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Original poster

Nothing more they can do for DH

204 replies

MummyDoIt · 21/08/2008 10:15

The title says it all, really. We saw his oncologist yesterday. The last lot of chemo did no good at all and he's deteriorating fast. There are no other types of chemo available and, even if there were, he's not well enough to tolerate any further treatment. All they can do now is alleviate his symptoms as best they can and wait for the inevitable. I asked how long he had and the doctor said, 'months, not years, and probably not as many months as you would like'. Up until now, I've been telling the DSs that we hope Daddy will get better. Now I'm going to start saying that Daddy will not get better. Yesterday, I had to call MIL and tell her that her eldest son probably won't live to see Christmas.

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 21/08/2008 10:49

Oh MDI I haven't posted on your threads before due to lack of words, but I have lurked, and you are all in my heart

xxx

coppertop · 21/08/2008 10:49

I'm so sorry, MummyDoIt.

NormaStanleyBelcher · 21/08/2008 10:50

So sorry

MaryAnnSingleton · 21/08/2008 10:51

oh mummydoit - lots of thoughts coming your way

eandh · 21/08/2008 10:52

So sorry - is there anything any of us can do on a practical level to help you at the moment?

Notyummy · 21/08/2008 10:52

I can fully understand how it is easier to talk to strangers; when one of my best friends got cancer, she said one of the hardest things she had to do was to tell her close friends and family because they got upset and she felt she couldn't fall apart because she had to help them.

Fall apart all you want here if it helps you be stronger for your dh and children. I wish you strength for the future.

Original poster
MummyDoIt · 21/08/2008 10:55

eandh, that's a lovely thought, thank you, but we're okay practically. Sadly, our families live far away and aren't able to help much but we have some wonderful friends who are so helpful and supportive. Theree is always someone who will look after the DSs if we have doctor's appointments and I've got lots of shoulders to cry on when I need to. Plus we have the Macmillan nurse (just waiting for her to call now) and they are fantastic.

OP posts:
TequilaMockinBird · 21/08/2008 10:58

so sorry to read this

Life is so cruel at times xx

cyteen · 21/08/2008 10:59

I agree with Notyummy. Throughout my brother's battle with cancer I posted on another board about all sorts of things - practical stuff, how I was feeling, questions about x y and z etc. When it came to the end I found myself sitting up at 1am writing a massive long post describing everything that we had gone through; even though I was wiped out I felt compelled to get it down and get it out there.

People's responses were really helpful, in all kinds of ways, and I can still search for those posts now and read back what I had written at the time, which included things I felt I couldn't share with real life loved ones. It was and is immensely comforting. I hope that in some way posting to strangers can help you, because anything that will help you is a good thing

Also to echo eandh, is there anything practical we can do right now?

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2008 11:00

So sorry . Glad you have RL help and support. Use MN to vent - don't worry about whether it makes sense!

mamalovesmojitos · 21/08/2008 11:03

it is so unfair, and i am so sorry for all of you.

you sound like you are really being brave. the ideal thing about mn is that you dont have to be brave and you can reach out at any time. i know you will get so much support from the wonderful ladies (and men) on here.

xx.

Eddas · 21/08/2008 11:05

sorry to hear this MDI.

I wish I had mn when my mum was ill. It's so much easier to talk to strangers and on here there always seems to be people in the same situation/who've had experiences which are the same, to offer adivce.

eandh · 21/08/2008 11:07

Well if there is ever anything practical we can do - you must let us know, tesco shop, little pressie for ds to cheer him up (or a pressie for you if you are having a bad day etc )

Glad to hear you have fab friends and form what I read of martian and Oj's experiences Macmillan nurses are worth their weight in gold

chocaholic73 · 21/08/2008 11:49

Really sorry to hear your news. People deal with things in different ways and I think offloading what is in your head to online support groups can be hugely worthwhile. Do let us know if there is anything we can do.

Blandmum · 21/08/2008 11:57

Oh God, I'm just so, so sorry.

I'm now going to be horribly practical.

Is the Macmillan team on side and are yuo all getting the help that you need?

Have you discussed where dh wants to be when he dies....you need to discuss this with your Macmillan nurse who can then organise hospice at home/ hospice care depending on what you both want.

remember that good palliative care will help to extend the quantity and quality of your dhs remaining time.

Talk to your Mac nurse about getting counselling for your children and you and dh if you need it.

Find out those people who help you, and those people who are a drain.....stop seeing the latter. Now is a time to be selfish and to make sure that your emotional resources are over stretched.

If you like I will talk you through setting up a wkik space where you can post information, that people can access to avoid you having to give the same (often distressing news) over and over again. We did this and it was a godsend....not just for us but for freinds and family.

CAT me.....I will do whatever I can for you.

Much love

QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 21/08/2008 11:58

So sorry to hear this, MummyDoIt.

It's good that you have friends to be there for you - take all and any help that is offered.

Wishing you strength for the hard road you must travel.

SoupDragon · 21/08/2008 11:59

Oh no

bellavita · 21/08/2008 11:59

Lots of hugs and strength to you and your family. xxxx

andiem · 21/08/2008 12:01

so sorry to see your news MDI

olivo · 21/08/2008 12:05

really sorry to hear this MDI. I wish you and yuor family strength.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 21/08/2008 12:10

I am so sorry to hear this.

Please let us know if we can do anything to help.

BecauseImWorthIt · 21/08/2008 12:27

So sorry to hear your news. If there is anything that we can do to help, please make sure that you let us know.

Ewe · 21/08/2008 12:31

So sorry to read this you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Tas1 · 21/08/2008 12:34

I can't begin to think what you and your family are going through. My thoughts are with you.

Evenstar · 21/08/2008 12:38

So sorry to hear this MDI, I will be remembering you and your family in my prayers. Don't feel silly for posting on MN to strangers, when my DH died in June like you I had a lot of RL support but MN is different and sometimes you can post things about your emotions here that you are not able to say to people in RL for fear of upsetting them. Wishing you strength.