Guest post: "How we learn to eat"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

Is any meal as hotly anticipated as a baby's first bite of solid food? As parents, we anxiously research our options. Baby rice versus sweet potato. Purée versus baby-led weaning. Offering the first morsel, we stare at the tiny face for signs of enjoyment. Will we get a smile or will it – the trauma! – be rejected?

So desperate are we to make our babies happy, we haven't noticed that we have got feeding the wrong way round. We try to give our children what they like, when really we should be trying to help them develop their palates so they relish a wider range of flavours.

Newborns the world over beam at the taste of sweetness and treat bitter foods like poison. If you only give them the foods that automatically make them smile, you are setting them up for a sweet tooth.

I definitely made this mistake with my daughter, our middle child. I bought a weaning guide and spent hours whipping up batches of vegetable mixtures. Every time she tasted one, I drew an emoticon next to it in the book. Butternut squash: smile. Broccoli: frown. Spinach: double frown. Ah, I thought, so she's not a green vegetable person.

What I did not fully realise then was that we are not born with our preferences. They are something we each have to learn for ourselves. When my daughter grimaced at a bite of spinach, she was not telling me that greens sucked. It was just a natural physiological response. As adults, we still pucker our mouths on tasting a slice of bitter lime, but it doesn't necessarily mean we hate citrus fruit.

If we want our children to eat a varied diet, we need to persist with offering them a spectrum of flavours – preferably without grimacing ourselves. The main way anyone learns to like anything is simply to try it a lot of times, in a positive way.

According to a government survey from 2010, 57% of British parents offer baby rice – with its bland, sweet flavour - as the first food. But a fascinating study published last year, involving 139 families, showed that babies weaned straight onto a varied vegetable diet in those early months are more adventurous.

One group of parents gave their babies a smorgasbord of different vegetables for two weeks. 'Day 1: Carrot. Day 2: Spinach. Day 3: Peas. Day 4: Swede', and so on. A control group were weaned onto the usual baby rice. On Day 15, both groups of babies were offered a taste of unfamiliar artichoke purée. The babies weaned onto a rainbow of vegetables ate significantly more of the artichoke.

The science suggests that any baby is capable of learning wide enough tastes to eat a balanced and healthy diet. The good news is that no one is doomed by their genes to be a chocoholic.

I'm not saying every child will find it easy. When you are trapped in teatime battles, it's annoying to encounter smug parents whose children will 'try anything – celeriac's her favourite!' Some babies are born with conditions that make eating trickier, such as a delay to the oral-motor system. I had no idea how fraught the basic matter of getting food from plate to mouth could be until my third child was born with cleft palate and he and I both struggled at mealtimes. He is now six and new dishes occasionally still provoke tears (usually his).

But recent work by feeding psychologists has shown it is possible for even extremely selective eaters to slowly broaden horizons. The secret is what Dr Lucy Cooke – a psychologist who works at Great Ormond Street – calls 'Tiny Tastes'. If the piece of food being attempted is as small as a pea or even a grain of rice, it is much less traumatic for a child to taste it. At clinics in America, this method has been tailored to fussy eaters on the autistic spectrum. In one case, a toddler called Jim went from eating nothing but toasted cheese sandwiches and hotdogs to enjoying 65 different foods. This is life-changing.

'Tiny Tastes' can also work with less extreme fussy eaters. Dr Cooke – who has trialled the method in UK schools and homes – finds it works best if the tasting sessions are done outside mealtimes, to reduce the pressure. The child chooses the vegetable to work on, which makes them feel less trapped. And they get a sticker for every taste – even a lick. I used 'Tiny Tastes' on my own youngest when he was four and was startled by how quickly it turned him from someone who said 'yuck' when he heard the word cabbage to a happy nibbler of raw green leaves.

Ultimately, that first meal matters less than all the ones that come after. Given the chance, children are capable of learning new tastes at any age. Even as adults, we can change our palates, bit by bit.

Oh, and my daughter? She's now 13 - and it turns out she is a green vegetable person after all.

NOTE: Following discussion on the thread below, the title of this guest post has been updated to better reflect the author's intentions.

Bee Wilson is the author of First Bite: How we Learn to Eat.

[whatevva]

Yes - I would like to see something by the food refusal centre. I would also like to see something about the link with ASD disorders.

As well as food refusal problems from 5 months old, my DS had huge tantrums and did not begin to talk properly until 3 1/2, slept badly, did not have the usual need to keep me in sight, had to be taught to tip his cup up to drink, did not immediately do as he was told. The failure to do homework, lack of communication, lack of time management. All these things get blamed on you for not being an effective parent. And if you parent well, these traits get covered up and they all just say 'normal boy stuff wishy washy parent'

It is all very well and being a good parent and sorting out these individual problems, but at the end of the day, there is an issue that is not being addressed, and it does need to be addressed if the grown child is to hold down a job and live a normal life at the end of it. Otherwise you become a parent who 'can't let go' and 'manage' their adult child's life. They would have turned out differently if their parents had only done it properly

[AlmaMartyr]

I don't see that it really matters whether fussy eaters were born with it or not, and agree that the title and the article makes it sound like being a fussy eater is a terrible thing. I grew up believing that my fussy eating was something to be deeply ashamed of which did me no good with eating.

In my case, I was born a fussy eater in that I was born with no sense of taste. As far as we know anyway. Again, really wish my parents hadn't believed that fussy eaters weren't born and spent so much time getting me to eat food that I was repulsed by.

[ouryve]

The idea of tiny tastes is a good one in principal for many children and we did try it with DS2 when he was going through phases of living on peanut butter on toast and chips. We only got as far as him ignoring something on his plate, though, apart from with baked beans, which he decided he loved. He's still fussy about those, though. The tin has to be freshly opened and they have to be heated in a pan, not the microwave, or else he'll reject them without even touching them. He doesn't have to see me cooking them - he knows they're wrong because they smell different.

If a stray bit of veg accidentally lands on his plate while I'm serving, he'll now go as far as gingerly picking it up, dumping it on my plate, then wiping his hands in disgust, as if he's just picked up a turd.

As for DS2, he's only recently reached the stage when he'll take something offensive to him off his plate and wrap it in a tissue without having an enormous meltdown, but it still puts him in a foul mood. He has the additional problem that he gets to a point where he finds his current narrow repertoire of acceptable foods boring, after a while. He also suffers from abdominal migraines, to experiencing a particular food coming up again, even if it's not a known trigger, is somewhat offputting.

The human relationship with food is far more nuanced, at any age, than you'll eat if you're hungry enough. I also found, with DS1 in particular, that the more bothered a parent gets by a child's limited diet, the more anxious the child becomes. DS1's only ever successfully expanded his diet when the impetus has come from himself.

And the thread title, in particular, is as horrible as the poster who was having fun telling us all what terrible parents we were. It had my back up before I even clicked on it.

[ouryve]

As for DS1... Getting the boys mixed up. They'd be furious with me if they knew ;)

[Diddlydokey]

A lot of babies are weaned onto a rainbow of vegetables and will eat anything, for a time. You see them munching sprouts like they're going out of fashion on their first Christmas day - fast forward to age 4 and they're likely to be more fussy about what they eat as their palate and personality develops.

It is up to the parents to offer a variety of food including something that you know they will eat so that they get sufficient nutrition but you cannot force them to like anything.

[ouryve]

Oh, it would be so lovely to be able to cook a variety of meals, every day of the week, and be sure that everyone around the table would eat most elements of it without any fuss, just quietly leaving the few bits they found to be not to their taste (just like I sometimes have to do with peas and sweetcorn which I only cook because DS1 actually likes them, even though they sometimes make me gag!). I might actually start to enjoy cooking again.

[tilder]

Op am sorry for your sleepless night.

Tbo I have had so many comments over Christmas regarding ds2 and the 'fussy eating'.

It's a terrible term. Ds1 is what most people think of as fussy. No fruit, only veg he eats is broccoli, but eats well of a generally ok diet and will try things when asked. Then he loves stuff like strong cheese and mussels. Go figure.

Dd1 eats a brilliant diet. Have to limit her fruit intake otherwise things can get a little explosive.

Then along came ds2. Refused any solids until nearly 8 months. At four would probably still be happy on a pure milk diet. Eats 5 different things. Has seen paeds and dietician.

He is growing and developing normally. But I would in no way compare him to his fussy brother and all the usual methods of encouraging eating have resulted in hysteria.

[beewilson]

tilder thank you. I wish they would take the headline down, because it doesn't reflect what I think or feel or what my book says. I wrote my book with the aim of reducing the guilt people feel around food - whether as parents or children -so feel awful that this blog has somehow made some people feel the opposite.
Really sorry to hear about ds2 and hope things get better for all of you.
This does not help but you and he are not alone.
I interviewed the director of a feeding clinic who said that some children spontaneously vomit when someone enters the room carrying some unfamiliar food. They do not even have to see or taste the food to react this way.
ouryve I am a bit scared to address anything to you but I second your point that the human relationship with food is far more nuanced than just hunger. In the Developing World, there is a new food being used to treat acute child hunger called Plumpy'Nut, based on peanuts. It has been amazingly successful in Africa. But in Bangladesh, parents and children reject it because it does not correspond with their idea of what food should be - peanuts are an alien food in these communities. The psychology of eating never goes away, even in a state of hunger.

[Duckdeamon]

Bee, sorry you've been upset.

MNHQ have form for using unfortunate titles on guest blogs, the same thing happened recently with the Count the Kicks charity!

[beewilson]

Diddlydokey you are spot on that no one can force a child to like anything. This is what makes it such an intractable situation for so many of us. For a child who detests and fears the new food, just the thought of putting it in his or her mouth feels very aversive, so it's almost impossible to 'expose' them to new foods without creating even more negative feelings.

In Australia, like in Britain, they used to have school milk in bottles every day and it went cheesy in the sun and a study was done showing this daily exposure - because it was nasty - left a lot of adults with very bad associations with milk.

The idea of 'Tiny Tastes' is to make it at least possible for the child to countenance trying it. Which is not to say it is quick or easy or that anyone should feel guilty if it doesn't work for them. It's just that based on the evidence it is a method that has been a godsend for a lot of families stuck in this situation.

[beewilson]

Duckdeamon thank you! I reckon that lots of people would have disagreed with me anyway. Which is fine. But I was really upset to think that MN-ers took against the blog before they had even read it because of something I didn't write.

[ouryve]

I'm not that scary, Bee ;)

I suppose the reaction to Plumpy Nut in Bangladesh is pretty much what ours would be if, even having not eaten for several days, were offered an insect burger. We've all seen the likes of HFW sample insect burgers or krill burgers and they are apparently nutritious but they are not most Bristish people's idea of food and wouldn't automatically be equated with the sort of comforting break from hunger pangs that people would be desperate for.

[rosebiggs]

I like the idea of plate A and plate B. I can see now what the op wanted to get across. This has turned into a very interesting thread.

I agree with the point made above by a previous poster about the awful term 'fussy eaters.' I think it's on a par with 'school refuser' in that blame is created and allocated to the child/parent, rather than looking at the issues which may have caused the difficulty.

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all - just to let you know that, after discussion with Bee, we've now changed the title of this guest post to 'How we learn to eat'. Thanks for the suggestions for another guest post - we'll follow up and update when we have news.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

Thanks for coming back Bee - it's good to have an intelligent discussion around these issues.

[KateMumsnet]

@IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster

I honestly don't think you should have changed the title, because that makes a mockery of half the comments. Maybe leave the original title but put amended?

We've put a note at the end of the post, IAm, so that new readers will be able to make sense of the thread.

[dodobookends]

There is being 'fussy' and there is genuine food phobia. Some people have an incredibly strong gag reflex (and yes, a sensitive palate and strong gag reflex CAN be an inherited condition), and others are extremely sensitive to taste, texture and smells.

If you want to know what it feels like to be a fussy eater with a severe food issue, then imagine how you would feel if you were presented with a plate of raw sheep's eyes and some live wriggling maggots, all floating in a sea of pus, and being expected to eat it.

Yeah, go on - have a tiny taste...

No? Panicking and feeling sick are we? Want to get as far away as possible from that revolting mess? Rather go hungry? Thought so.

[PrimeDirective]

I appreciate you coming back to explain your position in more detail Bee.

I think you really need to consider your language more carefully as there are some comments that really irritated me and point the finger of blame at the parents:
"So desperate are we to make our babies happy, we haven't noticed that we have got feeding the wrong way round. We try to give our children what they like, when really we should be trying to help them develop their palates so they relish a wider range of flavours."
"If we want our children to eat a varied diet, we need to persist with offering them a spectrum of flavours".
I found this quite insulting. I tried SO hard to feed my children a range of good quality food. I DID persist, it didn't work, it often made matters worse.

We are without doubt born with preferences, and we develop more preferences - not just because of what our parents feed us (otherwise I would have the same preferences as my siblings). Texture was the massive issue for my youngest son, smell was what affected my eldest. They're both autistic. Those preferences weren't my fault for failing to provide a wide enough range of foods.

The Tiny Tastes idea does make sense, so I'm not dismissing it. I did something similar with my son as he got older and have increased his range of foods with his cooperation, but it's not a simple solution and it's nothing that I did wrong that made him have such a narrow range of foods in the first place.

[Caprinihahahaha]

I'm sure a proportion of fussy eaters become so because parents try too hard to comply with their child's preferences.
There are however children who are immensely difficult to feed.
I fed all three ( exclusively breastfed) children very wide and varied diets.
Two still eat a wide range of foods. One is extremely self limiting.

I suspect the title of the piece is a bit more black and white than the author intended.

Like most things, it's really not that straightforward.

[Caprinihahahaha]

Ooh, my iPad just reloaded end the thread and I have two more pages,
My comments are very out of date as even the thread title has changed.

Ignore me while I try and catch up....

[whatevva]

I think the first half of the article read differently with the old title, so the new one is much better.

I do agree with Prime, though. I do not believe it was anything I did. I might have done things differently and better if I had been more experienced but I would not have experienced DS. The weaning advice to start at 4 months at that time (and the health visitor who told me he should be on 3 meals a day at 20 weeks when I had finally got him to try something ) exacerbated the whole thing. However, in spite of that, I was doing quite nicely with things mashed into mashed potato at 10 months until we visited Granny for a week and he did not like her food and that was the end of that! After that it was bread sticks only.

We did a variation on the tiny tastes, only it was a very long-term thing and lasted all of his childhood. However, by his teens, he was eating a lot better than his contemporaries who just seemed to like pizza.