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Guest post: "How we learn to eat"

237 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 14/01/2016 12:12

Is any meal as hotly anticipated as a baby's first bite of solid food? As parents, we anxiously research our options. Baby rice versus sweet potato. Purée versus baby-led weaning. Offering the first morsel, we stare at the tiny face for signs of enjoyment. Will we get a smile or will it – the trauma! – be rejected?

So desperate are we to make our babies happy, we haven't noticed that we have got feeding the wrong way round. We try to give our children what they like, when really we should be trying to help them develop their palates so they relish a wider range of flavours.

Newborns the world over beam at the taste of sweetness and treat bitter foods like poison. If you only give them the foods that automatically make them smile, you are setting them up for a sweet tooth.

I definitely made this mistake with my daughter, our middle child. I bought a weaning guide and spent hours whipping up batches of vegetable mixtures. Every time she tasted one, I drew an emoticon next to it in the book. Butternut squash: smile. Broccoli: frown. Spinach: double frown. Ah, I thought, so she's not a green vegetable person.

What I did not fully realise then was that we are not born with our preferences. They are something we each have to learn for ourselves. When my daughter grimaced at a bite of spinach, she was not telling me that greens sucked. It was just a natural physiological response. As adults, we still pucker our mouths on tasting a slice of bitter lime, but it doesn't necessarily mean we hate citrus fruit.

If we want our children to eat a varied diet, we need to persist with offering them a spectrum of flavours – preferably without grimacing ourselves. The main way anyone learns to like anything is simply to try it a lot of times, in a positive way.

According to a government survey from 2010, 57% of British parents offer baby rice – with its bland, sweet flavour - as the first food. But a fascinating study published last year, involving 139 families, showed that babies weaned straight onto a varied vegetable diet in those early months are more adventurous.

One group of parents gave their babies a smorgasbord of different vegetables for two weeks. 'Day 1: Carrot. Day 2: Spinach. Day 3: Peas. Day 4: Swede', and so on. A control group were weaned onto the usual baby rice. On Day 15, both groups of babies were offered a taste of unfamiliar artichoke purée. The babies weaned onto a rainbow of vegetables ate significantly more of the artichoke.

The science suggests that any baby is capable of learning wide enough tastes to eat a balanced and healthy diet. The good news is that no one is doomed by their genes to be a chocoholic.

I'm not saying every child will find it easy. When you are trapped in teatime battles, it's annoying to encounter smug parents whose children will 'try anything – celeriac's her favourite!' Some babies are born with conditions that make eating trickier, such as a delay to the oral-motor system. I had no idea how fraught the basic matter of getting food from plate to mouth could be until my third child was born with cleft palate and he and I both struggled at mealtimes. He is now six and new dishes occasionally still provoke tears (usually his).

But recent work by feeding psychologists has shown it is possible for even extremely selective eaters to slowly broaden horizons. The secret is what Dr Lucy Cooke – a psychologist who works at Great Ormond Street – calls 'Tiny Tastes'. If the piece of food being attempted is as small as a pea or even a grain of rice, it is much less traumatic for a child to taste it. At clinics in America, this method has been tailored to fussy eaters on the autistic spectrum. In one case, a toddler called Jim went from eating nothing but toasted cheese sandwiches and hotdogs to enjoying 65 different foods. This is life-changing.

'Tiny Tastes' can also work with less extreme fussy eaters. Dr Cooke – who has trialled the method in UK schools and homes – finds it works best if the tasting sessions are done outside mealtimes, to reduce the pressure. The child chooses the vegetable to work on, which makes them feel less trapped. And they get a sticker for every taste – even a lick. I used 'Tiny Tastes' on my own youngest when he was four and was startled by how quickly it turned him from someone who said 'yuck' when he heard the word cabbage to a happy nibbler of raw green leaves.

Ultimately, that first meal matters less than all the ones that come after. Given the chance, children are capable of learning new tastes at any age. Even as adults, we can change our palates, bit by bit.

Oh, and my daughter? She's now 13 - and it turns out she is a green vegetable person after all.

NOTE: Following discussion on the thread below, the title of this guest post has been updated to better reflect the author's intentions.

Bee Wilson is the author of First Bite: How we Learn to Eat.

OP posts:
Reluctant2ndtimer · 14/01/2016 22:48

So sorry for your loss Sugar Flowers
MrsCripps you are a nasty goody piece of work. Biscuit
I remember plenty of fussy eaters in the 70s too. Mum and dad used to tell my brother that various meat was dinosaur, otherwise he wouldn't eat lamb or chicken or whatever. He was the tiniest boy in school and the fussiest. I comfort myself in the fact that he's 6+ foot now and eats anything so there's hope for DS.
Also, people in the past didn't have anywhere near the variety of foods that we do now. Many of our grandparents were raised on bread and dripping and little else. Nobody would have spotted a 'fussy' eater.

Jw35 · 14/01/2016 22:49

The title was "fussy eaters "
*
Not "children with severe nutritional /feeding problems".*

Absolutely! I agree with everything MrsCrisps said! There are starving children on the other side of the world and frankly they'd eat anything!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/01/2016 22:53

Are you sure about that Jw ? A lot probably would but I seem to remember some research that countered that supposition.

JassyRadlett · 14/01/2016 23:22

Absolutely! I agree with everything MrsCrisps said! There are starving children on the other side of the world and frankly they'd eat anything

You are making an odd assumption that if those children weren't living in a situation of food scarcity, they'd magically be brilliant eaters. The 'starving children on the other side of the world' argument is beyond weak. What is the link? Are those with fussy eaters supposed to impose famine conditions for a while so that their kids will hoover up anything offered?

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 14/01/2016 23:35

Starving children tend to be offered a very repetitive, carb based, bland diet. Which ironically many fussy children would be delighted with.

My fussiest eater was the one I bf the longest. He loves curry and anything spicy - but refuses to eat ham or cheese or pear or melon or peach (and loads of other stuff).

I think it's a real shame actually - I think there is some good advice buried in that post but the tone just put me right off.

harrasseddotcom · 14/01/2016 23:44

NRTFT and tbh couldnt get past the heading so if the author had already mentioned Autism i heartily apologise. But ds (who is autistic) was definitely born a fussy eater (obviously due to sensory issues). So i say to the author uh uh uh your fucking wrong.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 14/01/2016 23:48

This thread is going to make me cry.

Some children will actually freaking starve to death rather than eat

An actually USEFUL book is Food Chaining: The Proven 6-Step Plan to Stop Picky Eating, Solve Feeding Problems, and Expand Your Child's Diet

Cheri Fraker and 3 more

Not perfect but it got us onto two (2!) foods not one

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/01/2016 23:52

Thanks Ophelia, I'm going to note that book for future reference. My daughter is only 7 months and I get that however happy they are eating everything it may well not stay that way. It might prove invaluable to me in the future.

JassyRadlett · 14/01/2016 23:56

Flowers, Ophelia. It sucks.

ceeveebee · 15/01/2016 00:00

Total bullshit

My twins were weaned on exactly the same food. Both happily ate everything I gave them (blw with a huge variety, from curry to tagines to fish etc) - then DS decided at about 18 months old that he would not eat anything other than bread, pasta, chips and of course sweet things. I go to so much effort to get vegetables and fruit into him - chicken nuggets made with cauliflower crumb, pasta mixed with three types of puréed veg, smoothies with hidden spinach in. Now at 4, he will literally vomit if I try to get him to eat a pea (usually by bribery - eat pea = tv or iPad) and will just about tolerate half a banana now and then.

DD, weaned on exactly the same foods, eats anything and everything, except sweet things! Favourite food is steamed fish with Spring greens.

So tell me again what did I do wrong?

rosebiggs · 15/01/2016 00:19

There is an excellent book about sensory defensiveness called, 'too loud, too bright, too fast, too tight.' I suggest that the Op reads it.

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 15/01/2016 00:22

I'd like to know HQs rationale behind choosing this guest post. It's a piss poor choice for a site claiming to support parents.

beewilson · 15/01/2016 07:05

Hi! I'm the OP.

I'm sorry for your loss sugar21

I'm also sorry that so many of you were offended by my post. I did not write the headline "Fussy Eaters Aren't Born That Way" and I don't agree with it myself. It was written by MN and attached to the piece. I get why you are all so annoyed ( although some of your comments gave me a sleepless night). For someone struggling to feed a selective eater, it's awful to be get the sense that other people think you have caused it. Nothing could be further from my intentions.

I'm definitely not 'judging' parents. I am one - I have three kids who all eat in different ways - and know that mealtimes are often the most stressful and emotional part of the day.

My position is not that "Fussy Eaters are Not Born that Way" but that, while we all start with a different genetic inheritance - noone is a blank slate, all kids are different - there are possibilities for anyone to learn new food habits. It it much harder for some children than others and may need clinical help.

I fully agree that extreme selective eating - such as that associated with kids on the autistic spectrum - has a strong genetic component. Twin studies show that we are born with variations in how we chew, how we swallow, how we digest. And yes, whether we like coriander or not :) So I am not at all saying 'blame parents'. The opposite.

No on can imagine the trauma that families go through when dealing with a child who vomits or gags at the sight of a new food. I do write about the challenges facing families with feeding disorders as well as eating disorders in the book. I write about what miserable soul-sapping occasions meals can become when a child has an eating disorder, the opposite of what dinnertime should be.

I myself used to have an incredibly unhappy relationship with food. I was a compulsive eater/yo-yo dieter, which was partly a response to living with my sister who was anorexic. Having become someone with a more balanced relationship with food, my great aim is to find out how it's possible to flip from eating as stress to eating as joy.

Even more low-key fussy eating can be incredibly stressful as I found with my third child.

But my brief from MN was not to write about feeding disorders but to focus on babies and toddlers and how basic food preferences are formed. The science on exposure being the key to changing preferences is very robust. I'm not saying it is easy to 'expose' a toddler to broccoli even once, never mind 10-15 times. That's why the Tiny Tastes idea I discuss here can be really life changing. It's been used by kids being treated at Great Ormond Street and some families say it has made a huge difference. It's also ben used very successfully in British primary schools.

I hoped - but clearly I was kidding myself - that this would be useful to know...

Bee xx

hazeyjane · 15/01/2016 07:09

The title was "fussy eaters "
Not "children with severe nutritional /feeding problems".*

Actually one of the things I find most annoying about the article is that it conflates a bit of food fussiness or a fussy phase (which a lot of children have) with the more severe end of food phobia, the article talks about autism and extreme food issues, but it is swept up in the whole - give your child lots of tastes and they won't be 'fussy eaters'.

The paragraph about 'tiny tastes' is a very simplistic take on the issues that some children have and the long and laborious ways that might increase a child's selection of foods.

The whole talk of 'well on the other side of the world starving children would eat anything' is insulting, inaccurate and shallow.

merrymouse · 15/01/2016 07:17

The title was "fussy eaters aren't born that way".

'Fussy eater' isn't a clearly defined term, but the idea either that people aren't born with certain food preferences or that children don't naturally have different tastes to adults is just plain wrong.

beewilson · 15/01/2016 07:35

merrymouse As omnivores we are not born with any preferences for specific foods, except for flavours we remember from our mother's diet. Babies whose mums drank a lot of carrot juice showed a preference for carrots later on.
But yes, I absolutely agree with you that we are all born responding to flavour in different ways. PROP supertasters find bitter things much stronger.
And once again, the title wasn't mine. :)

HairsprayQueen · 15/01/2016 08:00

While I understand you didn't write the heading, I'm assuming you did write the paragraph 'So desperate are we to make our babies happy, we haven't noticed that we have got feeding the wrong way round. We try to give our children what they like, when really we should be trying to help them develop their palates so they relish a wider range of flavours.'

This thread shows that so many of us aren't just giving broccoli once and saying 'oh baby doesn't like that, better just give him some apple again and never try it again' or whatever, I suspect many of us are trying our own way of 'tiny tastes' every single bloody day of our lives.

but the insinuation (or actual blatentness) that we've got it all wrong is what's hurting here. It makes me feel weak willed and that I've really fucked this up, when I reality I've tried for so many years to get variety in my child's diet.

HairsprayQueen · 15/01/2016 08:01

*in reality

merrymouse · 15/01/2016 08:14

I did wonder whether you chose the unfortunate thread title, and do think it has generated many of the negative responses.

However in practical terms 'responding to flavour in different ways' is equivalent to 'having food preferences'.

Certainly some children are born more sensitive to texture (as they are more sensitive to light, noise, clothes etc.) and often children in the same family will have different preferences (as evidenced on this thread, including twins).

I think many of the people on this thread are like me and breastfed long term, introduced their children to a wide variety of foods, followed annabel karmel/blw depending on era, probably watched all the child behaviour tv programs in the 2000's (house of tiny tearaways, super nanny, baby whisperer etc), have bought a variety of books, researched on line and still have 'fussy' eaters.

TheGreatSnafu · 15/01/2016 09:27

Essentially we did essentially use the "Tiny Bites" idea (along with many other therapeutic ideas) at GOSH. However since my son was seen there many years ago it was called exposure and desensitisation and it was helpful. However, like pp said, it was a protracted and complex undertaking that required family support and a whole team of specialists at GOSH. How I wish it had just required a "rethink" on my part as a parent.

The idea of "tiny bites" is a good one but any solutions presented in a simplistic way can be used as yet another line of discrimination against those of us whose children have feeding troubles. There are no simple solutions for such a complex problem.

My son now will eat about 70 different foods which were hard fought and hard won. (Water made him vomit at first.) This sounds like a lot of variety but it isn't - he would probably still be classified as a "fussy eater". He still faces prejudice over his fussiness and exasperation by people around him who haven't a clue how hard he fights to maintain his eating regime.

Articles like this further marginalise an already marginalised group of children by giving fodder to the smug "food fascists" who toe the line of "they eat what you feed them", and "this is a made up problem" (see above) and that parents simply need a "rethink" of how they feed/wean their children and things would change. If only it were this simple.

KateMumsnet · 15/01/2016 09:34

Hello everyone

We're sorry this has been upsetting - in retrospect we should have been more sensitive when titling it (as Bee says, this was our decision, not hers) and a bit more aware of the struggles that some MNers have had with this issue when thinking about this post.

We'd be very happy to run a guest post that puts a different perspective - we'll start looking into that now, so please do let us know if there's anyone working or writing in this area that you'd particularly like to hear from, and we'll ask them if they'd be up for it.

Thanks to Bee for coming on to expand further, and to those of you who've let us know how you feel.

PolterGoose · 15/01/2016 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrimeDirective · 15/01/2016 09:56

As omnivores we are not born with any preferences for specific foods, except for flavours we remember from our mother's diet.
We absolutely ARE born with preferences - not for specific foods, but for specific tastes. We have a preference for sweet tastes - there is an evolutionary advantage to crave fatty & sugary foods. That is why it is so hard for people to not overeat them.

The 'Tiny Tastes' is great in theory and I am sure that it does work for some children, but tell me how you get a child to have a 'tiny taste', when the mere presence of something suspicious looking on the plate, means the whole plate gets rejected. If the worst I had was him pulling a face, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. He spat it out every single time.

I didn't just give in and feed my child the sweet stuff. Like most other parents who have experienced this, I tried everything to get him to try a little bit of something new. Mixing safe foods with new foods meant that safe foods were permanently off the list! I had one child who would eat anything and the other who had an ever reducing list of safe foods.

MNHQ need to explain the post title, but you really need to reconsider how you word things, because the whole post implies it is all down to the parents and all babies will respond to this. Yes I agree that there are things that parents can do to help, but this post criticises more than if offers help.

beewilson · 15/01/2016 10:20

PrimeDirective I agree that the catch-22 is how you get a child to put something he or she hates in their mouth without it making them even more upset. It's hugely emotional.
I can relate to having a child who rejects a whole plate if something on it is wrong because my youngest is still like this too.
I know that 'Tiny Tastes' sounds like the sort of exposure all of us parents have done a million times before, but it honestly is different when the piece of food is so minuscule that the child hardly registers it is there. The idea is that you and your child work in collaboration to choose the new food. This makes them feel more in control. And they taste it outside of mealtimes.
Another completely new method which I discuss in my book is 'Plate A Plate B' which was pioneered by a feeding clinic in America. This can be a good way to get beyond the whole contamination issue.
Plate A contains grain-of-rice size pieces of 3 foods they dislike.
Plate B contains normal portions of food they like.
For each meal the child takes one bite from Plate A, then one from Plate B. Again, it feels like a choice.
I'm not saying it will necessarily work for you. The ever reducing list of safe foods is very hard. Good luck.

Weddinebelle85 · 15/01/2016 10:37

I agree, I just wonder how soon they should be tested for allergies

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