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General health

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Original poster

Dh has something wrong with his bowels/stomach but refuses to go to dr's. Information on IBS and other possible causes pls! :-(

73 replies

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 08:16

Dh frequently suffers with diarrhea and painful stomach cramps accompanied by bad wind. Last night it culminated in us all having to get out of bed as he'd soiled himself and we had to change the sheets (he'll be really angry if he knows i've told MN but I'm genuinely worried).

I think it sounds like IBS and think he should go and see the GP out of hours today, but he says they'll just tell him to rest. I suspect the treatment for IBS is somewhat different but of course we don't know that it is IBS. He is quite overweight and i think this is why he doesn't want to go to the dr's. How can I make him see this is affecting all of us? I'm unwell and pg myself atm and could be doing with getting plenty of rest not having to get up in the night because we need to change the feckin sheets!

OP posts:

sandcastles · 09/08/2008 08:24

My main IBS symptoms are cramps which are usually followed by diarrhea. And I can also get periods of painful constipation & bloating.

I do also get lots of painful wind.

I get my main symptoms [cramps, diarrhea] after trigger foods. For me it is anything overly greasy, raw onions [killer as I love them!] and anything too rich.

I know you know this, but he really does need to get it diagnosed, as I know that IBS symptoms can actually be something else. But good luck getting a man to the Dr's!

Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 08:30

Sandcastles - can IBS be stress-related? Last year, when he was in a horrendously stressful job and I was suffering with awful PND and neither of us were coping very well he would get these awful, painful long burps - which would go on for a good 10 secs (doesn't sound long until you think about someone burping for that long!!) and really upset him!

He's under a lot of stress again now (with me having been unwell) and I'm wondering if that could be a trigger.

OP posts:

Littlefish · 09/08/2008 09:06

Yes, stress can definitely be a trigger. For me, it's also curry or any other very oily food, or eating a big, heavy meal.

He does need to go to the doctor though.

Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 09:09

How can I make him go to the dr?

I am actually getting quite cross about this. He is still in bed, fast asleep while I am up with ds because he shit the bed last night. I know he couldn't help it, and I know it's probably a medical condition but I am feeling like shite myself and very snappy with ds because of it.

He seems to forget it was not just him who had to get up last night, but also me and ds - but it was him who went back to sleep first (because he wasn't awake for an hour nursing ds back to sleep).

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SpandexIsMyEnemy · 09/08/2008 09:16

stress can be a trigger yes - for me I can't have a lot of fizzys and a lot of carbs - as in a meal which contains chips bread coke and something else - I really suffer. also some dairy for me - mostly that's gone now but for about 2/3 years all I could have was a wheat & mostly dairy free diet (was goats milk), then had to re introduce foods. now unfortunatly I don't have too much choice so put up with the bloatedness & cramps etc.

a colleague of mine had it an awful lot worse and had to have a strict diet.

try different foods - is there any particular time it's bad?

he really really does need to go to the drs - is he bleeding or anything from the back passage? (sorry if tmi or you don't want to tell us - if he is, you really must get him to go to the drs - that ime is a sign or something more than IBS)

colacubes · 09/08/2008 09:19

Oh you have my complete sympathy, my dp has had these symptoms for 3-4 yrs, after 2 went to the docs, then doc told him off for cancelling loads of appointments, was refered to the hospital, went to the wrong place!! The nice lady got all the details together to re-book, and he wont do a thing about it, grrrrrr!!

He's even been to AnE twice because of losing blood, but they say oh thats common with IBS go to the docs asap, and hes still here farting away, crying on the loo, refusing to go to the docs. Bloated and uncomfortable, I can not get his arse there for love nor money.

Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 09:20

He has bled from the anus, yes, although i don't think he did yesterday. Having said that, I don't know whether he would have told me if he had IYSWIM.

Stupid bloody man.

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Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 09:22

cola - do you find that you lose sympathy for your dp when he refuses to do anything about his obvious problem? Or am I a cold unfeeling bitch?

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SpandexIsMyEnemy · 09/08/2008 09:23

please get him to the drs asap - tell him it's prob nothing serious, but as you're pg etc he needs to go and get himself sorted out - offer to go with him if he wants to - might well be a case that he;s scared of what the dr might find? tbh before I was diagnosed with it, I didn't want to go and kept putting it off, was only when I was told it could be something more serious I thought I had to go just in case - was scarey but also a relief.

Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 09:25

Ah - I'm a cold unfeeling bitch then?! I have offered to go with him - it's difficult for him to go in the week so I've offered to make him an appointment with the out of hours doc today or tomorrow. But nope - no cigar.

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SpandexIsMyEnemy · 09/08/2008 09:27

not at all - must be frustrating and annoying for you, as well as scary for him! don't know what else to suggest tbh. apart from looking at his diet to see if something there makes it better/worse??

colacubes · 09/08/2008 09:28

I do get annoyed, I do lose sympathy for him because he wont help himself, I get angry when we all have to sit in a stinking room, or when I have to clean his dirty undies!!!

i think he is embarrased, its because of where it is and what it entails, but I cant do it for him, and I am very scared some times that its more than IBS, and probably he is too thats why he refuses to go.

Dont feel bad about being upset about sleeping with a man who has shit in the bed, Jesus, thats alot to ask someone to deal with especially when he is refusing to try and help himself.

amidaiwish · 09/08/2008 09:28

he has to go.
this could be really serious.
any of these things, the longer you leave them / ignore the symptoms the harder it is to treat.
i don't want to frighten you and i know other posters are subtly hinting too, but bleeding from anus and bad stomach wind/cramps/diarrhoea/constipation, so bad that he is soiling the bed are pretty severe symptoms.

motherinferior · 09/08/2008 09:31

He has to go to the doc, he really has - please tell him.

And in any case, if it is IBS the treatment is not rest. He needs medical help!

Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 09:31

I don't know how to make him go! I'm going to show him this thread when he wakes up (I'm not so cruel that I'm going to wake him - well, unless he sleeps past about half 10 which would be unusual tbh) - I know he'll be mad with me for telling MN that he shit the bed but I have to make him see that this is serious!

OP posts:

motherinferior · 09/08/2008 09:34

Perhaps if you tell him he might have bowel cancer, that might get him moving?

I'm not saying it is colorectal cancer - but that is a major killer, and one of the indications is changes in bowel habits and/or bleeding from the anus. See here.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 09/08/2008 09:35

it is, and not to scare you but what i'm getting at (and it's prob not this in any case, and I don't want to add to your stresses, but my aunty's dad was bleeding from the back passage, did nothing about it - turned out it was bowel cancer) - what his other symptoms were I don't know - honestly don't - but he left it for a year before going. it was NOT good.

please get your DP to read this, would have thought he was embarrassed as well, one of dads friends has been suffering similar ont he other hand - they're doing tests on him but so far it's not symptomatic of cancer - so to the worst case it could be to the best it's not. afraid he's gonna have to bite the bullet so to speak and get there.

as I say not to scare you, but have know of 2 occasions out of 3 where it's been something more serious.

motherinferior · 09/08/2008 09:39

And in any case IBS can be treated. I've been prone to it all my life - really painfully - but the lovely dietitian at our GP surgery sorted me out. (I react badly to fat, it turns out from my two week diet/symptom sheet.)

Original poster

theSuburbanDryad · 09/08/2008 09:39

omg MI - he has nearly all of those symptoms!

I keep telling him he has to improve his health or I will be a widow by the time I am 36 and his children will lose their father but he never takes it seriously. I am sat here crying now (farkin hormones) and seriously thinking about dragging him down to the out of hour's dr kicking and screaming.

Maybe I should just make an appointment then wake him up and tell him we're going out but not tell him where, and then shove him through the door of the dr's office before he realise what's happened.

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Lemontart · 09/08/2008 09:41

Please please please encourage him to go. Loss of control of his bowels is not normal, his symptoms are not normal and should not be ignored. Frighten him with a little internet research if you have to, but get him there and get him checked properly. Our GP said if DH had not got his blood pressure under control when he did and carried on without changing his lifestyle, he might not be here now, it was that serious. He had no idea his blood pressure was high, it was only via secondary stress symptoms like you describe that made me insist he get his suspected IBS checked out. He was worried, stressed with work, bad diet, a bit overweight (not much), not exercising, and having alternating constipation and the runs with bouts of cramps and pain. The GP helped with meds for the symptoms and to control the blood pressure and prescribed a total lifestyle change, diet, exercise, more sleep and less stress.
Now we know if his IBS symptoms flare up to see it as a flag to potentially more silent and dangerous issues like his blood pressure and hypertension. On going battle but less stress, healthier lifestyle and careful diet (agree with onions and carbs late at night) all help. Not a quick "take the pink pill" type cure, more a holistic approach needed to this as it can be symptoms of symptoms of problems!

Blandmum · 09/08/2008 09:42

He needs to see his GP asap.

This could be IBS, but it could be something more seriousand if it is, the soon things are treated the better.

Whatever the cause it isn't going to go away, and he is going to continue to be more uncomfortable, which regardless of the cause isn';t a sensible thing to do, is it?

lulumama · 09/08/2008 09:42

very unlikely to be cancer BUT bowel conditions, particularly colitis and crohns can raise your chances of getting bowel cancer, once you have had the disease for a number of years.

his symptoms could well be 'just' IBS, but whatever it is, there are a whole raft of meds out there that can diminish or even stop his symptoms, and he MUST SEE A DOCTOR.

i have crohns disease which is well controlled now with medication which i don;t even need to take all the time

amidaiwish · 09/08/2008 09:43

ok well i didn't want to say it but that was what i was getting at too.
my uncle died age 59 from bowel cancer after ignoring symptoms for a few years. he kept saying the food in Dubai (where he was living) didn't agree with him and it was difficult to get vegetables out there.

if he had gone to the doctor earlier he could have been treated.

you can't ignore these things.

motherinferior · 09/08/2008 09:44

Sweetie, it probably isn't anything major. But it could be. And the reason that colorectal cancer is a major killer is not because it can't be treated - caught early it's very treatable - it's because people are too embarrassed to go.

FWIW my partner made (yes!) an appointment to see our GP recently because he was concerned about diabetes (he fits a lot of the criteria for it). Turns out he doesn't have diabetes but does have high cholesterol. Which because it's been detected now he can really work on and bring down. And which goes to show that you can turn up thinking you have one thing - and in reality have another. Which is treatable!

Blandmum · 09/08/2008 09:45

And if you want to scare him into in, tell him about my dh. His cancer wasn't caught early enough (not his fault, it is trhe nature of the cancer he had) and within 2 years he was dead at the age of 46. But by having treatment it still improved the quality and qantity of the life that he had left.

Ignoring this isn't going to make it go away

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