Challenges of having a G&T child.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

How has it been for you? DS is only 4 but already I’m feeling like I have to be apologetic all the time or play down his abilities. Some other parents are genuinely curious but most either assume I’m exaggerating or assume I’ve been crazily hot-housing him. I’ve found this with kindergarten teachers too. Since I moved him to Montessori it’s been fantastic, but I’m worried about him starting primary school. I don’t want to go back to being looked at like I’m the crazy mum who won’t “just let him be a child”. It’s as though I wouldn’t love for him to run around and go down the slide again and again and again instead of trying to read books to uninterested kids at the park. Actually no, I love him just how he is and wouldn’t change him for the world, but I’m not solely responsible for those traits. How do other people deal with it?

I don't have any experience of this but I am finding it very interesting to read about your child. How he would rather read than slide and how he tries to impart his knowledge on to others.

Would you consider homeschooling?

It's funny that you're being told to educate your child about social norms. By the sounds of things, 'normal' socialising is never going to be something your son is interested in / capable of and I don't blame you for letting him bring a book everywhere with you. If your child wants to learn, I wouldn't stop them. It's like today I went to this library singing group with my child and he didn't want to sit still and join in the songs. He wanted to explore. I let him and supervised.

Maybe I'd draw the line at a book during a theatre performance or something haha. I don't know why I have posted. When I have no relevant experience to share.

The other parent's faces fall because you are 'being proud' of your son's reading when they just wanted to chat about , well normal stuff.

That’s quite a bizarre inference you’ve made.

I'm guessing that your DS is your first or only child?

RTFT then come back.

Hilarious isn't it bigger ?

If you don’t have anything helpful to add then run along

I'm sure with social skills like that being modelled The Child Who Has Come to Bring Balance to the Force will do just fine.

Hmm, I have a really bright one. Not sure if he's gifted and talented or not. I think the best thing you can do for your kid is teach them about socially appropriate behaviour.

So my kid wouldn't have had books in the park and he wouldn't have been exploring the library during sing and story time. We also had lots of chats about not banging on about stuff other people don't find interesting.

Yes there's a need to be careful and not crush your kids precious individuality. But my kid knows who he can be a geeky little boff with. To most kids he's just a good lad who's pretty good at football and a daredevil on his bike. Oh and he just happens to be really good at maths and stuff.

I love this thread though. Every post of the op's paints wonderful pictures in my head. Her child chasing other children around the park trying to impart his knowledge while the poor inferiors stare in baffled incomprehension. The other parents' faces falling as they realise their own attempts at reproduction have been sadly lacking definitely not because they're thinking oh God here she goes again oh look the Goodyear blimp! Run away

Just, he’s not always attached to a book, as much as some may think that’s the case. I think he will ultimately get more out of school than homeschooling (plus I’d like to get back to work).

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment but it’s late where I am and I need to get some sleep. Advice has been helpful, experiences more so, and some have given a good example of what it’s like to deal with people who have no idea about G&T children.

Yes I second the advice about saying they enjoy it. I used to say they work really hard at it, then I had a Dc who worked really hard and still struggled academically so now I don't say that any more

OK simmer down gorgon

Op you are wonderful. I really hope you're real. I'd love to be a fly on the wall next time you make other parents' faces fall. Please come back and update us.

Our school is big. It was 3 form entry when she started and is now 4 form entry. We are really lucky in that the cohort of the school is generally bright. The majority of the children in my daughter's year are from scientific, computing or other academic backgrounds so there was always a fair probability that my child would find equals and more than that, children who are better academically than her. There are a lot of mathematically very able children at her school. Her friend is probably top mathematically, my daughter probably top for grasp and explanation of English and writing.

There are a few lunchtime clubs, she does a language club but most of her activities are extra-curricular. There's a coding club, but many of the clubs are sport related and not academic.

I think she would would have found life difficult in a small school where she might have been the only one like her.

When she was small she found it hard to relate to children of her age, and even now has some social differences, is not so interested in the things her peers are interested in, does academic stuff for fun (like teaching herself languages on Duo lingo or does mathematical logic puzzles) and enjoys solitary sport as opposed to team games. She's not bad at sport but finds the team element difficult. At parties, she finds crowds difficult and will often take herself to a corner to recoup for 10 minutes. She gets peopled out very quickly (but I think that's hereditary!)

I am middle-aged now but was the equivalent of a G & T child (don't think they had a particular title back then). The thing that I remember most about my childhood was the feeling of isolation. When I was at school the way of dealing with things was to put you in the year above, an unmitigated disaster for me, an only child with no social skills. Speaking from my perspective I was rarely bored, at one point I developed an interest in the dimensions of chimney stacks, memorized railway timetables ( you get the drift) but what I really wish that my parents had focussed on was helping me to interact with my peers & not emphasising what made me different.
Fast forward to middle age. I have spent most of my working life in academia & have 4 children of my own (one of whom is G & T)I found things have moved forward a great deal in education & pupils are now recognised & supported.
My G & T son is now training to be an actuary (loves the statistics, patterns etc) & says that the best thing for him growing up was being encouraged to participate in "normal" family/ social activities (however much he didn't want to at the time) & to realise that you are not defined by being G & T, there is so much more to life!
By the way I still have a fascination with chimney pots but keep it to myself nowadays 🙄
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Yep I gave one, G&T plus 2E. They are an older teen now. Finding suitable schools was truely a hellish experience.

Honestly the biggest challenge was social problems and addressing those. Not to harp on with what others have said but definitely ‘rules’ such as when we went to the park it was play time, that’s what we do at the park. I’ve no doubt the book is preferable to your son but best it’s not even present in that situation. It’s a park, you play there. I think you are causing confusion and blurring lines going on about his hard day at school and need to read to destress etc. If that’s the case then don’t go to the park, stay home where he can read the book, other kids miss out on the park that day if need be. Park is strictly for play time and parents enforcing appropriate play and social interaction and learning. Similarly play dates, don’t blur the lines. No books or ‘unique conversation’, the other kids won’t be interested and even if they are also G&T you will find at that age they probably aren’t interested in the actual book/topic/conversation your child is - they are not the borg (although I find they do become more so as they age where interests and conversation aligns). Again, it’s up to you to strictly guide these situations to be situations of social learning above all else, unfortunately helicopter mode.

Finally all parents of G&T kids have had experience with ‘that parent’, another G&T parent who bangs on ad nauseum about their child and their brilliance thinking everyone will relate and join in, it’s all they want to talk about. Don’t become that parent. Good luck with it all.

Ladywillpower- that was also my experience, being put up a year helped a wee bit academically, but I sobbed my heart out when all my friends went off to their next school and I was not allowed to go as I was too young. Repeating a year was the worst thing ever, and I never really got back into trying at school after that.

Um, I would say that parks can be enjoyed in many ways. If he wants to sit by the buggy and read to unwind from socialising all day whilst his little sisters run around, let him! I know just how he feels, and reading on a blanket on the grass is something I've done many times and indeed spent much of my childhood doing as my parents insisted on me getting "fresh air"

Hmm, my older kids went to a small school where DS1 was by far the brightest boy in his small class (though there were several bright girls). He spent many years being put in with the year above and had lots of great friends there. (His best mate at 24 is someone who was in the year above at primary).

They odd year when he had to be with his own year group (Y2 andY6) he did not enjoy at all and tended to hang out with the bright boys from the year below who had been moved up.

I think being moved up can be good if you can manage socially.

Oh my fucking god, I can’t believe some of the responses on here!! You must all have perfect G&T children who all have perfect social skills and are he life and sole of every party!!!

OP I do get a feeling from what you have posted that there may be other things at play rather than just g&t, possibly ASD?

DS1 is what ever the current buzzword is for extremely clever. He was reading lord of the rings before he started school, brilliant at maths and science. Every teacher thats ever taught is always amazed by his level of understanding and knowledge.
When he was little people would always make a big deal about how good his reading was and you are right it makes you uncomfortable and you feel like you have to downplay it otherwise you are seen as bragging.

DS struggles greatly with social skills. Once he went in to a friends for a play and she took them to a car boot sale and let them buy something - of course DS bought a book and then proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon standing IN the paddling pool ignoring his friend and reading this interesting new book he had got. Now I wouldn’t have let him keep the book. It obviously the mother wouldn’t have known that.

Even if I take the books of DS he will still prefer to sit by himself or run up and down an imaginary line bully himself.

I have 2 other kids who are fine socially so I am perfectly aware of ‘normal’ social behaviour and have taught DS1 social skills and discussed appropriate ways of behaving in social situations. He also attended a special club at school for children with various problems socially. He said it really helped him to understand what people expect in different situations.
He’s in year 6 now and has a couple of good friends (which I thought would never happen when he was in the infants)

It got easier in Secondary school Iwas, mostly because there was no school gate to worry about and my friendship group became refined to real friends I chose, rather than the wider circle. Plus people seemed to stop discussing things quite so much.

From the kids point of view I do recommend, that while accepting their need for space and time down to read, it is really really important to work on their social skills. They don't have to be like other kids, but they should be encouraged to interact with them politely, seek common interests (pokemon is great for this!) and generally learn how to function with others. It might not be easy for them, but we all have things that are difficult that we need to work on.

Because the thing is, you can be the brightest person in the world, but your social skills, and how you are percieved are massively important in how happy your life is going to be.

Your social skills are what gets you your friends and your partner and, quite often, play a factor in getting the job you want, let alone how well you perform in it.

I have a friend with very geeky kids who is quite happy to let their quirkiness go unbridled almost as a point of honour. It's all about being yourself. But other kids don't see quirky, they see weird. The geeky kids are quite lonely, even the adult ones.

Some of these quirky kids may have undiagnosed ASD though.

My dd is gifted, she doesn't have a plan B to world domination in her subject, and is 14.
When she was little I made her go down slides and socialise.
You are the parent and you should do what's right by your child, whether they like it or not.
He'll soon get used to it once he's at school, and will probably be just like all the other dc, but with a gift that he can choose to pursue at home if he wants to.
I know it's hard but you do just have to let them be.
Even our Christmas Day dd will decide to put in an hour and boxing day 2 hours. If she can't do her thing she is terrible to live with.
We were very lucky and secondary age she was accepted for a very super selective school, where she is so happy and thriving.
You have to be prepared to go with it, oh, and ignore those that scoff, but listen to those who may have a point.

Mine is now 18 and was identified as G&T at 5. In real life I felt very awkward about it when talking to other mums at the school gate (I'm quite antisocial anyway due to finding socialising hard).

She has never been a child that went out to play at the park or had people round to play and generally ingnored anyone that knocked on the door for her. She's always preferred staying home with her head in a book with very few actual friends. And that's fine, she's a homebody and that's working out well with A level revision.

As I said at the start, I always felt awkward discussing children's academic abilities because mine was streets ahead. In sixth form though this has levelled out with some of her peers (because they only started at her school for 6th form) equal to her.

What is 2E, is it a measurement of some kind? If so what does it mean in idiots terms please.

I'm guessing that your DS is your first or only child?
RTFT then come back.
I was right...first.

Problems of G+T kids:
My first G+T child was G+T for science and Maths. Socially withdrawn with peers. By GCSE was underperforming massively as I (as a withdrawn scientist didn't see it coming) had not addressed their isolation as they didn't seem unhappy. Back on track by 20 and off to Uni a couple of years later than planned but loving life again.
My second G+T child was an all-rounder. Sailed through GCSE. We await the outcome of A levels currently ongoing. No academic concerns. I learnt some lessons from the first one and stepped back.
Third G+T plays 6 sports very well, has at various times played 4 of those at county level. Currently in national coaching in one focus while pottering along academically near the middle/bottom of the top set. Socially gets on well with other sporty kids so doing OK.

My happiest child? The one with a huge social circle, middling academic ability, very strong sense of right and wrong who will include everyone; has geeky friends who no-one else would choose as well as the more common -all-garden popular set. If there was a G+T for being a really good egg she would have it. She's also the one who has given me the least worry about her future, coincidentally.

Why are you so angry OP? You came on here saying that you had no-one to talk to about the challenges, loads of us said don't sweat it, work on the social stuff, it will all be OK. You seem to take this to mean that we disapprove of your child's G+T classification. It is a challenge, like any other. You will be OK.

What is 2E, is it a measurement of some kind? If so what does it mean in idiots terms please.

Gifted with Special Needs. The SN is typically (but definitely not limited to) neurodiversity.