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Original poster

NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

726 replies

Buda · 18/06/2008 11:15

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 09/07/2008 08:08

jo - did you sleep at all?

the wee small hours is when your mind is filled with stuff

sleep will come, probably on holiday ... when i was having a tough time (no where near comparable to yours) i went away for a week and slept very well. Sometimes a change of scenery can be good like that

xxx

goldpony · 09/07/2008 09:19

How lovely of Steve to give you an eternity ring. So much has changed in such a short space of time OJ, and you have had to keep it all together for such a long time. It is absolutely no wonder you are feeling low and finding it hard to sleep. Don't pressure yourself to feel differently to how you are, you are doing fantastically well. We're all so full of admiration for you.

chutneymary · 09/07/2008 09:47

Hello darling, sorry you had a rough night. Are you nearly ready? Glad Tracey is going too, as she'll be able to laugh and cry with you on the holiday. I am sure that there will be plenty of both. How lovely to have an eternity ring. You and Steve were very lucky to have found each other.

I'll look in later.

onlyjoking9329 · 09/07/2008 11:01

i have just had a phonecall from the bloke who did steves service and apparently Steves family have arranged for him to do a memorial for this friday and they have asked him to ask me if they can have steves ashes for it

chutneymary · 09/07/2008 11:04

Grrr!

Too bad that by then you will have gone to Lanzo with your family and great friends, to carry out Steve's wishes and to remember him as he wanted to be remembered. Hope you told this man that you won't be acceding to his request as your husband had made arrangements in advance as to what he wanted to happen and you are carrying out those arrangements as his next of kin.

Really feel for you.

Kewcumber · 09/07/2008 11:06

tell him no.

tell him that you carry the ashes with you everywhere and can't be parted from them.

That should scare tehm off for a while.

mistypeaks · 09/07/2008 11:06

I have loads of fag ash in a bucket if you'd like me to post it. Give them that then have a private giggle on Friday thinking of them having a memorial over 20 Marlborough!! 'Tis all they are worth.
(I really hope you see the spirit that was intended in)

Kewcumber · 09/07/2008 11:07

actually misty's idea is pretty good...

chutneymary · 09/07/2008 11:08

LOL Misty.

In the words of Zammo from Grange Hill, c 1984, "just say no".

mummylin2495 · 09/07/2008 11:18

oh oj dont give them to them ,they may not give them back !! you are not under any obligation to let them have them.You dont have to give a reason for denying them ,its your business not theirs.

ButterflyMcQueen · 09/07/2008 11:21

oj

dont give them the ashes...

the assembly sounded so hard but look you managed it ! you are coping and getting through even though it feels as if you are not

Tracey is a star!! the ironing lol

WendyWeber · 09/07/2008 11:32

Presumably the concept of a memorial service is over their heads

squiffy · 09/07/2008 11:53

You should extend Misty's idea - give them the ashes of a few Marlboro, then text the MIL afterwards and tell her what you have done.

onlyjoking9329 · 09/07/2008 12:06

the guy who did our sevice asked me if i was aware of the memorial service, when i said not, he sounded surprized and said it was put in the local paper, here it is.........
B STEVEN (STEVE) Died 9th June 2008. Steve's family are holding a meaningful ceremony to celebrate his life with us, and to bring a measure of spirituality and love to his passing. Service at ***Crematorium, 4pm Friday 11th July 2008.

so Steves own kids are not even part of his family then
richard who did the service and is now doing their service says he will tell them i said no when he goes over over to see them again tonight, so i am expecting some hassle from them any time soon.
the lovely Debbie is off today so i cant talk to her about it.

GreatAuntieWurly · 09/07/2008 12:10

OJ that is awful, cant believe they have stooped to low.

goldpony · 09/07/2008 12:22

Oh God, what a shock. How are you doing? You really don't need this added stress.

One day they may wake up to their behaviour and feel so ashamed. Of course, they may not... It is THEIR issue. You know how Steve felt about you and your kids.

chutneymary · 09/07/2008 12:29

Steve's family will be in Lanzarote .

Spirituality and love - don't make me laugh. If they knew anything of the moments which you kindly shared with us about some of Steve's last months and days, they would realise that Steve's life and death were rich in both.

So sorry.

onlyjoking9329 · 09/07/2008 12:59

i need to get myself in a fit state as i now have to go to the girls special assembly.

bossybritches · 09/07/2008 18:15

FFS - have they NO shred of decency ????

Answer- no.............. bashes head against desk

bossybritches · 09/07/2008 18:19

I hope the assembly went OK Jo -bound to be difficult.

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 18:46

[steam coming out of ears]!!!! what is wrong with these people. Evil bastards. I am so glad you said no OJ. It will be such a hollow ceremony for them, steve's soul is with you and your children, irrespective of where his ashes are. But, you owe these people NOTHING, nothing at all - they have been evil towards you and the children. Cut contact they are nothing like your lovely man and deserve only contempt. When do you go to lanzerote? You have to feel sorry for them really don't you, that they don't feel that they could take part in his funeral, because they fucking well knew they were wrong, thats why. Hold your head up OJ, these people don't even deserve your anger.

onlyjoking9329 · 09/07/2008 18:56

thing is I am struggling to think straight or make decisions at the moment. My head feels like it is full of cottonwool.
Steve wanted to go to lanzarote, I have thought about splitting the ashes but am not comfortable with only taking half of Steve to lanzarote it won't feel like he got he last wishes, but do I need to get over that and share the ashes to get any peace from them.
I keep trying to put myself in his mothers shoes and wonder how that would feel.
I don't know if it is just me being over sensitive but I am angry at Richard who did steves funeral, I feel like he has sort of been disloyal by agreeing to do there service, he was fully aware of the situation and I feel that it was very wrong of him to phone me to ask for the ashes.
I have mates coming over in a bit cos we are expecting a call or vist from at least one of the outlaws once Richard tells them they can't have the ashes.

iBundle · 09/07/2008 18:59

I agree Richard hasn't been straight with you and I think you're being amazingly calm, trying to imagine what it would be like to be the mum (albeit a hard job, imagining all that bad behaviour!)

I'm not surprised your head feels weird. I'd say: if in doubt, do nowt. People (ok, not your MIL) are amazingly tolerant of the wishes of the recently bereaved. I don't think you should be bamboozled into anything.

Do tell Richard that you're disappointed in him.

xxx

forevercleaning · 09/07/2008 19:02

Do they know that steves last wish was to have his ashes in Lanzarote?

When do you go?

Can you not say they have already been scattered somewhere and that as you were not aware of any further memorial, how were you to know they would be needed?

OomphreyCushion · 09/07/2008 19:10

OJ, this is just so totally awful for you.

I can't believe your friend, Richard, would agree to do a memorial service for Steve without even consulting you.

Especially as he knows the history of how destructive and cruel your MIL et al have been.

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say how incredibly proud you should be of yourself - for behaving in such an honourable manner when many around you have much to be ashamed of.

Thinking of you and the children.
xx