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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Roseformeplease · 30/08/2016 22:24

No pupil that I know of in genuine need (and not going for a wander - I teach secondary, we get the frequent wanderers) has been refused.

We occasionally keep a note of those in frequent need to weed out the "Let's have a chat in the toilet crew" and then, once reminded, we are back to letting them out.

As for uniform - some schools don't bother, or it is minimal, or cheap. Schools charging £££ need to be challenged. Still, not a reason to condemn schools wholesale.

And, the fact that HEdders might have been to school themselves does not mean they have any idea of what goes on in schools now, or all schools.

Honestly, I too went to school. My classroom now, those I encounter, my children's experiences, are a very long way (in a comp) from the (private) school I attended. Far, far better.

HEd might be the right choice for some.

I was merely pointing out that the HEd crew often condemn all schools, wrongly.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:24

"Except you do not have the time to do as much as us.... you are limited as to how deeply you can explore something.

You can't have it both ways though - most home edders say it only takes a couple of hours a day - and then you (in particular, if running a business) are free to do other things.
You easily have a couple of hours a day (or all weekend) to do other things with a child who's in school.
But maybe it does take all day and it isn't possible to run a business..."

when you add up the amount of one to one learning in school that a child gets.. it is not a lot. It is very easy to match and surpass that at home. I manage to run a business and home ed and so do many others.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:28

Mycatsabastard
simon you are coming across really badly.

No, I think it is you that is coming across badly. You're completely missing the point. Simon is saying that they believe HE is the superior choice for THEIR family. You believe school is the superior choice for YOUR family. That's fine. Do what you like, but quit with the sane tired old arguments. 'It's mad to study one thing' who says they study one thing for three years? What children are getting at school is tidbits of information, just enough to pass an exam. Covering all subjects in a timetabled way when you have 30+ children all learning at different levels and speeds will have its problems. Dedicating time to children one on one or in small groups is a much better way to help a child learn something. That's my belief.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:29

Why would it be expected that a child is taught one to one? Unless the child has a TA they will be generally taught as a group, this isn't a bad thing.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:30

"But I also like having a child who is well rounded in all aspects as well. Spending two or three years learning just one subject with the aim of getting them to sit a gcse aged 9 is mad. Life, unfortunately, is about knowing lots of things. You may need science to do medicine but you also need biology, maths and english and probably other things as well. It's not about learning one thing. It's about learning lots of things, then getting to an age where you choose the things to specialise in."

Yes... so she does loads of other things too. The iGCSE is not the aim... the learning of it is. And she wants to do it. GCSE's do not take nearly as long as they do in school. She does get to do other stuff too...

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:32

We are not a HE crew.

'And, the fact that HEdders might have been to school themselves does not mean they have any idea of what goes on in schools now, or all schools.'

Well my daughter's in school so I think I have a good idea... Lots of home educators pulled a child out of school due to the school failing their duty to support, and allowing children to be attacked daily. We know what school is like, our children tell us. My son told me his teacher called the lower set boys that they are stupid and that's why they are in her class. Causing one boy to cry and another to walk out. This is our reality.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:32

"No, I think it is you that is coming across badly. You're completely missing the point. Simon is saying that they believe HE is the superior choice for THEIR family."

BINGO ;)

Anyway, I had no idea this place was full of people who were so easily offended? Where are the vipers?

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:33

On a SEN local support group, a teacher in a NS school told a mother of a boy with ASD, he can't use ASD as an excuse...this is what children are up against. It's horrible.

Iggi999 · 30/08/2016 22:33

I'm still not getting the money side. So if you're in a couple, one of you needs to work either from home or shifts so your partner is at home with the dcs. If your are a lone parent you need to work at home. School may not be childcare, but it is the way most people manage to combine work with having someone look after the children. Otherwise the children must be alone a lot? I can see with older children they will be able to be left/see friends etc, but I am thinking of under tens.

Roseformeplease · 30/08/2016 22:33

British school system. There is no such thing. Education is devolved.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:33

MS*

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:34

i think the frustrating thing about this thread is that people are stating things about schools which really arnt true.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:34

"Fulltimemummy85 Tue 30-Aug-16 22:29:51
Why would it be expected that a child is taught one to one? Unless the child has a TA they will be generally taught as a group, this isn't a bad thing."

Because we can :D And it is fun

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 22:36

There's no way any extra study would have been acceptable to my dd.
In a couple of hours she had done what she wanted to academically and be ready to start work, and she worked bloody hard, relentlessly.

Primary school and that type of learning was enough at that time.
My dd started to gain an interest in several subjects once she was H.ed and would carry them on sometimes until she'd had enough.
She is well below average and struggles academically and has so many difficulties currently being assessed.
Fortunately, she has a brilliant SENCO who supports her fantastically, they aren't bothered about targets and results at her school because they don't need them.
They do very well though as most are very clever. Academically I know she will reach her potential. I know she wouldn't in any state school on the planet, because it isn't for her.
She would also meet her academic potential through H.ed and have more subject choices but this isn't a problem for her.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:36

"Iggi999 Tue 30-Aug-16 22:33:51
I'm still not getting the money side. So if you're in a couple, one of you needs to work either from home or shifts so your partner is at home with the dcs. If your are a lone parent you need to work at home. School may not be childcare, but it is the way most people manage to combine work with having someone look after the children. Otherwise the children must be alone a lot? I can see with older children they will be able to be left/see friends etc, but I am thinking of under tens."

No... others go out to work and use childcare. Why would they be on their own? Most of our kids are out and about a lot. I have already said that I work at night.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:36

Iggi, my partner works, I don't. It's pretty simple. Other parents are self employed and home educate. Conducting work in the times they are not educating. Some work full time or part time, with support from friends, family, and childcare. I don't get what's so confusing. It's the same as any other family, except home edders don't always observe the normal 9-5 routine.

brasty · 30/08/2016 22:36

I think it is unfair to expect teenagers to do self directed learning while parents work.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:37

Fulltimemummy... many on this thread have had kids in school and have taken them out. For them, their experiences are very true...

Mine has never been.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:38

"I think it is unfair to expect teenagers to do self directed learning while parents work."

why? mine is self directed at 8.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:40

Fulltimemummy85

i think the frustrating thing about this thread is that people are stating things about schools which really arnt true.

I'm stating my personal experiences, are you calling me a liar?

And regarding one to one, it's a superior way of teaching for anyone because you dedicate time to explaining to that person in a way that they understand and at the speed that they can take in the information. One to one learning is great for SEN but it's not it's only use...

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:40

Maybe they need to try another school, so much generalisation.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:42

Maybe there isn't another school available and maybe they want to try HE. That's their choice!

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 22:43

maybe the kids are damaged by their school experiences and do not want to.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 22:43

So one to one allows group discussion or explaination from somebody else who may explain it to gain more understanding ?

I have a lot of experience in schools you cannot judge the education system from 1 or 2 schools.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 22:43

They talk of independace, yet slate some HE parents for allowing a teen to learn independently.