Wake Pea Up Before you Goji - 10/10 thread

[TooTicky]

For anyone who wants a boost to their general health. The suggested goals are:

EAT 10 PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES EVERY DAY - if you don't usually eat much fruit and veg I would build up gradually or you could upset your digestion.

DO (AT LEAST) 10 MINUTES OF EXERCISE EVERY DAY - can be yoga, stretching or something more energetic. The plan is that the idea of doing 10 minutes is not too daunting, and having started you may well find you want to do more.

There are no restrictions on what you eat so long as you get your 10 fruit and veg as well. The focus is not on weight loss but on improving our energy levels and hopefully our general mood and well-being. Sign up below and post here to tell us how you're getting on and how you are feeling.

Basic guidance on what constitutes a portion of fruit and veg here and you can download more detailed information by following the link at the very bottom of the page

I was just wondering if I could please have your opinions on something. Because you are a sensible bunch.
I have posted on the thread before but have namechanged. Obviously.

If a parent says to a child, after only quite mild provocation, "F*ing well behave yourself before I skin you alive."
Or, to quite a young child, who was being fussy about the format of a sandwich, "Stuff you then. Starve. See if I care."

Are these the sort of things that people say sometimes when they are cross, or not? Because it feels wrong to me but I don't know any more.

Erm, I would that those are not good things to say to a child. We all lose our patience sometimes. Who is it that says those things?

Their dad.

Hmm. Re clotehs. I didn't reall ybother when the dds were small and no one would ever comment or bother about their clothes. But clothes became a BIG thing when dd1 hit 10 or 11. Most people in her class would notice and comment on clothes, usually fairly horrible comments.

Things are even more of an issue now she is nearly 13. She refuses to wear clothese from certain shops because of the ribbing people get.

So I have wised up myself on fashion and dd1 likes getting my opinion on things now. So I do it to look out for her.

I would be very sad - probably angry, too, if I heard someone say those kind of things to a child.

Getting cross is something we all do at certain moments but I don;t think most people would express their crossness in that kind of way.

yes it's wrong and they shouldn't be in that situation if it is happening regularly

The thing is that both things can be said in a much more child-friendly way. Their really is never a good reason to say fuck to a child or to make unlikely but very scary threats. He sounds very angry, about other things not the DC but its not fair to take it out on them.

raisins

I can't do 10/10 any more. It's 34 degrees C, very humid and I have no air conditioning no F&V and no car. I can't walk to the shop because it is like walking through soup and I will burn and dehydrate and collapse in a big sweaty mess.

[judging with knobs on]

LOL i was not judging your sweaty mess bunny
i meant to say i realised i was being very judgy
but it's true isn't it
it's wrong

Yes. It's horrible. I hope you can find the strength to change things for them because they don't deserve that. I wish you luck with it.

SB - Blimey, that does sound hot!

I think people do say pretty unreasonable and angry things sometimes when fed up and cross, but no, that's not really ok is it. Are you and their dad together? Is it something you've talked about?

I started a thread today which no one at all answered - don't you hate it when that happens! - which actually doesnt' need any kind of an answer because it isn't a question - but, I wanted to recommend this book as dd is reading it and it's really good, for any parents of worriers www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/778908-For-parents-of-children-who-worry

yes we live together. Talking doesn't really work.

I don't know what to suggest, dunno. The whole thing sounds quite sad. I hope you can find some way to improve things for your DC and for you, too.

Yes it's wrong dunno. I expect you do know that. If it is constant or habitual then it's very wrong and very sad.

I think people do say things like that to their dc when at end of tether - usually it has nothing to do with the dc, but they don't know that. I think my dh has. Certainly the sandwich rage bit. I expect I've said some pretty bad things too.

If it isn't a once in a blue moon thing, then I agree with Franny.

There were dresses at the party. I quite look forward now to Pointy's label problem. I shall step up, grinning from ear to ear, and make suggestions.

i think whether or not you decide to change things, it's important for the children to hear that this isn't alright by you
you say you are not sure any more whether this kind of behaviour is normal - and you're an adult. it's much much more confusing for the children. so they need to hear you saying "don't speak to the children like that, it's not ok"
if you stand by and allow it you are in effect saying it's fine to treat them like that
sorry to be blunt as i am sure it is tough, but that's the honest truth

i have said stuff like this also! but it's wrong - i am ashamed afterwards, and apologise, and make it clear it isn't ok
and i try to find better ways to deal with stress

Agree.

Stepping in and standing up for them is important, and at times such as sandwich rage I have done this too. And relieved them of sandwich making duties and suggest they go for a walk. Best done without aggro I think, calmly, saying what franny says.

I really agree with Fran and 100, Dunno.

It is very important that DC hear you say that it isn;t acceptable language.

To a point I think you are right 100 in trying to diffuse the situation / suggest the angry person goes off to cool down, but if it is habitual, this might be just letting them off the hook.

unno - what the others say but with a hug thrown in.

h and I were both working but we were ahem, both a little late for work.

we took the boys to the river after schooll and had a lovely bbq with swimming and toasted marshmallows on a little fire. We even had an offer of a babysitter but we are old farts and it is a school night so we have opted to stay in, drink wine and chill. We had hoped to sit outside but the clouds have come down, and a nasty lil wind has sprung up and we would, quite liuterally chill

i did a wonderful bit of social embarrassment today, you would have been proud
we always meet friends in a cafe on wednesdays and when i got there there was an enormous floppy yellow hat sitting on the ground
i wear quite a mad floppy hat myself, and i picked it up and said "who has got a hat that's madder than mine?" and i PUT IT ON MY HEAD

at this point everyone shuffled a bit and said "erm i don't think you have met X"

X was new person
whose hat i had insulted and was indeed still wearing

Happy anniversary, Molly! That wind is a bugger isn't it. I walked a berry crumble round to a cookerless friend this evening and I didn't put on a jacket and it was FREEZING outside.

Berry crumble
clotted cream
tomato salad
chickpea salad
green salad
vegi sushi

Oh Franny, you do make me laugh

What did she say?

dunno.....that sounds a bit like my life..

one offs are one thing but if it is a pattern of behaviour, it needs to change, not just for their sakes but yours also.

the problem I have found is that when it went on for a long time, it becomes learned behaviour, and that is how they grow up to communicate.

There is an amazing emotional abuse thread full of people in similar situations that you might find helpful. Because ultimately your own self esteem hits rock bottom and whilst you have a gut feeling that it is wrong, your ability to deal with it rationally is deeply impaired. They will not judge or criticise you, and all many have experiences to share about how to move forward.

here

you probably feel overwhelmed and exhausted and that things will never
change. But they can. It will take time, but with a lot of support, it can.

Every journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

Be kind to yourself..(())