NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

[Buda]

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

Onlyjoking it will get easier with time.You have to give yourself time,and do what feels right for you.
We lost a very close friend just after easter to cancer.You left me some very kind word of support,so i hope i can do the same for you.
We scattered C ashes with his wife L and afew family members.The days lending upto this were hard,just thinking about it.I didn't know how i would feel and i really wanted to be strong for L.We had a little service and then each had a handful of ashes to scatter.I didn't think i would be able to hold him in my hands but i did and it was fine.They were nothing like i thought they would be.
C's mom kept some of the ashes even though L wanted him all in one place.This did upset L abit for awhile.But i told C was in one place,our hearts.
I hope you find peace soon.x

Lots of time for things to get easier Jo. Just know that Steve loves you and somewhere is smiling at you on your anniversary.

Jo - if you need to take Steve to Lanzarote with you and then bring him home again, then so be it. There is always next time. x

Not sure what to say, other than I often think about you are your children, hugs to you all xxxx

Jo, you don't have to let him go just yet if you feel you are not able to. Steve specified Lanzerote, but he never gave you a time frame. I still can't bring myself to take off my wedding rings after 3 years and yet I know others who did it a few months after. What I'm trying to say is that we're all different and there's no right or wrong, but only whats right for you.

Hope you do meet a healthy and very in love Steve (with you of course) in your dreams tonight. xxx

i can understand that, i can't see me ever taking off my rings either.
i wished i could have a dream of steve it might write over the last image i have of him in the funeral directors, he would not have been happy that they had done his hair all wrong.
a couple of people have said they have dreamed of steve and to be honest i feelcheated that i haven't, mind you i suppose i need to be asleep in order to dream.

tell me I am not the only person in the world who is still awake.

OJ - No not the only one I am up too.

I am sure you will dream of Steve when you are ready and regarding the wedding rings, my mum still wears hers 8 years later. She still thinks she is married, as they never got divorced.

why are you still up?
I can understand your mum, I still see myself as married and I am not taking my rings off, Steve brought me my eternity ring for our wedding anniversary last year, he brought my engagement ring and siler wacth for christmas last year, he was to poorly to get up to the shops then so he got tracey to take him, I can't see me ever taking them off.

In Holland it is much more usual for men to wear a plain gold wedding band. When the husband dies the wife wears the husband's ring under her own wedding ring and so people know she is widowed. She would never take her own wedding ring off, unless the marriage had been very unhappy.

Dutchoma - that is such a lovley thing to do. How wonderful

OJ - I hope you had some sleep. I was up as DS1 wasnt too well and wet the bed. He had fallen back asleep in my bed taking up all the spare room. Need to save for a bigger bed.

We have been up since 5.30 too

At least the sun is shining

what a lovely idea, what happens if the wife dies? I guess the Dh wears it on another finger or on a chain?

Madhouse, i hope he is feeling better now, i didn't sleep at all last night. i hope to sleep a bit tonight.

OJ - I hope you manage a little sleep this evening.

We have run the boys ragged all day and I am just finnished the yorkshries, so hopefully both will sleep.

I am a nightmare without mine, DH let me catch ann hour earlier this morning

I don't know. My cousin's wife died very young, but I don't know if he still wears the wedding ring. Fortunately in my family it hasn't happened that the wife has died, but several husbands.

That's lovely Dutch Oma. I'm going to call myself Dutch from now on!

Jo, hope you had a good day with the kids today. It will take a while, but the vividness of seeing Steve at the funeral directors will fade, or at least the emotion attached it won't be as overwhelming in the months to come. There will come a time when you'll be able to sleep and even dream about Steve, the Steve you know & love without the cancer. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it's still very early days. Sending you & the kids much love. xxx

i hope you are right about the dreams, i am still not sleeping, i have taken some Kalms tonight to see if that helps.
most of the packing is done, tracey has done it all. she is far more organized than me.

Dear Jo
Sorry I missed you on here tonight. Hope you manage to get to sleep and don't read this in the early hours. Sending you huge hugs. I know how difficult the holiday will be for you but I am here for you, the kids and Steve.

Hopefully you got some sleep last night Jo. Is it worth asking the doctor for something a little stronger just for a night or two. Maybe you could arrange for a friend to stay over so that you don't need to worry about the children or take them whilst you are on holiday with the lovely Tracey.

i did manage 3 hours sleep
the doctor only gave me sleeping tablets for 2 weeks
i only toook 2 kalms last night, it says take 3-4 but i was worried i would be too zonked for the kids.
i went back to bed once the kids had gone to school,i seem to have done more crying in the last 24 hours than in the last few weeks.
things are seeming more real now and i am finding it hard to look to the future and see anything good there. all the plans and dreams we had were for all of us now steve has gone everything feels so empty and just wrong, Steve wouldn't want me to feel like this, i don't want me to feel like this but i don't know what i can do to change anything.i hate feeling this down.

Oh Jo, it's still such early days for you, your few fleeting moments of happiness are something to be savoured at the moment. Of course you are devastated - of course you wish Steve was still here

Cry all you want, sweetheart. It will get easier, but that will take a long time.

xxx

Oh OJ, sorry you are feeling so down at the moment. You had to be strong for so long it had to come out sooner or later.

Thinking of you all x

Still very early days OJ. Don;t expect to much of yourself.

Debs phoned tonight and i had a long chat with her, she says i am doing ok and she wouldn't expect me to feel any different, thou she was very concerned when i mentioned that i did some ironing the other day
Debs said she would love to be able to tell me tomorrow will be better. but she knows it probably won't feel like that for some time and then it won't be "better" just different.
i know 5 weeks is very much early days, one of my mates is at 5 1/2 years and she still has crap days and less crap days.

OJ, it's so early yet for you. Let yourself cry. Steve would understand.