TAMOXIFEN THREAD HERE ***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am sick of my messages never getting through - I have had 7 attempts to reply to Cakes' last post- am starting a new thread ....
this is what I wrote anyway.....

righto, this i my 7th attempt to reply on this thread - everything keeps disappearing !
My assessment is on 25th,and am told to allow two hours for it,crikey !!
Saw a lady in town yesterday who was having rads and finished at about the same time as me and she's just seen the onc. for her follow up - they are running very behind I know- so I emailed to ask about mine - I tie myself in knots in trying to be assertive yet not too needy or a nuisance - I suppose I just like to feel that everything is done in order. Am not worrying about my health -am sure breast is fine and dandy, it's more my emotional state which troubles me.
Anyway, they have made me an appointment but it's at the same time as my assessment so have emailed back and left a phone message...arghh !
Special thoughts for RWU today and of course KurriKurri - hope all ok..and of course you Cakes and Morph.

pennies- how awful for you, just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you x

MAS- got the message, am thinking that the answer is yes as i was going to get the book reccomended (illustrated by you!) and then a piece to go with it iyswim (thats the kind of thing mum will love lol- a picture by the same illustrator as a published book.... she'll dine out on that for years- def brownie points for me!) how does it all work? oooh this is very exciting! let me know what to do next

Welcome back burningbright- take it easy, don't try to do too much too soon!

RWU -will send you a fb message !
Cakes - don't know whether you've been watching Nurse Jackie (my absolutely favourite tv thing-last one tonight ) but she took her dd to a Mother Daughter tap class which ended badly -am sure you'll have fun at karate. Ds used to do a class when he was 5 or so -it always looked great fun and I did quite want to join in.

So sorry about your friend Pennies,she sounds like a wonderful person, what a terribly sad thing for you.

Lovely to see you back BB, and glad your surgery went well. Take things easy.

Good the CT scan is done SR, and well done Mr SR on the wound packing!

Thanks all, for words of reassurance this morning while I flapped

Pennies - so sorry to hear about your friend. there doesn't really seem much anyone can say but just wanted you to know that i am thinking of you and your friend's family too.

Burning bright - glad your op is over and all the best for a speedy recovery. Every day forward is going in the right direction!

RWU - you really are a super mum! I think I would crack if I had that many lovely children to run after. I wish I had started earlier (didn't meet hubby until well into my thirties) so have been blessed with one lovely boy but sometimes yearn for a larger family. I still go gooey when I see babies but have to accept that it's too late now - just grateful for my one wee monster!

Hi MAS - yes, Nurse Jackie fan here too! Funnily enough we were talking about the similarity between her tap class and our projected experience over dinner - if I can JUST manage not to say 'Fuck you' to another mother I will be doing well. At least compared with Nurse Jackie.

Thank you for all your lovely messages.

BB - lovely to see you back sounding so upbeat. I have been thinking about you each day and hoping you've been OK. It is weirdly comforting to know that someone else is going through exactly the same as me at the same time. Did you have drains? How glad were you to get rid of them?! Yes, I still feel very sore and more so than after the op. I put it down to the reduction in adrenalin as I'm still taking loads of pain killers. I gave a wry smile at your love handles and arse! I too have discovered those are very much in evidence. I'm hoping no-one else notices though!

Had an odd thought this eveing so sharing it. When I was little I used to have an imaginary friend called Daphne - she lived in the hedge at the bottom of our garden and lived on beech buds that you could uncurl a bit like an onion...

Do you think virtual friends like on here are the adult equivalent?

That's slightly weird isn't it!

Anyway I do enjoy this thread.

By the way I recommend Cancer Vixen if you can find it. Clever how the artist puts emotions we've all been through /are going through into cartoon form - the author and illustrator has had BC too. Made me laugh in several places. I'm enjoying Juliet Naked too. (That's a book btw, in case you think I'm being rude or anything.)

believe me haggis my brood are faaaar from lovely it is much easier now that the boys are at school- i drop them off at 8am and then they have alternate days at after school club so i don't often have them all running riot at home for long! the boys are also so close in age that they fight play for hours between themselves, but slowly dd is taking over and bossing them about- she's in charge in this house! speaking of which dd starts at nursery/cylch after easter so will have 2.5 hours totally free each morning the house will be exactly the same dump it currently is spotless and i shall try but fail to refrain from extra mn'ing

I am retiring to bed for the night- i have started knitting the tank top that ds wants so i shall sit and play with that for a while until i drift off... night all x

ps i shall message you first mas

BB and Pennies - love handles and huge arse here too, and I am afraid they are so prominent no-one could fail to notice. Even the onc commented on them last time I saw him

Maybe the karate lessons will start to shift them (me I mean, NOT you two, not quite yet)

Pennies - I thought about you a lot too. As you say, oddly comforting to know that someone else is going through the same experience. Also good to know that we've both come out the other side OK.

Yes, I had drains. Two each side. My first trip to the loo post op was a delight. Naked except for my enormous pants and my green surgical stockings, clutching a surgical gown to my non-chest and carrying my drains in two carrier bags. At least the carrier bags were green too. There is never a good reason for clashing accessories!

I was very glad to get the drains out. It meant I could come home. But I keep having to go back in to get fluid drained off the side they took out lymph nodes.

Sandripples - I used to have an imaginary friend who lived at the bottom of the garden too. Not sure what its gender was, but it was called Robin and lived in the pampas grass.

Hi BB

I had to keep getting the fluid drained off as well. When you get fed up of going, it is OK to stop. Eventually the body reabsorbs it, so it's something you only need to do if there is a comfort issue (or if it looks like you have a balloon under your arm).

Hopefully the fluid will settle down soon BB. It does feel strange doesn't it, - as if you've constantly got a rolled newspaper tucked under there.

I've just remembered that when I had my op. They provided little knitted handbags to carry your drains around in - the height of fashion obviously .

DD had an imaginary friend called Aunty Gravy. For some reason AG was extremely tall with unfeasible long legs (about 8ft IIRC), which made her very hard to accomodate round the table at meal times (I was quite glad when she disappeared, although DD remembers her fondly)

Sympathies to BB and Pennies re drains etc and especially pain levels. I do hope you'll feel better soon and pain levels will one day drop like mine did.

Just wanted a small bit of good news - my wound has finally healed and I don't have to have any more packing- horray!

My bone scan is tomorrow and also the surgeon is going to inspect my wound. Then big review on Friday with oncology.

I have been delighted to read about other imaginary friends But I know we are all very real!

hooray SR ! and good luck tomorrow and Friday.
Wound wise I got away very lightly it seems. Hope Pennies and BB are more comfortable v soon

Hi Cakes - how many times did you get the fluid drained? I'm going in for the third time tomorrow. I can't help wondering if getting it drained off just encourages more to build up, but it's so uncomfortable. And it looks like I have a little boob growing there. I don't like that, especially when the other side is behaving itself and staying all flat and fluid free.

KurriKurri - it does feel just like a rolled up newspaper. I hadn't thought of it like that. I'd associated the wierd feeling under my arm with post-op numbness, but I guess it is at least in part the fluid.

Sandripples - good news about your wound. Hope all goes well tomorrow.

And on Friday too, SR.

Hi Burning Bright

I went about five times in all. To start with the fluid was a bit wee coloured, but over time it got more blood stained until the last time it just looked like pure blood. I decided the nurse was nicking a vein, (she was quite rough) and gave up going. The lump did not get any bigger, but it stayed around for ages, eventually the oncologist semt me to a surgeon who drew a bit off and said I was right, the nurse had been nicking veins, and to just leave it. It did eventually go of its own accord. (I am not having a go at the nurse by the way, it must be easy to do) But after a while, i think you are right, you are just getting into a vicious circle. But you'll know when it's right to stop, just trust yourself.

You sound like you are doing great, well done!

Good luck for the next round SR! And RWU - i think you have some more treatment on Thursday? Hope all goes well!

Good luck for tomorrow and Friday SR, and you too RWU for your next treatment.

I'm having my echocardiogram tomorrow, to see if I can continue my treatment - so fingers crossed [nervous]

SR fab news on the wound- its one step further!

KK good luck for the echo- i've had a few, hopefully you can resume treatment and all is well.

I have a chemo shot on Thursday- but so far its been ok, just feel sore on the day and for the day after and don't really want to get out of bed but once dh pokes me a few times and i manage to drag myself up, i'm fairly ok!

Am travelling over to the hospital that MIL is in tomorrow morning, dd is coming and staying with her auntie for an hour or so (poor dd ) while i sit with MIL as she has a solicitor coming in to 'sort out her affairs' it has to be someone not named in the will so i drew the short straw- tis not writing the will, that is done, its more a case of getting all the info in one place and writing down any wishes she has regarding funerals etc so it might be a bit of a wrench seeing everything get almost 'final' but it will put her mkind at rest and that is the most important thing. SIL says she is a lot better in herself and has started cracking jokes (not good ones mind- ones that make people go !)

DH has 'done his back in' this entails lots of moaning, groaning and fetching of hot water bottles- i still think it's a sneaky way of wriggling out of the hoovering in typical man-style he is dining out on it, but i guess i should humour him and pamper him a bit if i am to expect the same from him when i feel yuk!

won't be around for a few days with running around and treatments, but i am thinking of you all and hoping everyone is in fine spirits when i return x

Blimey RWU that sounds a bit of a straightener. Poor MIL. But as you say if it gives her peace of mind, it will be worth it.

And poor dh, he has had a lot on his plate really and I honestly think the body finds a way of stopping and making you rest for a bit - but manmonia is always SO much worse than the female version.

Good luck on Thursday. And for you today KK! Hope it goes OK. I had one when I started my chemo as my blood presure as measured in the oncologist's office was alarming to say the least. (I wonder, could I have been stressed )It is an OK process - hope the results are fine too!

hope all goes well with MIL today and good luck tomorrow RWU

and poor dh too - hope his back eases soon.

Yes good luck with MIL today RWU, sad but it will be a job out of the way that she doesn't need to think about again.

Hope DH's back is improving. My DH has a dodgy knee, which means he has to virtually take to his bed I unsympathetically say 'what's the matter Dear - bit of shrapnel?'.

I had my echo today - its not my first, but my last one was borderline and they said I would have to stop treatment if it dropped. However good news - it's still borderline and the nice welsh lady who did it said, she shouldn't really discuss it because she's not the consultant but she thought I'd be OK. (I don't have a consult. appointment until march 18th, so she said she didn't see why I should wait until then for the results).

Hope everyone is OK today good luck for chemo RWU, and for the bone scan SR.

Have you had your Karate class yet Cakes? and was it fun?

i am back, solicitor was fab, learnt some dark secrets about the family that i'd never known sorted everything out and wrote the cheque to pay for the funeral just have to contact the funeral director of our choice (was a golden charter funeral plan thing, not tax evasion or getting her savings to underneath the threshold .... honest ) who will come a chat with MIL and write down all the things that SHE wants. MIL is quite upbeat about organising her funeral (especially when i told her that mine is already choreographed to the last detail and paid for! we compared notes, she wants a 'celebration of life' where everyone is wearing bright colours and enjoying themselves. I on the other hand want to be mourned black clothes and much wailing followed by a boozy knees-up!!)

The drive there and back this morning was beautiful, there is still a lot of snow on the hills- you could have mistaken it for the alps! SIL coped with dd and when i got back they were sitting on the back door mat waving at people in the fields behind.