please help me be brave?

[beinganxious]

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I suppose because I have spent, in truth, the last few months scared out of my wits and too frightened to do what needs to be done. So I'm hoping that if I write it down and some wise mumsnetters read it and encourage me, then I will have the courage to do the right - the only - thing.

I've had the feeling that something is wrong with one of my breasts. Flashes of pain, slightly itchy nipple, odd feelings, pain under my arm, a range of things. I've been able to rationalise it in part. I thought it could be an ill fitting bra. My 3 year old son has a habit of sitting on me and leaning his full weight through his elbow on that breast and on the same spot and thought it could be that. But while I have examined myself over and over, I can't find a lump, but I do think there is a slight 'thickening' on one side. I don't know for sure, but it could be there.

I need to see my GP. And I'm know that sooner is better than later, but God, I'm so frightened. I'm in tears as I type this. I have a little boy - he's only three - and I can't even imagine. I try to tell myself that even if it is cancer, then the sooner I get it diagnosed, the better right. So why am I trying to find ways not to go the doctor. Why so scared?

If anyone has any wise words that they could say, I would be so grateful. I need to do this and do it soon. I can't tell anyone of myfears in real life - I just can't.

Sorry so long, and thanks for reading (Oh, I changed my name for obvious, I suppose reasons, but I'm not that wellknown here anyway.) Thanks

Thank you all so much for the continued encouragement. It will help me pick up the phone again tomorrow.

I'm very glad I posted - I appreciate the support more than you can know.

Well done for making the call today. Now we haven't forgotten you, so please make sure you ring again in the morning . Take an appopintment whenever they offer it, so at least you have something booked and don't have to make the effort to make the call again the next day. Let us know how you get on.

Well - I did it.

Got an appointment today and have come back.
The GP was reassuring. She did say that she could feel a slight thickening where I could but she said it could be due to a number of things. She said they felt normal, but that I should have an ultrasound.

She has referred me to the Royal Marsden. As a routine rather than an urgent appointment - can't decide if that is good or bad. I forgot to ask how long I would have to wait for.

I feel strange - relieved that I have gone, and that is all down to you guys - so thank you again. But it is frightening to have something wrong acknowledged and investigated. One step at a time, though.

am proud of you beinganx, you did so well. One step at a time as you say!

Royal Marsden is one of the best which means they really know what they're doing and will be able to act quickly to put your mind at rest, or give treatment if needed.

All very terrfying, I know, but keep coming here for moral support.

Why don't you call the gps and ask when this appointment at the RM might be? Don't worry about being a pest, this is your peace of mind we're talking about, and the receptionist is paid to do a job!!!

Keep strong!

Well done Beinganxious, so pleased you have seen your GP, and that she has been reassuring. If you ring the radiology/ultrasound department in a few days, they may be able to tell you when you are likely to get an appointment. Good luck xx

So very well done, beinganxious!!

Routine referral is good, means your GP did not think it was in any way suspicious.
Usually breast clinics try to see everyone ASAP because they know that all woman panic worry about breast abnormalities, so your appointment shouldn't be too long.

This is what true courage is: NOT not being scared, but being scared and doing it anyway!

no experience myself - but so glad you went to see the gp .
let us know what happens xx

Great to hear that you GP was reassuring. If she was at all worried, you would have got an emergency appointment.

I would ring up the hospital and let them know that you would be interested in a cancelled appointment if one would come up. I don't know if all hospitals do this, but it is worth a try.

Beinganxious; I just wanted to say that I have recently been through exactly this. Was seen for an ultrasound within 2 weeks (with pain and thickening of breast tissue but no obvious lump). I have just now had the all clear as the U/S showed nothing of concern and the consultant said the most likely cause was hormonal changes which can lead to thickening of the tissue and pain. Well done for taking the first step - I'll keep an eye out for updates.

Good luck to you. I have been through it myself with a lump and bleeding nipple that would not get better no matter how much antibiotics I was given. Had an ultrasound the lump turned out to be milk and the bleeding nipple athletes foot (!). All better now.

Thanks

I'm feeling a bit shaky - adrenaline comedown I think.

I was expecting the referral (ty Pacific for the prep), but it still makes it seem real in a way that it wasn't before.

I really am trying to take it one step at a time and not get ahead of myself, but it is hard not to imagine the worst. What is it about the brain that only takes in the least reassuring bits of information that you are given?!

I think I will try and see if there are any cancellations available, if possible.

Thank you all again - I haven't got anyone that I feel I can talk to about this, so all your messages and reassurances are invaluable to me.

A friend of mine thought she had a lump, and having previously had another type of cancer scare, she went off to the docs pronto to get it checked out. Turns out that she was feeling her rib (she is pretty small-busted) and the nurse was very lovely about it and reassuring that it's a not uncommon "mistake" and she definitely did the right thing in coming in.

While this is not necessarily your case, the only way to resolve your panic is to get seen asap - and know that early intervention is your best way of dealing with any potential problem.

Good luck - I'd be quaking in my shoes as well if it were me - but you have to do it for your DS's sake as much as your own.

every time I only read the first page, I always get caught out - sorry, beinganxious, have now seen that you have been referred. If it is a routine referral rather than an urgent one, you can take it that your GP is not unduly worried but is making sure that there is nothing of real concern there.

Well done for being brave and starting the ball rolling - and hoping it's all nothing but a blocked milk duct/hormones or something.

well done for being brave beinganxious - I have been through this myself so can understand how frightening it is but you've made the first important step.

One step at a time is definitely the best way -Will be thinking of you and do ask if there's anything you want to know xx

So glad you did it!
I concur with everyone else here that if the GP thought it was suspicious,you would get an emergency referral. As it is, she has to send you for a scan to be 100% sure, and that is a normal procedure in such cases, not because she thinks it's serious, so please don't stress!
Find out when are you likely to have the appointment and keep us updated!

I am trying to stay positive, but it's really hard tonight.

I feel very odd. Am touching and prodding - is it worse than it was this afternoon? is it bigger? does it feel different? should i have said more? perhaps I didn't give her the right information?

Of course, I also went straight to google and
have frightened tried to educate myself.

I want to be braver, but I'm not doing so good atm. And it's my baby's birthday tomorrow, my little boy...

I have my fingers crossed for you.

FWIW I had a bit of pain in one of my breasts and (after a couple of months) went to the Doctor to get it checked. As soon as she said she couldn't find anything the episodes of pain (they weren't that bad tbh) seemed to disappear. I think I had been pyching (sp?) myself up. My mother died of cancer and while I don't obsess over it, I have this feeling that it will get me one day.

I do hope your appointment arrives quickly...and don't google - you will always find the worst potential problem.

Being anxious, I second what every one has said, if your doctor was very concerned, she would have got you an urgent referral. I know its hard waiting, but hopefully the scan will reassure you, they should tell you there and then what they think it is.

There is no reason you cannot go back to your doctor, and ask questions you feel you might have forgotten, or for clarification. or if you want it, help with your anxiety.

Try not to prod and poke, (I know that is very difficult) but you will make yourself sore, and the tissue feel swollen.

Doctors don't mess about with these things, they err on the side of caution, for your own peace of mind. Take care sweetheart, try to keep calm, there will always be people on here to give you support while you are waiting. xx

Well done for being so brave.

I just want to add. I had a lump last year, well I still have it and several others now but saw the GP, he referred me as a routine case but I had an appointment to be seen in breast clinic within 4 days of seeing GP.
Just wanted to make sure that if you got a quick appointment it didn't frighten you more than necessary - I know I panicked that the GP had kept what they really thought from me- but it was just that the breast clinic had a very quick referral to appointment time.

My lumps BTW are fibrocystic breast disease. I now have regular scans and biopsies to check any new ones but I know that first time I felt exactly as you did.

I am 37 and they did an ultasound, mammogram and a Fine needle biopsy on my first visit. I think they like to make sure they get the full picture straight away

Hope all goes well for you and that you have been worrying unecessarily

Ah well done for going.
I also think it sounds good if she has booked you for a routine check.

Another one who got checked out. It turned out to be just normal thickened tissue. Got referred as routine but appt still came through very quickly. Most of these lumps turn out to be benign so try not to worry if you can.

I had this only last week. I found a lump, spent an hour contemplating how my DC could grow up without a mum, phoned my GP and got an appt that day.

GP referred me to a specialist, and I got a cancellation appt for that evening.

The consultant was great. He said that they would do everything during that visit, and either be in a position to say it was nothing to worry about, or that that it was something, and devise a plan of action.

I had a mammogram, ultrasound and needle biopsy.

Thankfully, I got the all clear. It took 8 hours from discovering the lump to having the consultant say it was ok.

. . . . But . . . .

Even that hour of worry before I phoned the GP was enough for me. Go and get it checked out.

Good luck.

((((((((((((((((((*HUGS))))))))))))))))))

Of course you're scared. And everything is magnified when you look at your little one because he needs you so very much. (Happy birthday to him, by the way! I had my DS when I was 38, he's now 22 months.)

I'm sure you'll be seen very quickly for your follow-up - but I also know that every minute of waiting between now and then will be agony to you, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change that but we're here to talk to if you get wobbly.

I said this sometime last year and it made lots of people laugh but it's so true: someone is always awake on MN! So if you haven't got anyone you'd like to confide in, we're here.

My letter has arrived today. It says "you have been urgently referred" - I wonder if that is standard text or if my GP changed her mind. Should I call and find out? Perhaps as norksinmywaistband said, it could just be that they have quick referral times? I don't know what to think.

It's for next Weds. I want to think that this is good, better to get this torture out of the way. Best to know one way or the other.

Everything now feels wrong. Much more than it did before, my arm hurts, my back hurts, my breast hurts. Probably psychosomatic, but maybe not. I don't know how to prepare myself for the diagnosis that I now think is certain. Does anyone know of anything that I could read or any websites? Could I phone breast cancer care? Or is that only once you have a diagnosis?

I have some valium that I had prescribed (because I hate flying - seems silly atm) and I have taken a 1/4 because I want my little boy to enjoy his birthday and it helps me keep it together.

I cannot tell dh today, but I don't know when to tell him. It is not the sort of information that he is going to handle well.
I don't know what to do. DS is watching a film because otherwise I will just cry all over him. I need to get the candles out for his cake.

I don't know how to calm my brain down. I'm sorry for the wall of text. My fear is all invasive.

Look at that - I forgot to change my name. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway does it? But I am one and the same.