Anyone gone teetotal after heavy drinking..if so how did you do it and for how long have you kept it up ??

[no1andno2]

Anyone ? I need some help and fast..........

hi maebee hope you are OK - family stuff is usually what sets me off too - my dcs children pissed me off yesterday and I was not going to drink but then I did - and then today I remembered a drunken phone call and have not been able to get that out of my head today so yet again I am drinking - I have drunk half a bottle of wine tonight since dcs father left - I feel good right now but know I will feel like crap in the morning - I shouted and swore at my 5 year old this morning because of my hangover and am deeply ashamed of my behavioiur but it still does not stop me - I hate myself right now I am a piece of shit and wish I could curl up somewhere and never wake up - dont worry guys just the booze talking - remembered a conversatin today also (when I was drunk again) that happened between my dcs father and myself and I feel deeply shitty about the way I am now because of everythng I put up with and eveything I ignore - sorry I know I am drunk and rambling - anyone out there tonight could do with a chat ?

sorry for my last post very broken up and does not make sense - I meant a conversation with my dcs father - seems like my post is total rubbish due to the wine - apologies

Hi there lulu,

trying not to drink can be really tough when you're on your own.

What are you planning to do with the rest of the wine in the bottle? are you going to drink it, or you could always pour it away..

However crap you feel tomorrow you won't feel so bad if you ease up now. And I know that I've always felt better about myself if I've recognised my stupid behaviour enough to pour even a glass away.

(not that I managed that last night....

It's so much harder looking after kids with a hangover, isn't it. I have been feeling a bit ropey all day really, but not bad. I saw a friend last night who I haven't seen for ages, and we both drank far too much and played silly games.

Are you going to stop drinking tonight, Lulu, or are you locked into it? If you are able to recognise that it is the booze talking, can you try to give yourself a big hug and take yourself in hand? Can you try to do something for yourself that you would do to a friend in your situation?

I think a lot of people try to drown out the pain of being alive with alcohol. If you start crying instead of drinking, you will stop crying much faster than the drinking will stop.

A big ((((((((HUG))))))))) to you.

hi being honest well I suppose I will drink it - thanks for your post

hey bladebla yes locked in definately - I wish I was the woman I used to be not the drunken old bag that I have become - its such a f.....g cliche!!! Why does life become so complicated in your 40s my mum said that the best years of her life were her 40s so far they have been my worst!!! But then she did finally get rid of my alcoholic father how the hell did I end up here. I have asked GP for some CBT I do hope that it does some good cant go on like this much longer - literally no one in RL to talk to anymore cut myself off from people since the drinkin got worse - what a life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope I don't sound smug lu.

I'm sitting here with a cup of tea. But at 3.30 this morning when I got up for a glass of water I felt really rotten about myself. I had opened the wine last night while I was making tea and I know that dp didn't know how much I'd had before he got home.

He laughs that I'm a 'lightweight' because I sometimes get drunk so quickly. I was too ashamed to tell him the truth of it.

I am determined not to feel like that again, and that's only going to happen if I keep on not drinking.

Take care of yourself - do something nice, have a bath, watch something good on TV. Go and look at your dc sleeping and wonder in amazement at how lovely they are. And remind yourself that they are like that because you are a great mother to them. OK so you shouted today, but everyone does that sometimes we're mothers, not saints.

You and your dcs are worth every day that you don't drink or that you manage to reduce your drinking. We may not get there in one step, but over the course of this thread we are taking steps towards improvement.

Don't beat yourself up about things tonight - tomorrow is another day.

Keep positng, Lulu. You sound as though you've had quite a tough time keeping everything together, and as I said, people often hide behind alcohol instead of thinking about things. Keep writing and you will find some kind of way forward.

You sound very very angry about things. Can you say a bit more? Is your wine bottle your friend? If it's really not, could you bear to throw it out as you might someone who was in your house and threatening you?

You have been doing well. It's so easy to see all the bad bits, but there are lots of good bits too.

I'm in my 40s too. I wonder how I got this far and it makes me furious how much time I have wasted thinking I was crap. Where to go from here? "Keep Calm and Carry On".

Bladebla I am angry that I have let myself become like this that I have become a drunk that I have let my dcs father dominate my life for the last 4 years that I have become the type of woman that does anything for a quiet life who takes the shit life throws at them and never fights back like I used to. That I used to be beautiful but now I look like a 40 something mother who doesnt give a flying f..k about how they look anymore - oh dear bag of worms being opened and I am falling alsleep so probably wont be back on for a while - wish I stil had friends in my rl but I dont because its easier that way to pretend that my life is not such total shi.!! Goodnight guys hope to see you in a better mood on Monday x

Look after yourself lulu, good night, and sleep well.

Come back when you're ready.

It's hard as a mum to have anything left sometimes. I get pretty bloody angry about the same. I wonder if there's anything left of me. Anyway, I'm knackered and off to bed too. Night night all.

hi no1, Hang in there you are not alone. I would also like to recomend the allen carr book for giving up alchol. It talks so much sence about why drink to relax when after two glasses your brain does xxx and your speech does xxxx and really if you want to relax have a hot bath or go to bed. Drinking is so misleading and there is a way out. It is so true that you feel better eat better and are generally a better person if you don't drink too much. It helped me to do a list of for and against. It also scared me to know what other people thought and how much they loved the me that did not drink. Give it a go and get the book form Amazon i promise it will help (i was a lost case) you have us here to talk to and look into some supplements !!!! cravings for carbs as drinking is full of sugar. I will shut up now but feel happy for you that you have asked for help and help is here so stick in there. Take care xxx

that should have read hi lulu41 so sorry bit tired now and will catch up tomorrow,

i read the allen carr book, and it was okay, it gave me some food for thought but no 'magic answers'...obviously! bit patronising in places, but it wasn't unhelpful. you can get it on amazon pretty cheap anyway so you might as well!
feeling low today, more about fighting with dp than about drinking 3 cans. i just don't know whether we should be together anymore, and it feels so impossible to make that decision when you have a little one. its so far from rock bottom...but also so far from wonderful. before i had a kid i would never have stayed in a mediocre relationship with little spark. i keep waiting for it to somehow come back, but it just creeps further away. and this is the problem with not drinking! it blows stuff like this to the surface, and instead of me feeling guilty about the hangover and what i did or didn't say the night before i have time to ponder on things like this.
and i'm not sure i like it.
x

It's not very nice, in the beginning to feel the anger and resentment, but at least when you start feeling it, you can start to take action. Alcohol just leaves you in a sort of groundhog day.

Have you had any couple councelling? DH and I did it for a long time, and thank god it was there.

Feeling emotionally raw may be awful at the moment, but it will pass, and you will start feeling so much better if you don't beat yourself up. (This is a bit rich coming from me - I am a past master in self-destruction)

I've just caught up on the 3 days I've missed on here. It's so sad that some of us are struggling so much.

I've had about 4 bottles of wine in 3 days. Not proud of it but that's just where I am right now.

DH comes home next week, thank the lord for that. But in some ways I'm dreading it. No more late afternoon drinking to get me through the tea-time and bath time battles.

I LOVE my kids so much. But when you're on your own with them 24/7, a glass of wine seems like such a good idea. But then I catch myself screaming at them instead of sitting down and playing with them . I need to be a better mummy than that.

I'm tired, feeling anxious and dreading the start of the working week. I've looked at a bottle of red so many times today and just know that I will open it shortly. Maybe it's just bored housewife syndrome

forever: the only way i can ever resist is not have it in the house. i totally sympathise. can you think of anything you can do NOT to open it?

i feel (a bit) bad about my 3 cans yesterday. but, you know, 4% lager barely counts!!. and feeling pleased with myself cos i didn't sneak down to cellar for more, even when dp popped out and i sooooo could have, and i resisted the tesco £9 dine for two deal, even though i could have justified it as a bargain (the wine itself is £8, what a deal i thought to myself...but i know thats my demons talking me into it) and i also had a meeting with a friend about a car share and there were two suggestions, one of having it at her house and one of having it at the pub (child free, sunday afternoon, real ale, bliss) but i didnt. well, she suggested hers and i didnt talk her round.

it sounds small but it feels good to me.

I don't think its bored housewife syndrome it is more serious than that if you can't control it and it is controlling you you do need help.My dp has been teetotal for 15 plus years so know what you are all talking about as I heard many of these reasons from him H eknew they were excuses but he just could not moderate alcohol He was powerless over it As he often said 1 drink was too many and 5 wasn't enough I really hope you all stay and support each other it is hard but worth it to stop

There's so much I can relate to on here, what happens when you turn 40, is it we think s* need to do something or it just gets harder to function with the hangovers - I don't know.

Well I'm feeling quite proud of myself. I managed just 2 glasses on Friday then half bottles on Sat and Sunday. I had set out to stop completely but am refusing to beat myself up about drinking a fraction of what I would normally drink of a weekend. We went to the beach and it was great to sit outside in the evening sun with a glass of wine. To keep the glasses down I promised the boys walks on the beach after dinner so couldn't drink too much before and by the time I got back was too knackered to keep going and just went to bed.

Now am planning on not drinking during the week. It'll be 5 years since pregnant since I would have gone more than a night or two so I am under no illusions it's going to be hard.

Sounds like everyone has had a tough weekend! Lulu and Sibble - join us in our no alcohol in the week "plan". It is a bit hard if you need your 6 pm fix, but eady to distract yourself.

I bought a wine box (cheaper) this weekend, and a nice bottle of red for Sunday dinner.
I have just finished it. I was proud of myself for not drinking at all for 4 days, but no so proud that I got totally pissed last night. I've suffered for it today. I think, awful as it seems, I might need to go alcohol free next weekend too.

DD is 5 this week and has invited her friend for a sleepover next weekend. I'm sad to say that i drink in charge of my own child, but feel i shoudn't in charge of someone elses.

This is very easy for someone who no longer drinks to say, but here goes ...

I notice a lot of people on here beating themselves up because they have drunk and feel guilty about it. I shouldn't have drunk because it's not fair on my kids, it's not fair on my partner, we can't afford it, it's setting a bad example, it makes me crule to X, Y and Z ...

Do you ever think that YOU deserve better from you? That you should maybe consider a night without drinking because it makes YOU feel shit and worthless and fragile and hollow and paranoid and guilty and depressed and ... (delete as applicable)? That you are not enjoying your 30s/40s/50s because you are punishing yourselves physically and mentally and keeping a permanent lid on very real feelings?

Be nice to yourselves and the rest of the world will benefit too. Do it because you're worth looking after.

Sorry if I've infuriated or, God forbid, patronised anyone. The only reason I dare say any of this is because I've been right where you are and come out the other side and I now know that, surprise surprise, I am worth looknig after and that today, the nicest thing I can do for myself is not take a drink. As an added bonus, it makes lots of other people happy too - but, first and foremost, it's what's best for ME.

good luck and sincere best wishes to anyone struggling. It can and does get better.

Spot on, as usual, MIFLAW. Good to see you back!

Something that really struck home with me when I saw the community psychiatric nurse this time round with my PND was when she said, 'But are you kind to you? Because it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you're beating yourself up for having depression, for your past, for having very normal feelings. That's not helping anyone, least of all you.'

Spot on, as usual, MIFLAW. Good to see you back!

Something that really struck home with me when I saw the community psychiatric nurse this time round with my PND was when she said, 'But are you kind to you? Because it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you're beating yourself up for having depression, for your past, for having very normal feelings. That's not helping anyone, least of all you.'

Hi guys, just checking in! Well, I have had a fair few drinks over the weekend which has been fine but I caved in on Weds and drank (not to excess but was supposed to be alcohol-free during the week..) and then drank on Thursday too.

That was the silliest one - I had no alcohol at all until about 10.30pm when I sort of thought well, I've "spoilt" this week by drinking last night so I will have a brandy now... NOT beating myself up about it but very determined not to drink until Friday next week.

Sounds like a few of us haven't quite made it through the week without the booze but I guess we are all drinking less than we used to and being a lot more aware of what we are drinking. I am still trying to figure out how much of my drinking is "habit" and how much is "craving" - this is hard. But knowing you all are here for support really helps

its so hard to give up like when some one smokes..your body craves it.not being kind to our bodies but it is an addiction.We just have 2 work our way through it some days are better than others xx