Molly...please, IMO, don't do it.
Without doing it as a tool, 'H' has done it to DS and I think is in danger of having screwed him up for quite some time to come.
Of course youngsters need to be aware of the impact of their behaviour, and it's consequences, and the fact that they effect the way others feel by it, but NOT to make them responsible by using, what is essentially as you say, emotional blackmail.
I have broken down in front of DS out of sheer frustration, sadness and at times emotional exhaustion, but once I have gathered myself, I apoplogise and make sure I stress that mummy was wrong and it is not his FAULT.
DS is now convinced that he is responsible for the break down of 'H' and I's relationship and i think it is more than his little mind can handle.
I try to use the 'I' message, which I was advised was OK. Most Kids have a natural in built sense of guilt anyway, and it is often that that escalates bad behaviour becuse they don't know how to dig themselves out from within the holes that they create. Giving them those tools, and other things, gives them control over their thoughts, feelings and actions, and stands them in far better stead.
DS is convinced he will be like this for life and I say over and over that I love him, believe in him and that together, we can learn how best to manage the very big feelings that he gets.
And then I go somewhere and swear/cry/run/scream/tear my hair out..
I spoke to the woman from the kickboxing club and she says they have a huge number of lads joining their club for similar reasons to DS and that overall, the effects are outstanding, because it is not just chanelling agression, but learning a code/philosophy as well.
Sorry this is long to all, but every fibre of my brain is telling me that the headmaster is wrong, although I only have my experience to go on...
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