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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

800 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:01

But nobody is being belittled.... so far we have had nearly every stereotype that there is about HE.. the best being around going to the loo LOL

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:01

What do you want to know petal? Every home edder that I know will answer questions etc... fending off the cliches gets old pretty quickly that is all.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 23:02

You're doing a pretty poor job of trying to belittle me, 'I feel you're angry about something....'. Condescending much? Now can we get back to HE?

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 23:03

I am a qualified teacher and never taught dd when she was H.ed, we did similar to Simon. In fact my teaching experience was completely irrelevant and H.ed didn't share any philosophies of mass education and systems of classroom learning. It was the opposite.
My dd also learned how to maintain, strip down and repair her instruments during this time. This will come in very handy Grin and save her thousands in repair bills.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:05

"I am a qualified teacher and never taught dd when she was H.ed, we did similar to Simon. In fact my teaching experience was completely irrelevant and H.ed didn't share any philosophies of mass education and systems of classroom learning. It was the opposite.
My dd also learned how to maintain, strip down and repair her instruments during this time. This will come in very handy grin and save her thousands in repair bills."

That is interesting as mine loves to do that and help me with mine :D
People really seem to struggle with the idea that a child does not have to be taught.... and yet many teachers like you say the same thing.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 23:06

Taking an interest in your child's learning is the single most important part of educating at school or at home. Once you have that covered, you're good to go. A good home educator is motivated, if your heart isn't in it it may not work. The method can be flexible, but a motivated learning facilitator is fundamental.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 23:07

Same with a school teacher. If you have a teacher that doesn't care, how is a child going to get anywhere?

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:08

Simon,I don't really want to know anything,,just happy chatting about it really...I suppose like well I couldn't cope with it after doing it for 8/9 yrs .no preschool no school at all..and I wonder what the secret is to keeping going..mine only went to school because I couldn't cope any more..they didn't really want to go...I often wonder what I could of done differently to of coped home ending for longer...I love to of got them throu to 18 having home ed the whole time

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:10

It helps to have support petal... groups both online and off. Did you have that?

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:14

Not much time for that really Simon.i had no friends either ,home ed took up every second of my life.we lost friends when their kids would ask well such and such dosnt have to go to school,so why should I.....and I had an autistic child who was smearing poo everywhere too.which didn't help on the friends front....but I love hearing success stories...I'm enjoying this thread when it's not pick pick pick

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:17

Being isolated is very hard. And yes we have that from her friends too lol.... also having a SEN child makes it extra tough. There are countless groups on Facebook and in real life to support parents tho, and I think that those are really important.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 23:18

Petal it's very important to have support, even those of us who know all about toiletting troubles and challenging behaviour. There's lots of us and we all look to eachother for support. Don't have any regrets, you felt you did what was best at each time through your HE and beyond.

Iggi999 · 30/08/2016 23:24

Sorry but posters will regularly be challenged on the main boards if they say they are not working while dcs are small, told it's a luxury etc. This is why continuing to have an adult available to care for/educate dcs for the first decade does seem like something not achievable by all. It is very similar to the private school threads "oh if you want it badly enough, you'll find a way". There's nothing wrong with doing something that not everyone can afford to do; it's just disingenuous to say that it actually is an option for everyone.

Iggi999 · 30/08/2016 23:25

And I do believe some children will thrive at school and some will thrive in an he setting.
I'm glad the schools where I live sound a lot better than the ones described on here.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:25

"It is very similar to the private school threads "oh if you want it badly enough, you'll find a way". There's nothing wrong with doing something that not everyone can afford to do; it's just disingenuous to say that it actually is an option for everyone."

No it is not. Private school costs a bomb... HE does not.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:26

I think it takes a very strong personality to go against the grain,and do something different that most people don't understand or even feel threatened by...you need quite a thick skin to take the constant criticism ...or even knowing the disapproval of relatives,,,that no matter how fantastic our LEA reports were ,In laws would say" yes but imagin how well they would do in school with a proper teacher"...

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:27

Thanks prolapse.kind words

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:30

"I think it takes a very strong personality to go against the grain,and do something different that most people don't understand or even feel threatened by...you need quite a thick skin to take the constant criticism ...or even knowing the disapproval of relatives,,,that no matter how fantastic our LEA reports were ,In laws would say" yes but imagin how well they would do in school with a proper teacher"..."

Oh yesssss..... we hear all sorts of stuff... we have not even had an LA report here... nor do we want one. Our LA is v laid back and decent but many are not.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:33

Twice a year ,same lady,lovely she was..I didn't mind..I loved showing of what they had done and they loved reading to her..would bake cakes especially.

Iggi999 · 30/08/2016 23:33

HE would cost my salary.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:36

Yes was expensive ,I do admit I spent mo eye on lots of maths things,connecting camels,weighted teddies ,balance scales.fraction cubes.loads of posters ,whiteboard,musical time tables on cd😄

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:37

I spent lots of money ,that should say

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:37

The problem is that they have no right to ask to see work or be read to... and they push the bounderies. We would give a written report/ed phil if hassled but that would be it. Many of us have not had a great experience with our LAs. Glad that you had a good one though.

Iggi.. so if home ed cost your salary you could find another way to work like the rest of us do? It is not comparable to private school... no way could I afford that. We are skint... but happy .

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:38

Dosnt have to be expensive.that was my choice...I always said,if you can read a book you can home educate a child.all you need is a library

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 23:39

We do not spend a lot. Most resources are online and free. For actual "stuff" there are Home ed groups to trade/buy from. Our biggest expense would be pens and art stuff I think. And tech... tablets etc.