colleague smoking while 8 months pregnant - aaaah!

[Lil]

Am sure I'll be trashed by the 'live and let live' brigade, but I am so-o-o angry with a colleague of mine who is merrily puffing away on her ciggies whilst very preggers. I just bumped into her outside the office in the smokers den and I was this close to having a real go at her. Wish I had, it would have calmed me down..am sitting here very pissed off and irate!!!!

Has anyone here ever let rip?

i also found out i was pregnant after a long holiday where i smoked and drank everyday,i stopped smoking the day i found out,why?because i was the happiest person alive,but i had a very traumatic birth and was treated badly by the midwife so i had bad and i mean bad PND and started smoking again, 2 years later i fell pregnant again and although i really wanted another child the depression came back with a vengeance i was desperately lonely and homesick and i could not give up smoking,i hated myself for it,believe me i really ,really hated myself for it,i love both my children more than anything and according to them im "the best mummy ever"so please,please dont assume that because someone smokes while pregnant they`re going to be terrible mothers!

Oh my! Just got back from lunch to find this kicking off! This is the first 'heated thread' I have read. Very exciting!

It's very easy for us to criticise others and cast judgements, but doing it on face value when we don't know all the facts is a bad idea. I too am a smoker, and continued to smoke throughout my pregnancy (only about 2 a day) Yes I knew the facts, yes I knew it could potentially harm my unborn child but I continued to smoke. I'm not proud of this fact, but I enjoyed my 2 ciggies a day. I didn't smoke in public as I knew that some people out there would be disgusted, and I couldn't handle it if they said something nasty to me. I must add that I didn't drink at all throught out my pregnancy and didn't miss it as I'm not a big drinker anyway. What I'm trying to say is it annoys me that the sight of a pregnant woman smoking annoys people unyet a pregnent woman drinking alcohol is acceptable. Alcohol also passes the placenta and must also be dangerous. I smoked the odd cigerette, some women drink a couple of glasses of wine per day. What's the difference?

Giving your child bleach to drink is a ridiculous comparison.

Other people will always do things which may annoy you but that does not give us the right to confront them and tell them how to run their life. What about seeing a parent smack a child, or a parent who allow a child to drink juice from a bottle, or a child eating lots of chocolate. Do we have the right to lecture the parents because we don't agree? I don'y think so.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for at least trying to get the debate back on track WM !

Sorry, I must have missed something, who mentioned bleach ? (not being facetious, honest !)

Yes Lisalisa..... and take some of your own advice. It wasn't me that brought up the circumcision thread. I thought that one was dropped. Talk about holding a grudge?? My goodness.

I have emailed a couple of people to read my posts and comment on whether they were insulting to Lil. I can't see how and if I can't see that then I can't remedy it.

I thought I was making a valid point about addin salt to a child meal?? No?

Just a quick query, not intended to inflame but given that the physical addiction to nicotine passes after 2-3 days (ish) and people give up for the duration of their pregnancy (say 7-8 months once you've found out) why go back to smoking afterwards?

Can we stop talking about circumcision now ?! If you want to row about it then kindly start up your own 'Circumcision is cruel / No it isn't' thread.

Meanwhile, lets get on with a grown up debate about SMOKING !!!

Harrysmum, pretty sure that its the pyschosomatic addiction that's the toughest to kick.

Because I like it Harrysmum. And because I'm only harming myself. And because I'm a weak willed woman who can't say no to a fag when I've drunk a bottle of wine.

I am going to hold my hands up here and say that I smoked all the way during my 3rd pregnancy, after not smoking during my first two (but that wasn't me being good in giving up - I had been a non-smoker for 5 odd years before my first child was born).

Went through terrible times with husband (now separated), started smoking and just found that I couldn't give up whilst pregnant with 3rd child, although I love her as much as I do my other two - just didn't have the will-power, or whatever you want to call it.

I tried my hardest to give up and it is horrible to see a pregnant woman smoking and I felt terrible if anyone caught me but, hand on heart, I really did try but I was in a bit of a mess for most of my third pregnancy trying to hold it together, working, looking after 2 children etc. while marriage was breaking down.

I am still smoking and still not proud of it, and one day, yes, I will give up - but I am sorry to say that I am not quite ready yet (and I know that I will be ready one day as I have given up before) and I cannot even attempt to give up while I am still enjoying it.

Harrysmum - why do people fall off the wagon after being Tee Total for years, why do drug users use again after months of being clean, why cant't dieters resist chocolate and sweets? BECAUSE WE ARE NOT PERFECT.

wicked stepmother I think your point way back was excellant...how many here think that taking cocaine and heroine is the pregnant mother's choice, and none of our business?

I notice that its then smokers who get offended by the postings here. They see their right to smoke should not be critisciced by others. Now I assume there are no hard drug users here (!) is anyone going to defend their position, or is it OK if 'I' do something that may hurt my unborn child, but not if 'they' do it ?

I agree WSM about your posting comments. It's a very emotional topic, so perhaps posters could preview their message, read it through and take out anything too emotional or personal?

Lil - I have read and reread my posts and can't really see what I said that makes you think I am picking on you?

I don't know how else to ask a question except to just go right on and ask it..... so what exactly did I do to offend you. I know this is off topic, but this is really playing on my mind. I was NOT trying to insult anyone. And my posts aren't as personal as most (especially the ones that start with "M2T.... ).

I have noticed a few people here getting personal yet, once again I am the one singled out.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??

I am not the bad guy.... well apart from having a few puffs whilst in the later staged of pregnancy.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for your support folks ! Please note that I have created a 'mudslinging free for all' section for any non subject arguments, personal or otherwise

Yes, I noticed that no-one had chosen to touch that particular comment with a bargepole Lil !!

Sorry for edging in here again but in my very humble opinion I really don't think any one poster is being any more rude than any other (and that said, rude is possibly a bad word because I don't think anyone is being hugely offensive but then I'm maybe looking at it all too objectively!).

PS Previous question really was out of interest rather than designed to be inflammatory

This is good.

My opinion is that it is up to the individual, they must know the risks, their decision.

Also, those who stopped smoking while pg then started again because you liked it, you said it not doing any harm to anyone else but yourself, what if you died of cancer, surely that would affect your children.

yes I smoked through my pregnancy, managed to cut down.

M2T, fwiw I didn't see any insults directly from you. (you do get a rough ride doesn't you?)

Well said Northerner - we are not perfect and if we all went round not drinking or smoking, eating only wholesome vegetarian food, being 'perfect' parents all the time ...... what a dull world!

I am not a smoker but I am a fairly heavy drinker and found it very difficult to cut down (let alone give up!) drinking when pregnant and b/feeding - I am also overweight and know I eat too much of the wrong sort of foods ..... but its my choice, I know my life expectancy is threatened and I accept that.

Not every child born to a mother who smokes will have health problems, my MIL (now dead from lung cancer !!) smoked & drank heavily throughout her pregnancies - she has two healthy children in their 40s - neither of whom smokes. Despite seeing their grandmother die horribly, some of her grandchildren do smoke so even when faced with such reality - smoking is obviously so powerful that it is not at all easy to stop.

may I suggest everyone cools down a bit and has a nice fag ???? I'm off for a secret puff in the garden.....silk cut ultra for me, mate.

Thanks Bouncy and Harry'smum.

M2T to put you out of your confusion...i wasn't referring to your comment to me, just to Prufrock. its just out of nowhere came an abusive mail....and it was from you, and I just thought, oh no not again!!
I will stop there, no more mudslinging etc

Here's my 2pworth... I despise smoking whether in pregnancy or not. I hate it, have never wanted to try it and find it disgusting. I hate going out for a meal and being forced to inhale someone's second hand smoke whilst I eat & I hate going out and coming home smelling like an ashtray, I was delighted when smoking was banned in my old office and would gladly campaign for smoking to be banned in all enclosed public spaces... BUT I'd never dream of telling someone else how to live their own life. If someone wants to slowly kill themselves: fine. If someone wants to knowingly and willingly harm their own unborn baby: fine. There is no law making it illegal to smoke whilst pregnant whereas there are laws about child abuse (note the inverted commas there) when the child has been born. if it's not illegal, there's not a lot you can do about it.