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Original poster

shock at breast cancer diagnosis today

138 replies

waily · 29/01/2005 00:53

I havent ever posted on here despite having been a member for a while, but i feel so shocked i just wanted to see if anyone could give me any advice. I m a 40 yr old mother of 2 girls 4 and 8, whose own mother died from breast cancer when she was 43, I had a mammogram 2 wks ago as family history screening, and was recalled today for a core biopsy and told i will need surgery and radiotherapy. I have talked briefly to one of my sisters and a long distance friend but do not want to talk to anyone close by in case it gets back to my daughters before I tell them myself.I have to see the surgeon next thurs and find out what / when things will happen. Can anyone help ? I have looked at some previous threads and at a couple of sites. Thanks.

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seriouslycelibate · 30/01/2005 00:45

Hi waily
Hope you managed to read back to my mssg.Keep your chin up,and try to find a way to tell yr girls soon.It's hard work putting on an act for those that know you best.If they sense something is wrong but don't know what,they might start imagining all sorts of things instead,or worse still,thinking its something to do with them xxx

marthamoo · 30/01/2005 00:45

waily, nothing to add by way of experience, no words of wisdom - just heartfelt (((hugs))) and best wishes for a positive outcome. My heart goes out to you and your DDs.

Original poster
waily · 30/01/2005 01:08

+I am a bit unsure about how to email withot being able to just click on the reply button but i did just try to email jan H but couldnt do the - bit in the address - i ll have to ask my 8 year old in the morning ! not sure what CAT is either! thankyou ' bids ' for your words , that was me today crying in the car, and to 'hewletts daughter' for the web site, i just wish i knew what kind they think it is / might be then i could use this time before thurs to get a bit more clued up.

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hewlettsdaughter · 30/01/2005 09:04

waily - to 'CAT', means to contact another talker - just click on the link at the top of this page. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night xx

charleypops · 30/01/2005 09:23

Hi Waily

Hope you managed to get some sleep. I just wanted to send you ((((hugs)))) and also to tell you that I was a manager at a charity a few years ago, and a lot of my volunteer ladies, (8 of them, in ages from about 40 well into their 70's) had had breast cancer. All of them had made full recoveries, ie had been clear for between 5 and 30 years, and even though a couple of them had had parital or full mastectomies, all were extremely active and had nothing but positive things to say about the outcome of contemporary treatments. There is a lot of support out there and I'm sure there'll be a lot of specific advice about situations just like yours regarding your family. There must be support out there for children in the family too these days.

I lost my step mum, and half sister lost her mum to a brain tumour 9 years ago when sis was 13, mum had been (finally correctly) diagnosed when sis was about 6. There was no outside support/counselling for anyone, but it was openly talked about and this helped my sis (and everyone else) to help her when she needed to rest or go into hospital.

fairyfly · 30/01/2005 09:37

Hi sorry to hear your news, i can still see the look on my mums face after being told, she was in total shock. The good news is that it didn't last long, each day she became more grounded and positive, i hope you can find the strength to do the same. My mum was admitted to hospital last monday and had a lumpectomy, she ws incredibly fightened as of course you would be. After the operation she has not been in that much pain, she tells me that she thought it would be a lot worse, she is up and about and looking at the bright side of life. I do put her recovery from theatre down to the fact she is so fit and eats well. Who knows. The radiography will not start for five weeks and she gets her results on friday to see what the lumpectomy achieved. I say all this not to bore you with my story just because i know she wanted someone to tell her the procedure.
My mum is 58 also so a big difference, but on a positive note if she feels ok after the operation then im sure you will too.
My father and i have also been messengers as she doesn't want people talking about it yet.
I do hope you have a supportive family as it is fundamental for your wellbeing that you call the shots for a while. I'm sure like us you will hear thousands of positive stories and i wish you all the best.

tamum · 30/01/2005 10:22

waily, it does sound very much as though they have caught any potential changes very early indeed, which must be really good news for your prognosis. They are right to be cautious with your family history, so it's good that you are getting treated quickly, but it sounds to me as though there are real grounds for optimism, not that it will feel like that to you, I know. ((()))

Original poster
waily · 30/01/2005 23:23

Thankyou again for your messages. I m feeling a bit more positive today and hearing positive things helps lots. I told my boss today without crying and also spoke to my other sister who lives abroad, but still havent told any local close friends, partly because their children know mine and partly because I dont know how and none of them know i was even recalled.Anyway am trying to get to bed before midnight tonight as life goes on as normal tomorrow including getting to school on time which isnt easy at the best of times !

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fairyfly · 31/01/2005 16:15

Hope today hasn't been too much of a strain and people are looking after you.
Tried to send you an email but it bounces back.

winnie · 31/01/2005 16:29

Waily, I am glad you've been able to speak to someone. I know it's a silly question but how are you doing today? Thinking of you.

deegward · 31/01/2005 21:16

waily, although it doesn't do anything practical, jsut to let you know I will be thinking about ou on Thurs. Hope all goes well D

Original poster
waily · 01/02/2005 09:29

Thanks again for your messages. I spent a lot of yesterday at the library furtively flicking through a variety of books in the health section and eventually limiting myself to 3 to bring home which i read last night after bedtime ! One book by Jane Plant was mentioned in the guardian article 2 wks ago,and advocates no dairy products whatsoever, and lots of organic fruit and veg. I m going to research her a bit more today.Fairyfly, I have cleared my inbox a bit so an email might get through now, hope your mum is doing ok.

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winnie · 01/02/2005 13:11

Waily, that sounds positive. I shall be thinking of you on Thursday x

hewlettsdaughter · 02/02/2005 08:23

Me too, waily - good luck for tomorrow. Don't be afraid to ask questions!

Original poster
waily · 02/02/2005 22:57

Thanks, this has been a very long 6 days,I want tomorrow to be over asap but also want to stay not knowing exactly what it is ,where it is or what is going to happen in the next few weeks ,days. Still havent told anyone else apart from a work colleague/friend who knew about the recall, perhaps it will be easier when i ve got a date etc.

OP posts:
JanH · 02/02/2005 22:59

waily, I sent you an email on Monday - did you get it?

hewlettsdaughter · 03/02/2005 20:55

Hope you are ok, waily, and got the info you needed from the consultation today.

Original poster
waily · 04/02/2005 21:26

the surgeon confirmed that it was an invasive, ductal cancer, the most common kind apparently, and that a wide local excision / lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy and chemo and hormone therapy was a treatment. It was only at this point that it really hit me ,especially the mention of chemo that definitely hadnt been made the previous week and the hormone therapy, and I asked about having a double mastectomy and reconstruction which seemed to throw everyone including myself .Anyway I m seeing a plastic surgeon on mon and then the surgeon again next thurs when I m supposed to make adecision, which i m currently changing my mind about every few mins ! I m also seeing the genetics team on tues with whom i was having counselling prior to all this to re evaluate the likelihood of carrying the breast cancer genes . I dont really know what to do with myself although I have talked at length to some very nice nurses on different helplines.I ve also managed to get a cold and am suffering from serious sleep deprivation, altho lemsip definitely seems to help !But apart from all that ... Im ok ish .

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NameChangingMancMidlander · 04/02/2005 21:43

oh waily. so very sorry to hear this news. at least you now know where you stand, more so than earlier this week at least. it sounds like your cancer is very treatable and i'm sure you[ll get the very best care. i think it is important to talk it through with your family. hugs xxx

soapbox · 04/02/2005 21:46

Waily - I'm so sorry - you must be reeling at the moment

Where do you live - is there any way that mumsnetters can offer you practical support in the months to come?

hewlettsdaughter · 08/02/2005 22:18

waily, just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts. Good luck with whatever decision you make - hope you are not feeling too alone.

winnie · 08/02/2005 22:22

waily, I am so sorry. I really don't have any advice but am thinking of you. I do hope you get the support you need. Best wishes Winniex

Merlot · 08/02/2005 22:27

Waily - just to let you know that you are in my thoughts too.

winnie · 10/02/2005 09:00

Waily, how are you coping?

Original poster
waily · 12/02/2005 23:39

thankyou for your messages, i am ok . I have decided to have the lumpectomy/wide local excision for now, the surgeon wasnt there on thurs so we still dont have a date, all we know is that it will be on a tuesday .. soon .Still havent told the girls as I want to have the date first. Otherwise its ok we ve all started eating more healthily and we re just taking it one step at a time.

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