the while believing "lookitthat little formula there, nobody has needed that ever" - revealing their perception of learning, progression - I shudder to think. No child of mine will have their foundations in core areas, their basic exposure to key subject areas entrusted into the hands of any random well meaning person finding worksheets and workbooks and making decisions on behalf of my 6 year old that "fractions get in the way of her true life calling and oh that awful awful school stuffing fractions into her ear while the fields lie yonder and over the brook is discovery.."

It's really really got me fucking angry now. The sanctimoniously laced "oh you people in stuffy classrooms" business on this thread. You've decided it's prudent to take your kid out of the stoopid leetle formula she will never need and teach her yourself with your 'expertise' fab. But do not for a moment, think you've done something fabulous and that others don't get the much maligned you and are choosing to stick to brick and mortar rooms and not thinking out of fecking box.

Fulltimemummy85 · 31/08/2016 19:44

My daughter is reluctant to be taught anything that is "hard" so if she was unschooled she wouldn't be pushed. She also wouldn't be able to read, write or count. She would be good at animals and probably would study them for a few years.

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 19:49

the fact that it's OK for a child to follow their own interests, learn naturally from them, pursue their own goals

I'm reminded of Isaac Newton:

"I don't know what I may seem to the world, but as to myself, I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."

a8mint · 31/08/2016 19:55

I was bullied at school by a teacher, and home edded for 3 years until secondary school.
I REALLY woukd not recommend home edding unle4ss their absolutely is no alternative.You don't have enough time with a range of other children away from adults.It is much more fun learning with other kids than your mum.Most importantly kids need to spread their wings ,start building a life apart from their parents.

serin · 31/08/2016 19:57

I worry about the children of the 2 families I know who home educate. They both do so for religious reasons and they hold quite extreme views (Homophobia, anti abortion, they are the chosen ones etc.) Their children do not have access to TV or the internet and I would have thought that in today's world to not be taught about other cultures and other views is neglectful and possibly dangerous.

gillybeanz · 31/08/2016 20:00

noble

On the contrary, you are very helpful and know your stuff.
I am exactly the same as dd but have always yawn yawn told her of my experiences to try to calm her.
A level 2 in Maths was a requirement for me to be able to teach once I gained my PgCE, thank God a GCSE was not required for either my degree choice or PgCE itself.
I cried leaving the college with my pass as it was more than I'd ever hoped to achieve and worth more than any other qualification I gained.

I know you are a good teacher, it comes across in your posts, but dd would never have got the support she will now in any of the state high schools in our area, even her lovely primary weren't prepared to offer.

This is why I say that if her current school doesn't work out we would H.ed again and between dh and a tutor they would try their best, on a 1 to 1 basis.
I would butt out so as not to confuse, but I don't think there is anything wrong in telling a child you don't know how to do something and offering to find out together.

gillybeanz · 31/08/2016 20:06

noble

I'm not sure which area you are from but we could do with you in the NW we have some deprived areas and a great school in Manc that dd attends.
I would love you to be her teacher. Thanks

gillybeanz · 31/08/2016 20:35

House

There are many ways that children learn and evidence that H.ed is a suitable form of education.
What is wrong with letting children choose what they want to learn, find the things that interest them .
Your comment about random people teaching your child is exactly the experience our older dc had at school. They were very lucky if one term throughout secondary school they had a specialised teacher for any subject, let alone a qualified teacher at all. Most of their time they were taught by supply teachers, so yes, parents can do a much better job in some cases.
We found it very rewarding tbh and dd thrived at home. Not in the way you would think, following the nc which didn't appeal to her at all, or learning certain topics within subjects. We had no exercise books, worksheets, text books as a staple, although sometimes she would choose to use one.
The freedom to learn what you want at a pace to suit and as long as you want, just can't be replicated.
For the record, the many posts stating we all have to do things we don't want to in life are a little and complete rubbish. Maybe H.ed is supportive of allowing children to find out what they really want to do in life, so they will be happy and not have to do what they don't want to do. But hey, thats thinking out of the box Grin

Houseconfusion · 31/08/2016 20:44

Your child had no exercise books, no staples, and simply went along not learning anything she didn't fancy learning at that particular point in time because you decided that you would do a job that you have absolutely no qualifications for, and the object of this wanting if yours, is a child you are the parent of?

The horrors of it all.