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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

800 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 30/08/2016 22:44

But Prolapse that's where the comments about it being a luxury - a parent at home full-time - come in. I must say I'm surprised if people pay for part-time childcare (hard to find for a school age child I'd think) meaning the child is not being educated at all during that time. Not everyone has a self-employable skill. I also (mostly) enjoy my job and don't want to have to choose something else to fit into the gaps around when my partner isn't home.

brasty · 30/08/2016 22:44

So you don't teach your 8 old at all then?

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:45

I stated you cannot generalise about all schools. I wasn't questioning anybody's choice!

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:47

I have a lot of experience in schools you cannot judge the education system from 1 or 2 schools.

Yet that is exactly what you're doing. I have a lot of experience of schools too. My children have been to 7 schools between the two of them since they started. None catered for my sons SEN.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:48

Brasty... Honestly. This is like picking up jelly with a piece of string. How frustrating.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:48

"So one to one allows group discussion or explaination from somebody else who may explain it to gain more understanding ? "

no.. groups allow for group discussion O-o which is why we have so many HE groups..... and why colleges exist.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:49

It's like trying to explain to my friend's mother that I don't eat meat as a vegetarian. 'So you're telling me you don't eat fresh ham?'

Ffs

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:50

"So you don't teach your 8 old at all then?"

No I don't. I facilitate, provide resources, encourage, sit with her and chatter, watch stuff with her, read with her, read her writing, buy things to spark her interest etc... but I have not and will not be teaching her.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:51

you seem very angry about something and very defensive. Others can have opinions, I never questioned your choice but on the whole schools are excellent. I loved my schooling it was amazing and my daughter loves hers.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:51

I also (mostly) enjoy my job and don't want to have to choose something else to fit into the gaps around when my partner isn't home.

That's your choice, you asked how it was possible, I told you how...

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:52

"But Prolapse that's where the comments about it being a luxury - a parent at home full-time - come in. I must say I'm surprised if people pay for part-time childcare (hard to find for a school age child I'd think) meaning the child is not being educated at all during that time. Not everyone has a self-employable skill. I also (mostly) enjoy my job and don't want to have to choose something else to fit into the gaps around when my partner isn't home."

It is not a luxury. There are thousands of us who manage to do it and work both inside and outside of the home. Education is not 9-5 & does have to be structured. And even if it is structured, then it can be done at any point in the day. This is very hard work....

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:52

Others can have opinions, I never questioned your choice but on the whole schools are excellent. I loved my schooling it was amazing and my daughter loves hers.

That's good, great for you and her. My son didn't, which is why I home educate. So...

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:53

"I also (mostly) enjoy my job and don't want to have to choose something else to fit into the gaps around when my partner isn't home."

And this is the crux... you do not want to. There is always a way and if you want to do it then you will :)

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:54

You seem to think you are above people ? Extremely rude no need for belittling people

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:55

NO... nobody is above anybody. But some of the stereotypes and ignorance on here is shocking....

Waitingfordolly · 30/08/2016 22:55

I think it is unfair to expect teenagers to do self directed learning while parents work.

My teenager loves working on her own, we discuss what she's going to do and I help her plan it if she needs it, and we come together to discuss what she's done or if she's stuck, I'm only about 10 meters away!

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 22:55

I had to teach mine...I loved the idea of self directed learning....I read free range education a number of times,but left to their own devises they just played and weren't interested in picking up a book...we had school in the morning where I did proper lessons and park / free play in the afternoon ..it moves quickly when you teach one on one so each child had a hour each of education per day with tons of free time...I tried many times the free range approach, but nothing much got done

user1472231578 · 30/08/2016 22:55

Im very glad you found something that works for you. I wish you all the best xxx

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:56

How would the parents here like being questioned on their choice to not work while their children are under school age. Would they appreciate 'I don't know how you do it, I, you know, like food, Confused I need to work, I have a mortgage and I like time to myself too... Blah blah' same thing. Patronising bs.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:57

Today 22:54 Fulltimemummy85

You seem to think you are above people ? Extremely rude no need for belittling people

FULLTIMEMUMMY - If you're feel belittled that's a problem you have to sort out with yourself. I'm just answering your questions, you're trying to goad me. Not biting Grin

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:58

I will bite you prolapse (that sounds really wrong)....

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:59

I wouldn't care to be honest. People are interested how it works. Still wouldn't belittle people.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:59

ShockHalo

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 23:00

You weren't belittling me, brassy asked you a question no need in mocking him.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 23:01

I thought this would be a good thread to reminisc and chat about highs and lows of home ed....I'm dissapointed ,why does it have to desend into nit picking

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