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NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

726 replies

Buda · 18/06/2008 11:15

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 03/07/2008 22:58

tracey and i went shopping today for holiday stuff at the next clearance place, i managed to get loads of stuff and only a couple of things to take back.

onlyjoking9329 · 03/07/2008 23:02

The girls came home covered in mozzie bites, one of the kids in there bedroom had opened the window, so both girls covered in anti itch cream, it doesnt seem to be bothering them thou.

Miaou · 03/07/2008 23:06

OJ, not posted for a while. I hope you have a good time in Lanzarote. I really felt for you when you said about not wanting to be alone but not wanting to be with people either. It must be so hard for you just now.

Thinking of you xxx

Purplepillow · 03/07/2008 23:20

Sending {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to ol and lo's xx

Purplepillow · 03/07/2008 23:21

Sorry sending {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to oj and lo's xxxx

LilRedWG · 04/07/2008 11:34

I'm glad the girls had a god time OJ and that you managed to get some retail therapy in.

Izabella · 04/07/2008 19:22

OJ, hope you are enjoying having the kids back with you tonight. I'm sure they had a fab time, despite the mozie bites. Well done for getting through this week. xxx

onlyjoking9329 · 04/07/2008 23:22

it is great to have the kids back, there were lots of hugs and tears.
it is odd thou, i still feel a sense that something is missing and i can't do anything about it.
spent an hour at the benefits office this morning with tracey, it was crap.

littlelapin · 04/07/2008 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WendyWeber · 04/07/2008 23:23

Something is missing, oj

onlyjoking9329 · 04/07/2008 23:30

Thanks so much Lapin, you are a star.
The lovely Debbie was here the other day and she said what a lovely lady you are
i know something is missing, it's that steve shaped hole in our lives.
you see when steve was well i used to moan at him for taking up most of the bed and now i still sleep on the edge of my side almost like i am expecting him to come and climb into bed, i know thats not gonna happen.
i used to bargin with myself, if steve could be cured i would never moan at him ever again, if only it were that simple.

mummylin2495 · 04/07/2008 23:46

glad to see you did some holiday shopping oj.at least you had some nice time today.Glad that the children are back.i used to long for an evening without mine and when they werent here i missed them like hell!Do kep your eyes out if the girls start scratching in case they get one of the bites infected,it can be so sore .

chocaholic73 · 05/07/2008 09:20

We are all guilty of taking people, especially our nearest and dearest, for granted. I think little moans and groans are part of married/close partnership life but what you said OJ does make me think about how I have not always appreciated my DH and how fortunate I am to have him. If you and Steve hadn't had a fantastic relationship you wouldn't miss him as much as you do. Hope you feel a little more settled now all the DCs are back.

imaginaryfriend · 05/07/2008 21:03

OJ, I really feel for you

chutneymary · 06/07/2008 09:23

How are you today darling?

chutneymary · 06/07/2008 09:23

How are you today darling?

mellyonion · 06/07/2008 09:44

hi oj...sorry i've missed a few days here...lots of pukingness in this house!

so glad the kids are back safe and sound with you...... i hope too in some tiny way that you benefitted from them being away for a few days....

oj, the way you are feeling now is only understandable....nothing can take it away or make it better for you sadly, but please don't be afraid to "lose control" ...you don't have to be strong all the time sweetheart, and you need to grieve and mourn the loss of steve..... tears can be healing.

glad you got your holiday stuff sorted. when are you off?

sending you love. x

onlyjoking9329 · 06/07/2008 10:39

I find weekends the hardest, the world is made up of families and everywhere we go its al mums and dads,
kate boydells book "death and how to survive it" is good and makes me feel normal, she calls the weekends. Shattereday & shunday, I have adopted that one.
we went to see the new narnia film yesterday took one of elliots old classmates then we went out for tea, one of our fav pubs where they all knew Steve so I was asked how he was, I hate it when that happens, I can see why people used to wear a black arm band.
we are going to friends for Sunday dinner which will be nice cos I can't orrganise myself to put a meal together, I still can't face morrisons as always see people we know who don't know that Steve has died and I hate having to go throu it all so many times.
I have appt at the bank in the morning to sort out mortgage and life insurance.
I also need to get myself a will as if anything happens to me steves family would be next of kin and that scares me.
sorry for the rambly typo littered post I am sending from my phone and it has that predictive text on it.

mellyonion · 06/07/2008 11:58

oh sweetheart.
no words are enough for this heartbreaking time oj....

you are getting up in the morning and surviving and for that reason alone, you are doing ok...

i can't even to begin to imagine how horribly awful you feel, but really, my poorly chosen words are well meaning and full of warmth....

despite never having met you or even had any communication other than on steves threads, i think you come across as such a humble, giving, caring, selfless lady.....

honestly oj...you and your family have touched more hearts than you will ever know, and i know there are so many mn who all are wishing you through these hard times....and thinking of you on these shitty weekends.....

(((((((((())))))))))
x

goldpony · 06/07/2008 17:50

Hope you had a lovely time at your mates this afternoon.

Did you hear money box on radio 4 yesterday? they were talking about inheritence without a will - i didn't listen to the programme i'm afraid but thought of you and here's the link (in case this is still an issue bothering you - money box is a really good programme, usually).

bossybritches · 06/07/2008 20:38

sneaks in on friends lappy

Broadband back on as from Tuesday with any luck OJ- missed you loads catch up soon xxx

FrazzledFairyFay · 06/07/2008 20:56

OJ, I don't want to butt in but I do know about intestacy (dying without a Will) as I was a private client laawyer before becoming a SAHM - I thought that you might like the position clarifying - if you died then, as you have no spouse, your assets would be split equally between your children. Steve's parents wouldn't get anything. A Will does make the sorting out of the estate much quicker and easier, however, so it is very sensible to get one. Please get it done professionally as it is very easy to invalidate a Will which can cuase a LOT of problems.

For you, however, the biggest issue, I imagine is what would happen regarding guardianship of your children - for that reason it is very important that you do make a Will asap, and nominate guardians. Please be aware though that it is possible for people to challenge guardianship clauses in Wills, after you die (by going to the Family Court) - so to make doubly sure that your wishes are followed - I would also advise you to write a letter, addressed "to my executors and whosoever else it may concern", explaining your reasons behind appointing the guardians that you choose, and also why you have not appointed Steve's parents, etc. That letter could be kept with your Will and then be presented in the case that Steve's parents (or anyone else) tried to challenge your wishes.

Again, please, please get the Will drawn up properly, and explain all your concerns to the solicitor (he/she should hopefully put them down in his/her file note - another useful piece of info).

I really don't want to upset you in any way, I just want you to do everything that you can to make sure that your wishes are carried out. Please take professional advice on this as soon as you feel able to do so, and get your wishes formally drawn up in a Will.

My thoughts are with you all. Please feel free to CAT me if you'd like any further help on this, or any aspect of sorting out Steve's affairs.

bigcar · 06/07/2008 21:10

Sorry you're having a hard weekend oj, it takes time, but it will get easier, honest. Thinking of you as always x

Izabella · 06/07/2008 22:21

Jo, my heart goes out to you. Sorry that you have found this weekend particularly hard. Well done for going back to a pub that you & Steve used to go to a lot. All these firsts can be so painful.

I think a will is a very good idea. FFF's advice is very good as well. You can't help worrying when there is only one of you to look after the kids. I hope all goes well in the morning. Lots of love to you & the kids. xxx

chutneymary · 07/07/2008 11:52

How are you today Jo? Thinking of you XXXX

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