TAMOXIFEN THREAD HERE ***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am sick of my messages never getting through - I have had 7 attempts to reply to Cakes' last post- am starting a new thread ....
this is what I wrote anyway.....

righto, this i my 7th attempt to reply on this thread - everything keeps disappearing !
My assessment is on 25th,and am told to allow two hours for it,crikey !!
Saw a lady in town yesterday who was having rads and finished at about the same time as me and she's just seen the onc. for her follow up - they are running very behind I know- so I emailed to ask about mine - I tie myself in knots in trying to be assertive yet not too needy or a nuisance - I suppose I just like to feel that everything is done in order. Am not worrying about my health -am sure breast is fine and dandy, it's more my emotional state which troubles me.
Anyway, they have made me an appointment but it's at the same time as my assessment so have emailed back and left a phone message...arghh !
Special thoughts for RWU today and of course KurriKurri - hope all ok..and of course you Cakes and Morph.

Pranma - I don't think I've been on this thread at the same time as you before but I am so sorry about your friend. I hope the hospice gives her excellent care. My father died in a Marie Curie hospice which I could not praise highly enough for the last few weeks of his life. They were so shlpeful for him but also for us as his family.

KK - thanks for thinking of my supplies - all suggestions welcome if anything comes to mind.

I've had a nice day - out to lunch AGAIN, with a different friend, my former boss who had BC about 8 years ago and is a fantastic role model. Though how she got back to horse riding 2.5 weeks after her op is a complete mystery to me!!

Now my back is sore though - an old chestnut which plays up now and again unfortunately. Wish my body would behave!

Has anyone read Mother's Milk by Edward St Aubin? I was reading the books thread and this seems highly recommended but I don't know if it fits the uplifting criteria?

No, never heard of that one, sandripples, sorry!

Apart from the books I have already mentioned, I found things such as Alan Bennett's collected writings very useful - nicely written, funny, and no complex plot to follow. More like short stories, really.

Good luck with your treatment today RWU!

yes good luck RWU and I did mean to say am sorry about your friend pranma -I hope she is comfortable and gets looked after well at the hospice.48 is very young
I have heard of that book SR - but know nothing about it.
I am reading The Travelling Horn Player at the mo- from the library-by Barbara Trapido - very good.It does have a sister in it killed in an accident,so maybe a bit
I read Brother of the more famous Jack years ago and liked it.
Did we mention Margaret Forster ? There's a new one by David Nicholls who wrote Starter for Ten,which looks quite good.
I love Patrick Gale and do recommend him (I've probably said that before)
Our next bookgroup book is to be Life of Pi -which I am hopeful about -haven't been able to read the previous 3.

Good luck for today RWU.

Now you've got me on books again, you only have yourselves to blame I could go on for HOURS!

haven't heard of that latest Barbara Trapido, I'll look for it, I also loved Bropther of the More famous Jack.

Have read and enjoyed Life of Pi, so good luck with that one, MAS.

But really, I am just in love with all of Fannie Flagg's books at the moment, I may have to start again from the beginning (Standing in the Rainbow is just the best thing to cheer you up)

RWU I am prob too late to wish you luck so will send supportive hugs and hope it went well by the time you read this.

I also enjoyed Life of Pi, and I like M Forster v much and also B Trapido. I've heard Margaret Forster is ill again with cancer after many healthy years.

I seem to be so busy with daily visits to nurse and friends taking me out that I still haven't been to a bookshop. However I did go out for a little drive yesterday (1st time since 1st op on 19 Jan) and was fine, so will be a bit more more mobile now, for a while anyway.

People ask me if I'm bored yet but I'm certainly not. It takes a lot of effort to keep everything as on track as possible and deal with BC doesn't it - I might eventually get bored and I always think that's a sign that you're improving, but if and when that happens I will see if I can work part-time from home for a while.

By the way I thought that articel about Coping was good. I don't think its prompted me to do anything different but it was a helpful way to review things and how I am coping, and its emphasis that coping is not about being stiff upper lipped is always a good angle as we all know we need to allow emotions to flow out now and again.

I hope you are all OK.

Hi sandripples

Good to see you are mobile again. There's no reason not to drive when you are on chemo (unless you are feeling very poorly, obv) so you should be able to get about. It would be best not to drive on the day of a treatment itself, but after that, if you feel reasonable, you can do it. My BC nurse recommended me to tell the insurance company just to be on the safe side (I never did ) but that is quite a sensible plan.

Working from home part time could be a good option when you feel like it as well. I am self employed and did not really have the option of taking a lot of time off (not if I wanted the business to remain viable, anyway) but i found that work was quite a good distraction. (It does depend on what you do, of course). BC nurse took me to task for not taking more time off, but we all have our methods of coping, and that was mine.

You are very lucky to have lots of friends looking out for you, it really does help.

My only other top tip for your chemo list, apart from the marvellous ginger, is - if you usually wear contact lenses - don't for the treatment day, and perhaps not a couple of days after, either. The eyes get a bit prickly and dry, and also you can get a bit headachy, which is not so bad if you keep the lenses out.

Doh! There is another thing!

I think we talked about going to the dentist's before you start treatment. I forgot to say that mine prescribed me a toothpaste called Durophat 2800 - this is meant to srengthen the teeth by remineralising them. It just tastes like ordinary toothpaste but you have to refrain from rinsing your mouth out for half an hour after using (sounds vile but is surprisingly OK). She told me to just use it three or four times a week, and I am still using it. Might be worth asking?

Thank-you Cakes - you've reminded me so I've just rung the dentist to get a check-up! I'll ask her about the toothpaste.

Good to know driving should be mainly OK on chemo. I'm just also pretty scaredvery aware that I have to have another op to clear lymph nodes so now am a bit paranoid that this could involve further problems. But actually I've managed well without driving as I can order food online and I live in a small town where there quite a lot of facilities so the surgery, library and samll shops and cafes are all easily walkable to. I've saved on petrol

I do realise I'm v lucky to have good sick pay. Mind you, I also feel I've worked for over 30 years mainly for 2 employers but a few others for short periods, with hardly any time off sick at all, so this is my time, iykwim. Even so, yes I realise its tougher if you're self employed/freelance. Good thing you have found work a distraction. My work involves managing a team and can be very full on at times/stressful - but I think I could do some project or policy work more easily if my manager is flexible, as I'd be better able to do that at home - research, drafting etc. We'll see a bit down the line.

For anyone still to have chemo, I've just been looking through a lovely website called www.Headcovers.com - great selection of scarves and turbans. Very pretty hast which would be nice even for people who still have their hair!

Hi all - have had a very stressful day dealing with a bank cock up that has left us in a mess. - Their fault entirely, but they still haven't sorted it out. I am sick of spending ages on the phone with them every day. Phew sorry - rant over

On the plus side I had a haircut while I was in town sorting the finances, and am quite pleased with it. Its a sort of short textured crop,if that makes sense. We're meeting an old friend for dinner tomorrow night so thought I'd better smarten myself up a bit!

That site looks nice SR; in case you're interested I used this one. You have to ignore the fact that for some reason they use plastic heads instead of real models .

I would really recommend getting some soft cotton beanie type hats from somewhere, they are gentle against your skin, and I found I wore one in bed, because its cold.

Very good idea re the dentist. I must ask mine about that toothpaste Cakes, I've lost enamel from my teeth since treatment.

Hope everyone is fine, and treatment wasn't too bad today RWU.

treatmnent was ok- i feel like i've been hit by a bus though

on the headwear thing- i have some wigs (and if you are going for the wig option do it properly and sepnd decent money on one- it shows, or rather doesn't, people don't realise i am wearing a wig) also cotton hats especially for summer- wigs are hot and itchy, i usually have a cotton liner under my wig. its quite a personal thing- i did the 'bare-head' thing a few times mainly for the shock factor

glad you got through it RWU
Sorry to hear about bank cock up KK - what a pain

Liking the idea of a shorty choppy crop, roll on the day when this is an option for me:still far too short. And I have a strange little Jedward quiff just on one side at the front: I am off to a meeting in a moment and the quiff is completely subverting my attempts to look slick and professional. Sigh.

Glad the treatment was not too bad RWU, have a restful weekend ready for the next round!

at the bank for you KK, sometimes dealing with these things is like hitting your (newly coiffed) head on a brick wall.

On the subject of scarves, I just went for the ready tied ones. I was paranoid about my own ability to tie one in such a way that it would stay tied. As a result, I missed out on a whole raft of possibilities for glamorous accessorising.

Thanks for the tips, and that Bohemia website looks nice too. I am only daring to think I'll be able to tie a scarf because a local lady gave me a quick lesson and I managed to tie it again the next day! Very unlike me. In fact I had always wondered how to tie that nice shape when the two tails come up to the top of the head from the back and now I can do it I haven't ordered any of those really really long glamorous ones that has an enormous bow though - have never really been the glam type even with hair

Sorry - have to have a rant now. Have been to hospital this morning and due to my wound not being healed (the one that had infection) they still can't give me a start date for next steps. I'm having to wait a long time for everything!! Bloody snow, bloody infection!! AGHGHGH

In addition, although I do think this is sensible, the oncology Dr thinks its a pretty grotty idea to stop part-way through chemo to have the axilla clearance, due to risk of further infection. This had sort of occurred to me in a back-of-the-head-not ready to articulate-sort of-a way. So I'm glad she has said this, and they will now discuss with surgeon whether its more important to have the op next or the chemo. Obviously I have to leave that to their judgement as can't have a view. I suppose they might discuss pros and cons next time but it seems a pretty expert decision to me. Think I have a slight preference to get chemo done as I'm a bit fed up with arm pains, cording, wounds etc, so although all that is imporving the prospect of it all over agin in a month or so is a bit ghastly. Would prefer to have it later I think.

Meanwhile I am to have CT scan and bone scan asap, and this also informs the decision about to have op next or at the end.

This really take over your entire life doesn't it. Sorry I know thats completely obvious to everyone, and that it has to dominate everything, but it comes home more focibly now and again! Like when you have to make 10 more appointments for everything...

I wonder how you can make things heal more quickly?

Things like bank cock-ups are much more annoying and angrifying when you're already dealing with this lot.

Hope you're all OK - will just keep all your chemo tips for a bit later.

Hi sandripples

That all sounds horrbly complicated and rather depressing to deal with. I am afraid the only thing you can do is try not to stress out.

I'd like to answer in more detail but i am off for the weekend in one hour, still work to do, not packed yet. Aaargh!

But really i would simply say, try NOT to let it dominate everythng if at all possible. Life must (and does) go on. Take care!

Ad also - ref your earlier comments - if you have good sick pay arrangements, just relax and enjoy 'em. As you say, you've paid in and worked for your share for long enough. Now it's payback.

love to all of those with treatment on Monday, I will be thinking of you.

xx

RWU - hope all is OK with you and that the whole nursery thing isn't getting you down to much. I work in a nursery and it leaves me reeling that shit like that happens.

KurriKurri - bank cock-ups are a PITA. Yet if we, the cusotmer put a foot out of line and end up going over our overdraft they clobber us. Bastards.

SR - it's interesting that you're being given so much choice over your treatment schedule. For me the surgeon is chovelling me up to the max before I even get to see an oncologist. TBH I'm happy with surgery before medicine option because I just want it over with. Thanks for the scarves websites. I've decided not to do the ice cap thingie as I want the chemo drugs get to every single bit of me and the BCN said that the ice constricts blood vessels so less chemo gets to the follicles or something. I'm going for a short haircut a week or two before chemo starts though.

Surgery going ahead on Monday afternoon (and for some loony reason I've booked to have eyebrow and bikini waxing in the morning before - I suppose I thought it would take my mind off it). I joke to friends that by the end of Monday I'll have lost a couple of pounds, but inside I do feel sad that I'm losing so much more. But it's the price I am willing to pay. I might have a few "farewell" (to the boobs) drinks (soft! can't bear the hangover) with a few girl friends in the village pub on Saturday night. We're going to wear our bras outside our tops. It will set local tongues wagging I can tell you.

Burning Bright - are you there? I think we're both booked in for the same op on Monday and I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

Hi Pennies,

Just popped in to say that I was thinking of you for Monday and saw that you've beaten me to it!

I know what you mean about feeling like you're losing so much more than just a few pounds. But what we should be gaining in the longer term is worth much more than a few pounds of flesh, so it really is a price worth paying.

I took my boobs out for a farewell meal and drinks with a friend earlier in the week. And I will be drinking a toast to them with Champagne tonight - last night I can have any alcohol before the op.

Catch up with you when we're both back online.

hey BB and Pennies - that saying goodbye to your boobs thing has rather brought it home to me about what it must be like for you. I shall be thinking of you both especially hard on Monday and wish you both as good a weekend as poss. and a speedy recovery from surgery.

for your farewells to your boobs. I will be thinking of you both on MOnday.

I am also not doing the cold cap for same reason.

Thanks for the support over the bank ladies - Pennies you summed it up perfectly - bastards. I'm not going to think about it over the weekend, but it might be 'seconds away round two' with them next week.

SR - It can be very overwhelming at the beginning of treatment, -so many appointments to deal with. And it can feel as if it is taking over your life sometimes. I'm not sure what the answer is, I suppose getting used to the roller coaster of emotions, and knowing that if you have a down day, you will get through it and feel a bit better afterwards.

In case I don't come online at the weekend - all the very very best to you Pennies and Burning Bright. You both seem to have a great attitude, I think you are right, surgery is a positive step in your treatment - taking you nearer being well again. I shall be thinking of you both on Monday.

I had the ice cap Pennies for two cycles(because my onc. had a lot to do with its introduction or something, and really pushed it) It failed dismally in terms of saving my hair, and its very very cold - so I abandoned it. That's my experience anyway. Although I'm sure some people find it successful.

I hope everyone has a good weekend, (enjoy your break Cakes)and manages to find time to relax.

oh yes, have a lovely weekend Cakes !

special Valentine's Day love to all my thread friends,especially Burningbright and Pennies for tomorrow-thinking of you

i echo that! best wishes for tomorrow both of you, un-mn (((((hugs))))) and hope you recover quickly and come back and join in again soon x