please help me be brave?

[beinganxious]

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I suppose because I have spent, in truth, the last few months scared out of my wits and too frightened to do what needs to be done. So I'm hoping that if I write it down and some wise mumsnetters read it and encourage me, then I will have the courage to do the right - the only - thing.

I've had the feeling that something is wrong with one of my breasts. Flashes of pain, slightly itchy nipple, odd feelings, pain under my arm, a range of things. I've been able to rationalise it in part. I thought it could be an ill fitting bra. My 3 year old son has a habit of sitting on me and leaning his full weight through his elbow on that breast and on the same spot and thought it could be that. But while I have examined myself over and over, I can't find a lump, but I do think there is a slight 'thickening' on one side. I don't know for sure, but it could be there.

I need to see my GP. And I'm know that sooner is better than later, but God, I'm so frightened. I'm in tears as I type this. I have a little boy - he's only three - and I can't even imagine. I try to tell myself that even if it is cancer, then the sooner I get it diagnosed, the better right. So why am I trying to find ways not to go the doctor. Why so scared?

If anyone has any wise words that they could say, I would be so grateful. I need to do this and do it soon. I can't tell anyone of myfears in real life - I just can't.

Sorry so long, and thanks for reading (Oh, I changed my name for obvious, I suppose reasons, but I'm not that wellknown here anyway.) Thanks

Go to your doctor, pronto.

I don't know what I can say to make you feel better but can imagine this must be very scary for you.

You need to try to think with your head and ignore your emotions. Call the dr tomorrow first thing and arrange the appointment - that's the first step. You are right - IF there is something wrong then you need to get it diagnosed as soon as possible.

Is there someone you could confide in who you could get to book the appointment for you and drag you there/offer moral support if needed!

Big hugs to you!

Whenever I have been to the docs in tears because I am convinced I am dying (I mean really convinced!) I have been sent away totally relieved as there wasn't anything wrong after all! So this is very likely what will happen to you. So GO now, the worst part is sat there worrying!! As you say if there is a problem you need to get it sorted early and you will be fine. Big hugs xx

Well, you know this already, but yes, go to your Gp, now.

The fact you have had this for months and no lump has become apparent makes a nasty diagnosis much less likely (I won't say the "C" word...).

You are likely to be referred to a breast clinic where depending on your age you will have an ultrasound scan or mammogram of your breast(s). You have a 3 year old so I presume you are young, you are more likely to be offered a scan. If that is normal and there is nothing to be felt, that'll be it.

Do go. If for no other reason that if you do not, this will be on your mind forever.

Poor you, how worrying for you. But it could just be worrying, the reality could be a strain, or just hormonal changes or nothing at all. Stop torturing yourself and get to the Dr. Have you a friend you could take for moral support? The worry is normal, I have to go for internal biopsy tomorrow for unexplained bleeding. I have practically organised my funeral in my mind! It's what we do best ..... worry. Please go and get answers.

Thank you all for understanding my fears and being kind; it really helps. I have, indeed, gone straight to the worst case scenarios in exhaustive detail. And have done for months, now. Alwayw at the back of my mind. It is exhausting to carry it around - it really is. Am still crying.

I will make that appointment. Thank you PacificMistletoeandnoWine for letting me know that I am likely to be referred to a breast clinic. That is v. helpful. I have managed to stop myself googling because I do not think it will be helpful

Wish I was younger - had DS when I was 38, so....

Thanks again.

Taking the first step is the hardest. You have admitted to yourself and us that you know that you have to go to the GP. Well done for taking that first step.

Is there someone in RL who you can confide in? Someone who can support you and boost your confidence?

Other than that, I would suggest that you start a thread in the General Health topic asking for advice on lumps in breast. There are a few MNetters who have been through this and can give you good advice on what to expect. I think that if you know what is coming then it is less scary.

If it's any consolation, I too get those weird pains etc from time to time. I had a mamogram a few months back- routine and not connected to the pains- and all was fine.
Also the thickening you feel may be normal- you have to examine your breasts in a certain way otherwise you feel the muscles, ribs, etc etc- a lump/thickening is very different, I'm told.

But see your gp soon anyway.

Beinganxious, please, please, please go to the doctor. Don't google you cannot diagnose yourself.

I will tell you my story, not to frighten you, but to persuade you to see an expert.

I had strange uncomfortable feeling in my breast, pain, thickening of tissue, and some distortion of the nipple. But no discernable lump. In my case it turned out to be breast cancer. I had a lot of treatment and I am still here 18 months later.

Believe me I know exactly how you are feeling my love,but no-one can tell you what you may or may not have over the internet. I can tell you that once you have a diagnosis, whatever it may be, your fear will be alleviated, because you will know what you are dealing with.

I hope this post does not upset you, it is not my intention in any way to do that. But you are worried now, and you need a proper medical examination. Be brave sweetheart and go to your GP as soon as you can. Take someone with you if you can. Sending you hugs and support. xxxx

It most probably is nothing, especially as you say there's no palpable lump. Thickening can be normal, sometimes it's caused by hormonal changes.
I went through some scary time couple weeks ago and I actually had a lump and was referred by my gynecologist. Have two kids and was freaking out, but, obviously, BECAUSE I have children, it was necessary to take action and get it checked out because I would have never forgiven myself, if it was cancer and I left it til it was too late to do something about it.
Turned out to be inflamed lymph node, just sitting quite low on the side of the breast.
Please make an appointment,worrying about it for ages is going to make miserable and paranoid.
Let us know how it went!

I'm glad you've admitted to us that you must go. That's a really positive step. Now make that appointment tomorrow - no excuses! It could still be nothing to worry about, but you have to find out. Good luck.

Oh you poor thing. Yes it is frightening. But you must go to the GP.

I had a long history of vague problems easily explained as other things and I ended up being diagnosed as having colorectal cancer. And then secondary cancer. I will probably still survive but I may not.

You must go.

ThingOne and KurriKurri - thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. I truly appreciate it.

Wags - I hope your appointment tomorrow is quick and reassuring.

(I'm reading, crying, re-reading, crying again...it's all helping to firm my resolution)

winnybella - that's the thing isn't it? That's why I must do it; it's for him, not for me.

I will call tomorrow, I really don't want to. But it needs to be done and this has helped me realise the need to be proactive and fight for my health. Thank you all again.

'Action conquers fear' as someone once told me. Let's see if it is true...

See, that sounds much more positive .

Phone for an appointment tomorrow.

Finding out that there is nothing serious wrong is as important for your mental/emotional health as bad news would be for your physical health.
You owe it to yourself as much as your child, IMO.

Good luck.

Once you have taken the first step you will wonder what on earth kept you back.

I have been in your shoes -wondering if those symptoms could be....

I held back for several months before making that first appointment even though all advice counsels immediate attendance. I have no excuse for holding back.

In my case it was cancer but here I am fit and healthy 5 years later.

In most cases it is NOT cancer. Cysts are much more the usual outcome of breast problems.And very easily treated.

Phone first thing in the morning - they should see you straight away. Press them -play it up if necessary- for an in-day appointment.

Then wait. I felt the best I had for months after my initial DRs appointment .Once I had made the decision to get something done lot of(self inflicted) pressure was off my shoulders.

Best of luck

Good for you anxious one. I hope it turns out to be the most innocent thing you can imagine.

Beinganxious - I understand how you must feel. I had a puckering round one nipple, itching, painful breast. The Dr examined me and said she thoough it was ok but referred me to the breast clinic. Mammogram, ultrasound and examination and all was well - can't describe the relief. That was about 10 years ago. Still more painful than the other breast, but had routine mammogram this year (over Fifty!) and all was well. All my good wishes.

Beinganxious
How did you get on? Did you get an appointment?

Thanks for asking, MMeLindt. I did ring, but I didn't get one - v. busy and not an emergency - they told me to try again tomorrow.

Deep breaths to do it all again I'll make myself book a routine appt if they don't have any spaces.

Not going to lie - I just wish it would all go away.

That is so annoying for you. I guess Mondays are always worst for getting an appointment.

Try breaking down in tears if they wont give you an appointment tomorrow. That always works for me.

Or you could exaggerate a bit and make it sound like an emergency...or try different doctor. I got an appt with my gynecologist within a couple of days.
Please don't stress too much, in all probability it's nothing serious.
Just put a lot of pressure on the person scheduling the appointments tomorrow, then you can see a doctor in a day or two and then you will have done with it.
Also, I know how easy it is to panic when we think we can feel something that shouldn't be there, but so often it's nothing/lump of fat etc..Being a parent makes you so much more anxious, doesn't it?
Relax and let us know tomorrow if you got one!

Appointment, that is!

there are loads of benign things that could be causing your concern...really, cysts and lumps and bumps, blocked ducts, etc.

What is frightening you most is the what-ifs - so the sooner you get your appointment the sooner this torture will be over. Yes you do need to be brave and it's not easy.

Good luck - come back and let us know.

I've booked an emergency appointment for a breast exam. Don't feel guilty. Ring up, ask for an appointment today, you don't have to tell them why, just ask.

Hope all goes OK for you. When I went the GP reassured me a lot - she said from the feel of the lump that it was likely a cyst (she was right, thank god... both times!!)

I was very quickly referred, had a biopsy the first time, second time had an ultrasound and a core biopsy that found a second lump. Also a cyst.

hth

Why not book a routine appointment anyway and then also ask for emergency appointment? You do not have to discuss with receptionist what your concern is if you do not want to.

Well done for picking up the phone today though !