ok, regular in disguise with TMI TMI TMI q about ladybits

[Regularwithbagonhead]

ok. deep breath, check bag is over head, ok.

I have tried to google the answer to this, and I will leave you to imagine the results I got. so I turn to you, dear Mumsnet, since it will be a cold day in hell before I turn up to my gp, fling off my knickers and ask him what he thinks is wrong with my clitoris.

Yup, that's the problem.

It has become red, shiny and itchy and so sensitive that it hurts to touch, which is a bugger cos it's so damn itchy.

Sex is not the culprit cos there's been none for so long I have forgotten what a willy looks like.

Self-lurve is not the culprit cos I don't. (no - really, no - honestly, no - truly. I tried it in the past but I just rubbed myself sore and felt rather foolish oh lordie look at me I am letting it all out now )

Nothing 'thrushy' cos I've had that before and I know it comes with other charming signs.

I would rather eat poo than offer my swollen shiny red clit to my gp and ask "hey doc, what do you think of this then?"

So. Any ideas?

More to the point, any over the counter suggestions for me?

Something that doesn't involve me asking the pharmacist for a cream to soothe my ...

psoriasis - now that's interesting! I have psoriasis on my arm that I have a cream for (dovobet), plus on my head that I can do nothing about! I wonder if I could just try putting my cream down there for a few days and see what happens, then I can cancel

oh fuck.
oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
oh fuckadoodle do.

nobody post ANYTHING
let this thread die and let it never be spoken of again.

Is that you hecate pmsl

I believe I said no bumping. hurumph.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have something in the cupboard that needs my attention for the next 4-6 weeks.

I am so sorry but that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time

Good luck at the docs though it does sound painful

You just know we wont let this go, after all you did say you could be seen from space

We know you are in there! Come on out.

Don;t be embarrassed. I name changed about a similar thread a few months ago and then outed myself as I couldn't be arsed with the faff.

Also, DO NOT CANCEL!

aw

I went to GU clinic last time I had issues - was sooooooooo nice to see someone who looks at fanjos all the time and I wouldn't have to see later with a sick child

Oh, and to make you feel better about the outing yourself - I was there with BV and warts it turned out

oops - where did you leave your bag ?

now you have no anonymity now - you can go to the GP without a care in the world.

Hope you get it sorted - it sounds painful.

there's no shame in a broken fanny...

i once partially severed a labia whilst attempting some, em, pubic topiary and phoned NHS Direct in a hysterical fashion gibbering about 'bleeding flaps' whilst wailing. what a knob.

Oh dear. This is the funniest thread in a long long time. I am so sorry for laughing so much but I have tears rolling down my face.

Was having a sympathetic giggle and then lol'd at 'are you growing a willy' but am totally PMSL at your UCM moment!

Right - serious head on.

Go to the doctor - do not cancel the appointment! As you can see from this thread there could be numerous reasons for the swelling so you need a doctor to have a look and make a proper diagnosis.

I get genital herpes. Always in one spot - a hard painful slightly itchy lump. Sometimes worse than others. I do find dabbing tea tree oil on helps. I get oral herpes too - suspect that I helped infect myself somehow!

but mostly i thought you were looking a bit uncomfortable the other day.
you dont think you picked up something dodgy spending all week in that pool on holiday?

Yes, don't be embarrassed about going to your doctor - chances are he/she's a MNer anyway and will already be fully aware.

Sorry, I'm still laughing at the "GP's have seen everything - this is their bread and butter"

The image of bread and butter and a broken fanjo just do not go together

off to have a smoked salmon sandwich

No Heacate don't put your psorasis cream down there without it getting checked out though! I would ask for a swab though, strep A can be dangerous if it gets into your blood stream through a cut, blister, open wound etc.

Huge sympathy about your sore clitoris - sounds awful. Please do not self-medicate though!

Thank you for a fun thread though.

Please do come out of the cupboard though, we love you, rudolf-bits or not!

My nan has a condition called Lichen Sclerosus, the symptoms are very much like you have described.

Theres a link here

www.medic8.com/skin-disorders/lichen-sclerosus.htm

if it does sound like this, then I'm afraid yo will have to visit the Gp as its treated by steroid creams.

you have truly made my day.
really hope the gp sorts it out quickly though. sounds horrid even if i can only just breathe for laughing so much.
i'm guessing you don't want this as thread of the week?

This is the first time I have laughed out loud at MN - just at the bit where you outed yourself. Awh poor you. I have done something similar but not quite as

Have you been to your appointment yet?

Awh hugs

Do you think Hecate is still in her cupboard ?

aw come back hecate, we are all big girls (some bigger than others obviously)

no I am not in the cupboard (I had to sit on the floor and it was a bit sore )

I am trying to ignore this thread!!!!!!

If you love me PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE stop bumping this thread up!! I am hoping most of MN has not and will not see it!

LOL hecate. Sorry for your belisha beacon, but I have to tell you, this thread is the first proper laugh I have had all day.

Get thee to the doctor. I once went with an anal fissure and had to endure the doctor sticking a finger up my bum. You will come out of the experience a happier freer woman, I am sure.