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Original poster

support thread for people who are about to lose a loved one

383 replies

saint2shoes · 23/01/2009 11:19

my dear old dad who is 81 has a aggresive Brain tumour.
The doctor has just pretty much said there will be no treatment apart from steroids.
he has got bad really quick. in October I have a picture of him looking OKish(my sm died in early September) Then at Christmas he looks so ill.
he is in Hospital and looks so small and frail.
I know I am not alone and could do with talking with othere people who are going through stuff like this.
I know a lot as my mum died of a brain tumour when I was 18.

OP posts:
2shoes · 26/01/2009 22:26

oh dear it is so worrying.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 08:53

oh lilred!

LilRedWG · 27/01/2009 09:04

He's a little better this morning. I've promised DD that we'll go to soft-play and then we're going over for the day. This morning DD, who is 2.8, said that she was going to, "Make Grandad better" when we were talking about oging over to see him, which made me cry. She's such a sweetheart.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 09:06

aww! I haven't really told my littlies anything (but dd1 knows the full story) but they have picked up that grandad is poorly.

2shoes · 27/01/2009 11:10

that bis is sooooooo hard. ds is 16 so he understands, but with dd's sn it is hard to say. although when I said he was ill, she looked at the ceiling(heaven) and I said yes.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 11:13

how is ds coping with the news, 2shoes? dd1 appears to have shrugged it off and it doesn't appear to be bothering her at all (which I find a tad worrying, I have to say...)

lilred - hope soft play was good and you got to relax a bit while dd played

2shoes · 27/01/2009 11:24

he was very upset on saturday. I took him to visit, as it might get worse so thought it was best he saw him. bless he was all teary. but as only teens can, he talks to his mates and carries on.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 14:36

that's how dd1 is - chatting to his mates and carrying on. Perhaps when she sees him, she'll get a bit teary too. (It seems odd wanting her to be upset, but I find it worrying that she isn't iykwim)

2shoes · 27/01/2009 15:24

I think for DS it was seeing the change(it has been fast) he saw dad at christmas so knew he wasn't good, but......
I know what you mean though, it is scarey to think they might bottle it up.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 15:43

my dad still looks fine. He has lost a bit of weight but nothing particularly noticeable unless you're analysing how he looks and he isn't in any obvious pain or discomfort (obviously this is a good thing, I'm not knocking it!) so I think when she sees him it possibly still won't sink in particularly.

Going over at half term if he feels up to a visit from the kids, so we'll see then...

LilRedWG · 27/01/2009 18:01

Softplay was fine. DD had fun and then we went to my Dad's. He dozed a lot, but at least was out of bed. He said that even though we didn't really talk much it was nice to have me there for company, which made me feel happy.

DD was a star and gave Dad her Bunny, which is a real honour, and said, "Bunny helwp Gandad". She is lovely and her innocence of what is really going on is refreshing - she obviously has no real concept of pain past a bruised knee, or of death.

2shoes · 27/01/2009 18:09

glad the visit went well(and the soft play)

MaryBS · 27/01/2009 18:14

DH has just phoned from the hospital... FIL is slipping away it sounds like. He'd been in hospital since before Christmas after an Op on his stomach, but it sounds like his heart is giving out...

DH got a call a couple of hours ago telling him to go in...

fryalot · 27/01/2009 18:38

oh Mary - it's going to be tough for you supporting dh through this, as well as coping with your own feelings!

lilred - glad today went well

2shoes · 27/01/2009 18:57

MaryBS

MaryBS · 27/01/2009 19:24

Thanks, I've been trying to warn the children, gently, its not easy, is it?

DD is 9, DS is 7 (and has Asperger's)

fryalot · 27/01/2009 19:43

certainly not easy at all, mary! And yours are a really awkward age - a bit older and they'd be better equipped to cope, a bit younger and they wouldn't really understand.

You know where we are when you need a bit of support and a cyber shoulder to lean on

MaryBS · 27/01/2009 20:27

Thanks, that's really good of you. DD has just got up, crying

Not heard from DH...

fryalot · 27/01/2009 21:07

I suppose if they've called him in, he won't want to leave his side to ring you

Lots of hugs for the kids (and you and dh when he gets home)

2shoes · 27/01/2009 21:16

MaryBS really feel for you, I remember how hard it was going through this with FIL.
sending you love and hugs

LilRedWG · 27/01/2009 21:33

Oh Marybs, I'm so sorry. x

MaryBS · 27/01/2009 22:31

He has called, still hanging in there. BP and heart rate dropped still further. DH will stay longer, has told me to go to bed, to lock up but not bolt the door...

Kids are in bed asleep now...

Sorry, I feel like I've gate-crashed this thread...

2shoes · 27/01/2009 22:41

mary I don't think you have.

MaryBS · 28/01/2009 07:33

FIL passed away peacefully last night... thanks SO much for your support...

fryalot · 28/01/2009 08:11

Mary - that word "peacefully" I think is the most important. Try and focus on that and remind dh that his dad would have suffered had he gone on longer.

Wishing you strength and courage in the days to come.

YOu have not gatecrashed the thread, it is for anybody struggling with losing a loved one. That includes you.

xx