ok, regular in disguise with TMI TMI TMI q about ladybits

[Regularwithbagonhead]

ok. deep breath, check bag is over head, ok.

I have tried to google the answer to this, and I will leave you to imagine the results I got. so I turn to you, dear Mumsnet, since it will be a cold day in hell before I turn up to my gp, fling off my knickers and ask him what he thinks is wrong with my clitoris.

Yup, that's the problem.

It has become red, shiny and itchy and so sensitive that it hurts to touch, which is a bugger cos it's so damn itchy.

Sex is not the culprit cos there's been none for so long I have forgotten what a willy looks like.

Self-lurve is not the culprit cos I don't. (no - really, no - honestly, no - truly. I tried it in the past but I just rubbed myself sore and felt rather foolish oh lordie look at me I am letting it all out now )

Nothing 'thrushy' cos I've had that before and I know it comes with other charming signs.

I would rather eat poo than offer my swollen shiny red clit to my gp and ask "hey doc, what do you think of this then?"

So. Any ideas?

More to the point, any over the counter suggestions for me?

Something that doesn't involve me asking the pharmacist for a cream to soothe my ...

If the clitoris feels like a hard pea but not in the aroused state iykwim, it could be an ingrowing hair causing a local infection under the skin. Hair from pubic area can get bent over and embed into the skin iyswim. Does it feel like a hard lump?

There is a website where you can ask medical questions isnt there - not learn direct - cant remember what its called though

If this were me I would go somewhere anonyumous - GUM clinic - with a bagonmyhead

no lilred, it can probably be seen from space.

I hope it's not going to confuse air traffic

I know, I know, I have to see someone. but I don't waaaaaaaannna

Can't really get a good enough feel to check, mytether, it feels like a lump. It feels really smooth, if that makes any sense. I can't explain it.

Oh ok, well, I have to go to a doctor. Unless miracle happens and it gets better overnight. [hopeful]

I agree with Northernlurker though. Bite the bullet and go and see a female doctor/nurse. Believe me they have seen it all before and won't judge. From a professional perspective I can say hand on heart that half the time I never paid attention to anything except treating the patient. I have seen bucket loads of fanjos

can't be much help, baghead, but just wanted to say you've given me a good chortle.

do you have a family planning/wellwoman/GUM clinic near you, could make a one-off visit and never go near again?

a cool bath with bicarb of soda dissolved in it (no bubblebath, soap or showergel) followed by smearing of natural live yoghurt might help to calm yer bits a wee bit until you get seen. good luck!

mytether have you seen loads of fanjos like buckets though?

BTW - I could have lived without knowing you can get a ingrowing hair THERE - so thanks for that image

Sounds like an infected hair follicle, try having a soak in a hot bath which might encourage any discharge out from under the skin. Could also be a friction blood blister from clothing rubbing.

Oh yes indeedy!!!!

Yes I have had a few but not actually on the clitoris, between leg and fanjo though

Thanks for all your good advice and stuff folks! Am off to bed now. Will be taking action tomorrow.

I do hope nobody knows who I am.

Good Luck - be brave

Oh dear oh dear... poor thing. Could it be a cyst... or even an abscess?

Don't want to scare you but....

I once had an abscess kinda in the fold between inner and outer folds IYKWIM

Over the course of a few days it grew from a pea-sized lump to a feckin golfball. I honestly felt like I had a bollock... It finally 'burst' (oh my god that was so painful) so I eventually went to A&E where the most gorgeous dr examined me (why? why? why??). Lucky for me it had burst itself as he said if I'd had to have it lanced it woulda been a general anaesthetic as there are so many nerves down there.

Anyway, he said that it is quite common for the duct that basically lubricates the fanjo can block, causing an abscess.

God it was almost as mortifying as seeing a bum doctor but that's another story.

Anyhow, OP if it really does get worse and suddenly huge, please see the GP. They will have seen it all before, honestly!

Good luck!

Good luck

Oh crumbs that abcess thing is painful even to read about. Is everyone else clenching and considering going to their GP for an MOT just in case???

ARe you sure you haven't been wearing jeans a lot that are a bit tight? Try wearing a long skirt and no knickers around the house see if that helps?

OK, I'm really sorry I have to do this but... PMSL @ thread

OK, I've stopped. I apologise. I have no advice to offer but I hope your hoop recovers v soon.

its most probably nothing

not sure about the turn of phrase 'bite the bullet'

Blimey, I have my smear test tomorrow and I'm going to be thinking of the OP now and giggling (sorry).

It could be a cyst, an infected hair follicle but it could also be an varicose vein in the area pressing against the clitoris and increasing the blood pressure that area.

Does it feel 'contained' (ie can you move the lump freely or does it stay where it when you prod it)?

Shiny would indicate pressure - so it probably is an infected bit of something - could be a number of things.

Don't worry the GP will not want to poke it with a needle or anything.

Perhaps you are growing a willy?

have you used any diff soap/shower gel/bubble bath?
tbh it sounds very much like thrush

So - have you exposed yourself yet?

Im in disguise too. I have something on my bits called lichen schlerosis which causes me to get sore and painful . i put up with it for 2 years thinking i had recurrent thrush while my bits felt like itchy cardboard, i hated sex etc etc. Eventually after DC3, I mentioned it at my 6 week check everyone was completely matter of fact about it, and (sorry to scare you) i found out it is a precancerous condition that increases my risk of vulval cancer but no more than say, being a smoker increases your risk of lung cancer. Anyway the long and short of it is it is treated with steroid cream easy peasy and i have become much more aware of what my 'bits' look like. (although ive never got around to taking a digital photo of them like the dermatologist suggested). please seee your GP

exposed myself. You guys! I know you are sniggering at all this you know...you can't fool me!

but yes, I have made an appointment to see gp. I have asked for the one there that I don't normally see, not the one I go to regularly and have built up a relationship with. I know that sounds arse end up, but I couldn't go back to him after he'd had a faff and a fiddle down below!

ooer, teateabag. That doesn't sound good.

my dd had strep A down there and psorasis - not pleasant, itchy and red and ended up scaley - but she did have it for nearly a year before they got to the bottom (?) of it.