NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

[Buda]

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

How are you today Jo? Thinking of you XXXX

How are you today Jo? Thinking of you XXXX

Sorry about that.

Thinking of you Jo. Here for you anytime. xxx

Gold pony thanks for that link, i haven't listened to it as i have no sound on my pc, not even sure why.
frazzled thanks for the advice on wills, i wdo need to sort things out and i will do it just struggling at the moment to do stuff.
i don't know if i am feeling much worse this week because i am less numb or just having a bad week.
i don't seem to be able to do anything without crying, finding it difficult to talk to people cos i worry about crying.
if it weren't for the kids i wouldn't get out of bed in the mornings.
if it weren't for Tracey i don't know how we would manage, she organizes everything, she even does our ironing and i know she hates ironing.
i sat and sobbed read all the cards last night about a hundred of them all from people who care because they choose to care and take the time to do so,i feel blessed to have so many people who do care thou i felt sad that we didn't even get one card from any of steves family, i should be pleased that they have left us alone since after the funeral but i feel sad that they care so little for the kids.
this week has too many tough bits to it
monday we went to the bank to sort out mortgage and life insurance claims
today went to see elliots special school assembly, i needed to be there for elliot but found being around people to much and then they all sang " if you're happy and you know it" and ended with you are my sunshine i cried all the way home
tomorrow is the girls assembly
thursday is school presentation evening
saturday is our 11th wedding anniversary
sorry for the ramble i seem to just store it all up until it all spills out.

oh OJ

you need to let it out ...

all the practicalities that you need to deal with - seems a lot to deal with on top of everything

Tracey sounds marvellous ... as a fellow iron hater she must really love you all to do your ironing

wish i had more than words to offer

xxxx

Oh, oj, what difficult days these are for you

(I hope Elliot was delighted with his prize though!)

Elliot will be presented with his trophy on thursday night, thou he did get an award today for being a very good friend to everyone especially his best mate who was pretty much non verbal and elliot has been helping him to talk

Elliot is a dear .

Oh Jo, I think you are doing bloody well to get out of bed, get dressed and leave the house, let alone anything else. I am so sorry Steve's family are so useless. I think grief is such a difficult emotion as it is always in the background yet sometimes you feel it so much more than others. Letting it out is good for you - vent here as much as you need. We are always here to listen and help in whatever way we can. Is there anything practical that I can do at a distance? I suspect not, but anything at all, please just say.

Take care and much love XXX

I mixed up the special assembly and the presentation, sorry, oj - but another award for Elliot, that's great, he is such a kind & loving (as well as technological ) boy.

cm is right, you are doing astonishingly well just getting through the day at the moment, please don't feel you shouldn't be crying so much & should be doing more somehow. I hope once school has finished for the summer & you don't have to keep going out and talking to people (esp people who don't know Steve died - you are so right about how helpful a black armband would still be) you will be able to rest and recover a bit.

i knew this week would be tough, last week was tough cos the kids were all away but i got throu that and i will get throu this week too, the kids are finishing school next wednesday and at 4.15am thursday we leave here for lanzarote to take steves ashes to the place he wanted to be.

Dearest Jo
I know it is easy for me to say but don't be so hard on yourself, you let yourself cry and it is ok to find things tough. You have sorted so much out in such a short space of time aswell as dealing with your own emotions. I want to wrap u in cotton wool and sheild you from anything that may upset you! Don't take this wrong but I am glad you looked through cards and shed some tears last night as those cards show you how many people think the world of you and the kids. I know this week is a tough one babe but I am here as I know many others are for you. I feel honoured and proud to be going with you next week to take steve to lanzarote.

Tracey, you are a star (esp for the ironing )

I hope you will all be able to switch off, enjoy the holiday & share some lovely memories of Steve.

Thanks WendyWeber!

Oj I see you are struggling a bit ,but its ok to cry,in fact its better for you to let your grief out rather than try and keep a brave face on it all the time.Your holiday will be a bitter sweet one for you but its something you need to do for yourself and for Steve.Then Steve will finally be laid to rest for ever and you may feel relief in knowing you have done what he would of wanted you to do.He would be im sure ,very very proud of you.

Tracey, I'm so glad Jo has a friend like you. xxx

Seding you love and strength OJ

it is mostly down to you thou tracey that i am getting things done, i couldn't have a better best mate could i.
i am looking forward to the rum drinking competions in lanzarote
we will have to have a drink or two in steves favorite bar of course, i cant believe it is almost 4 year ago when all 11 of us went to lanzo for my birthday.

Jo, I wish I could say something to take the pain away. Every event will be a reminder of the gaping hole you & the children have in your lives and your wedding anniversary is particularly difficult to comprehend because the is something that was shared between you & Steve alone. It's ok to cry my love. I know it sounds easy for me to say but whenever you can you need to give yourself time to do this. Don't hold back the tears, you need to let them fall - they are a testimony of how much you love Steve & how much you miss him. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment but there will come a time when you will come out of this initial raw grief (not that you stop grieving, but the way you do it changes). Don't be hard on yourself. What you're feeling is totally normal, for want of a better word, at this time. I hope your time in Lanzerote will be a positive one for you, even though it will involve some tears as well.

Wonderful Elliot! What a very special boy. Am thinking of you as always. xxx

i worry about crying in public cos i am worried that i will never stop once i start and it makes other feel uncomfortable which then leads on to comments that i can't always handle IYKWIM
i did do rather a lot of sobbing to tracey today wore myself out had very little sleep the night before and i think i have PMT so probably not the best mix.
i want to be able to sleep, i want to be able to dream, i need to see Steve in my dreams.

when i think back to this time last year, before we knew steves cancer was terminal, we went out for an anniversary lunch and steve brought me an eternity ring.

Sleep escapes me why won't my mind be still?
last night I got 2 hours sleep, tonight is looking much the same, I know I am talking to myself and the rest of the world is asleep, wished I was.

Hello OJ, sorry I haven't looked in for a while. I am often around at this time of night.

You know it doesn't matter if you don't sleep, you survived when you had small babies, we mums can manage without sleep can't we? I just wish these small hours weren't so full of loneliness for you.

We should swap msn so you've got someone to chat to - it's only 11pm here. I'm going to CAT you...

thanks anorak that would be helpful, most. People on my MSN are in bed by now.
sorry I havent caught up with you for ages, how are things with you?

{Hugs} Jo, so sorry to hear you're not sleeping. Next time I'm not sleeping (probably tonight), I'll pop in and have a look...