Is my 3yr old Normal?

[StarlightDicKenzie]

I've pretty much ignored my poor 3yr old dd for the last two years and she has brought herself up amazingly well. My Ds has ASD and taken all of our energy.

Now, it is clear that my dd doesn't NEED much to thrive and I have no worries about her, but something her preschool have said have made me wonder if I am doing her a disservice.

They say that they think she is extremely bright and is ready for reception (she's due into nursery in Sept, but is a Sept birthday so missed reception by a coup,e of weeks).

Now I KNOW she doesn't know much in the way of formal academics. She can't read or do academic maths, but she can solve fairly complex problems and 'negotiate' confidently with pretty much anyone in a precocious way. An example is when we ate in a restaurant she wanted milk and I told her no, so then she said she was going to the toilet and took herself off. (she can do buttons, zips, toilet locks snd wipe etc. independently and well) Whilst she was gone, the waitress brough not only a glass of milk to the table but one that had been 'warmed up'.

Now I'm beginning to think this is all a bit outside normal, but with my first born having ASD (5) who needs help with the toilet and pretty much everything I have nothing as a baseline.

Should I just try and actually TEACH here to read or something?

Her conversations are usually about how owls build their nests or about who likes who at preschool or about waxing or waning moons etc. where she even gets the information is quite beyond me.

I think the OP means that her DD's 4th birthday is in September, so she won't start Reception til next year - whereas if she was a couple of weeks older she would start school this year.

Nonno - the poster is well known on the SN board and has been posting for years. I'm not sure who you think you have caught out.

Most areas have scrapped 2 year checks haven't they?

nonno- poor call. Starlight has been on MN a rather long time.

Here is the practice guidance for the EYFS cw.routledge.com/textbooks/9780415485586/data/EarlyYearsFoundationStage-PracticeGuidance.pdf
The development milestones start on page 26

Dagnammit NoNoNo!!!! My radar was well and truly off on this one. I'm normally so good at recognising the posters who should live under a bridge. Well done you for alerting us

Starlight, I knew it sounded fishy when you suggested that you'd do stressful stuff to get the provision your DS needs. I mean, fancy pretending that you've gone to tribunal, moved house, spent ludicrous amounts of money on ABA.....come on.

Everyone knows that if you have a child with a developmental disability you get handed everything on a plate

NonnoMum - I'm reporting your post. Troll hunting is not advised on MN, and as you are clearly having issues with callibrating your trolldar, it's only fair

I know at busy bees on leyton road they used to let my friend have the 3 hours in term time. Not sure if they are flexible in the hours they let you do.

I hope it all gets sorted. Also skylarks in batford might be able to help. Good luck you need it by the sounds of it.

Oh that's a point - ds3 went to a flexible childminder (that sounds funny). She was brilliant - ofsted outstanding, holistic type setting (exactly what I'd want) and ad hoc (ish - less so as she got busier which is fair enough). She also has kids with SN for days - am about to take ds1 for the day - he gets 1:1 when out and loves it. You should have moved to a travel lodge near us starlight

Nono, I'm afraid that not only are my facts correct but I think you have proved one in particular:

'Our biggest barriers tbh is the attitude of the general public. Not their actions against us, but their passiveness and ignorance meaning that agencies and successive governments can get away with things you would not believe.'

Being believed as I and my family have been put through incredible hardship to get BASIC provision has been a lifeline, and I've found it here on MN and will forever be grateful for that level of support.

Btw, the toilet in question was the Premier Inn Restaurant and and dd had come to think of it as our own!

Nono, I couldn't get to HV check at 2 years. They don't usually do them but asked to see her as she was at risk of autism due to her brother having it.

Given that was the only reason for seeing her and that I had spent 2 years trying to convince them that something was not quite right with DS to be dismissed as an overanxious parent I decided they knew feck all about autism and didn't make the complex logistical arrangements to get her there.

My daughter went to Montessori nursery, she is very bright (so they tell me) as is DS3. With the new early years crazy targets it's likely that your dd will find plenty to learn in a pre school year. (DD is 6th Sep, btw) I found the Montessori curriculum really fascinating, they learn about how the world works, what's in our world, solar system, countries, people, EVERYTHING. It's great for a child of any ability tbh.

Try to find time, about 15 minutes, everyday when your dd knows it's her time, NO matter what happens.

We all crowd control with our children and are drawn to the one that shouts the loudest, but it is really unfair.

StarlightDicKenzie,
It must feel frustrating fending off naive comments. I think your dd sounds lovely.

Health care is such a postcode lottery even within the same country. My dd had a two year check because she is tiny and I have refused to take her to a paediatrian.

I think that if a child had a serious risk of autism then they should be seen by a paediatrian at the child development centre. Many health visitors are pretty clueless at spotting signs of a complex developmental disorder like autism.

what lougle has said!

and your daughter sounds bright and independent and confident, all good things.

nowt wrong with letting her go to the toilet on her own, i do the same with mine if i can see the toilet and its one we have used before.

ditto ordering a drink, she wanted a drink and knew how to get one, the waitress probably thought you had sent her to order one, it happens.

i am sorry you are having to fight so hard to get any help for you ds and fwiw i dont think you have left your dd to bring herself up, but she isnt a pfb and so has got on with stuff, in the way that my kids have done, i have 5 and you cant help them/do everything for them all the time and they do often become more independent at a younger age, that is not a bad thing at all!

enjoy your summer with her!

So Really, if that is true (which it seems to be), then what is the POINT of the developmental check?

Thank you for the link insancerre.

Not entirely sure how my comment broke the talk guidelines

I don't think it did Soup. I think it was because it was a 'reply' to a deleted post. I hate the policy because it makes it look like you were very norty when all you may have said is 'no person, you have it all wrong'.

By that rule though, the one making the toll hunter accusation should go and then the ones in defence and before you know it the whole lot has gone like a set of falling dominoes :o

I have no experience of dealing with child with anything more than mild learning disabilities but fwiw my dd1 would go to the toilet alone in cafes etc. from age 3. She could wipe herself and wash and dry her own and flush the chain (an ability which she has since lost )

She was also more than capable of ordering herself drinks and desserts and often did. 9 times out of 10 waiters would take her order. She is not neglected, just forward and confident.

She is 8 now. She is ahead of her peers but not by miles. She is still very independant and very gifted when it comes to getting adults to giving her what she wants

Your dd sounds lovely Starlight and is a credit to you and your 'neglectful' parenting skills

Star, my youngest of four taught himself the whole alphabet by two years..on my itouch. I don't think he's neglected, I actually think he's got a lot more get up and go than my other children at his age. I am sure you've been a fabulous mother. Besides the proof is in the pudding!

I will warn you ime, the next stage to ordering their own drinks is learning what a debit card is and how to use one e.g

child: Can I have some money to go to the shop for a lolly?
parent: I've no cash on me, sorry
child: That's okay. I'll take your banking card. I've seen you use it lots. You just press XXXX and then the green button and your bank gives the shop the money.

Shortly followed by learning how to use the debit card online.