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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:42

Yeah I lacked confidence coz my degree wasn't in a school subject...so I was always asking for the LEA to come and look at what we were doing and how they were going...plus I liked getting the written reports saying how well they were progeressing...it increased my confidence over time having the LEA involved..she was an ex headteacher and gave me so much support and advice...my only support sadly

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:44

Yes Simon.if I ever did it again I said to hubby ,you just don't need all the stuff at all.like counting,shells on a beach..didn't need to buy a fraction of what I did buy

Corialanusburt · 30/08/2016 23:49

If I unschooled my DD she'd spend all day making musical.ly videos and checking her Instagram likes.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:56

Eventually she would find her interests....at first it's joy being out of the classroom.then things settle down and they find their interests..so I've heard..mine did home ed then school

simonwebbstache · 31/08/2016 00:01

"If I unschooled my DD she'd spend all day making musical.ly videos and checking her Instagram likes."

We often hear that but it does not happen very often... yes kids will do what they love but even Youtube can lead to coding, making videologs etc

avamiah · 31/08/2016 00:05

Good luck OP,
I'm neither for it or against it as I believe it all depends on your children and of course your circumstances.
However my daughter is going into year 2 primary on Monday and loves school and all her after school clubs but if I told her she wasn't going back to school and I was teaching her at home , I know she would scream the house down and tell me she is calling the police.

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 00:09

I'm a maths teacher and much talk of home ed seems to be nature walks, museums, trips to the library. But maths is a subject that requires a hard surface, pen and paper. It's a subject that many find difficult, and as a teacher I know that a skilled intervention can move a child on in a way that them struggling by themselves cannot.

So once you get past the times tables CDs and spotting patterns in sunflowers, how do you do the maths?

The idea that any apart from the brightest child could simply get a textbook and the syllabus and just figure it out seems bizarre (and would make me redundant!)

Petal40 · 31/08/2016 00:15

CGP....fantastic books on every subject.we worked through those .the maths ones explained everything clearly and concisely

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2016 00:20

Up to A* GCSE? Everything? No one ever got stuck on anything?

Petal40 · 31/08/2016 00:22

No no.mine went to school at age 8/9... But up till then we used CGP...still used it for back up with GCSEs thou

gillybeanz · 31/08/2016 00:32

Hi noble

Before I toddle off to bed.
In our case we would have paid for a tutor once a week I'm pretty sure in dd case the results would be exactly the same, school or H.ed but I'm confident her SENCO will have strategies for her this year.
From the people I met Maths was covered very well right up to GCSE, a couple I knew did online GCSE distance learning or went to a centre, or learned at home, shared parent groups etc.

I would publicly like to thank noble for the wonderful support and advice she gives to parents, of which I and others have benefited from Thanks

Simon.
Sorry, but have to correct you on your assumption that private school costs a lot of money and the parents are rich. Just shows there aren't many stereotypes now.
We are low income and don't have to pay very much.
I do miss her when she goes back to school and am in awe of how she takes life in her stride, from H.ed to boarding.

Night all.

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 04:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMargie · 31/08/2016 05:52

Was there mention of sums, tables, maths?

If that is ignored to spend time studying wildlife then it would be hugely limiting for the DCs future - Their DCs won't be home schooled because they won't be able to afford it .

MissMargie · 31/08/2016 06:01

Oh, had missed last posts about maths

Waitingfordolly · 31/08/2016 06:23

We do online maths. Structured into the key stages, DD does a test to find out what she needs to know, does the lessons and is tested again, and I get a report. She's getting on much better because she can go at her own pace and isn't put off by people learning quicker than her - at her old school her maths teacher told us at parents' evening that why would he bother spending more time helping her out if she was behind because she was doing fine, she was in the top group so what was the problem. I'm pretty confident in maths through my education and using it day to day in my work so I'd help her out if she had a problem but that hardly ever happens. We are quite structured about maths and science but more flexible about how she learns other things.

00100001 · 31/08/2016 07:35

You never seem to find any home educated adults on these threads.

I wonder what the "end result" is for them (good or bad)

Fulltimemummy85 · 31/08/2016 08:05

There was one earlier, she was quite negative about her experience and said she struggled at work

AngelBlue12 · 31/08/2016 08:24

I love all the assumptions flying around here!

Both DH and I were HE from 10/11. Then we both went onto FE, I did GCSE's first DH didn't. He now owns a successful IT business. We both have many friends and have no problems socialisingGrin

We have decided to HE our children (5 DDs) and it works for us. They are very social and I think they benefit from having a wide age range of friends rather than just their own ages as that will equip them far more effectively for the 'real world' when they won't just be interacting with their peer group.

Our eldest is free to follow her interests and at 12 is currently studying for a Diploma in Feline Studies.

We are fairly relaxed with what we do, 2-3 hours structured learning a day, we choose to have a couple of no-screen days a week as we find it beneficial.

But I do wish people would stop throwing the how will they get a job line around, I bet there are more university grads struggling to find jobs than children that were HE'dSmile

Fulltimemummy85 · 31/08/2016 08:26

A lady had stated previously she was HE and struggled with the work situation, it will fully depend on the individuals I guess.

Lifegavemelemons · 31/08/2016 08:44

I did unschooling for a while over 20yrs ago. I was not selfless enough to keep it up and, more importantly, we struggled because of the very different and competing needs of my 3 DC.

I too was a teacher and I extensively researched educational outcomes etc. I had no worries at all about the efficacy of this way of learning. I wish we'd been able to continue as I'm a huge believer in this working really well for many children, sadly not for all of mine - and therefore it was hugely stressful for me trying to meet all their needs.

Years later I helped a friend who's son had to be removed from school due to bullying. He was home ed for about three years - then went back into school for GCSEs and did very well. Now at college. He spent most of his time when HE writing stories. We did ONE hour of formal maths per week and his GCSE teacher was most impressed with his level . This child hated maths when he started HE. That hour was concentrated, no distractions, one on one time, in a non threatening environment -

A gentle approach to learning works really well for a lot of children - but it's not a one size fits all, any more than school is, IMO.

freetrampolineforall · 31/08/2016 09:05

Angelblue, my dd learns the stuff you listed because we talk to her and encourage her. The idea that children at school learn boring stuff by rote is, frankly, nonsense. Dd is 9, by the way. She goes to a mediocre state primary. We do what we can to help her learn all sorts of stuff outside the curriculum and support her to learn the "boring" stuff in the curriculum. Despite the joyful anecdotes on here we simply could not afford homeschooling. We live very modestly already.

freetrampolineforall · 31/08/2016 09:06

Pardon me, it was Trust's list.

lovelilies · 31/08/2016 09:29

Haven't read the whole thread, but thought I'd post this interesting article about unschooling and intrinsic/ extrinsic
motivation.

www.chrismercogliano.com/be-my-guest-unschooling-reflects-current-cognitive-research/

BTW I unschool DD(11) and DS(2) and baby DD.
I am not rich! Luckily DP and I share child care by working opposite shifts, and before that I was a LP working 30 hrs per week with help of my mum.

drspouse · 31/08/2016 09:30

Yeah, nobody's answered my questions about

a) what should happen with a homeschooling/unschooling family where the children really just want to watch TV and the parents are happy to let them because that's being "child led". Should they be not allowed to homeschool?

b) what about children who struggle with a subject and the parents are not able or willing to engage them intensively/at all so just let that subject drop. Especially if it is something that other areas of learning rely on (e.g. maths, reading).

EB123 · 31/08/2016 09:34

I had to go last night as the baby woke up.

Time outside of school nothing compared too the time HE children have to explore a topic of interest. Of course all children schooled or not can learn and explore a subject but a HE child can wake up on a Monday morning and question how stars are made(using this as my 5 year old asked this on a Monday) and then immediately spend as long as they need that day finding out the answers, and often often it leads on to other learning too as that is something they are interested in right at that moment in time.
A schooled child would have to do the whole morning rush go to school, perhaps after school clubs , come home, relax(play/watch tv) , have something to eat, do homework and then they might be able to have a quick look at it, if they remember or are still interested and aren't exhausted after all of that and then they have to be in bed to ensure they have had enough sleep to start the whole thing again on Tuesday.
As I have previously said I have no issues with school, it is great for many and I myself enjoyed school. But the time can't be compared.

We are below average income, I am currently at home and my partner works, to be enable me to stay home with my children we live in a town where rents are cheap instead of moving 10 minutes down the road where rents are double what we pay, we are very careful, we have one car which is ridiculously old and we actually only got 2 years ago before that we relied solely on public transport (which is actually more expensive especially now my eldest is 5 so has to have his own ticket). We make sacrifices because of what is important to us. When my children are a bit older I will work part time around my partners shifts.