Amnesty's proposal to legalise prostitution is wrong - we can't let men who exploit women off the hook

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

An Amnesty International document leaked this week argues for the legalisation of prostitution. It says that approaches like the Swedish Model – which criminalise buying sex, but legalise selling it – are guilty of "devaluing" prostituted women and "criminalising the contexts in which they live". In essence, the proposals say that most women who become prostitutes make a rational, informed choice – effectively , that they enter into a relationship of equals with the men who purchase their bodies.

I’m really disappointed in Amnesty. I'm a long term supporter of the Swedish Model and, for me, the idea that we should simply accept prostitution as a fact of life is totally wrong. It is particularly irresponsible at a time when it's being reported that austerity is driving many women – and in particular single parents – into prostitution.

I believe Amnesty have got it wrong. Firstly, I don’t believe prostitution is, in most cases, "consensual sex between adults", as the policy document describes it. The idea that women who go into prostitution are exercising 'free choice' just doesn’t stack up. Abuse and lack of alternatives are almost always a factor - many enter the sex trade young, and come from backgrounds fraught with suffering and abuse. Of course there are exceptions to the rule but, all things being equal, I believe most women don’t 'choose', in the true sense, to become prostitutes.

Secondly, I disagree with the idea there can be any real equality between a woman who sells her body and a man who buys it. As Amnesty admits, the conditions of the sex trade are "imperfect" to say the least. British 'prostitute review' sites like 'Punternet' – as well as the male-led 'Hands off my whore' campaign in France – show what so-called clients think of the women they buy sex from.

A large proportion of prostitutes say they experience aggression while working, and nearly seven in ten suffer the symptoms of post-traumatic stress. The dynamic between buyers and sellers of sex ranges from the disrespectful to the downright abusive – but there’s almost always an inequality at play.

Of course, there'll always be some who say that prostitution is "the oldest trade" and that there's not much we can do about it. But this argument is as untrue as it’s depressing. In Sweden, for example, stopping the purchase of sex changes social attitudes, making men less likely to purchase sex and more likely to support prosecutions for others - and there’s no reason why this can’t happen in the UK. Amnesty need to aim much higher. We can do better, surely, than just make the exploitation of women better regulated.

The role of charities like Amnesty should be to lift standards up, not drive them down. Amnesty are supposed to be an ambitious organisation. They shouldn’t just shrug their shoulders and say "c’est la vie". Over the years they've done an indispensable job in ending exploitation, improving human rights, and reducing inequalities. Legalising prostitution runs counter to all these things. It has turned Germany into a "giant Teutonic brothel", as the Economist puts it - and, according to Equality Now, has "empowered pimps and traffickers" in Amsterdam.

Women at risk or in economic need require more opportunities and better protection – not to be told their only option is a demeaning last resort. For the sake of women and mothers everywhere I sincerely hope Amnesty will rethink their position.

[migsy86]

Sorry you felt like that quicknamechange. But you still made money from it, regardless of how bad you felt, do you wish you weren't able to make your own choices as an adult.

I used to market myself as a teen escort, id get men in their 60's having sex with me and that made me feel bad, but I still made that choice for myself as an adult.

[SauceForTheGander]

Quicknamechange -

[doorkeeper]

quicknamechange111 I'm so sorry you were in a position you had to do that, and I hope your life and opportunities are a little better now. Thanks for coming and telling us.

[quicknamechange111]

I wish it wasn't so readily avaliable. I still look back on myself and feel disgusted at what I did. I found the "idea" on a popular social networking site (it was before facebook, I won't name the site but it had a busy chatroom and it might still be going) I noticed lots of younger people offering "webcam services" for money and accepting money through paypal then i found out about the adult work website. I wish that there wasn't so many men out there that feel it's "OK" to buy sex off women (and vice versa, I'm well aware women do it to) I do feel sickened that some of the men I was on cam with would suddenly jump off as their wife/kids were home. I can't imagine how I'd react if I found out my current DP was using women for this behind my back.

As it goes, I am in low paid work now (7.33 an hour) and get tax credits and I'm not loaded no, but I'd rather do this job any day than go back to that. I value my self worth a lot more nowadays. I also met a man four years ago who has made me feel the most beautiful woman in the whole world and it has helped me a lot with my own self esteem issues. I know he wants me because he wants to be with me, not just for sex and I've started to place a bit more value on myself.

[horsetowater]

Migsy your point about quicknamechange111 making an adult choice is an interesting one.

The assumption that at 17 you are a child and at 18 you are universally prepared to make all the right choices is very simplistic but the legal system works that way.

People have varying degrees of vulnerability and students like her are under pressure from various directions. Some people when they need something they really can't get for themselves, will ask for help but a lot of other people won't do that.

When people have low expectations for themselves, see explicit sex as normalised in society, need money and don't have support they are simply going to go along with it. Is it right to let them go off and do that and not try to intervene?

[quicknamechange111]

I have no doubts that a lot of the men got off on my age. I used to keep it quite "hairy" down there from about aged 13 - 18 and one man requested I shave it off on cam, he specifically put on his profile he sought out 18-19 year olds, i.e, the teenagers on the website. The thing is the consent age is very young, I expect teenagers to be messing about and having sex with other teenagers but I think the age for working in this industry should be higher than 18, I think it should be 21 though I know a lot of people would disagree. I think under that age you are a bit more vulnerable and naive and I will be the first to admit I was. I was very "I must be independent now I am 18" and was still in the teenage stubborn frame of mind and didn't ask for help, I resorted to that instead. A few years on I think I would of been in a place where I understood things more perhaps.

horsetowater is right in what she said to, having always had low expectations of myself I have always seen things that way, really, some of the stuff I had done/heard of quite early on shocks me and I would not want my son or future children to be involved in that so young. What with all the sanctions now on benefits for under 25's to I can see more pressure being mounted on young people to survive. :(

[migsy86]

Horsetowater there has to be a point in life where we say, 'ok you are able to make your own choices' that just happens to be 18, there will always be more vulnerable/less mature people around even at 25.

I didn't have low expectations of myself. I was always a very sexual person (I lost my virginity at 12) so it made sense for me to progress into being paid for it. I don't think we should intervene in peoples lives when it comes to consensual sex between adults, that's a mega step too far.

Glad to hear you are feeling better about yourself quicknamechange. x

[migsy86]

I know what you mean about the age thing, I started off on father/daughter role play stuff which looking back was quite disturbing (calling someone daddy still sticks in my mind), but I suppose that's what they wanted me for at that age.

I wouldn't want the age raised to work in the sex industry, working from 19 has given me a lot of experience.

[horsetowater]

migsy whoever had sex with you when you were 12 could be prosecuted and should be on the sex offender's register. There is sometimes leniency if the offender is within one or two years of the victim's age. How old was this person? The point is children can and do feel 'sexual' but that doesn't mean it's OK to have sex with them. That's because psychologically they are vulnerable and physically they are not developed. There are reasons for these laws, it's not just a Nanny State thing designed to spoil everyone's fun.

Migsy where was your Mum when you were having sex at 12?

[horsetowater]

Hi Migsy you might want to try this organisation if you're not sure how you got into this at a young age.
www.napac.org.uk/

[FloraFox]

"I was always a very sexual person (I lost my virginity at 12) so it made sense for me to progress into being paid for it."

migsy you don't sound like a sexual person to me at all. You dissociate yourself during sex with 10 men a day who you do not find attractive. That sounds like the opposite of a sexual person.

Normal men do not want to have sex with a dissociated meat robot, they want genuine involvement and enjoyment even where there is no emotional commitment. Some men can delude themselves that you love every moment of it (thanks in part to women like Kimberly) and others don't care or get off on the fact that they have power over you and you have to do what they want.

The more you speak of your experience migsy the more hollow the concept of choice sounds in your case. Did you ever consider any alternative to prostitution?

[migsy86]

I lost my virginity to 19yr old. I know it was wrong but at the time didn't know it was illegal. My mum struggled with her own problems when I was a kid so she wasn't always on the ball, she didn't even know I was having sex till I fell pregnant at 15 (I had a miscarriage). She struggled to cope with me.

I did want to work in nursing before I left school. But I got into this because I was really behind on my rent and escorting was suggested to me by my friend. The money was too good to turn down and I was already sleeping round loads so it just seemed to make sense.

[SauceForTheGander]

Migsy - there's a big difference between promiscuity and being paid to have sex with ten men a day. What you describe is a very vulnerable young teenager. I really feel for you. I know you say you had choices - but we can only play with the cards we're dealt.

If you had a magic wand what would you wish for?

[migsy86]

I didn't see the difference between sleeping around and prostitution.

As a teen I would get blind drunk, take drugs, sleep with people in exchange for said drink/drugs. I had a nasty few years between 12 and 17 when a lot happened to me within a bad group (inc the rape). I regret that so much and I wish it had never happened. If I could wish for anything I wish I had not gone through half the stuff I went through and I just want to have a comfortable, happy life.

[migsy86]

I prefer not to think about my past too much, I don't speak to half the people involved in my life back then. Maybe it has contributed to what im doing, all I know is since I've been having this discussion on here I've found it harder to go to work. Certain things I would have brushed off before (someone held my hands behind my head today without asking and that made me question his motives and what he was thinking) I do think more about now.

Sorry just waffling now.

And yes its the same friend, he suggested it and rents me the room, gets in clients ect.

[SauceForTheGander]

Migsy - I think you need to talk to someone about your experiences that you wish you hadn't had. I wish you hadn't had them too. The shitty thing about our past traumas is that they will continue to rule our present and futures unless they are dealt with. It's corny but you've got to sort out the past before you can move on.

Could you contact the charities that have been linked?

[Backonthefence]

That friend of yours is pretty much a pimp

[FloraFox]

migsy this is very sad. You were raped repeatedly from the age of 12. You were in a form of prostitution when you were trading sex for drink and drugs and you were groomed for a life of prostitution by your life and by your "friend" who is not your friend but is your pimp.

I find the boyfriend pimp or friend pimp to be more heartbreaking and despicable in some respects than a outright forcible sexual slavery. Not only has he taken over your body but he has infiltrated your heart and soul so that now you believe you have freely chosen this life and it represents empowerment and independence for you. It is the ultimate con and it is played out by awful men across many countries all the time. You are not alone migsy, there are many women in your position.

As much as you wish to forget your past, you are living it every day.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

As I said way upthread, migsy, not one of those men is worthy of you.

I also urge you to seek advice from Rape Crisis about this. You don't have to do this with a view to leaving prostitution straight away, or even at all. But you suffered a shockingly abusive childhood, and you deserve to have some counselling about what happened to you.

You were 12 years old - a child - none of it was your choice.

[SauceForTheGander]

Migsy & Quicknamechange - thank you for posting such personal experiences on to this thread.

Please talk to someone RL if you can.

I know it feels like nothing could ever change and this is "it" forever but it doesn't have to be.