Nothing more they can do for DH

[MummyDoIt]

The title says it all, really. We saw his oncologist yesterday. The last lot of chemo did no good at all and he's deteriorating fast. There are no other types of chemo available and, even if there were, he's not well enough to tolerate any further treatment. All they can do now is alleviate his symptoms as best they can and wait for the inevitable. I asked how long he had and the doctor said, 'months, not years, and probably not as many months as you would like'. Up until now, I've been telling the DSs that we hope Daddy will get better. Now I'm going to start saying that Daddy will not get better. Yesterday, I had to call MIL and tell her that her eldest son probably won't live to see Christmas.

So sorry mummydoit - my thoughts are with you and your family. xx

I'm so so sorry to hear this. We are here if you need to talk... xxxx

MummydoIt - I am so so sorry.

How awful for all of you.

It really is a bastard disease to quote MB some months ago.

I'm so sorry, Mummydoit.

I'm so sorry. x

Very sorry to read your news MDI

I'm so sorry.

thinking of you all...sending you strength. x

So so sorry, MDI.

MB, thanks for all the practical advice. I put in a call to the Mac nurse this morning - still waiting for a call-back - and one of the things I want to talk about is counselling for the boys, maybe me as well. DH won't go near the idea, I'm afraid. He's a very private person and won't even talk to me. We are going to have to have some very heavy conversations soon - as you say, where does he want to be at the end, etc - but he's still taking in the bad news. Don't think I'm set up for CAT but I'll get it sorted then will CAT you if you're sure you don't mind. Your own loss is very recent and I'm sure you've got enough on your plate coping with that.

I'm beginning to feel that the oncologist's estimate of a few months is optimistic. DH is getting noticeably worse day by day. Yesterday night, he fell at the top of the stairs and it took him 15 minutes to get up again. I was on the verge of calling an ambulance as I couldn't lift him by myself. Today, he's still in bed and hasn't eaten the breakfast I took him at 9.00am and he says the pain is much worse. Really wish the Mac nurse would call back so we can get some additional pain relief sorted out today.

Really to hear this.

Glad you've got good support in RL. The Macmillan Nurses, the GP, even the dentist were fantastic with my mum, so do ask for help when you need it.

MB has some very wise words too.

So very sorry.

Pain must and will be sorted.

Dh's pain was sorted right up to the end there is no need for your dh to be in pain.

Please let me help if I can

My mother died in a hospice some time ago. She didn't want to go in (convinced she'd die there) but once she was there they were fantastic. She had 2 weeks and the care was superb, and in particular the pain relief. She was more at peace with herself than I would have believed possible. Over 10 years later my father is still very involved with that hospice as he felt they were so good.
My thoughts are with you.

has the mac nurse been in touch yet???

mummydoit - so sorry to read your news.

this sudden down turn may be a shock reaction to being told such awful news. I know my Dad, who died 3.5 yrs ago suddenly took a dive when it sunk in that he was not getting better. If you can get him to open up, it may help relieve some of the terrible stress.

Please keep poisting - there are (too many) people who have experienced losses, and this awful disease, and too many very recently, but they all have invaluable knowledge of teh system. There are also a lot of nurses on teh site, who may be able to help with insder kowledge on what to say and who to speak to to get what you need.

Take care. If your DH can cope with it, I think trying to put together memory boxes for the boys would be the most wonderful, lasting gift her can give them, and it may hekp him come to terms, when he realises that they have to deal with it too.

I lost my DH1 to cancer nearly 8 years ago now, if you need any support/help etc then please CAT me.

Mac nurses are worth their weight in gold, they won't let him suffer and will do everything to ensure your wishes are met. My DH wouldn't talk about the cancer and dying at all and I found it extraordinarily hard as I felt I never knew what he wanted. So if you can talk, however painful that is, then do as it will make things slightly easier as things progress.

I'm sorry to hear this.

Very sorry to hear such sad news - it's very frightening how quickly someone can deteriorate, saw it recently with my stepfather - I hope you get all the support you need over the coming months and that you get a chance to create some nice memories for you and your dcs.

i'm so sorry mummydoit. if you need anything i am close enough to help.

I am very sorry to hear this, MummyDoIt.
Very sad.

so so sorry to hear that

im so sorry i wish i could say more to help but as some one said earlier there are no words. with others my thoughts are with you and your family

mummydoit - sending thoughts & prayers for you and your family. if it helps to post to strangers,then do it. and keep yourself healthy and well. so sorry to hear the sad news.