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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

General health

colleague smoking while 8 months pregnant - aaaah!

163 replies

Lil · 08/07/2003 12:22

Am sure I'll be trashed by the 'live and let live' brigade, but I am so-o-o angry with a colleague of mine who is merrily puffing away on her ciggies whilst very preggers. I just bumped into her outside the office in the smokers den and I was this close to having a real go at her. Wish I had, it would have calmed me down..am sitting here very pissed off and irate!!!!

Has anyone here ever let rip?

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SamboM · 08/07/2003 12:24

Yes, many times, but only if someone is doing something that directly affects me or mine. I agree with you, this colleague is stupid and selfish but I'm sure she knows the conscequences (sp) so I think you did well to button your lip!

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M2T · 08/07/2003 12:27

I'm going to disagree. It really is none of your business.

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pie · 08/07/2003 12:30

I know how you feel, but like the others I wouldn't say anything as I'm sure she knows she shouldn't be.

I said something to a friend was and all that happened was that she didn't smoke around me. It didn't make a difference to her habit and just made things awkward for a while.

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oliveoil · 08/07/2003 12:32

Agree better to button lip, but I have never been one to back away from an arguement

I was 8mth pregnant at a friends wedding and saw a friend of a friend puffing away outside - she was 3 months pregnant at the time. I asked her whether it would not be better to give up and she said it was too difficult. Told her I had done it by imagining my unborn baby with a fag in its gob and she wasn't best pleased, also she was hiding the fact of her smoking from her dh, told him she had given up!!!!!

At my antenatal appointments, there used to be a crowd of pregnant women smoking outside the maternity ward, maybe they just popped outside between contractions......

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breeze · 08/07/2003 12:40

My sil smokes and this really annoys dh, I know she has tried to give up and has managed to cut down, but at the end of the day if is her decision. When I was pregnant I wouldn't let anyone smoke within a mile radius of me, but that was my choice. I have never smoked, nor intend to, so I do not know who addictive it is. I do know lots of people trying/tried that failed, and if they will not give up because of their baby, then they probably never will.

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Bobsmum · 08/07/2003 12:43

Has anyone seen that new advert where the babies are smoking? It was on last night and was really quite disturbing. There are several toddlers and babies filmed playing, eating, sleeping etc but they're all blowing smoke out of their mouths and noses - it all looks so convincing - very clever.

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pie · 08/07/2003 12:44

I read about those bobsmum, but haven't seen them yet, do you think they are effective enough to make their point?

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M2T · 08/07/2003 12:44

This subject really pi$$es me off. Some people find it harder than others to give up smoking. Who are we to judge other people, you don't know her background, you don't know if she is perhaps TRYING to give up!! It's very selfish to judge this way.

Would you go up to a fat woman eating a cheeseburger and point out to her how unhealthy it is??? Don't think so, so why do people think they have the right to do so about smoking and drinking (another subject entirely, I know).

I remember when I was 14 wks pregnant it was New Year. I went to my local pub reluctantly with dp and all our friends. I had ONE GLASS of Red wine and watered it down with soda water to make it last. This woman who I had never met, but knew through a friend that I was pregnant, came over to me as I topped up my glass once again and said "Don't you think you've had enough, think of the baby"!!! I swear I nearly punched her. Selfish, nosy cow.

I gave up smoking completely for the frist 3 - 4 months then when dp was out side smoking after our dinner I would go out a take a puff of his cigarette. Other than that I was cigarette free.

It is a very personal thing and you have NO IDEA what is going on in that persons head. I don't like seeing pregnant women drinking and smoking, but I am not so holier than though as to point out their flaws to them.

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Lil · 08/07/2003 12:54

M2T I'm not sure if you are being deliberately obyuse but smoking is not the same as drinking in pregnancy. Alcohol is fine in small doses. Smoking is bad fullstop.

If a fat woman wants to get fatter she is affecting no one but herself. If someome smokes while they are pregnant they are affecting a helpless child. Would you consider it holier than though to NOT sit by while a mother fed her child bleach?

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Lil · 08/07/2003 12:55

obtuse even!

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ANGELMOTHER · 08/07/2003 12:57

Well said M2T, interfering people really p* me off.
I am 7mths pg and smoking, not saying I'm proud of this but I have a lot going on at the mo and quite frankly if someone came up and started to lecture me on the subject I don't know if I could be held responsible for my actions.
I am trying to stop and only smoke in private eg not on the street or out and about ( mainly my garden shed).
As M2T so eloquently stated how do you know what's going on in that persons life right now.
Personally I'm trying to deal with an out of work dh, lack of money, stability and sanity. An extremely ill mother and constant worry as how we're going to pay next months rent, believe me this is only the tip of the iceberg.......so next time you feel like pontificating look in the mirror.
Sorry if this appears harsh but don't forget yo're dealing with a hormonal woman.

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codswallop · 08/07/2003 13:01

Yes but we will pay the price in medical bills in years to come. I love M2t!! but I must say I HATE smoking.. Sorry

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oliveoil · 08/07/2003 13:03

Come on in Princesspeahead, you said yesterday you wanted a contraversial subject, well here you are!!

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SamboM · 08/07/2003 13:05

Fingers creeping into the cage here...

Coddy we all know that smokers fund the NHS pretty much - not that I like smoking, I gave up 5 years ago but still have the odd one when really smashed.

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codswallop · 08/07/2003 13:05

yes - but I am a wuss - have just thought of years of teenaged sunbed use and feel guilty that I am no angel.. retract my statement.

Must go and feed kids...(guiltily creeps off)

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Lil · 08/07/2003 13:06

Angelmother there's no need to be rude!!! I am not pontificating, I don't need to look in the mirror. I am saying that watching a woman heavily pregnant makes me angry and pissed off on behalf of that baby. Don't you think that's a valid emotion? I mean, wouldn't you get upset if you saw a parent potentially harming a child? Just because you feel you need to smoke and you can't give up right now, it doesn't make it any better for your baby.

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prufrock · 08/07/2003 13:10

We've been here before haven't we? Smoking in pregnancy has categorically been proven to harm your baby. Don't try to kid yourselves that it doesn't. That's your decision to take, but you will only do it if you feel that your happiness is worth more than your babies future health. And if you do feel that then I don't mind that insulting you by telling you that you are wrong to do so. How is poisoning your unborn child going to help sort out any of the other problems in your life.

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ANGELMOTHER · 08/07/2003 13:12

Codswallop I agree completely that smoking is a vile habit and we as mothers should know better, but fact is we do. Personally I'm not oblivious to the health risks to myself and my unborn and it's not as though I don't care.
What irks me most is this is my own private turmoil and I view it as something akin to not telling someone else how to rear their children.
What can you really say to someone who is pg and a smoker that with due respect they don't already know, and is it said in the belief that your words make a difference or to be smug.

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prufrock · 08/07/2003 13:13

Oh and I do know how hard it is - I was a heavy smoker, but gave up completely 3 months before ttc my dd, started again afterwards (but never in the house or in front of her) and gave up again 2 weeks ago as I will soon be ttc again. And I have no nails left, all my pens are chewed to bits and I've put on about 1/2 stone.

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M2T · 08/07/2003 13:14

Lil - what would you do if you saw a mother putting salt on her babies meal? That is extremely harmful and can kill if over long periods of time (as with smoking).

I wasn't being obtuse I was merely using that as an expample as to show you that you can't always judge what you see. Do you know if she has smoked all through her pregnancy or is she trying to give up? I mean how much do you really know about this woman?

Good point about sunbeds Coddy...... us tax payers will be footing the bill for the results of all that UV damage in a few years time. Should Doctors refuse to treat people with skin cancer if they have a history of going on sunbeds?

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M2T · 08/07/2003 13:16

Prufock we have been here before and your harsh and judgemental statements were just as insulting than as they are now.

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oliveoil · 08/07/2003 13:17

I fell pregnant while travelling and dh was still puffing and boozing away - v hard to give up but not impossible. (Sorry prufrock, I don't mean to sound like the Monty Python competitive sketch 'travelling? pah, I smoked 5000 a day and put on 4 stone'

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Lil · 08/07/2003 13:21

Well put Prufrock - if a mother puts her happiness above her child's health, they deserve all the interfering from others that they get.

Angelmother can you put a question mark at the end of your last sentance and answer it for me??

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ANGELMOTHER · 08/07/2003 13:23

Lil have you ever been a smoker???????

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Lil · 08/07/2003 13:24

M2T I don't believe it.. this is the first thread I've been on since all that bad feeling a few weeks ago. I am trying hard not to be insulting and offend anyone. But here we ago again M2T, you are just not re-reading your mails and checking to see how agressive they sound. Ple-a-s-e stop being so bloody rude!!!!!

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