TAMOXIFEN -the third thread ***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- will put a link on the old thread.

Hello All

Mac had her second chemo today and met her Onc Nurse who was apparently lovely. She had some blood tests and they were happy with the results (3.4). I thought that it might be white cell count?? but she was too tired to ask.

We've had a chat about possible depression but at the moment she is more convinced that it is just exhaustion. We shaved her head on Tuesday night as the hair loss really came on a pace and was begining to get on her nerves.

Pennies - I have a 2 and 5 year old and can't imagine how knackered you must be going through chemo as well- you are amazing (I would have Cbeebies on a loop).

Hello KK - glad you are back safe and sound

SR - fab news about the nodes - we are so pleased for you (and hoping for a similar result for Mac at end of year)

RWU - good luck - hope you are out asap

MAS - RESULT!!!

Wishing eveyone; lovely doctors, double choc biscuits, warm evenings and trashy TV

oh ebbie - crutches ! what did you do to yourself ?
NBB - well done to your mum on her second chemo - maybe depression is coming out as exhaustion - or combination of both wouldn't be surprising. Sending good thoughts to her

just a quick thought,Pennies if your up for driving we could always do lunch or a cuppa,excuse my house state thou,i keep saying i dont normally live like this but now i really am beginning to wonder,lol xxx

goodnight all xx

That's very kind of you Ebbie. I've not really been driving much since chemo - I went out for a short trip this week and concluded that I really wasn't safe on the road. It's because I lack the ability to concentrate, and though driving is normally an instinctive thing it's quite alarming just how much I needed to focus. Also I drove soooooo slowly because I was daydreaming!!! I may be more focused next week so let's see how things go. Sorry to be vague, but I daren't make firm plans at the moment as each time i do I end up having to cancel!

If you can't drive how do you get to work? What a nightmare.

Hello RWU - I hope yesterday went OK.

NBB - so glad to hear Mac had a good meeting with her Nurse. They are such wonderful people. I do hope her second chemo doesn't wipe her out so very much - but what keeps me going each time I start to crumble is that if it is doing this to me then I reckon it should be doing something pretty nasty to the BC cells as well so BRING IT ON!!!!! (but then I collapse on the bed and moan that I can't do it, this is torture, feel sick etc etc). Fighting spirit can be intermittent, but that's ok!

Following on from yesteday's discussion about children I asked our nanny to pick DD2 up from nursery early so I could play with her alone for an hour or two. We did puzzles and sat happily cracking open pistachio nuts in the sunshine together. It was just lovely. At the risk of gloating my little 4 year old can do a 100 piece puzzle all by herself! Which is odd because she is the most impatient little being on earth, yet it takes such calm concentration to do puzzles doesn't it.

Haggisdoodle - you would be proud of me. I gardened yesterday too. I planted strawberry plants, and sowed carrots, garlic, courgettes, sweetcorn and tomato seeds in a variety of pots and places. My window sills are covered in little pots of soil and I can feel the hope and excitement already! I've also bought a blueberry bush and two raspberry plants as well. Last year we had a potato growing competition for the children and we'll do that again. Each one plants a potato in a pot and they have to look after it, water it, make sure it's in the right spot etc and then we weigh the amount of potatoes from each one and the one who has the most is the winner! I've also got myself a plum tree, but made a bit of a booboo there because there's nowhere light enough in the garden to put it except where my washing line is and I refuse to move that. Plums or fresh line hung laundry. I think I'll have to ask the audience...

PENNIES - was thinking of your cellar/basement...quite a few people in the road I grew up in (Edwardian terraced houses in Kew) seem to have done their cellars and basement areas out - they look pretty impressive from the road. Obviously will add much to the value of already very expensive houses (my parents bought theirs for something like £4 k !! )
A friend of mine with quite a large house in W London did her basement -it was a huge undertaking and very messy -rats appeared from below and she found one sitting on her dressing table one day..but now it looks great with a games/tv room,storage and wine cellar.
Am impressed by your gardening !!

A busy evening on here, then!

So glad KK is back in one piece from the treatment, and glad that Mac has seen a BC nurse who is helping. NBot sure what her tests were, but they were OK so, that's good enough for now! I found it easier once the hair was gone - it's a psychological hurdle that it is good to get over and move on. She'll have hair again pretty soon (though it may not look totally hot for a bit )

Ebbie - of course you can stay on the thread!!!! All genuine posters welcome!! (We had a couple of trolls early on, though I know I should be careful who I call a troll, so maybe I should just say 'undesirables')

Ldkr - it is very heartening to hear from someone who is years down the line.

MAS, RWU, Haggis, SR, Smee, Pennies - everyone who I have missed - love to all, especially those who feel they specially need it at the moment. It's going to be a lovely weekend (so it's a shame I am going to spend it in Ellesmere Port. It's a long story, I can think of may nicer places to be....ah well.)

Especially meant to say to MAS

Anniversary week - pretty tough, eh? And all the aches - I have been very achey since before Christmas: you probably know this as you are more clued-up than me, but the tamoxifen and the radio do make people pretty achey post-treatment, there is a lot of research happening at the moment. It's a pain (in more ways than one!) but try not to worry.

And whoever said they no longer sweat the small stuff (I think it was KK and SR) - that's so true! It's the biggest difference I have noticed in myself. Control freak no more!

MAS - hmmm yes, well the world's most unenthusiastic builder came to have a shufti for the garage thingumybob. Quoted me £90k (!!!!! WTF???) and said we'd have to demolish the existing garage and start again. I don't get why we'd have to demolish the garage when terraces all over London are being dug out without the upstairs having to come down too.

I'm sure someone said we were in a recession and builders were desperate for work. Did I dream it?

Time to find another builder, I fear!

they want how much ?? and demolish everything ?
gah ! Thanks Cakes for understanding about the anniversary thing
Ellesmere Port ? what will you do there ? have been briefly as my aunt lives nr Chester and a BIL lives in Birkenhead...have fun anyway !

Cakes - I don't live far from E Port and have my chemo at Halton. Rads will be in Clatterbridge so all within an hour from me! EP is a slightly odd place!! But I hope you have a good w/e. We have always liked the boat museum!

Won't stay on here long as had chemo this am and the screen print is not in focus! But Pennies- you've been v energetic yesterday so I hop you're feeling a bit better. Great idea to spend some time with ONE child at a time. Perhaps that's part of the answer for you just now. (WE had 4.5 years between our DCs and due to different interests often had to do things separately with them as it was so much easier!)

My recliners have arrived! Yay - will stop all this on-line shopping now.

Best wishes to all, especially anyone feeling a bit rough, or low, or dealing with an anniversary. (I was talking to a lady who'd come for her last chemo and was feeling emotional and I nearly cried on her behalf! this am)I only have one more epirubicin to go. Thank goodness - more digging around veins today even in one I told them did not work as at least 2 people had ttried it before includign aneasthetists last week. I thought I was clear but will have to be more assertive next time. The Team Leader was asked to do my cannula and she was a dream - phew.

Back to my garden bench now - feel better than usual at this stage . But not up to assembling recliners

Take it easy SR - and maybe it's time you stepped away from the mouse for a bit (at least when it comes to shopping but not MN-ing obviously)

Ellesmere Port, what will I do - well, the boat museum sounds promising actually (thanks SR) but basically it is SIL's 25th wedding anniversary and she has booked us all a weekend there. Why she chose the location I cannot imagine, but there you are. I believe we have free tickets to the zoo (as a bribe from the hotel so we don't kick off over the pool being out of action) and I am also told there is a gratifyingly large McArthur Glenn discount outlet nearby. Personally i would rather go into the nice shops in Chester, but I imagine there won't be a lot of time for that.

Enjoy the sunshine, all!

Well what a gorgeous day again today,Children are at there dads house this wkend so too quiet and peaceful for my liking but my animals keep me busy...

Pennies i know what you mean about not wanting to make plans,as i too have given up on that idea,have let too many people down at short notice{myself included}that i am taking each day at a time..{or half a day as it seems lately.}

If anyone does facebook my name is Hannah conneely,if they wanted to see who i am,and vise versa..

Hope everyone has enjoyed the sunshine or smelt the cut of the green grass,one of my fav smells..

Keep your chins up as am so inspired and proud of you..

Luckly i put people on my car insurance so my car is lent out so am able to get a lift or when i cant work is only a mere five mins of hopperling down the road,full body work out thou i can tell u...

Thou if i dont rest like i should will prob be on this damn things for the rest of my life,lol..Gotta lol,because instide i am so sad and angry...

Have a gd eve with lots of britains got talent,casulty,wine?? and chocolate..xxxx

Hi Ebbie, yes yesterday was lovely. I was recovering from chemo and stayed a long time in the garden. Did a little gentle weeding but also lay on my recliner for a long time. I am really appreciating the garden at the moment even though it is not exactly designer! Just seeing the birds, and the flowers is so nice. I've got tulips, daffs, violas, primulas etc all looking pretty and a fantastic huge magnolia tree that our predessors planted - prob a long time ago.

Cakes- I look forward to reading a report of your w/e in EP! We used to have a season ticket to chester Zoo when the DCs were little - love it! That shopping outlet is good too, though its a shame if you don't get to Chester. I wolred there for 5 years - lovely place. Only moved due to local government reorganisation so this force me out of Chester sadly. Still go to shop or see friends though.

Still feeling rather drained today so taking it easy again. Feel OK but lack energy to do much.

Pennies, I hope you're ok. Also RWU - how are you?

MAS - although I can well understand the impact of your anniversary I hope you can also feel proud to have come so far.

Love to everyone.

SR - you must take it easy and not feel you have to do stuff.

Thanks for kind words about anniversary - I really hope that I can sort myself out with CBT and grief therapy as I do tend to endlessly go over everything in my head -how I should reacts to things,how I don't etc -bit exhausting and rather pointless.
Sun is coming out -hooray !

Hope w/end in Ellesmere Port has been jolly Cakes and lots of good wishes to all for this week.
RWU - hope you are safely resting and comfy at home

Hi MAS, I do hope the CBT helps you as it is no good when the same repetitive thoughts keep circling round in your head and its a shame if this stops you from enjoying the fact that you've come so far against your cancer.

I seem to be taking a bit longer each time to come up from the chemo. but am taking things pretty easy. I do like to do something when I feel up to it as don't like to flop all day really. But pottering in the garden or kitchen for a while between rests is all I am doing. This morning I'm waiting for the man to come and try to fix our freezer which has not been freezing anything for a few weeks.

I'm also watching the box set of The Jewel in the Crown - loved this in the 80s and a friend has lent me the set which is great!

Hope everyone is OK today. Need to do some arm exercises now as its tight.

thank you SR - am sure it'll help a lot...
I loved the Jewel in the Crown !! I watched some episodes on telly a while ago and was struck by the slow pace ( not a criticism) - dramas were so good then -now everything is so slick and fast. Art Malik very fine looking in that !

Hi all - hope you had a peaceful weekend.

Ellesmere Port was fun! It looked a bit rundown inparts but our hotel was on the Manchester Ship Canal and the area had been tidied up and 'poncified' a bit, but it looked lovely. Swam, and went briefly to the shopping outlet (could have stayed longer but the cards were screaming for mercy), then had the celebration dinner we went for - then the zoo all day Sunday. it was lovely - two bats got so close to my head in the bat area that i literally felt their wingstouch my head. It was an odd feeling as it was so dark you couldn't see then coming, just hear them squeaking all around - but I loved it! So did dd - but one of her cousins was very pale when she came out (it may have been unwise to go in, she doesn't line anything flying near her head )

Just been invited onto another research programme, feel I have to take part as it is the only thing I can do to help sort out bloody BC.

Ebbie - I'm not on facebook so can't see you or direct you to my page either. But I'm usuallay about here/ Hope you enjoyed the kid-free peace and quiet!

PS We didn't swim in the Manchester Ship Canal, I shoulf point out!

what is the research programme Cakes ?
Am glad you didn't have to swim in the ship canal !

Hi Everyone,

Not been on for a while (again). Hope everyone is doing OK.

My second chemo (scheduled for last Wednesday) got cancelled because my blood counts were too low. It turns out that rushing around and pretending that everything is completely normal is not such a great coping mechanism after all. I've had to start 'resting' more. Blood test tomorrow and chemo on Wednesday if blood counts OK.

Had what was left of my hair clippered off at the weekend. I have a wig, but I'm not keen. Everyone assures me it looks fine, but I don't think it could be screaming 'LOOK AT ME, I'M A WIG!' any louder if it had a neon sign balanced on top of it. I feel terribly self-conscious in it. And I feel terribly self-conscious in scarves, too. Dare say I'll get used to it, though.

Thinking of you all. x

The research programme is about the effects of diet and lifestyle on BC survival rates. It's a long-term thing looking at what you eat, what anxiety you feel, and exercise, weight, work etc. You have to fill in questionnaires and have blood tests once a year for five years so they can work out if anyone is doing anything that makes them healthier, or conversely, if anyone is doing anything that is making them less so. Going for the first session next month.

I may spend the next few weeks cleaning up my act so the results are less humiliating. -although i realise that will be just a face-saving exercise for me and won't help the research findings at all

BB - so good to hear from you. Sorry you have had a setback it does sound like you should rest more. Try it, you may like it? {I turned into a bit of a lazy git)

I know the wigs and scarves make you very self conscious, it is the same for everyone, and horrible to deal with . No easy way round it, sadly, but you do get used to it. Wear whichever is most comfy and least stressful, and just face down any starers. Sod 'em all, they should have been brought up with more manners.

I have a hair story for all those whose hair is on the return, and those whose hair will be back sooner than they think (I promise)

A few months on from the end of chemo I have what looks like a short crop. On Friday I went for a regular drink with some friends and one (who was a hair dresser once) got some stuff out of her bag and showed me how to use it. Just run it through on your fingers and hey presto! Proper expensive-looking hairstyle! Yay!! Thank God for friends - in RL and online!!

hello all, hope you are feeling a bit better soon BB, its very hard to gauge when you start chemo how it will make you feel - and very easy to overdo it. Get loads of rest and take it easy.

same goes for you SR, plenty of rest and relaxation. Hope you managed a good weekend Ebbie and are feeling a bit better today.

Your weekend sounds fun Cakes - the Zoo especially - we have bats in our garden in summer - you can stand on the lawn and watch them zooming around catching insects. DH has a bat detector to identify them with.

I sympathise with your mixed feelings at the moment MAS, anniversaries bring all sorts of thoughts into your head. I have a book from the Big 'C' library called 'After Breast Cancer -a commonsense guide to life after treatment' by Hester Schnipper. I know not everyone likes reading stuff about it, but I've found myself reading this and thinking 'thats just how I feel' - so thought I'd mention it.

I went to a book sale at our local library on Saturday, - it was fill a bag of books for £4 - I got 23 books! so I have plenty to keep me going for a while. I was very excited by my bargain, as DH put it 'like a pig in clover' - only he didn't say clover.

Today my treatment has kicked in with a vengeance, I feel as if I've been hit with a sledge hammer. Only two more to go though, that's what I'm focusing on.

The research programme sounds good Cakes, good luck with it.

Love to RWU and Pennies, and Smee - hope you're recovering well. And everyone else of course.

hello BB - good to see you back,but sorry to hear about set back with 2nd chemo - hope all goes well this time and that you can try to rest and take it easier.
Was the hair stuff putty or some kind of wax Cakes ? sounds great !
KK - thanks - I feel much better today,partly because my work (touch wood) is going ok and I'm on to a nice stage with it- the painting bit -all the tricky thinking and designing is done - only hope I don't mess it up !

Pretty jealous about the books KK! I'd be a pig in s**t too!! Just 2 more treatments to go, only 2, keep reminding yourself.

The hair stuff is, I guess, putty of some kind.'Bed Head Manipulator' it's called. I have washed my hair today, not put any in, and it has still gone back to the shape i gave it yesterday, so it's pretty remarkable stuff! It seems to have taught my hair who is boss (finally! After 47 years! praise the Lord!)

Hope the work keeps going well!