why 9 times out of 10 gifted doesn'tmean gifted.

[gracemargaret]

I have read many of the threads here and have been watching with amusement the whole G&T developments in education. I have two daughters who have both been placed on this register - one who was born truly "gifted" and has never ceased to amaze and frankly terrify me from the day she was born, and the other who is bright and quite academic and who is bound to do well in life with far less emotional difficulty along the way. My eldest daughter is eight - she spoke in sentences at 9 months of age was reading and writing before two - she has never really been a "child" - has never played with toys or other children (and I was a stay at home mum running a toddler group so she had plenty of opportunity!) Take her to a park and she will sit on a bench with a book. She is already far cleverer than either myself or her father and will spend hours in her room (if we let her) reading books and writing notes/constructing powerpoint presentations. As an example the other day I suggested going for a walk (it was raining) and she said she was rather "waterproof to that idea and was much more absorbant to the idea of staying at home" - she also likes home made food as "you can taste not just the ingredients but the effort too" Although she has us in stitches constantly with the things she says, her intelligence is far from a blessing as I worry about her constantly - she is so emotionally sensitive that she can hallucinate when upset and will taste words and smell voices - I am sure at some point she will be bullied as she is so obviously different and awkward and I can't see how she will ever develop as an adult able to deal with the realities of life (although will try my best to help her). My other daughter is an absolute joy - bright, very popular, high achiever and wonderfully within the realms of normal - she might be in the top 5% but is definitely not "gifted" despite what school might say and gives me far less reason to worry. Although I love both my daughters more than anything I still say nobody would choose a gifted child and what gifted children need most is not pushing to acheive (this is an inner drive they have anyway), but support, love, and help to try to adjust to a world where they may never feel they "belong". Good luck to everyone with gifted kids - and those with high achievers - know the difference - and realise how lucky you are!!

xenia, just as a parent who thinks their baby/toddler is bright would seek to bring it out, a parent who thinks their baby/toddler is slow should not despair or give up. Good things can also come to those who wait. All children, whatever their early promise, deserve the faith of their parents in their abilities.

Thanks Tori - that was interesting.

Yes I think it's only natural to be curious about one's dc's development. Dd seems bright in some ways but not in others so it will be interesting to see how she develops. I'm very conscious of NOT making her a project (that would be so like me) - I want to let her follow her natural course. We do seem to have an astonishingly bright bunch of toddlers in our group and that keeps me pretty grounded - some of them have language skills that make my eyes pop.

I do also think that language skills in girls develop earlier. I was always astonished at the advanced language displayed by DS's girl friends. Now,at 3, the boys have caught up somewhat, though still lag a little behind.

I have a friend whose DS is 1mth older than DD and his spoken language is nowhere near her level, yet he still makes himself understood. DD will wave her cup in a gentile manner and say 'moa duce' ! Whereas friend's DS will thrust his cup repeatedly against your leg, point furiously at the fridge and shout something incomprehensible!

Also meant to say, thank you, Tori!

Another thing, most of the developmental target are really intended to flag up problems - so most babies/toddlers can do far more than's required'of them. When I was going through my 'baby as project'phase, I found the "What to Expect...."books helpful, with their "At x months your baby should be able to.. xyz - may be able to... abc and may even be able to.. def" It gave a much more realistic view of the abilities of most babies I knew than the HV's "make a tower". I remember ds's friend said "pig" in answer to every question put to him at a developmental check and the HV said that she felt that the ability to wind up authority figures was a sign of great intelligence!

Certainly if they're slow help for them is good. We spent a lot of time helping daughter 1 learn spellings and learn to read as she needed more than anyone that help. She was very bright verbally, got into school a year young but then stayed in year 2 I think it was for 2 years and that helped too. I certainly didn't mean to imply you write them off if they're not clever.

What I never had the chance with (or problem of) was comparing my children to other children as I worked always full time and never went to anything like a mother and toddler group or had friends which children round here as I had my children about 15 years before most of my contemporaries. I think that was great because I genuinely would not know or care whether my 5 were better or worse or more advanced than anyone else although obviously we would look out for signs of any special need.

oh seeker I was like that with ds1. Especially when he started singing perfectly in tune at 15 moths old and I thought I had some sort of genius on my hands . Ultimately the only developmental milestone that meant anything with him was failure to point by 18 months (although he was quite capable of indicating things like planes to me, and requesting whatever he wanted- his pretend play was even appropriate at that age). I had no idea what the failure to point by 18 months meant or the life it was leading to (for him).

He can still sing perfectly in tune. He would probably be a musical genius if he could be instructed in any way (he can't). But apparently he might be able to sing perfectly in tune because he can't talk - I'd choose the speech combine with tone deafness personally!

xenia: "I think that was great because I genuinely would not know or care whether my 5 were better or worse or more advanced than anyone else although obviously we would look out for signs of any special need." - I like your style

yurt1, very interesting to read about your ds1. Out of interest, how did your ds1 indicate that he wanted planes without pointing? What is the significance of pointing?

He owuld look at the plne (tiny speck in disatance) say 'eehee' then look back at me then back at the plane. As he grew older he would gesture in the direction but not using an index finger. When looking at books if he saw something of interest he would tend to take my hand and point using my hand, or he would just touch the picture of interest.

Pointing out objects of interest by 18 months seems to be an important milestone. Children who don't do it by this age are more at risk of developing autism. In ds1's case (severely autistic, 8, non-verbal) this was the only sign when he was little. He reached all other milestones, he was/is very affectionate, he's always been sociable etc. We were told by a supposed specialist when he was 2 that he definitely wasn't autistic (think the affection etc threw her) although I did tell her he wasn't pointing. It was a pain that she disregarded that as it cost us a year of interventions.

It was partly boredom. I could never have stood even one morning talking to other mothers about their children. Would rather sit at home and read a book. My sister has a very competitive friend who just seems to spend all her time saying how much better her children are. It can get so negative.

I don't mean to analyse dd but because of my CM course I am expected to make observations of my minded children and it has become a habit . I also don't mean to compare, however, until just before xmas I had 2 minded girls aged 2.5 and 2.4 and dd who was 23mths. It was glaringly obvious that her speech and understanding etc were at a more advanced level.
e.g. Mindee 2.6 now last week Kept asking 'wheres littletori gone?' over and over. I would answer ' She is right next to you, or just there look.' After several times of asking dd turned to her (now 2.0) and said with attitude 'I'm heeere!'