Is my 3yr old Normal?

[StarlightDicKenzie]

I've pretty much ignored my poor 3yr old dd for the last two years and she has brought herself up amazingly well. My Ds has ASD and taken all of our energy.

Now, it is clear that my dd doesn't NEED much to thrive and I have no worries about her, but something her preschool have said have made me wonder if I am doing her a disservice.

They say that they think she is extremely bright and is ready for reception (she's due into nursery in Sept, but is a Sept birthday so missed reception by a coup,e of weeks).

Now I KNOW she doesn't know much in the way of formal academics. She can't read or do academic maths, but she can solve fairly complex problems and 'negotiate' confidently with pretty much anyone in a precocious way. An example is when we ate in a restaurant she wanted milk and I told her no, so then she said she was going to the toilet and took herself off. (she can do buttons, zips, toilet locks snd wipe etc. independently and well) Whilst she was gone, the waitress brough not only a glass of milk to the table but one that had been 'warmed up'.

Now I'm beginning to think this is all a bit outside normal, but with my first born having ASD (5) who needs help with the toilet and pretty much everything I have nothing as a baseline.

Should I just try and actually TEACH here to read or something?

Her conversations are usually about how owls build their nests or about who likes who at preschool or about waxing or waning moons etc. where she even gets the information is quite beyond me.

Well the list only goes up to 50 months. I haven't seen a 50 plus list so no idea whether she is capable of what is on it.

I'm sure her pre-school will have the next bit if you want to check.

Your DD is lovely and independent. She will be successful later on no matter what she does. Believe you are a caring mum too.

Thanks.

I understood there was not really anything that parents are told post 50m as it is all into the school curriculum by then.

I have some child development assessment stuff that I have been using for DS (mad profile, level 9 for some things but not even level 1 for others) so perhaps I'll see where she fits on that.

Does any of it actually MEAN anything for typically developing children though? I can't imagine it ever even occurring to her teachers to ask her if she knows the order of the planets and which ones have moons etc.

I'm always totally stunned by normal development starlight. I remember when ds2 just picked up a beaker and drank from it (with a lid on) and I was stunned. I thought that it was normal to have to teach a child hand over hand for a week to drink from a cup

For all the sibling doom mongers out there there is quite a bit of research that shows there are some benefits to having disabled sibling as well as disadvantages. What we have done with ds2 and ds3 is make sure from an early age that they both have their own activities. So for example ds2 started acting classes at 4, and ds3 started horse riding at 5. We've added on various things at various time following their interests (to the point where I have said no more unless they first drop something!). It takes a bit of organising around ds1, but I think those activities have been very beneficial (and something like that is a pretty good ways to stretch her as well if she needs challenging). I don't think it matters really what the activity is.

I'm not sure that the order of the planets is on the EYFS But if her teachers observe that she has an interest in the planets, they should be providing activities and experiences which extend that.

The next stage of the EYFS is 40-60 months, so within preschool range still. I'm surprised the preschool don't use it You can find it online if you want though.

It's useful for all children, as you can identify what level they are at, and what to do to support their further learning/development.

Oh right. It just seems a bit ambiguous. I.e 'starting to show awareness of the world around them' - what on earth does that mean? And how do you measure it?

Thanks Saintly, if we ever get ourselves in a position that means we can manage the logistics I'll try and give dd her own 'special' thing. She says she wants to do ballet (no idea if she know what it is and she'd never get anywhere being a short arse like me) so perhaps she can for a bit.

I don't remember that exact point, but something like "showing an awareness of the features of living things" you'd be observing how they explore living things, the questions they ask and what they note about them. A teacher/practitioner would then use those observations to prompt further discussions or provide opportunities to explore in different ways, or investigate something of interest further. A next developmental step would be noticing similarities and differences, patterns, change and growth/decay etc.

We tend to split at the weekends starlight. So one deals with ds1, the other drops off/deals with the other two. I sometimes take ds1 with me to do a pick up (never a drop off if I can help it- too much waiting).

How the frig are teachers able to observe all that of every single child in their care? No wonder I know she can do much more than has been marked off officially.

If you cannot manage (understandably) the difficulties of trying to get your DD to Pre-School 45 mins away from where DS is at school then have you thought about using your 15 hours for her at a caring Childminder. If you hunt around you may find one that has other children of a similar age to play with - and who will be able to spend some time with her that you may not. Childminders may be more flexible over start/finish times? Not sure if all accept the vouchers but I know lots do.

Oh I see saintly. I kinda meant the logistics of no longer living in a Premier Inn, and actually living the the same county as dd and Dh for more than just weekends. That kinda thing .

Oh I see saintly. I kinda meant the logistics of no longer living in a Premier Inn, and actually living the the same county as dd and Dh for more than just weekends. That kinda thing .

Oh I see saintly. I kinda meant the logistics of no longer living in a Premier Inn, and actually living the the same county as dd and Dh for more than just weekends. That kinda thing .

Dunno what haopened there....

Oh ha ha - didn't realise things were that bad
TBH not many places will take them before 4 (and not many then), but it's certainly helped ds2 and ds3 I think who don't really show any signs of distress from having a disabled brother....

We're 'hopefully' moving all together into new accommodation end of April, in new county (so missed the nursery application date anyway for the crazily oversubscribed schools).

Childminder idea is good but tbh I'm not sure many woukd have children her age and just for childcare wouldn't be ideal as I don't technically NEED childcare.

They're supposed to observe by taking an interest in what their key children are doing, and making notes! But yes, a parent will see more of a child than a teacher will in a few hours a day/week.

Tbh I'm not sure how observant they really are. Her learning journal shows a couple of pictures of her wearing the same t-shirt and shorts with a tan but dated a month apart. The dates were end Nov and end Dec.

There is no way I dressed her like that in Nov and Dec!!!

My DD has always been utterly self possessed. I was queuing in s supermarket, and she needed the loo, so I asked DS to take her. I assumed he would take her in. Instead he showed her the door to the ladies and she took herself in. He then came back to me. I panicked and ran to get her, only to meet her coming out, buttoning up her dungarees. She was about two and a half, and didn't talk at all for about another 6 months. She's a bit scary even now really.

Who. The OP? Eh?

My mum was fairly sick and had 2 other younger kids by the time I was 4. I therefore had to take care of myself a lot and be "grown up" it has stood me in good stead in many ways. however, as with any plus there is a minus and now I have to think about asking for help or not making it all ok every time. other than that I'm normal!,