Oh Waily,
I send you hugs and hope this helps...
This time last year I was in a similar situation. Diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer and one of the worst aspects of it was the need for support and TLC from friends but the fear of it getting back to the children. So I did not even tell my best friends.
I tried to carry on as normal, sobbing in the car when I was alone and when alone late at night. Not sleeping and feeling very alone.
I have 4 boys, 13,11,7 and 4.
When I did tell one of my best friends she was angry with me for not telling her and so supportive! You need to talk. If you cannot to a friend ask your doctor to suggest a counsellor.
Or maybe better for you if you use chat lines, there is a great website according to a friend of mine where you can chat to others in the same situation. She said it helped her get through, I just called her she said it is www.breastcancer.org, she will call back and I will give you the right one if this is not correct.
Through the anxiety and lack of sleep I experienced I ended up more ill from the stress and on extra medication to help with that.
Wanting to protect your children you could actually do more harm to yourself, as I did, by not looking after your own needs.
My 13 and 11 year olds eventually found out through people gossiping, my 11 year old was teased at school by a friend who said.. your Mum's got cancer..
For them the truth was better than the unknown, though what we said was put in a very positive way. My Dad is a doctor and he helped to reassure them. They were much happier when they knew.
As far as my health goes I'm feeling better than I have for years. As others have said, there are huge advances in medicine on this front.
The charity Breakthrough might also be helpful.
While you are considered to be 'physically' ill you are also affected in many other ways. Please put yourself first and ask for the support you need.
I hope you will x