Nothing more they can do for DH

[MummyDoIt]

The title says it all, really. We saw his oncologist yesterday. The last lot of chemo did no good at all and he's deteriorating fast. There are no other types of chemo available and, even if there were, he's not well enough to tolerate any further treatment. All they can do now is alleviate his symptoms as best they can and wait for the inevitable. I asked how long he had and the doctor said, 'months, not years, and probably not as many months as you would like'. Up until now, I've been telling the DSs that we hope Daddy will get better. Now I'm going to start saying that Daddy will not get better. Yesterday, I had to call MIL and tell her that her eldest son probably won't live to see Christmas.

hope you can get some sleep.

So sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you and yours.

Have emailed you, OJ.

Got a bit more sleep last night. Just waiting for the District Nurse to come in today. I hope we can adjust the morphine so that DH is not in pain but at least awake some of the time. This has all happened so quickly that we haven't had chance to discuss what will happen from here on. We need to talk about whether DH wants to go in to a hospice or whether he'd rather be nursed at home. I wanted to keep him at home but last night shook me up a bit. Worrying about him, not knowing whether to call someone or how bad he was. The responsibility frightens me.

Thinking of you MDI, with lots of love, and sending you strength to face the coming days.

XXX

Thinking of you and wishing you and your family lots of strength.

so sorry about your DH

But pleased you have found people here who you can confide in...

So sorry

MummyDoIt, I've just seen this thread.
So sorry to hear the news about your DH.
Wishing you all strength for the time ahead.

Mummydoit - So sorry to hear of your sad news, don't really have anything useful to add but wishing you and all your family strength in the difficult times ahead.

Anytime you need to blow off steam feel free to come and chat, take care. xx

The district nurse has been back to see him but basically there's not a lot they can or will do. I asked if they would take him in and put him on a drip if the dehydration got worse but the answer was no. The cancer is so far advanced now that they won't do any further treatment, not even a drip. All they will do is manage his pain. She confirmed what I thought - we're almost certainly talking weeks rather than months as the consultant first said.

The DSs are being really hard to cope with today. My sister and BIL left at lunchtime and the boys were really upset as they adore BIL and didn't want him to leave. They've been tearful and argumentative with each other. Of course I know it's all a reaction to what is going on and I know it's normal and understandable. I'm handling them very gently with lots of hugs and reassurance but it's hard work when all you want to do is curl up in a corner and cry yourself.

There are people who know more about pallative care than I do, but wanted you to know that I have nothing but sympathy for you and your family.

So sorry for what you are all going through.

The thing about the drip doesnt sound right to me. I'm not a palliative care expert, but I would have thought that if dehydration is contributing to the situation at the moment then it would be treated. I think the suggestion of contacting macmillan nurse or out of hours doctor is good.

Agree with the others.
Another medical opinion would be helpful re the drip, I think.

am so sorry sweetheart ((((((((((((((((((((mummydoit)))))))))))))))))))))

Just read the thread I feel so sorry for you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

really hope Macmillan will help

I'm so sorry too. I also think another opinion re: the fluids has to be worth getting; can you ring the macmillan nurse? I mean, surely cancer patients can have other needs other than pain relief? Why should they be able to be denied basic treatment that would be given to someone else? OK, they won't offer more chemo but that is not the same thing as withdrawing ALL medical treatment other than pain relief. It simply can't be right.

And I wish you strength; it must be so hard to keep strong for the kids. I'm so sorry that all of you are having to go through this.

MDI i haven't got your email.
glad you got some sleep, it is a lot of responsibility to look after someone at home but in some ways it was better for us to do that than have to vist steve in the hospice with all the traveling, the kids always got to say goodnight and good morning at home.

My thoughts are with you and your family a terrible time for you all.
I was going to suggest contacting Marie Currie nurses rather than McMillian as I found them much more helpful in practical ways.

the thing with the fluids is probably right, i know when steve stopped eating and drinking they wouldn't give him a drip, there does come a point when the body stops absorbing fluid and food. constipation is something that causes confusion aggitation and lots of other things, the morphine causes constipation, towards the end steve had regular ememas which helped.