TAMOXIFEN THREAD HERE ***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am sick of my messages never getting through - I have had 7 attempts to reply to Cakes' last post- am starting a new thread ....
this is what I wrote anyway.....

righto, this i my 7th attempt to reply on this thread - everything keeps disappearing !
My assessment is on 25th,and am told to allow two hours for it,crikey !!
Saw a lady in town yesterday who was having rads and finished at about the same time as me and she's just seen the onc. for her follow up - they are running very behind I know- so I emailed to ask about mine - I tie myself in knots in trying to be assertive yet not too needy or a nuisance - I suppose I just like to feel that everything is done in order. Am not worrying about my health -am sure breast is fine and dandy, it's more my emotional state which troubles me.
Anyway, they have made me an appointment but it's at the same time as my assessment so have emailed back and left a phone message...arghh !
Special thoughts for RWU today and of course KurriKurri - hope all ok..and of course you Cakes and Morph.

Gah- see if my boobs were a normal size and shape my dress would fit brilliantly! Blardy chicken fillets in the bra again !

Have a good weekend Kurri- do some fun stuff and forget until monday- i know it's hard! x

God RWU you really do fill every minute, don't you? The wedding is this weekend is it? Have a great time. if your dress is half as nice as the wedding one you will look fab.

keep chowing down on the cake, which sounds ppretty lovely, KK. have as much fun as possible. Your DH sounds excellent!

Will catch up with you all on Monday. Today I have a fun filled morning planned buying the ingredients for a chocolate fouintain for the school Xmas Fair - there was no-one available to go so i am off to buy huge bars of chocolate.

xx

Have a great time at the wedding RWU, I'm sure you and of course the bride will look stunning in your dresses. Fingers crossed for no rain.

Cakes last day today yes? Hooray and well done, enjoy your break.

Hope you hear about your CBT soon MAS, it will be good to get things in place and know what's happening.

We're planning a morning of Christmas shopping, Followed by a nice pub lunch or similar. Then in the evening will snuggle down and watch strictly. (DH bless his heart has worked hard at filling DD's shoes as my strictly-buddy, its not really his thing. In return I pretend to be interested in golf when it is on the telly)

have a brilliant time at the wedding RWU and a splendid Bath weekend Cakes !
And thank you KK - I imagine I'd hear fairly soon - if they do agree to my having CBT then I'll be a flap about it I'm sure - the prospect of change, even something that will help me is unnerving !
Have a good time tomrrow and enjoy Strictly - my parents are coming to supper but I'm sure we can take occassional squints at the telly. I don't think I could feign any interest in golf

hi Ladies,

I haven't been keeping up with you but checked in today to see how you are doing and just wanted to post something quickly for you, Kurrikurri (you might not have been on here last time I posted - it's Jumente)

My friend who had ovarian cancer had a very similar scare last year. She had finished chemo and felt some lumps along her chest wall, she was petrified...they got her in to have some tests and such, and it turned out to be nothing at all

Really hoping that you have no reason to be afraid.

I hope you are all doing really well. I shan't stick around and read as it feels intrusive, small update on my dear friend who is now going to have some chemo for her skin cancer...it feels a bit odd accepting that it's reached that stage...but anyway. Keeping everything crossed.

Take care all xxx

Thank you so much Juillet, what a lovely message, I am keeping as positive as I can.

best wishes and unMN hugs for your friend.

hi Jumente/Juillet - lovely to see you and how kind you are to post that...ditto un MN hugs for your friend

Hi ladies hope you are all having a splendid weekend- we have just returned from 'the wedding'! It was a fab day, bride looked beautiful and i got a big bunch of flowers and lots of praise for my effort which was special! (even if the best man came out with the cracking line "I think you'll all agree that the bride looks lovely in her handmade dress by RWU, we would all like to especially thank RWU as she has made this dress during a difficult time, as many of you know she is bravely battling cancer at present.............." and it went on was a bit pissed off until (honourary) mum pointed out that a lot of people forget because i am so stubborn about 'being fine' and it did mean that i got LOTS of drinks bought for me [hiccup]!!

Right off to bed, party for dd to get to tomorrow then i can sleep until Wednesday for the school play no1, Friday school play no2, Monday Christas Fayre........... aaarrrggghhhhhhhh

oh I'm so glad it all went well and that the dress was so appreciated & admired and that you got lots of praise and drinks - you deserve it !

Hi all

Good to hear from Jumente again, how nice of her to drop by. You all sound like you had lovely weekends (apart from the golf, which, frankly, yawn). The wedding sounds fab, and you definitely deserve the pats on the back RWU - try and get over the hangover before the Xmas play onslaught though....

On that subject, was dreading the whole thing as dd is an alien (at least in the play) and my costume-making abilities are limited to put it mildly. Found out on Friday that the TA is making the alien outfits - hats off to her!!! Hooray!!Clearly didn't want the play to unravel along with the home-botched costumes.

bath was lovely, if a bit lot rainy yesterday.

Good luck for today KK. Everything is crossed. xx

Welcome back jumente, hope all goes well today KK, Cakes, glad the weekend went well!

(Slight) Hangover dealt with by means of co-dydramol and pinapple juice wasn't too bad as i did stick mainly to soft drinks (had to for most of it as i was driving the posh hire car )

Right, the results of the needle biopsy they took on Friday are back, there is evidence of 'borderline cell abnormality' so i'm booked in for a proper bladder biopsy (and you can guess how they do it ) Onc does not seem overly worried, thinks it could just be defence cells as a result of the cyst, but they want to know what they are dealing with before they operate. Waiting to see if they can do it at local hosp or if i have to travel 60 odd miles, hoping it can be done locally as driving back with sore fanjo area wouldn't be too fun!

Not feeling too worried, so maybe thats a sign- usually i get really wound up when i'm waiting to hear about things! Not greatly looking forward to having a camera thingy stuck quite frankly where it should not go

Thinking especially of Kurri Kurri today, hoping you get some good news. x

fingers crossed for you RWU - but good that you are feeling not too worried - have to wince at the thought of cameras and front bottoms..eek.
How was Bath, Cakes ?
Pesky rain is driving me mad - if it rains and the wind is strong easterly it forces the rain under my tiles and into the house...grrr
Thinking of you today KK x

Ooh RWU that sounds a bit too intimate for comfort. Hope it's a VERY small camera and all goes well with it. When is it? Hope soon, you don't want to anticipate that for too long.

Bath was lovely, thanks! lovely day Saturday but rainy yesterday. Lovely just to spend a weekend away with just the three of us. Have just been to see a client and discuss their redundancy programme, and how to manage any fall-out, so am now truly back in the real world. Hopefully it won't be loads of people, but still....

I hate leaky roofs, MAS, I know that feeling all too well. Hope it stops soon!

Hi all, just got back from my scan. All is fine, it is scar tissue and a lymph node which is more prominent than normal because I've had a lot of flesh removed. But nothing abnormal.

Just about managed to stop myself hugging the Doctor, but was shaking with relief when I came out.

Thank you all for your support, it has helped so much, you are stars.

Glad the wedding went well RWU, sounds as if a good time was had by all. Sorry you're having a further biopsy, but its good the onc. isn't unduly worried. Will they sedate you for it? I've had cameras in unmentionable places before - these things are never fun are they? - but hopefully it won't be too uncomfortable.

Sounds like a lovely weekend Cakes, pleased you got a nice break.

It has turned really wintery here too over the weekend, I love cold crisp mornings, but this is just dark skies and rain.

I'm off to the theatre tonight (arranged before all my health hoo haa) am really looking forward to it. Esp. as my son is in the play (proud Mummy)

BRILLIANT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Excel lent news KK ! am so happy and relieved for you...
have a wonderful time at the play and wow ! your ds the star !!

Phew KK I feel almost as relieved as you!!!!

That is the best news I have had today. Thank God. Sorry you have had such an anxious wait - enjoy your DS's day in the limelight.

BRILLIANT!!!!!!

So Glad for you KK! i had a feeling that everything would be fine- but its still such a worrying time isn't it!

On the camera/biopsy thingy- apparently they coat the guide tube in a numbing gel so once it starts going in it should be ok, they claim "it isn't the most comfortable experience" but then after the last op with 43 internal fanjo stitches (yes 43!!!!- never had one after any of the kids ) i guess it will be a breeze- they give me a mild sedative beforehand to calm me down anyway!

Had a call earlier to book me for a scan and bloods tomorrow afternoon- so it looks like they want to get moving pronto.

here's a tip ladies- when waiting for a procedure- DO NOT google said procedure! I now have my legs firmly crossed with no intention of uncrossing them

Many thanks everyone,you are all so kind and encouraging.

Had a great time at the play, DS brilliant as usual (shameless boasting).

I'm glad they're getting on with things for you RWU, wincing at your 43 stitches, this procedure has to be better than that! When I've had those 'mild' sedatives, they've made me so dopey, I didn't really know what was going on, so maybe yours will be like that.
All the best anyway,thinking of you, and stay away from the google

NO!!!! No Googling!!

I think I can feel some of your discomfort from here! At least they are getting on with it - the waiting and wondering, and then waiting for the sedative to kick in, must be the worst part. (I hope)

Do they let you have anyone in the room with you? If so, my top tip would be to say no, thanks.

Blimey, the things we have to go through.

Adding crossed fingers and crossed legs to the tally so far....Good luck
xx

bloods and scan done! The cyst is about 75mm diameter apparently They have decided that they will probobly have to do the rigid cystoscopy (under general) due to the size and position- so happier now as i will be knocked out however the previous experience of fanjo surgery doesn't make me want to jump for joy! (btw the last surgery the preparation was done under sedation, twas horrible as people were rummaging round my private parts and i couldn't move, speak, scream, or tell them to stop, still sends a shiver down my spine when i think about it- felt very degrading to be lying there in stirrups with nothing to cover me up , never was i so glad to finally be put under )

Good to get the scan out of the way. Any idea when they are doing the next bit or are you waiting to hear? At least they are going for GA, that will be better, try not to think about the previous experience (easy to say, I know), hopefully you will be well out of it this time before any rummaging starts .

Will it still be a day procedure, or an overnight stay? I hope the cyst isn't causing you a lot of discomfort at the moment, it will be good to get it sorted.

yikes ! but good that you'll be safely asleep when the rummaging commences - the very thought makes me feel faint ! I am really wimpy about smears - I do go but have to psych myself up for a good while beforehand. Will be thinking of you RWU.
Feeling a bit as the assessment team would like me to take antidepressants so that I will be in a good frame of mind for possible CBT - I kind of feel that they might not give me the CBT unless I do - I asked this and she hedged around it a bit - apparently I'll be assessed again to see if CBT would be helpful - I am upset as I really don't want to take anything and wasn't expecting that - I know they know best but..also it sounded as though my getting CBT isn't guaranteed,so feel a bit
Probably a bit nervy today because it's ds's recital thing and he has to sing his exam pice in front of an audience - I think it's just dawning on him...he has been really calm -actually he is ok, but I think he thinks it's like a practice with the accompanist in front of a few people !

Ooh dear, that picture that strikes fear into the heart of every woman, RWU - good that you can be fully under: whatever happens under anaesthetic is in a different life entirely and we don't have to dwell on it. Hopefully you'll feel a lot better on the pain and weeing front once it's over (and the fanjo has recovered from the indignity). Try not to think about it.....

Sorry this is not all cut and dried for you MAS. Fingers crossed for the CBT. Can you go and see DS do his singing? Or does he have to go in solo? Poor chap, he's only 12 isn't he? Hope you can hold his hand a bit (or he can hold yours, delete as applicable).

God life's worrying sometimes isn't it?

By contrast I actually had quite a fun day - it was only working but I went to see a client who has his office attached to the back of his house, a bit like mine. Anyway, he has a sort of a rigid canopy affair outside his window, and his new kitten and his border collie spent the entire time chasing each other across the canopy thing. God knows how they got up there, or what happens if they fall off. Fortunately it is very rigid and took the weight, but was pretty entertaining. I know, little things please little minds.

Oh MAS, how disappointing, it sounds as if they are faffing around a bit. There is no reason you should feel pressured into taking something you don't want to. I don't know your details obviously, but when my DS had CBT it was tried as an alternative to medication, which he did not want to take either.

Having said that, I am on AD's (citalopram) and find it helps with anxiety, but it also definitely has side effects and it was not a quick decision by any means to take them, I had to give it a lot of thought. (If you have any questions of course feel free to ask away).

Anyway I hope you find out what's happening soon, have a lovely evening - you will be so proud of your DS. (just looked at your profile, he is a lovely handsome chap - he will win the audience over before he even starts singing)