Anyone gone teetotal after heavy drinking..if so how did you do it and for how long have you kept it up ??

[no1andno2]

Anyone ? I need some help and fast..........

I'm seeing a fag councellor, who has some interesting things to say. She asked if I thought I had an 'addictive personality'. I said I really didn't know, but I rather think not. Apparently there are nicotine receptors in the brain and when we smoke, we switch them on and they take about a month to calm down and stop being annoying. The woman said that because I don't smoke very often, it could take as much as 3 months for the fag receptors to stop hanging out, living in hope. It's not very nice!

Anyway, nicotine isn't that bad for you in the greater scheme of things. I guess it's all about living junk free.

Anyway, my brother is in hospital after a bike accident. He's on a specialist surgery ward. I hope to god he'll be ok. I rather expect he was drunk. It seems no-one else was involved. It's awful not knowing.

So sorry to hear that, Bla. Any news today? Hope he's going to be all right.

I have a totally addictive personality, no surprise there! My plan is always to cut down gradually on the nicorette, but life gets in the way and I keep reaching for it. It's a complete crutch, but I can't cope with the way I feel without it ...

Sorry to hear about your brother Bla.

I spoke to my brother today. He's having an operation tomorrow (Sunday) because he bashed his head and can't close his eye. What a plonker. I'm quite sad that my SIL is ghastly and doesn't like me. I told my bro about it and he said, oh well, she doesn't like anyone. So, for now, at least everyone knows roughly what's going on. I think he feels rather ashamed of himself.

I couldn't cut down on the nicorette at all. I took more and more! I guess I am resigned to the patches, and at least I am not in a foul mood, and I feel less inclined to knock back the wine.

hi,
i'm back.
sorry had loads of stuff that meant i stayed away from here. but i feel i need you guys again now!
my story still the same. had 24 units so far this week, and 34 last week. i alternate between deciding i'm doing okay, i'm fine, and worrying that i'm fucking up my health and my little one won't have a mum.
well, not that i generally prescribe to AA philosophy (no offence MIFLW, you've been very helpful!) but one day at a time!
well. tonight. got a friend who's just had a breakup and wants to come over and get drunk. now she's a light drinker so her idea of getting drunk is 2 pints, not like mine! my crystal ball would suggest she would come round with her 1 or 2 bottles of cider and i would down a whole bottle of vino. i don't know her very well, so i feel,if i'm embarassingly honest, a little nervous (god i NEVER say that to anyone, i'm notoriously confident and social!) but i have been awake in the night worrying about whether i
a) cancel her and do an early night with a book.
b) have her round and just get pissed and start again tomorrow.
c) have her round and drink herb tea and just suffer the discomfort.
i've been brave and texted her to say c, but i don't trust myself! not knowing i have a lone bottle of Campo Viejo in the cellar.
by the way, for old timers on here, i split up with my london lover who is an extremely heavy drinker. this is partly cos of my desire to cut down. partly cos of his unreliability.
hows everyone else?

It sounds a bit as though your friend is using you as she thinks you drink enough not to make her feel embarrassed. If you offer her tea, what will happen? You may have a really good time. If you are feeling really anxious about your friend coming over, it may be better for you to cancel. It's not easy feeling vulnerable.

I'm ok, but could do with cutting down a bit.

after reading through some of the last posts:
i accept that booze is a problem for me, and i really want support and help to get it under control. i agree that i want to use this as a sort of substitute AA.
but i don't want to give up completely, although sometimes i think i might have to. i don't subscribe to what i see as the AA view: that its a disease, that if you 'have' that disease then you can never drink again. i see it more like my partner's overeating, or any other bad learned behaviour. which isn't to say i couldn't benefit from many of the great things about AA. but if i don't hold that central belief...?
also, i feel so far, far far from rock bottom. it feels like if i can drop 10 units a week, a mere bottle of wine less, than i'm fine. so,to continue with the overeating analogy, i feel like i'm a stone away from normal, rather than morbidly obese. that feels like the difference.
i am a problem drinker (hazardous i believe my pattern is called!)but i think i can be a normal one. and if i can't then i guess i'll have to be a non-drinker.
did i tell you i once went for alcohol counselling when my drinking was twice, three times what it is now? and the counsellor was so closed minded. she insisted that booze would become more and more important to me, that eventually everything else would stop having importance. she said getting a job would help ( i was a full time activist at the time, with barely a minute to go to this appointment! and totally happy living off benefits to fulfil that passion!) this was the first time she'd met me. i'd been a heavy drinker about 8 years, and i knew, still know, that isn't the case for me. i'm sure it might be the case for some people, but not for me. and this was the first time this woman had met me, and she wouldn't drop this belief she had about what my situation was.and so i knew there was no support there, that she was so ignorant of my personal, individual make up! we just had an enormous row about it, til we were both furious!
i know not all alcohol services are like that, i don't think anything is available in my area for drinkers like me. i phoned up once after a heavy session and they said i would have to have a referal from a doctor and get prescription drugs. so this thread is the place in the middle, something that i guess theres not the money for, but that can help people at a much earlier stage than intervention is usually provided for.

I know what you mean about NHS alcohol services. You have to be at death's door before they will help.

I started having days in a week with no booze, and I have found that very helpful. It just becomes less important and something I don't miss.

I have also found it helpful to get all the wine I will drink just once a week, then if I drink it all at once, it's gone and that's that. It doesn't sound very healthy, and I haven't drunk it all at once, but it does give me the opportunity to eke it out a bit.

I take a vit B complex, which may or may not help, but isn't harmful.

Yes, I agree with you, that it is possible to drink too much without being dependent or an alcoholic.

I too have drunk far more than I do now.

so today i have started a No Wine attempt! yep, i blew it last night and got drunk and now i feel rough, but actually, quite hopeful with it too. my poison is red wine, its red wine i crave.with beer i can enjoy a good pint of real ale and its not so moreish and insistent for me. so i have a plan. no more wine til winter. it feels more manageable than no more alcohol.
there i am. hows everyone else?

No offence taken. (Sorry for silence - away from computer all weekend on comically disastrous "relaxing weekend"!)

"i don't subscribe to what i see as the AA view: that its a disease, that if you 'have' that disease then you can never drink again. i see it more like my partner's overeating, or any other bad learned behaviour. which isn't to say i couldn't benefit from many of the great things about AA. but if i don't hold that central belief...?"

Here's the good news - AA will never tell you that you cannot drink again or that you must stop forever and you will certainly not be turned away or castigated because you do not share a "central belief"!

Here's the bad news - the reason people in AA try to live life one day at a time without any form of alcohol is because it is our experience that we cannot drink safely or happily.

I attended AA meetings for a year before I stopped drinking completely. No one was ever anything but kind, welcoming and understanding towards me, even when I turned up so drunk that I did not remember the next time that I had been there the time before IYSWIM. They just told me to keep coming back, to keep trying, and that my life could be better.

But they were right too - my drinking that year was far from fun or relaxing. Try as I might I could not recapture the golden days of youth when I could have a few pints or a bottle of wine, perhaps more, but stop roughly when everyone else stopped and feel happy about doing so. "Belief" didn't come into it - the fact was that I was shafted.

When I was a small child I very much enjoyed Dairylea triangles and now I do not. No one has ever told me that I can never have a Dairylea triangle again and if they did I would be outraged. But I know that I could have a hundred Dairylea triangles and I wouldn't enjoy one of them. That's a fact and has nothing to do with beliefs or rights. So I don't buy Dairylea (or even Laughing Cow ...)

I know that's a flippant example but that really is about the size of it. My rights and beliefs are irrelevant - it's what will make me happy that guides me. If I drank today no one would ask me to leave AA. I'd just be an unhappy member instead of a happy member.

Hope this helps and that you feel you can come to AA for the good practical stuff without worrying too much about the theory till the time is right for you ...

MaeBea, there is a role for services between the AA approach (which undoubtedly works for some, but it certainly doesn't work for all) and the NHS/medical approach. To that end, you might want to have a look at Turning Point - they fund a number of local services all over the country that can help with drink problems. I live in Hertfordshire and Turning Point part-fund (along with the local council) a service called HertsReach where they provide counselling and support. Nearly all local councils provide funding for similar services.

As an aside, I'd suggest comparing your drink issues with overeating issues is not necessarily helpful. We need to eat; part of the problem of dealing with eating disorders is that you have no choice but to face the problem substance multiple times a day. There isn't the same necessity about drinking alcohol.

miflaw - thanks for that, i guess everyone thinks they have an opinion on AA, without perhaps knowing much about it. i understand that could be very frustrating, you always seem extremely patient with it though!

turning point - i've done quite a lot of work with substance misuse and my experience of turning point so far has been people who are quite dysfunctional on their abuse. as i said, i sort of feel very far off rock bottom, i certainly don't want medication, i just would like a bit of support knocking 10 units off my weekly allowance, and/or cognitive behaviour changes so i can think differently about booze. whilst i think the amount i drink isn't actually health worrying, i think my attitude to alcohol is definately dependent or addicted.

No worries. Frustrating yes, but the main reason I keep banging on is that i wouldn't like to see anyone who could benefit from AA turned off by misinformation. Huge numbers of people come through the doors of AA meetings, stay for a bit, decide it's not for them and go away again. Some of them come back later - some don't. Whether those people have made the right choice or not is always hard to say but at least they have based it on the evidence of their own eyes and ears. I would hate for anyone who maybe could find something of use in AA (or other 12-step fellowships for other problems) not even to get as far as the door because of a misunderstanding.

BTW I initially went to cut down or "manage" my drinking. I was open about that fact and no one judged me. The year of in and out was basically spent satisfying myself that I couldn't do it. I think if anyone had told me that I had to stop I would have run a mile (or the nearest pub, whichever was closer!)

MaeBee - forgive me, but if you think you are dependent or addicted, you're going to find it really difficult to cut down or change your attitude towards booze. In my experience you can cut down - anyone with enough will power can do that if they're determined enough - but the mental attitude will always be there. That's why I went to AA - I hadn't reached a particularly drastic rock bottom, and had given up drinking for several months, but was still thinking about it all the time. It wasn't until I got into AA that I started thinking differently. And it isn't a life sentence - I actually find the whole process really liberating.

However, I don't want to bang the AA drum any more, I know it seems like we're trying to recruit you. I'm just trying to say that life is infinitely better now, and incredibly - much more fun.

If you're an 'all or nothing' person, a little bit here or there that you try to control can be really painful. I'll get my coat ...

I'm not sure about the local services where you are, but HertsReach at least seems to cater for drink/drug problems spanning quite a wide range of severities from people just wanting to cut down all the way to complete sobriety. I'll admit that my knowledge is somewhat second-hand as it was my ex who (sporadically) attended HertsReach rather than me. Nevertheless, it might be worth having a look at your local council's website and seeing what services they do have available. Alternatively, private counselling might help.

There is also a movement called "Moderation Management", aimed at people who had drinking problems but who wanted to cut down rather than stop. It offered a structured approach to doing that, along with the warning signs you should look out for in case it turned out that a particular person's drinking problems were too significant to make cutting down successful. Might be worth a google.

Can I join in? I am having loads of problems with alcohol abuse. I am drinking one bottle of wine a night and more on the weekends too. I feel like shit all the time. I have put on loads of weight and I just seem to be spiralling. I have managed to cut down/stop before but I always get back into the habit rather quickly if I start again. I function completely normally and I am scared all the time that people secretly know I am a drinker but they are too polite to say. Today I went shopping and saw some people I know and I convinced myself they were looking at me funny because they knew I had a hangover, even though I had nopt said anything. I am convinced people in saisnburys/Tesco/Co-op talk about me and I have also convinced myself that Threshers ring each other up when I go in I am just completely paranoid!! as you can tell.

I need and want to stop but I do not seem to know how. I have tried counselling (long term) and though it helped me tremedously with my depression it did not help me break the habit. I feel like I am slowly killing myself

MogDog

So sorry to hear that.

Sadly, you feel like you are slowly killing yourself because you are.

It is not for me to say whether or not you have a drink problem or are alcoholic, nor would it be helpful even if I did. That said, what you describe sounds a lot like my old life, and I did have a drink problem and I am an alcoholic.

Luckily, while the latter remains true, the former is a thing of the past. I have not had an alcoholic drink for some time now and, amazing as it may sound, I am happy about the fact. This is quite a miracle as I drank shedloads and could never cut down, yet stopped with ease.

I personally did this with the help of AA. Best thing I ever did in my life. Is this something you have considered?

Whatever you decide (not) to do, you have my support and sympathy. And well done for owning up to it - that's the hardest part.

Feel free to CAT me if that would help you.

S

This is going to sound ridiculous but I went to an AA meeting but could not go in because there were so many men hanging about outside! MILFAW, how did you cut down to zero? I have started another thread asking how to cut my drinking down to zero safely but it has gone unasnwered. How much do you reduce by per day and over what period? When I have periods of not drinking I feel wonderful, absolutely great infact

I didn't cut down. I stopped.

If you have any worries at all, consult a doctor, but if you have been even half-honest about your drinking then I would be surprised if (s)he said there were any health risks in stopping abruptly. Nor is there any reason why it should, if you think about it - every time you have one of these drink-free periods, your body thinks you've stopped for good, even if your mind knows otherwise.

The danger of cutting down as a means of stopping is that before you get to zero something may happen to change your mind. Once you've had a day with no drink at all, it's mentally easier to repeat the trick.

If you meant "how did I manage it?" then the answer is with AA. I do understand the feeling that you are outnumbered by men - but I suspect that it is an excuse. Would too many men in the pub or off-licence stop you buying a drink? No - you would either front it out, or go elsewhere. Why not do the same in AA? All but the most out-of-the-way places will have a women's meeting within striking distance - and we men are friendlier than we appear once you get inside the meeting.

Where are you based?

Mog

Just read your other post.

Of COURSE you feel bad the days you don't drink. It's called a hangover. A really bad hangover, sometimes known as withdrawal, that is the reason for taking the hair of the dog - it "smoothes the comedown" (or, often, starts another drinking bout and so defers the problem to tomorrow.) Add to that the anxiety drink is already causing you (the paranoia you mentioned), the regret (what did I do last night? I remember other stuff and I feel even worse about that), the fear of not coping (I wish I could have a drink - no I don't - yes I do) and it's no surprise you feel absolutely shit.

Well, that's hangovers for you. When doctors tell people to taper off their drinking it is for entirely different reasons. Normally, they are so alcoholically dependent that there is a risk of fitting and/or delerium trmens (not just the shakes - shakes with hallucinations). Without wishing to play your drinking down, you would be unlikely to get either of those off a bottle of wine a night.

A cold is unpleasant and so is swine flu - but they're not the same. Like I say, do check with a doctor or other expert if you are in any way worried about the side effects of stopping drinking, because my only expertise is having done all this myself (I am a man, but also drank quite a bit more than you, so we're probably in the same "league" health-wise). But don't be surprised if the response is "tough it out" and a prescription for Lemsip and paracetemol.

thanks milfaw, that is really useful and reassuring. I have managed to stop before by going cold turkey and the side effects have been minor, like anxiety, heart racing - though I think that is a symptom of the anxiety and I also convince myself I am going to have a seizure...though that is most probably related to the anxiety aswell. I find it easier to go cold turkey aswell and taking it a day at a time. I need to go to something like AA though to keep with it and not slip back into old habits. I did not realise they women only meetings, that is really interesting. I will give them a call. I think it might be helpful if someone went in with me (and I think they can organise that cant they?)

You're welcome.

The anxiety is natural and understandable - but, like all anxiety, it is best defeated by testing it. If you start feeling anxious about seizures, do what you would do for any other suspected illness - go to your GP or else phone NHS Direct and be honest with them. If your anxiety is justified they will send an ambulance and if it is not they will put your mind at rest.

Where do you live (roughly - I don't need your address!) Women-only meetings are more common in London and the big cities but there is probably at least one a week near you, wherever you are. Long term, you will probably find that gender doesn't actually matter that much, but hey - whatever it takes to get you to your first meeting.

If you phone AA they will offer to send someone round to talk to you and/or take you to a meeting. It is an unwritten rule (or, rather, convention) that this person will always be the same sex as you are - in spite of what I say about gender not mattering, we recognise that that is the individual's choice and also that vulnerable people need as few complications as possible.

also, of course, the person who comes to see you will be an alcoholic with a certain amount of sober time under her belt - there are no counsellors or doctors or "experts" in AA (except the ones who are alcoholics themselves!) Everyone you meet in AA, man, woman, black, white, rich, poor, has been through their own version of what you are now going through.

Also, most regions have a website which will list local meetings and specify (among other things) all women meetings.

Good luck and keep posting!

S

HI MogDog,

When I drank heavily, especially towards the end of my drinking, I was very fearful and paranoid- lots of heavy drinkers can experience this- heavy continued drinking strips our bodies of vitamins- particularly the B vits, which is why often alcoholics are given high B vit tablets. Depletion of the vitamin B complex can induce the type of aniety etc you describe.

I'm not just saying take some B vitamins by the way!

If you decide to stop drinking, plan your time, keep busy, that's my main recommendation for very early sobriety. Accept you may have trouble sleeping (I did).

Also, get rl help and support-whether that's telling friends, GP, other agency, whatever.

Keeping your drinking hidden is just helping perpetuate it.

By the way, if you ring the AA helpline, you can speak to someone and if you tell them you are a newcomer, a woman will meet you outside a meeting if you want to go.

Hope this helps, keep posting x

Hello, thank you both for your kind words. I did not drink last night and feel so much better for it this morning. The anxiety last night was unbelievable though so I went to bed fairly early (as this helps me and did) I slept suprisingly well I have had a long chat with my partner who has also agreed to stop drinking, though his is not problematic like mine-he can take it or leave it, but he knows I need his support. Have also discussed getting in touch with AA which i will do next week as luckily I have a busy week this week. Sorry this is such a short post but I have a works meeting ina bit and have no time to post more! It really helps to know people are here to listen and help though, thanks

You're welcome.

That's brilliant- the anxious feelings could perhaps be withdrawal too- both physical and 'mental'. Even 'mild' withdrawals can be pretty awful, but hang in, it DOES get easier. Glad you've talked to your partner.

Remember to keep posting